>> greg: never mind. we have to move on. >> something that you said monday. >> greg: yes. >> about legalizing the trade? >> right. >> roll that tape. >> greg: you should be able to sell your liver if you die once the transaction is complete. if organ sales were legal, we could help more people on the kidney transplant list by offering financial incentives for donors. we could replace knock-offs from the dollar store. >> okay. that was frightening that you slade that out loud. greg, in a 2013 swedish study found that sell their kidneys do worse than those that donate. many have psychological problems. >> greg: that's the correlation. correlation not causation because maybe they already had those problems and were not healthy. had an unhealthy lifestyle. >> and black market. the black market. >> okay. settle down. don't make me grab my axe and come down there. all right. terry. >> what? >> you said something earlier about the way you and greg used to greet yourselves. you mentioned nudity and jazz hands. >>

>> greg: never mind. we have to move on. >> something that you said monday. >> greg: yes. >> about legalizing the trade? >> right. >> roll that tape. >> greg: you should be able to sell your liver if you die once the transaction is complete. if organ sales were legal, we could help more people on the kidney transplant list by offering financial incentives for donors. we could replace knock-offs from the dollar store. >> okay. that was frightening that you slade that out loud. greg, in a 2013 swedish study found that sell their kidneys do worse than those that donate. many have psychological problems. >> greg: that's the correlation. correlation not causation because maybe they already had those problems and were not healthy. had an unhealthy lifestyle. >> and black market. the black market. >> okay. settle down. don't make me grab my axe and come down there. all right. terry. >> what? >> you said something earlier about the way you and greg used to greet yourselves. you mentioned nudity and jazz hands. >>

>> greg: exactly. are they doing that because underneath all of this they realize that their product is harmful to people's health so the woke politics, is that their buffer zone to keep people from saying hey, you're making everybody fat? >> it's simpler than that. they're making a commercial for like gullible woke young liberals to get them interested in ice cream and instead of vegan whatever. that we have the right politics, we have the right views, buy our products. >> greg: you know, loftus, i'm glad you're refusing to get dressed up for the show. >> i got to dig in. i have to. >> greg: by the seventh appearance, you'll be shirtless be daisy dukes. stained tobacco chew. >> i'm going to have overalls, a nipple out. when you're so lazy with overalls that you can't do both of them. >> greg: they're terrible. stay seated. here's the thing. i'm going to say this. even though i find it idiot tick, ben and jerry's is and amazing product for one reason. when you get a tub of ben and jerry's, every kind o

greg? >> greg: that means i'm off! >> dana: i think about the time early on when you filled in and on a commercial break, going into a commercial break i tried to correct something he said because i didn't want you to get in trouble on one of the blogs and you said, why do you try to be everybody's press secretary? and i was like, it's true, i do try to do that. >> you could see the media headline. >> dana: i was trying to help you but you don't need my help. >> jesse: you're going to talk a lot so i can prep less. >> that's a little bit of an insult. jessica? >> jessica: i am barely here, usually. >> dagen: a your dogs because i like them more than you. >> that makes two of us for the next question you really have to think about. has anyone convince you on the show to change your mind on an issue? if so, who and what issue? dagen, on the show did you come in with an opinion, did you change the opinion on the show? >> dagen: may be but i never admit it. >> brian: has it ever happened where you thought, jesse is making

. >> greg: anyway. you are no geraldo. >> brian: thank you. >> kennedy: have you seen them try to grew a mustache? >> rob: is the resident floridian. everything that goes on in florida in broward county is so far. >> greg: up next, frequent (struggling vehicle sounds) think premium can't be capable? think again. ♪ (energetic music) ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ introducing the first ever at4 lineup. premium and capable. that's professional grade from gmc. ♪ ♪ >> greg: coffee t, or your groin in my knee. airlines are taking self-defense courses. a new poll reveals more than 85% of flight attendant say they've had to deal with an unruly passenger this year. 17% were involved in physical altercations. they blame the violence unmasked compliance and booze. they are yearning for the old days when their biggest concern was the obese fellow in 17 be and what he did in the laboratory. they are brushing up on moves like the eye gouge, groin kick, bend and snap. flight attendants may be enforcing the new faa guidelin

