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tv   The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon  NBC  July 15, 2019 11:34pm-12:37am EDT

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[ knocking ] >> jimmy, show is in two minutes. >> jimmy: be right there stephen? stephen, you there >> yeah, i'm here, jimmyst i'm ju trying on a new bandana. i'll tell you what, let's
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change frequencies t the writers listenthis one [ static ] that better. what's up?im >> j: hey, i just want to wish you good luck this week i know we're both back with new shows. so, good luck. >> aw, thanks, jimmy hey, man, do you wanna do that thing? >> jimmy: right now? >>eah. let's do it. >> okay. ♪ turn arndt look aat you see e mirror of your dreams ♪ ♪ make believ i'm everywhere given in the light ♪ ♪ written on the pager is the answeto a never ending story♪ ♪ ahh >> hey you're doing the thing from "stranger things." >> jimmy: what
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>> the thing from "stranger things." the "stranger things" thing. love that thing. >> why was he talking about "strger things"? >> jimmy: i don't know never seen it. ♪ never ending story [ cheers and applause ♪ >> sve: from 30 rockefeller plaza here in new york city, rr's "the tonight show stag jimmy fallon." and now, here's your host, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: oh, thanks [ cheers and applause welcome. thanks, have a seat. oh, look at lcat wee, everybody welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome to "the tonight show." this is it [ cheers and applause you're here. you made it. welcome. you guys, we got to hurry. 'cause we could lose power at
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any second right now [ ughter ] what a crazy weekend here in new york city. there was a huge blackout. for hours, new yorkers were trapped on subways, traffic was at a standstill, and there wasti no air condiing at port authority. then the blackout hit. [ laughter ] but is is new york city. so new yorkers rallied and managed to keep calm then everyone's phone battery reacd 5% and all hell broke loose. [ laughter ] "i will cut you, man!" get this thoughi heard that the blackoutn affected some weddings at the plaza hotel, the lights o went right before a couple exchanged vows [ audience ohs ] even worse, the bride had just said, "god, if this is a a mistake, please give me a sign." [ laughter andpplause across the city when the traffic lights went out, some new yorkers decided to step into the street and direct traffic themselves check it out [ horn honking ] >> jimmy: that's exacthat
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you want five strangers pointing in different directions at the same time. [ laughter ] then after about five hours, the power came back on and people were really excited watch, this is real. watch this cheers and applause >> jimmy: yeah [ applause ] that's like when your friend shows up at the party with more beer it's like, "oh!" [ cheers and applause hey! ♪ [ air horn ] ♪ steve: beert [ liughter ] >> jimmy: let's get to some news here. everybody's talking about this racist tweet the president sent yesterday. he told a group of cemocratic americangresswomen to "go back from where they came from." [ audience boos meanwhile, melania was like, "hey, how come they get to leave? [ laughter ] >> steve: oh oh >> jimmy: i don't know what's more shocking, that the
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president sent a racist tweet g that we won't be talkin about this in two days [ light laughter ] too real, okay sorry. [ laughter ] too real, okay >> steve: yeah, too real >> jimmy: let's get to some good news. i want to say congrats to novak djokovic who won the wimbledon men's fina yesterday. [ cheers and applause did you see that it was the longest men's final ever, lasting almost five hours. the players were fine. but thouball boy was carried on a stretcher it was sad it was sad [ laughter ] well, guys, this is big. we are right in the middle of amazon prime daye aru feeling the buzz yeah [ cheers ] and i read that one of the top selling items is the insta-pot that's also one of the most returned items when stoners iz reale -- [ laughter ]'s ot what they thought it was. yeah and get this, on compete with amazi saw that best buy is holding a big sale you all know best buy. it's where you test out electronics before going home and ordering them off amazon [ laughter ] sometimes right in the aisle you go, yeah, i'm not gonna go home speaking of prime day, i heard that federal officials have
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recently started to crackdown on fake amazon reviewsap rently, a lot of reviews on amazon are fake or paid for. usually you can tell i mean check it out. for instance, here's aoga mat. the fake review says, "i use it every day. it's comfortable and easy to clean. [ laughter ] real review says, "i carry it around all in my bag so people think i did yoga whether or not i actually did yoga. [ laughter ] [ applause ] next up, here's a roomba the fake review says, "it's really good at cleaning the floors." real review says, "i'm trying to train it to bring me a bud ght from the kitchen." [ laughter and applause trying to train a roombast juet -- takes you longer to train it to just -- whatever jimmy: look at this this is for a one gallon of pure protein powder. fake review says, "drank this shake and got jacked." [ laughter ] real review says, "this thing has been sitting on top ye my fridge for nins in three different apartments." [ laughter and applause i'll use it one day.n the box.
