my thanks to allison janney, sope dirisu, pooh shiesty, lil durk and the roots right there from philadelphia, pennsylvania thank you for watching stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers. goodnight, everybody [ cheers and applause ♪ ♪ >> announcer: tonight on "late night with seth meyers --" gayle king actress and comedian mary lynn rajskub, music from anderson east featuring the 8g band with fred armisen and now, seth meyers >> seth: good evening. i'm seth meyers and this is "late night. how's everybody doing tonight? that's so good to hear let's get to the news. president biden said today he will withdraw all u.s. troops from afghanistan by september 11th during a speech in the white house treaty room, which is where former president george w. bush announced the start of the war in fact, all the decorations were still up. president biden spoke to russian president vladimir putin yesterday on the phone probably the scariest person who could have called biden besides this guy "jill, i took out a reverse mortgage on the white house. no, it's not scam. magnum totally promised me." forme

"no, i moved to philadelphia." "oh, he moved to philly? all right, bro i'm gonna need your waistcoat and your knee breeches." "i invented electricity! "well, i invented i don't [ bleep ] care." [ light laughter ] where were we? oh, right, present day in fact, republicans have so few legitimate arguments that last month, during a hearing on the d.c. statehood bill, congressman jody hice, incidentally, is the trump-backed candidate for secretary of state in georgia made this absolutely ludicrous argument under this bill, d.c. would in fact, become the first among states, which is exactly what our founders sought to avoid d.c. would be the only state, the only state without an airport, without a car dealership, without a capital city, without a landfill without even a name on its own, and we could go on and on and on >> seth: it's hard to know where to even begin with that. a full list of fact checks would be at least 14 pages long, and we can't do that, because then it would take marjorie taylor greene an entire day to read it first of all,

blotnick, that's how you do it right there. [ cheers and applause crushed it and the roots over there from philadelphia, pennsylvania thank you for watching stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers. goodnight, everybody [ cheers and applause ♪ ♪ ♪ >> announcer: tonight on "late night with seth meyers." catherine zeta-jones star of "the falcon and the winter soldier," actor wyatt russell, an all-new "closer look. featuring the 8g band with emmanuelle caplette. and now seth meyers. >> seth: good evening. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night. how's everybody doing tonight? that is so good to hear. let's get to the news. president biden on saturday played his first round of golf since becoming president though he has picked up his driver a few times this year but only to stop his dog major from attacking a staff member. "get behind me everybody get behind me. that dog's got some scranton in him. [ laughter ] that's right president biden played his first round of golf since becoming president, which weirdly is weirdly what made it finally hit home for trump "oh, my god. he is president now. all u.s

coi leray, and the roots, right there from philadelphia, pennsylvania thank you for watching stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers. goodnight, everybody [ cheers and applause ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ >> announcer: tonight on "late night with seth meyers," justin theroux author of "how y'all doing," actor leslie jordan, music from ashnikko featuring princess nokia, featuring the 8g band with fred armisen and now seth meyers. >> seth: good evening, i'm seth meyers and this is "late night. how's everybody doing tonight? that is so wonderful to hear let's get to the news. today is the 100th day of joe biden's presidency wow, that's crazy. it's felt like exactly 100 days. president biden was greeted with standing applause last night, when he entered the house chamber to deliver his first joint address to congress. let's take a look. [ groans ] >> seth: way, way too many groans [ laughter ] you guys, when we used to have an audience, we would test material earlier in the day. and so now, a lot of times i'm seeing things for the first time as you do. and sometimes we get it wrong. during his firs

and the roots right there from philadelphia, pennsylvania thank you for watching stay tuned for "late night" with seth meyers ♪ ♪ ♪ >> announcer: tonight on "late night with seth meyers." john oliver, writer and director of "nomadland," chloe zhao, an all new "closer look," featuring the 8g band with fred armisen. and now, seth meyers >> seth: good evening, i'm seth meyers. this is "late night. how is everybody's last two weeks? wonderful. mine were, too let's get to the news. congress returned after a two-week recess. "not much, just hung out," said matt gaetz before anyone could talkn matt gaetz used the cash transfer app venmo to send an accus "tuition and school," which is a pretty weak attempt to cover your tracks. that's like leaving your wallet at a crime scene but wiping your finger prints off it the house ethics committee announced friday it will launch an investigation into republican congressman matt gaetz over allegations that he, quote, "may have engaged in sexual misconduct, and/or elicit drug use, shared inappropriate images or videos on the house floor, misused s