, bro. >> greg: those little babies hands. >> baby yoda. >> greg: you going to pile on. you're just another bully. i don't know what they taught him in school, but you have to take my side. all right. do you think that's permanent? the thing about handshaking. like, if you go eat that you are going to say it's coming back? >> it's over. we're going right back to the way we are doing everything the way before. i don't think human behavior can be radically altered without us literally being forced -- we are not being forced now. i think most people get back to normal. i like human contact. was that a wrong thing to say? >> greg: no that's creepy. #metoo. >> this is wise i'm such a due process advocate. i to watch out for myself when it these days. speak out when i was in high school, it was like i would stand around groups where people were hugging and i would hope someone would hug me and i would be like oh corey hugs me lol and i would hope people would read and think it was okay for them to hug me also and i don't know what i thought that would accomplish. >> greg: are

greg gutfeld takes it all from here. >> greg: someone just dipping their toe in the water, what would be the first thing can you say? this is how you can help climate change? >> the big focus right now is us american taxpayers give money to the fossil fuel industry. that's like death a guy that beats you up, but you keep going out with him and giving him what he wants. >> greg: oh, jane. if fossil fuel is our enemy, you would give it aid and comfort. >> [cheers and applause]. >> ♪ ♪ >> greg: only in the media is the system working not proof that the system is working. >> it's a culture wake up call. i am not happy. i am not pleased. i don't have any senses of satisfaction. this is the justice system saying this is one bad apple. >> greg: justice served is no justice at all. the "new york times" called the chauvin verdict a very rare conviction. it's just a one off event. because the george floyd case won't apply to future police killings. maybe it's rare because the incident like these are rare. police involved deaths are very rare events. why is the media focussing on isolated ev

>> nobody's talking about it except for you, greg. >> greg: i'm the only one, emily! may be tomorrow you should write a piece on this! >> i would but i'm pretty sure there's a pangolin in your green room. >> greg: that's of a different scale. >> a serious point -- >> greg: i don't know what that means either! best to just let it go. >> in the spirit of letting it go, these stories are completely related because let's not forget the reason that fauci's magic 8-ball dynamic here is because he thinks the public is too stupid at any given moment. he said and told us we know he's not using the magic 8-ball but he told us he flip-flopped on what he thinks depending on what the public is ready to hear at any given moment. >> greg: it's the science. to speak of the same with gretchen whitmer. >> greg: like the ufos you're seeing, all of the place. he could be using the same magic 8-ball that hunter biden uses. [laughter] which is far superior. magic 8-ball. not that i would know. drugs are bad but if you have any, sixth avenue. if you blocked the street to make a point. ♪ â

. >> greg: go for it. all of the people celebrating in the streets as soon as the election was called for biden. so excited without knowing how it was going to go. it's not going great. i remind myself, i was very excited to get married but i remember the documentaries where the wives of murderers were like after we got married, things changed. so far so good. >> greg: have the authorities found him yet? >> no. >> greg: he went hiking again? >> he won't let me go in that one closet but i am sure there is a present in there. >> greg: [laughing]. tyrus? >> what is hilarious to me. it's not joe biden. you defunded the police and hand out free money and take away jobs. the only way you got in the white house is you didn't want an old white man but that's the only thing that america looked for. once the deal was done, the progressives wanted to do their thing. they blame it all on no. >> greg: they should thank him. he was the only one that was going to beat trump. he was the nice guy. >> they got the nice guy

. >> greg: kat? >> probably the guy who decorated my hallway, and probably the worst thing when he said he didn't see me as a girl. highs and lows, i would probably have to say when it was over, my favorite. he did. >> greg: super cheesy, my last football game. i wish every kid could play a team sport. like we won three football games in four years of playing. when you're bad at something and you're still putting your heart and soul into it there are other victories and lessons to be learned. nobody gave us a trophy and said, you're okay, no, they said, you suck, get better. >> greg: i don't know, i disagree with that i think all team sports are bad because basically think about football especially. why is there a second string and why is there a third string? so the first string can practice goodness you all week. i know that because i was third string. great, i'm on a team. i'm on a team. no, you're only there because there are better people who need to run over you. last word, sonnie. >> my best m

why are you asking, greg? >> greg: lighten up, voice-over guy. how irredeemably stupid is the media? this theory d mobley stupid. >> you got lucky tonight. we are back with attorney michael avenatti. >> to me you are like the holy spirit. you are all places at all times. >> he is out there saving the country. >> i think you are doing a hell of a job. >> looking at 2020, one of the reasons i'm taking you seriously is because of your presence on cable news. >> a rock star. >> greg: the title of the next chapter is in "you are all stupid idiots." behold. speak with a lawyer who represented porn star stormy daniels and legal battles with former president trump sentence or two and a half yearn prison. a jury convicted avenatti of trying to extort $20 million from nike. he faces two more trials. >> greg: there goes the media's worst presidential hopeful since hillary. a federal judge sentenced to 30 months, a month for every selfie he took with a cnn anchor. not quite three years, roughly the amount of time left in kat's marriage. or kilmeade's hairlin

greg: it sizes him. >> a but i understand. greg: enough making fun of me. rob, what do you think of biden so far? >> it's been a while. i've been locked in because i have that picture up there. it is odd watching it because remember when president trump was funny the executive order and those are some funny memes. i don't think there's any writing on it. it's almost like you can hear the puppet master behind him. i wish i was joking. i'm wondering who's writing the executive orders. greg: and i think it's someone on kamala harris' staff. 25 or 26 years old. >> a thing that bothers me is joe biden thinks kamala harris loves him because her head comes in the door every 30 minutes. are we done yet because i'm taking that chair. greg: every time she hears aloud noise, that's it. joe weather your thoughts so far? we are not third week, secondly. i lost track of time. >> a think most of the things he's been signing or just kick me signs. it's good to see john kerry back flying in on his spaceship filled with panda blood. not sure the rest of us -- what company ca