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and finally, here's a slip 'n slide. the fake review says, "so much fun on a hot summer day. real review says, "i didn't get it wet enough. now i'm just praying my nipples grow back. [ laughter and applause we have a great show tonight give it up for the roots, everybody! [ cheers and applause ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: hey! nice to see you. i missed you guys. welcome back thank you so much.se nice to you, higgins nice to see you, roots did you have a good break would you say? >> steve: fantastic. >> jimmy: you did. >> steve: went to europe all over europe. >> jimmy: you went all over the plwee. you -- where was that photo from you in a boaor something >> steve: lake como. >> jimmy: really >> steve: yeah >> jimmy: you hang out - >> steve: senor higgins? >> jimmy: oh >> steve: they knew the show in europe, everyw, re >> jimmy: 's wild. i went -- i was over in europe as well. >> steve: where were you >> jimmy: i went to -- >> steve: you're a peein'. >> jimmy: what's that? >> steve: oh [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: you're a peein'? >> steve: i waincontinent, yeah >> jimmy: yeah you were inconti snt >>ve: yeah [ laughter ]
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>> jimmy: i did go to -- i went to london. i do it every year first i went to wolfeboro, new hampshire, which is - >> audience: woo >> jimmy: yeah >> steve: yeah's >> jimmy: thathe -- i went with that -- >> steve: jimmy wolfeboro. >> jimmy: i went with that guy me and that guy had a bro weekend. it was awesome [ laughter ] >> steve: he trained a roomba to give you a bud light. >> jimmy: he brought me beer and we were like, "whoa, let's do it. it's just the coolest town i love new hampshire i love wolfeboro h theye a great parade, fourth of july parade. i had a great time there and gosh, my kids had fun. then they wanted to go to london >> steve: oh >> jimmy: my -- franny-othe -- my four-year was like, "i want to live in london." i don't know why she said -- just anything but live with me she just wants to go somhere else [ light laughter ] so she's like -- all right so we went and it was big european family trip it was funsh alwanted -- her and a keie, they wanted to be on ab. dle: yeahdoubec >> jimmy: and they wanted to see a mummy. >> steve: oh [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: i don't know why in england -- >> jimmy: yeah, yeah so -- yeah, "hello, mummy. peppa pig. [ laughter ] no, but -- yeah, we did -- we set up -- i got them on a uble decker bus. it was great they loved it.