my thanks to luke bryan, brian regan, rupi kaur [ cheers and applause and the roots right there from philadelphia, pennsylvania thank you for watching stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers. goodnight, everybody [ cheers and applause ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ >> announcer: tonight on "late night with seth meyers." elisabeth moss host of "the beat," msnbc chief legal correspondent, ari melber. music from moon versus sun featuring the 8g band with fred armisen and now se meyers. >> seth: good evening. i'm seth meyers, and this is "late night. how's everybody doing tonight? that is so wonderful to hear let's get to the news. federal agents today raided the home of rudy giuliani as part of an investigation in to whether he broke lobbying laws as president trump's personal lawyer the agents gained access to his home using a no neck warrant lucky for rudy, wives can't testify against their cousins. president biden, tonight, delivered his first address to a joint session of congress before a crowd of just 200 people due to covid concerns. just 200 people. the last time i was in a crowd of just 200 people

thanks to elizabeth moss, james cameron, carlos vives and ricky martin, and, of course, the roots from philadelphia, pennsylvania thank you for watching stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers. goodnight, everybody ♪ ♪ >> announcer: tonight on "late night with seth meyers." christine baranski from "saturday night live," actress and comedian melissa villasenor an all new "closer look. featuring the 8g band with emmanuelle caplette. and now seth meyers. >> seth: good evening. i'm seth meyers and this is "late night. how is everybody doing tonight that's great to hear let's get to the news. house speaker nancy pelosi is facing criticism after she gave a speech yesterday thanking george floyd for quote, "sacrificing your life for justice. wow, who would have thought we'd prefer her moment of silence that's right, nancy pelosi gave a speech thanking george floyd for quote, "sacrificing your life for justice." you know, if you're an 81-year-old white person giving a speech about race, you can just follow this simple rule don't. after former minneapolis police officer, derek chauvin, was found gui

. >> seth: the last lesbian bar in philadelphia closed recently >> a lesbian bar is like a straight bar, except at last call, everyone tries to find someone to move in with them >> seth: jenny, did you and your girlfriend move in together right away >> no, we waited until our anniversary. >> seth: oh, one year? >> one month >> seth: oh. cnn host chris cuomo received backlash recently after he said during an interview that he is, quote, "black on the inside. >> said cops, "your insides are under arrest." >> seth: the subaru forester was recently named the best suv under $30,000. >> "that's what i drive," said every single lesbian now, seth, we're all having fun here, but i just want to be clear that that's a stereotype not every lesbian has a subaru forester. >> seth: gotcha. what kind of car to you have >> a 2016 subaru forester. but i bought it from a lesbian, so now she doesn't have one. >> seth: oh, right, right, right, right new zealand prime minister jacinda ardern said recently that all of the country's schools would offer students free menstrual products. >> they're available in

to magic johnson, roger daltrey, moneybagg yo. [ cheers and applause and the roots right there from philadelphia, pennsylvania thank you for watching stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers. goodnight, everybody [ cheers and applause ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ >> announcer: tonight on "late night with seth meyers," anna kendrick, hosts of "the double date" podcast phil donahue and marlo thomas, an all new "closer look. featuring the 8g band with fred armisen and now seth meyers. >> seth: good evening. i'm seth meyers. and this is "late night. how's everybody doing? that's so good to hear let's get to the news. vice president kamala harris met virtually today with the president of guatemala incidentally, guatemala is what fox news insists her first name is it was announced on friday that president biden will visit atlanta later this week despite georgia's new voting laws, which for some reason forbid it. the fbi arrested a man last week who allegedly participated in the january attack on the capitol after he bragged to a match on the dating app bumble and she turned him into authorities. is she stil