whatever, greg. >> greg: [laughing]. rbg's word replaced and the aclu scrubs a famous phrase of all its meaning. they were honoring the late supreme court justice by tweeting a famous quote and erased an entire gender she fought so hard for. it makes me so mad, i want to run home to my birthing person. in 1993 ginsburg wrote that a: the aclu deleted every gender pronoun. the aclu social distancing team is brain storming more deletions to come forcing on the pop music like the helen ready song i am person. >> [laughing]. >> greg: it's really a jam. and non-sis gender humans just want to have fun. and the big non-binaries don't cry. or the classic song persons, persons, persons. >> [laughing]. >> greg: beyonce all of the single humans. >> [cheers and applause]. >> where did you get that? >> greg: i have writers. >> this is good. >> as a birthing person. >> i did birth a baby. >> greg: congratulations. millions have done it. >> it wasn't that hard. mine was a c-section. i enjoyed it it. >> if my wife gets pregnant, i will b

right now i'm going through good greg bad greg. >> jesse: take your time. >> dana: what does good greg say? >> greg: good greg says -- he feels this. that i feel absolutely awful for the victim's family. i feel awful for alec baldwin. i can't imagine hor 'dourves -- how horrible it will. he will be known for this the rest of his life. bad greg says if anyone of us had accidentsly shot and killed someone or a police officer, he would be all over it. he would show no such compassion. we know that he's done that to police officers online. he would destroy us. that's bad greg. so good greg is going to say okay, this is about training. this is about violating the golden rules of handling guns. one, you always point it in the safe direction and number 2, your finger is always off the trigger, this goes in movies and keep if gun unloaded until you use it and treat all guns as though they're loaded. that's what i learned from my nra training. i learned those things. as a neurotic, i'm a very good gun owner. so what might have caused this? carelessness and probably comfort in the sense that you

my name is greg gutfeld. present greg is home drunk enjoying the national holiday. i hope you are too. though i guess from my perspective right now, that would be future greg who is at home. either way, i'm sure past, present, and future greg saul look and smell terrific. but since you were here, let's look at some of my favorite segments from the past to go months. we've had some great guests like tucker carlson, julie, and of course kat timpf and congress. >> compared to god won't give vaccine mandates the nod. eric clapton, the legendary guitarist known for such hits as, chameleon and wake me up before you go-go -- >> way. >> declared he won't play any concerts where proof of vaccine are required to attend. he issued the statement after prime minister boris johnson announced that brits would need pass paint dominic that i wish to say that i will not perform on any stage where there is a discriminated audience present. unless there is provision made for all people to attend i reserve the right to cancel the show. and he is getting support from fellow musicians and

>> greg: that's true. what game was that? anybody watch that game? all i saw was the coin flipping. >> tyrus: it would've been nice if it was oklahoma and nebraska. she would have been close to the border. but i'm sure it was probably syracuse or something. >> greg: up next, who wants cost on-site? it's not as easy as black and white. ♪ i had a dream that someday ♪ ♪ i would just fly, fly away ♪ hi, my name is cherrie. i'm 76 and i live on the oregon coast. my husband, sam, we've been married 53 years. we love to walk on the beach. i have two daughters and then two granddaughters. i noticed that memories were not there like they were when i was much younger. since taking prevagen, my memory has gotten better and it's like the puzzle pieces have all been [click] put together. prevagen. healthier brain. better life. why hide your skin if dupixent has your moderate-to-severe eczema, or atopic dermatitis under control? hide our skin? not us. because dupixent targets a root cause of eczema, it helps hea

. >> greg: i agree. i don't understand. >> kat: congratulations. you're free. >> greg: all right, janie. >> jamie: tom brady is an adonis. sorry. >> greg: the combine. i would like to combine him with a bowl of whipped cream. >> jamie: i felt like i read everything on this story and you still can't figure out what happened. michelle was in the conservative chair on "the view. close but that's the only chair in the studio that's not reinforced. >> kat: is that an upholstery joke? >> jamie: i was going to say reinforced for heavyweight. but i just said it. we are live? i don't know how to do this. i don't know where you stand on this. i do appreciate her. "the view" should be called "our view." it should be called the narrow view. they don't let people talk. >> greg: difference of opinion can no longer be tolerated. up next, a test that puts the i.q. debate to rest. instantly clear everyday congestion. and try vicks sinex children's saline. safe and gentle relief for children's noses. as a dj, i know all a

