Good morning, Sports Racers, it's Monday March twenty-seventh. Grab a towel and meet me in the kitchen, the truth has just piddled on the floor and it's up to us to mop it up.
The President's approval ratings are still higher than the amount of juice in this popular juice drink. (sip) Mmm. Doesn't taste like failure.
Today marks the four hundred and ninetieth day since Amanda Congngdon said that I was cute, on the November twenty-second, 2004 episode of Rocketboom, the popular video blog. Ms. Congdon sent me an email shortly thereafter, saying quote "I don't write this stuff myself, I guess what I'm trying to say is that the writer created my crush on you."
I mean... Yeah. Yeah totally. I mean if I, if I said that I wanted to get naked with Amanda Congdon, and…[Caption: "PLEASE STAND BY/MATERIAL DEEMED INAPPROPRIATE FOR CHILDREN](dooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooot!)…and if there was any duct tape or mayonnaise left over, we could dress up like zebras and go streaking, those would just be my writer's thoughts. It's showbiz.
Immigration is the hot topic in Congress this week. The President urged the debate unfold in a civil manner, saying "it must be done in a way that brings dignity to the process; it must be done in a way that doesn't pit people against each other." Except brown people and white people.
The president favors a 'guest worker' program which would allow non-documented immigrants to work for a limited period of time in the United States, as long as they were doing jobs that Americans did not want to do.
Immigrants in the United States have traditionally held onto these less desirable jobs. Jobs in cleaning, cheap farm labor, particle physics or advanced mathematics.
A rival faction in the GOP wants to make it a felony to be an illegal immigrant, which would apply to over twelve million people currently in the country. As we've seen with drug use in this country, if you make it a felony it'll go away.
The plan also includes a 700 mile long fence on the border between the US and Mexico. I wonder who's gonna build that.
In Newsweek, Google CEO Eric Schmidt suggests that he finds MySpace more interesting than Microsoft. Oh, he did not say that!
Just checking in, how does your butt feel in the chair right now? Take a second. Adjust.
Ethics experts say that Justice Scalia should recuse himself from an upcoming case about detainees in Guantanamo Bay and their rights, because it appears that he's already made up his mind.
In 2004, Justice Scalia refused to recuse himself from an energy policy case involving Dick Cheney, following the disclosure that they'd been on a duck hunting trip the year before. Really? Duck hunting trip, you say?
After having recently to admit that evolution is just a [Ze makes air quotes] "theory", science proves that it's not all bad. Wired news reports that geneticists have mixed the DNA between worms and pigs to produce a healthier piece of fried pork. I bet Amanda likes bacon!
And that's all that did or will happen today. This is Ze Frank, thinking so you don't have to.