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they thought it was the most fun thing ever and then, it was jus fantastic. and then my wife took the kids home a day early and i got to hang out with lorne.ch i see lorne ls there every year we meet up in england, walk around, go shopping, stuff like that dude, i did some gooshopping >> steve: what did you get >> jimmy: what did i get >>teve: what didn't you -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: dude, i'm bringing the fanny pack back. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause dude, it's expenve - expensive, but it's worth it >> steve: right, let's see it. gucci fanny. [ cheers and applause wow! >> jimmy: tariq, tariq, come on don't even talk -- >> steveoh >> jimmy: so you're just hanging out. >> steve: that gucci cover your coochie. there you go [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i wear it like this. i i wearlike this.ik >> steve: it's le a holster.e >> jimmy: almost lik >> steve: yeah >> jimmy: i'm han solo >> steve: yeah yeah >> jimmy: like a han solo fanny -- you almost can't tell i'm wearing it [ laughter ] 's almost like, "what's up, man? >> steve: atat does not look ball
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that looks great >> jimmy: what are you talking about? i can't even hear what you said >> sve: yeah, because it looks -- [ light laughter ] it looks so great. >> jimmy: yeah, it just looks great. >> steve: that looks casual. >> jimmy: it's casual, right [ laughter and applause te >> s: gucci. [ air horn ] ♪ cover your tucci >> jimmy: anyways, since i did that, i guess you can wear you can wear it acrosswell >> steve: like a bandolier, yeah >> jimmy: like a what? >> steve: ke a bandolier like a - >> jimmy: like a -- what's a a mandolier? >> steve: bandolier is usually -- >> jimmy: like that? >> steve: it holsters weapons across the front of your chest imagine like the frito bandito >> jimmy: like that? >> steve: there you go, that looks good [ laughter ] that's like a purs >> jimmy: doesn't seem as fun. >> steve: yeah >> jimmy: it doesn't seem like - >> steve: wear it on your head like a pope hat. [ light laughter ] >> jim: like how >> steve: yeah, no, the other way. there you or sticking straight up. oh, there you go yeah, there you go >> jimmy: wear that like a a napoleon - >> steve: yeahg [ talker each other like a bull fighter. >> jimmy: like a napoleon deal >> steve: yeah different ways to wearhere's >> steve: oh, there you go wow. [ cheers ] >> jimmy: you're at the movie theater -- >> steve: that's called the saint bernard. >> jimmy: you're hanging out, yore at the movie theater. you're like, "oh, my god." and you're just like - and you're watching.
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[ laughter ] tariq, you're so jealous, i can't even look at you right now. [ laughter ] i really can't even look at you right now. you know i have something li-- this anyways >> steve: you think tariq is gonna be styling one of those tomorrow >> jimmy: i just got one of these jams and you can't even tell i'm wearing it i might wear it all -- i might we it all show >> steve: yeah, i would. >> jimmy: i carry it - you know what i did? >> steve: put your vaping stuff in there [ laughter ] because that's cool too, man i think that's as cool that fanny packt >> jimmy: yeah, i pu vaping stuff -- yeah, you know me you know what i did? i got it i was very -- so excited to use it that i left my phone in the hotel room 'cause i'm not used to fanning my fanny pack. [ light laughter ] packing my fanny pack. >> steve: is that -- >> jimmy: i just packed it up with gum >> steve: gum, sure.: >> jimmyat's all i had in there. [ laughter ] >> steve: how much gum >> jimmy: i didn't want to put my wallet in there, in case someone saw this and go, "oh, he's a tourist." "i got to and said have it.yeah >> jimmy: and i'm going to rip off -- i don't know how fast you can unclip this.>> steve: right. but you know what, they see that coming a mile away. >> jimmy: do you want to try to mug me >> steve: they know you got money. >> jimmy: try to mug me so - [ light laughter ] >> steve: okay, you want me to see if i can steal that? >> jimmy: yeah, it's just -- you got to unclip it fm there. ♪ >> steve: so, i'm walking by oh, excuse me.