greg during pride month. on msnbc welcome back to the 11th hour, i am the luggageal lead sing of the beach boys brian williams. i will discuss the time i was best friends with martin luther king junior. we met when i was training tara dactics. it was the same month i was on the throne of denmark and invented the color of coverage. -- orange. that story and more after the break. >> [applauding]. >> greg: save it. why are so many liberals experiencing mental health issues? if you digest content from grievances and think evil people are hell bent on making the world worse, what does that do to your brain? if you believe that people are bad and there is no justice, then how useful are you in if every day you are monitoring this, it has to add up. this must be eradicated. what happens when you can't do that you? are helpless. -- you become divorced from reality. from your family and friends. it's a clash between a utopian vision and distorted reality designed by the media. women care more about the world than pigs

greg: why? >> i thought it was going to be funny. >> i laughs. >> it was never clear at the end of the movie. >> i don't get it. >> how can we build if you don't get it? no further questions. >> he had a great urban raiding with the apprentice but when he became president you're out in the black amused. lil' wayne there was so much heat because he was with the president. spec would we say he'd let's talk about real heat. did lil' wayne lose his job and was he taken out in the student given a public schooling or did don lemon tell him to act accordingly? what is heat because it's not real. people picking on you from social media we have learned that from the president. i have to take that [bleep]. where was he for four years? he would have held the president so much. so where was he for four years? >> what is important speaking as a guy who coaches another guy they had a relationship and they were friends for a long time. people have a falling out but when it comes down to it businessmen grown ad

. >> greg: that show was know real. just the dragons of course. >> [laughing]. >> [cheers and applause]. >> greg: another day another idiot on cnn. shootings? access to weapons? your kids start getting killed. white people's kids start getting killed. smoking that which is legal in your state. the cop kills him. why did you run? he had a baseball game. a white kid. that big house over there. those start piling up. what is going on with these police? oh! maybe we should not have police? that kind of mania, that kind of madness, that will be you. that will be the majority because it's your people. >> greg: he does an amazing white person voice. >> [laughing]. >> greg: it sounded like he was not the privileged wealthy brother of a governor. he cares more about his black victims than his lily-white audience. he mox them. -- mocks them. his solution to police brutality, more police brutality. he suggest white kids need to be killed by cops maybe he will cover it. right now he would ignore that because it doesn't fit the narr

. >> greg: what did you warn me? >> you did the president trump interview, the entire news cycle is a tax of president trump and anything connected to president trump. if they actually watched your interview, which again, still one of the best interviews, real talk, i have ever seen with a president, we can all agree on that. [applause] but two things came out of your interview. which you are never supposed to happen with president trump. it was compassion and understanding. he talked about the vaccine, in a very polite way, and two, when you served him hunter biden -- >> greg: he didn't take it. >> the father and hymns that he had problems and that is a place he didn't want to go. >> greg: that's true. >> he was kinder to hunter biden everyone pretending he didn't have a problem. those two things would have been grounds to bring us together if anyone had bothered to even mention that. we are having a hard time getting people vaccinated, right? at least, that is the narrative right now. when you have both presidents

[applause] ♪♪ >> greg: all right. after months of sputtering vacillation, the cdc says fully vaccinated americans can ditch masks and don't have to social distance. unless you're in a room with andrew cuomo. in that case, run! speaking of that ask, even after restrictions have been lifted, he's been cautious claiming to rely on the backs and the science. yeah, now he's careful. was he relying on the backs and the science when he sent covid patients to rest homes? if that were facts and science, his women were treatment of chivalry. the cdc says women can vote and wear pants. i'm not sure i'm for either. we're going too fast. according to "the new york times," the cdc is catching up to the science. it's not true. they're catching up to you. we always knew that covid doesn't spread outdoors. it's not like chlamydia at coachella that i learned sadly. we knew vaccinations would eliminate a risk of spread. the cdc so obsessed with the slightest risks, the kinds that are smaller than choking to death on soup made their guid

she keeps you in check. >> greg: way to remind me about tonight. >> we all have that. >> greg: she doesn't care about the ratings come i tell her about the ratings and she doesn't care. >> nor should she. at any given time, even though your ratings are great, most of the country don't hold you in high regard. always just keep yourself humble is what i'm saying. >> greg: is that game show you host still on? i'm just curious, i have honestly not heard a peep about that game show. [laughter] according to my research, you can compare people to hitler all the time but if i say somebody is a dumb broad, that is heinous [bleep] sorry. >> that's mild. i've got a [bleep] out before i brush my teeth in the morning. >> greg: when you a trail of [bleep]. sorry, producers bird >> it's okay to be wrong if you're on the right side, just last week the cdc had to correct these inflated numbers in florida and the texas tribune, you saw this correction where the headline was "children under siege!" they reported that 58 other children had been hospitalized in a 70 period in august, not seven days, since the

. >> greg: time for a nap. ♪ ♪ [applause] >> greg: it was big news. the facebook oversight board extended the trump band from facebook for six months. i think we have a picture of the board. [laughter] but really, their judgment to extend the band was about as shocking as kat's inevitable and no months. all facebook did was kick the can known as donald trump down the road. it's like when six wads tells chris christie he is not a wild back on the ride until those 37 funnel cakes are properly digested. but the way i see it, anything that gets you on facebook is a good thing. seriously. it's a bigger time waste than online, so i i've been told. i've never looked at in my life, and if i did, it was 14 minutes at a time. but the response from the media has been joyful. for them, it's a major feeling of relief. like president biden after his fourth overnight t. >> sort of like a snake in search of the sewers these days. and you just can't find one. speak guy's a long time troll. >> d platforming works. trump is going to feel the pain from this and we are ge

i know why >> greg: why? >> this is frank costello. >> greg: yes. >> it's the name of jack nicholson's character in the departed. and, you know, greg and jack are a lot alike. one is an aging bloated alcoholic and the other one is jack nicholson >> greg: all right. fair enough you got me. >> thank you craig >> greg: craig? >> up next, kat, kat, let's hear you on thursday talking to jimmy failla about section workers. magic mike hit it. >> nobody goes to mcdonald to eat healthy it's like hiring a hooker to snuggle. it's not why you're there. >> people do that. >> well, stick with your current job. >> wow, okay, well, first of all they're not called hookers kat so i'm correcting you for not correcting jimmy. >> i've never used the word hooker i always say sex worker >> greg: aren't you special? >> i absolutely am >> greg: katherine this is my time. secondly, it turns out professional cuddle buddies are a very real thing. i'm trying to prove that you're right. the washington post said in 2018, demand is growing,

we got -- >> greg: lot of bullies are fat too. >> but they are horrible. >> greg: chubby bully is just adorable. you want to pinch their cheeks. >> this mouth device, suddenly becomes really kind of tentlating if someone else controls it. >> greg: right. from the makers of a hard pounding [laughter] >> because, you open your mouth enough to talk but really like you talk like this? do you smile like this? what if you're just getting killed by a murderer? how do you scream? very dangerous. >> greg: is this actually nutritionally helpful for anybody? >> i got a wedding in december, i read that on average you can lose 14 in two weeks. [laughter] >> greg: weddings are the best weight loss tools, right emily? that's when everybody decide to lose weight. >> i don't see what the big deal about this thing. it's just like what a stomach staple does. this is physically restraining you because you can't mentally restrain yourself. i'm not judging. i feel like if someone wants to wire them, go for it. >> greg: i have an idea, it's called the gut tube. you have a side tube installed so it's like a f

>> greg: yes. >> is there anyone around that we can get going i can start this off? because they are actually calling us on our [bleep], this is not fun anymore, this job was supposed to be we do stuff, trump criticized us on social media, we talk about that, get book deals and the no one really pays attention to the burning country around us because we focus in on trump, and i love this woke-is in response to everything. greg, if you let me sit in his chair, going to make people laugh and everyone is going to think i'm your bodyguard so they are going to think you're famous. my first show, nobody laughed, and people just walked by me and didn't pay attention to you. i did not fulfill my promises. is that my fault? is it? >> greg: yes. >> are we sure? >> greg: i don't know. >> because i told you was going to do something and then i've not done it, so it's 100% my fault. >> greg: right, yes. >> so joe said he was going to -- how do you get rid of a person other than like get rid of a person? and he

love the hat. >> funny joke, greg. >> greg: you got the boots and the hat? >> excuse me while i whip this out. always wanted to say that. kind of mad about this. in my youth, please, get on the ground -- i would like to speak to a manager. the cop is like, sorry, sir, be right back. more time to get away. we've just lost our mind. customer service -- protecting you from criminals is customer service. kicking in the door and saving you is customer service. if anyone needs customer service, it's our men and women in blue that need customer service. and i would just like to say to the family of snakes that gave all of this to us, thank you. >> greg: snake skin? >> it was. it's my skin now. >> greg: one last one. we didn't talk about how the teacher's group are calling parents potential terrorists. we are now -- we entered the stage where we're we newsing the potential threat. have you noticed this? everyone can be a potential threat. i'm a potential threat for pointing this out. every since they did this whole there's an invisible terrorist domestic threat, eve

greg: so true. tyra's wouldn't it be great if alcohol was a substance that made you more responsible? >> i'm actually glad you brought this up because i'm calling [bleep] on all of this. spending time with the journalists, no one else realized i'm pretty sure when you're out drinking the name changing store is probably not open. the notary, that the bank those are places that typically stay open late at night for drunken guys to come in. this guy planned it out and the guy who is made a few mistakes in his life tried to use the old i was drunk roe, it doesn't work. when he got it in the mail he was like oh well i did it so i guess i will sign it. he did three cartwheels in a kick up when it came in the mail trying to cover it up by saying oh my was drunk and this and that. greg: brian kilmeade why can't he identify a celine dion? if you can identify as a. she why can't he say i am celine dion? >> let's put it this way. i understand the passion people have for celine dion. greg: how dare you. >> i di