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>> jimmy: what's up, manht [ la ] ♪ [ apause ] oh, you try. oh, my gosh. you have to give that back to me it's my fanny pack p all myersonal belongings it's not bad tariq, think about it, yeah. yeah, see, that's what i'm talking about, dude. [ cheers and applause so i did that -- you won't even believe this story and quest, you're going to freak out. but anyone whoikes music i went back to the hotel and i'm hanging out. and i got to see lorne we hung out. and then we went to wimbledon. and i saw federer and nada play >> steve: ooh. >> jimmy: two of the best ever was unbelievable. yeah, if you saw the match [ applause ] i was like -- wait, wait, it gets so much bets r. it gtter so i see that happen it's unbelievable. and federer wins and they love him over there and it's really exciting, really fun and then lorne and i get in the car. d we go to hyde park we go see neil young in hyde park >> steve: oh [ audience ohs ]
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>> jimmy: amazing, i go -- neil youngs. unbelievable, crus we go back and say hi to neil. and we're with stella mccartney facetime my dad.ve to 'cause he loves you. she facetimes paul mccartney neil young and paul mccartney are facetiming eh other. i swear to god [ light laughter ] i go -- i can never say i was -- that ever happened. i go, "this is the best day ever." i love those guys. then, i'm not kidding, the show wasn't over. we went back to see the end of the concert. bob dylan came out and did a a concert.ve >> stewhat >> jimmy: so -- i swear this is a true story google it. i don't know what to say [ laughter ] a gucci thing?he wearing a >> jimmy: i see federer, nadal i wore my fanny pack [ laughter ] i think the fanny ck was a a magnet >> steve: you think it was a a magnet >> jimmy: it was good luck this -ve: you think none of >> jimmy: the more i've been wearing that thing, the more lucky things have been happening. >> steve: really, like what else >> jimmy: what's that? >> steve: what other - >> jimmy: i just got some -- i got some looks >> steve: ohpe >> jimmy: and le were going like - >> steve: hey. >> jimmy: "way to go." [ light laughter ] i got a couple, "you're doing it right, buddy. [ laughter ] >> steve: people yelling in the street, saying "you're doing it right, buddy." >> jimmy: couple people yelled in the street, "you're doing it right, man." [ laughter ] in an american accent.
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>> steve: right, in london yo'cause they knew it was >> jimmy: yeah >> steve: yeah >> jimmy: "nice bum bag. >> steve: yeah they call it a bum bag [ laughter ] really >> jmy: that's what they id, yeah >> steve: that's true? >> jimmy: i wasn't even wearing it when they said that >> steve: really [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: but they might have seen it the day before >> steve beforeay have seen it >> jimmy: they might have seen it the day before. anyway, it was a great break but i'm so happy to be back. i missed you guys. and i missed -- yeah, thank you. [ cheers and applause it's fun did you see -- catch the all-star game? the mlb all-star game was last week and we wanted to do something fun with the players so we gave a bunch of them weird phrases and asked em to sneak those phrases into their interviews as casually as possible no one knew that we were doing this here, check it out it's time for "drop in. [ cheers and applause ♪ drop it i drop it in drop-a-drop-a-drop it in ♪ >> this is my -- these are my basicsee this is what ito do. and you can draw back on it. it's like they say, "even a hungry turtle can do a a jumping jack." [ ding ] >> absolutely, yeah. >> is it possible to have too many power hitters >> no, i don't think it's
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possible to haveeroo many power hitts. we're the yankees. we don't -- you don't ask the milkman for steak. [ ding ] >> well, came down to last night, i was scrambling. and en i just thought to self, "sometimes you got to dance with the pants you wore to prom. [ ding ] >> what is it like to prepare for your next start with this backop and this historic ballpark >> yeah, you know, it's great. you know, sometimes when theou pencil breaks , you just to scribble with the nibble. [ ding ] >> there was this overarching message. and it's, "it doeslyt matter how much jou have in the jar, it's about how you spread it on your english muffin. [ ding ]ar >> a lot of great yegoing on, but i think rookie of year is michael chavis. cookie of the year, chocolate chip [ ding ] >> i feel really proud for -- for play with c.c. i'm super excited. it's like, "do i watch our combo? [ ding ] >> you got a supermodel wife what's the secret?th you got to tell e youngster how to do it >> man, no sec you know, i recently watched the movie "fever pitch." it still holds up. [ ding ] [ cheers ] so i mean it's love, baseball. all that [ cheers and applause
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>> jimmy: yes! the fanny pack those were great thank you to the players justin, thank you for that [ cheers and applause thanks to mlb. we love you, mlb stick around, we'll be right back with more of "the tonight show. "fever pitch" still holds up ♪ cheers and applause guys - i've got an idea. ooh - what is it so people love iphone xr, right? well, it does ha an incredible camera. and it comes in all those amazing colors. uh-huh. what if we give the people iphone xr when they join t-mobile?iph? yeah. iphone xr us. what's not to love about that! for a limitetime, join t-mobile and get the awesome iphone xr on us.