greg. >> greg: that's only when i like to have fun in vegas. be right back. i may not be able to tell time, but i know what time it is. [whispering] it's grilled cheese o'clock. but i know what time it is. you need an ecolab scientific clean here. and here. which is why the scientific expertise that helps operating rooms stay clean now helps the places you go too. look for the ecolab science certified seal. i order my groceries online now. shingles doesn't care. i keep my social distance. shingles doesn't care. i stay within my family bubble. shingles doesn't care. because if you've had chicken pox, you're already carrying the virus that causes shingles. in fact, about 1 in 3 people will develop shingles, and the risk only increases as you age. so what can protect you against shingles? shingrix protects. now you can protect yourself from shingles with a vaccine proven to be over 90% effective. shingrix is a vaccine used to prevent shingles in adults 50 years and older. shingrix does not protect everyone and is not for those with severe allergic

>> greg: exactly. are they doing that because underneath all of this they realize that their product is harmful to people's health so the woke politics, is that their buffer zone to keep people from saying hey, you're making everybody fat? >> it's simpler than that. they're making a commercial for like gullible woke young liberals to get them interested in ice cream and instead of vegan whatever. that we have the right politics, we have the right views, buy our products. >> greg: you know, loftus, i'm glad you're refusing to get dressed up for the show. >> i got to dig in. i have to. >> greg: by the seventh appearance, you'll be shirtless be daisy dukes. stained tobacco chew. >> i'm going to have overalls, a nipple out. when you're so lazy with overalls that you can't do both of them. >> greg: they're terrible. stay seated. here's the thing. i'm going to say this. even though i find it idiot tick, ben and jerry's is and amazing product for one reason. when you get a tub of ben and jerry's, every kind o

greg's seven jokes. i envision greg brady playing the organ. upstairs, in the attic. this afternoon president biden unveild. he was originally called a six step plan. joe is not good with steps. biden also prioritize getting kids back into school where they are easier to sniff. joe biden is also preparing to sue texas over the new antiabortion laws. that's right before heading to mass to receive communion. you know, because catholic. they are pro-life. he wants unborn children to die. you see the connection. meanwhile, the taliban is expected to continue their ban on music which means afghans can only listen to maroon 5. >> tyrus: turned the laugh track on. >> greg: in other news, congressman adam schiff urged facebook to address the spread of covid-19 vaccine misinformation on social media. the company sprung into action instantly deleting the account of anthony fauci. yesterday a protester through an egg at gubernatorial candidate larry elder. the egging confirmed two things we already knew about liberals. one, they hate black republicans. and two, they throw like a

i'm greg gutfeld. i love you, america. ♪ ♪ >> shannon: welcome to "fox news @ night" in washington, i am kristin fisher in for shannon bream. president biden is touting new mask guidance from the cdc that allows vaccinated americans to go outside without the mask but questions linger over mixed messaging. the president shows up to announce these morel asked rules while wearing a mask outside. our panelist danny by. breaking

greg gutfeld takes it all from here. ♪ ♪ >> greg: hey, i'm greg, but hopefully you already knew that. this is the part of the show where i usually start my monologue and we rock it right into the show but instead today, taking a look back at some of my favorite segments so far and some new stuff. it's what we do on memorial day. right now if we were live i would be drunk as a skunk, but instead we pretaped this, so in reality i am as drunk as a skunk right now, but i'm not here. i'm somewhere else. this greg, the one you're looking at right now is greg from last week and a very sexy greg at that. so to get things off my not too with my very first monologue which describes the premise of this monster hit show. stick around, because we also have some stuff that you've never seen before. enjoy, enjoyers of fine things. [scattered applause] >> greg: here we are again, a brand-new show and a brand-new greg. i'm as giddy as kamala harris explaining kids in cages. or woody allen hearing about kids in cages. if you've been watching the show on saturdays, welcome. if you love "the five" and fe

greg, greg, i got to run. it's my turn to keg stand. >> greg: johnny, you work for non-profits. is it mostly getting drunk and eating steak? >> no. i wish. i didn't find those non-profits unfortunately. there's few people in politics easier to hate than eric swalwell. he's the left duncan hunter except he doesn't have the redeeming quality of serving in the military. this is a frat boy who made it into politics, that's okay, i don't hold that against him. but at some point you have to actually be a politician, not just an idiot. maybe not, i don't know. there's a bunch of them >> greg: i think idiot is part of the criteria. tyrus, what do you make of this guy. >> hold on let me get my swalwell >> greg: oh, yeah, the look. >> thank you for asking, greg. i didn't think i was going to win, so we just partied like a rock star. i have to be honest, i probably would do the same thing. i can't be trust wind campaign funds because i would be like, yo, let's go buy a pavement you know how many voters vote for guys like both? i would convince my team i need a boat and jet skis. at least o

. >> greg: all right. >> greg: all right. up next, a pizza party said why do nearly one million businesses choose stamps.com to mail and ship? no more trips to the post office no more paying full price for postage and great rates from usps and ups mail letters ship packages anytime anywhere for less a lot less get our special tv offer a 4-week trial plus postage and a digital scale go to stamps.com/tv and never go to the post office again >> greg: when the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that is a lawsuit. a car dealership in the u.k. is forced to pay their receptionist $32,000. 4 million pounds. because here colleagues repeatedly failed to ask her what kind of food she would like to order on pizza fridays. yeah, the poor woman was starved for pizza and attention allegedly. treatment that the employment tribunal deemed a victim. the receptionist said the problem started after she filed a sexual harassment complain in march 2018. if someone accused you of harassment, i wouldn't ask about her choice of toppings either.

>> greg: anyway. since we are talk about segregation and race, i thought the expert here would be a skinny white girl. so what are your thoughts? >> are you really going to me for -- yeah. i am so qualified to be the leading voice of a generation on black issues. look at me! >> greg: my argument is you probably have just as much expertise as the woman we were listening to in the webinar. >> was that three white people on that? >> greg: i couldn't tell. >> it was three white people on that panel. look, the official frequently asked questions on the website, which i would also -- went to, because i'm a very hard worker. it said no students required or banned from joining and it's like yeah, i would think you would put that there because that would be illegal. right? you can't do that. i mean, i'm not a lawyer, i didn't go to law school. sorry, dad. he's here. >> greg: your dad is the one over there crying right now. >> he doesn't cry. >> greg: could this be pushed by activists who are mostly white and n

. >> greg: all right. >> greg: all right. up next, a pizza party said - in business, customer support is mission critical. with grammarly business, you can turn your frontline reps into bottom line superheros. take carl, for example. carl's got a superpower, spot on customer support. grammarly business helped him set the right tone increasing our customer satisfaction by 17%. - [children] hurray! - which leads to happier customers, and stronger relationships. an unthinkable genocide took the lives of six million jews learn more at grammarly.com/business. and thousands of jewish survivors are still suffering in poverty today. god calls on people who believe in him to act on his word. "comfort ye, comfort my people." when i come here and i sit with lilia i realize what she needs right now is food. these elderly jews are weak and they're sick. they're living on $2 a day which is impossible. this now, is how god's children are living. take this time to send a survival food box to these forgotten jews. the international fellowship

>> no, not when greg tells them. >> there you have it, phyllis needs more poop jokes, greg. >> greg: give it up for phyllis! i think we found in a regular! they don't do that on special report. so americans have been called deplorables, -- why the hostility? as long as americans that are at each other's throats, we can't address those in power. if like heavily drink and parents on the fourth of july. they hand the kids the box filled with animated, cherry bombs, quarter sticks of dynamite and tells them to go outside and have a ball knowing that that will keep them busy. so what if they lose an eye or a hand? if you're a terrorist you might as well look like one. let's welcome tonight's guests! he will definitely finish in the top four panelists tonight, former democratic president a candidate and author of the great new book "forward," andrew yang! this mercedes is as class with smarty-pants, [indiscernible] mercedes schlapp! [scattered applause] >> greg: he has the fashion sense of a 1970s rec room, fox across america host jimmy layla! and finally she's like a young elizabeth taylo

>> [cheers and applause]. >> greg: dr. drew, thanks for helping with my medical problem in the greenroom. that's why i have him. >> i have psychiatristic advice after. >> greg: i will look into what you told me about. i never thought naked pilates was sprnt. you -- important. what is your prescription for america? what could you do for america? >> there is a very strange phenomenon happening in the last couple of months. i wrote about this, the narcissistic turn. we moved to histrionics. everybody is hyper-emotional and a panic stricken event. the way you deal with this is grounding them in reality and containing them. people have to get grounded. they have -- you don't gratify it. >> greg: bury them? >> that's why i was in the basement for so long. >> [laughing]. >> you can't continue to escalate it. you have to contain. it we have to get back to reality. >> greg: i don't think that's possible given the social media. it survives on hysteria. people have legitimate concerns about crime and about police brutality, but they

greg: do you have escort? >> 31-24. greg: interesting. i don't have a prediction so i'm just going to shut up and leave. goodbye everybody. charlie kate kat tyrus.he mouth pieces. the propagandists. see you next time on "life, liberty & levin." jesse: welcome to "watters' world," i'm jesse watters. turning texas blue. that's the subject of tonight's watters words. joe biden's immigration agenda has one goal, flip texas blue. if that happens, you will never see another republican in the white house. china and the mexican drug cartels are in on the flip. it's a deadly alliance and we'll explain how it works. joe biden triggers a surge at the border. during the campaign he said we'll give illegal