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♪ [ cheers andpplause >> jimmy: oh, hot crowd. welcome back to "the tonight show." great crowd, tonight hey, thanks guys i appreciate that. cheers and applause i missed you guys. guys, it is july and it's a great time to do sominserious beach read and i don't want you to read any bad books this summer, so to help you guys out, i'm going to show you some books that you should avoid at alcosts. [ laughter ] that's right, it's time for my i latesttallment of my "do not read" list here we go [ cheers and applause ♪ do not read do not rea do not rea these books these books ♪ >> jimmy: now, before we start, i want you all to know that every book that i'm about to show you is 100 percent real these are actual books
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you can yond them on amazon, local bookstore, or check them out at your library, they are real all right, let's see what's on myo not read list. this first one is a self-help book >> steve: oh, great. >> jimmy: i love those this one is called, "getting high: how to rlly do it," by - [ laughter ] by dan clark >> steve: wow. >> apparently, dan came up with for people to get highay and it was a national best seller >> steve: oh >> jimmy: and yeah, i don't know much about him. if you don't ynow much about dan, can find out a little bit more about him in the front page here. the first page, about the author says, "dan broke his neck twice and fractured two vertebrae in his back [ laughter ] broke his nose, left as , both thumbs, handd little fingers. he tore both knees three times and both ankles twice. and has had icrgery for an appenditis, two hernias and a torn knee. [ laughter ]ls he'sbeen sewn up 11 times on his head, shoulder and hand." >> steve: wow! >> -immy: it's just a little what was his previous job? [ laughter ] was he a crash test dummy?ha
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what the hell ppened to him? >> steve: i think i know what he was high on, pain killers [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oxycodone. >> steve: yeah: >> jimmyycodone, yeah. oxycotin, jeez, h.ah, he's really hig anyways, next up is a how-to book this is called, "boat naming made simple. [ laughter ] >> steve: thank god. >> jimmy: the actual real book "boat naming made simple." s they just make it sople. >> steve: easy >> jimmy: i never thought it was a problem, but - >> steve: apparently - [ laughter ] >> jimmy: but what do i -- i don't own a boat >> steve: you don't knowng anythi >> jimmy: i've never owned a a boat, i don't know anything. i've never -- but i just thought. i mean, it's just examples steve: yeah, great. >> jimmy: aliens ate my buick, eggs suck, soiled sheets, tiny hiney. [ laughter ] i don't know i don't think i need a book to name a boat. tariq, can you name a boat >> tariq: "the cod fatr. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: i'm going to call my boat, "swimmy fallon." higgins, can you name a boat >> steve: "tiny dingy. >> jimmy: yeah laughter ] tariq, do you got one?
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[ cheers ]"ship happens. >> jimmy: i'd call mine, "to beach his own. [ laughter ] higgins? >> steve: "very small balls. [ laughter ] wait, what are we naming again [ laughter ] >> jimmy: boats. >> steve: boats, my bad. [ laughter ] i thought we were naming something else, nevermind. >> jimmy: think we - you don't want to know >> jimmy: what did you think we were naming? >> steve: you don't want to know >> jimmy: but you thought when i said the word "boat --he >> steve: i d "testicles." [ laughter ] summer hearing i have swimmer's ear [ laughter ] >> jimmy: we'll continue to try to try this bit. i'm not sure if this is gonna -- this bit is going to make it to air. >> steve: yeah, but we'll try. it might not >> jimmy: it might happen. >> steve: we're not quitters >> jimmy: but we're just having fun. >> steve: yeah, just having fun. hf, man. jimmy: hey, speaking of
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having fun, here's another advice book. >> steve: oh, what advice does it have? >> jimmy: yeah, this is called - [ laughter ] >> steve: having fun, man. >> jimmy: he's in the zone he's in the zone >> steve: having fun >> jimmy: he's having >> steve: summertime, man. >> jimmy: he's in his different zone >> steve: yeah he's on vacay. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: a little rusty getting back w>> steve: yeah, you knowt i mean what other books you got there [ laughter ] >> jimmy: speaking of having fun, this is, "your affair: how to manage every aspect of your extramarital relationship with passion, discretion, and dignity. [ audience ohs ]>> steve: oh, g. >> jimmy: dignity. [ laughter ]r, an affh, my god. >> steve: honey, i got a - [ laughter ] >> jimmy: nothing says discretion like carrying around >> steve: don't look afair." book bag >> jimmy: all right, we've got two more and then we can get this bit over with >> steve: okay, what do we got there? bhey, do you have anotherk? >> jimmy: what's that? >> steve: do you have another book you don't want us to read [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: you want to read another >>ok teve: yeah, let's read another book [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you want another book that i do not want you to read >> steve: yeah, i want to see what you think we should not read: >> jim problem this is another how-to book. >> steve: oh, my god, i love it >> jimmy: this is called -- oh, this is very good. this is called, "how we make ducks pay an illustrated guide to the profitable breeding of our modern pekin all-white mammoth duckli ls; plain and thorousons for beginners and others everywhere who write for the details and secrets of our waterless method." [ laughter ] >> steve: wow. >> jimmy: catchy title >> steve: yeah >> jimmy: it's a catchy title. rolls off your tongue. [ laughter ] >> steve: it's like water off a pekin duck's back.