there you go. >> greg: jerks. >> right? >> greg: thank you for your service. do you ever say that to waiters? "thank you for your service?" for the hell of it? write it on the receipt like "i killed bin laden and you killed my meal." no tip. kat, i don't even know what i'm saying at this point, so take it home. >> sure. i agree, it doesn't matter, people are a lot meaner on the internet than they would be in real life but it goes both ways, people are nicer on sometimes online then they would be in real time. i see people liking photos of people in writing "you are so beautiful, fire emojis." it's all fake. and if you are living for that. >> speaking of social media, i use to work with meatheads, navy seals, and i had a dude who thought lol meant "lots of love." he's like "heard about your grandmother's funeral, lol." no, you are doing it wrong. >> greg: they never found him in. just disappeared. lol. all right come up next, if there jokes are lame, our men and women treated the same? i've been taking prevagen on a regular basis for at least eight years. for m

>> greg: mostly. so igor, on behalf of hillary, helped plant the lies to -- also used his work to obtain surveillance warrants. as igor confesses, it was all based on who's-fueled hearsay from friends, which is not bad research. that's how i found out that bigfoot had impregnated the loch ness monster to give birth to carrot top. that's all my research! but then, his real source, which was another democratic hack, a guy whose only connection to the kremlin is the bottle of russian dressing in the fridge. at my wife has more of a connection to moscow, poster of a shirtless manchin of our bed. in other words, this whole things was a hoax, a delicious deception like kat's extensions. and much like all the other hoaxes we've heard, the fine people live, the injected bleach, covington, kavanaugh, crt doesn't exist but what's premise he does. i feel like i just wrote an outline for a new fox nation series hosted by diamond and silk. if but this dossier smear was designed to sway an election, claiming trump

>> greg: that's what i am talking about. you are applauding a racist shirt. >> i will answer your question. a great song writer wrote this song many years ago. yellow, black or white, they are precious in his sight. jesus loves the little children of the world. >> where am i? >> greg: you are eating into your talk time. you only have one point and it has to be a real good one. >> we all know about all of the things the judge was talked about. how many of you fathers, mothers and grandmothers and grand fathers would give the keys of your car and house to protect your kids, grandkids and one dog while you went on vacation for 2 days to florida? if you would do that, say yeah? if you would not say no. >> no! >> he has the keys to the nuclear football. >> greg: kat, do you think bind will build anything back better? >> no. complaining doesn't make sense. everyone inherits a mess. isn't that what marriage is? my husband inherit aid mess. i have been burned in the past and have issues. he doesn't complain. he knows he is lucky to

>> greg: america is doomed. speaking of idiots, then a while since we heard from these two chocolate bunnies. >> if you are not going to get vaccinated, you don't want to social distance or wear a mask, maybe you don't want to go to the hospital when you get sick. i know that sounds harsh, but you are taking up space for people who are doing things the right way. you and i both agree on, this is going to be between the vaccinated and unvaccinated moving forward in this country. >> greg: makes sense, don. do smokers, drinkers, mountain climbers, other elevated risk takers. maybe we should make hospitals only for people who deserve to go to the hospital if your quit is so much more fun to unite, vaxers versus anti-vaxxers. >> a.d.d., adhd. don't be ablest. >> greg: i feel like these vax mandates are now a now freelance authoritarianism. it is not the government doing so it is okay. >> i wish someone would have kicked me out of college, it would have done me a favor. i only knew how to make wise cracks and drink be

>> '93. >> greg: '94. brian, before when you are in the green room, you said we should lock everybody up who slightly overweight. [laughter] i thought that was slightly off the record. >> one of the things in "the boston globe" said that we are going to start to give people a chance to opt out of stories. if you want to give a story perspective they will go no, no, call the person and say can you stop including me in crime like for instance o.j. simpson could call up and say focus on my football and enough about the murders? >> greg: enough about the murders. >> which he didn't commit. >> he could start a podcast! enough about the murders. hard to get a sponsor. >> greg: you know what he would do? he read his own ad. i'm going to stop right there. what's a glove manufacturer? i don't know. up next, covid kids from hollywood would do any good? ♪ ♪ able transportation to their medical appointments. that's why i started medhaul. citi launched the impact fund to invest in both women and entrepreneurs of co

. >> greg: kat? >> probably the guy who decorated my hallway, and probably the worst thing when he said he didn't see me as a girl. highs and lows, i would probably have to say when it was over, my favorite. he did. >> greg: super cheesy, my last football game. i wish every kid could play a team sport. like we won three football games in four years of playing. when you're bad at something and you're still putting your heart and soul into it there are other victories and lessons to be learned. nobody gave us a trophy and said, you're okay, no, they said, you suck, get better. >> greg: i don't know, i disagree with that i think all team sports are bad because basically think about football especially. why is there a second string and why is there a third string? so the first string can practice goodness you all week. i know that because i was third string. great, i'm on a team. i'm on a team. no, you're only there because there are better people who need to run over you. last word, sonnie. >> my best m