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>> jimmy: this is our herene >> steve: aw [ audience aws ] >> jimmy: now, they didn't even do that, because they can't wait for this bit. >> steve: no, they love this bit. [ laughter ]wn >> jimmy: we're doo our last one here. >> steve: aw [ audience aws ] >> jimmy: hey guys, i can't do anything, it's c fing from -- comingm the -- [ laughter ] "end this bit! gosh, dangit, todd this is the worst bit we've ever seen. [ laughter ] we've got to get him off the air. [ laughter ] just run commercials go to black. >> steve: what is it >> jimmy: i'm sorry to sayla we're down to ou one >> steve: aw [ audience aws ] ♪ [ laughter ] this one -- oh, man. this one is called"stump sittin" >> steve: yeah [ laughter ] ♪ i'm stump sitting sitting on stumps ♪ >> jimmy: here's the problem, here's the problem with this one. i just feels like -- well, opfeel like a missed rtunity there. [ laughter ] do you see what i'm saying at steve: i think i see wh you're saying. >> jimmy: because not only is it not a stump but he's not even sitting. >> steve: he's not sitting [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it is -- >> steve: yeah >> jimmy: this is unfortunately missed opportunity >> steve: yeah >> jimmy: it should be called "tree leaning. >> steve: yeah [ laughter ] >> jimmy: let's take a lvek at - >> ste: close enough >> jimmy: let's take a look at - >> steve: oh, it's spiral-bound, too. >> jimmy: what he's talking about. here we go >> steve: that's classy. >> jimmy: yeah, you don't see mu of these spiral bounds. [ laughter ] oh, this one is -- the chapter says "nude stump sitting." >> steve: okay [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it says, "as you know, it is my custom to go out in the woods and strip down to what the maker gave me." >> jimmy: "and allow the fall breezes to blow away the stink of summer. [ laughter ] >> steve: ew, that was one of tink of summer" was one of my
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boats. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: atere you have it, th's our "do not read. we'll be right back, everybody come on back [ cheers and applause ♪ from somewhere amazing. unique selection. believable prices. homegoods. go finding. - don't let an amazing adventure pass you by. tripadvisor makes it easy to book your tours, attractions, and experiences ahead of time. so you never miss out on can't miss adventures! book things to do on tripadvisor. [text tone] [text tone] [text tone] ♪ ♪nice ♪ ♪mmmmmm ♪ ♪so nice ♪
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♪nice no! wait! ♪ ugh, sorry! it's ok! [laughs - out of breath] oh! you got a fast one there just can't get him to slow down this class will help with that we get it... you got it! we're tsmart! ♪ everyone in your family mis only $10 bucks ♪ ♪ ♪ even your kid's friend who's always arod ♪ ♪ at $10 bucks a head, trevor can stay ♪ ♪ 3 for $10 bucks, baby, bucks, baby, bucks ♪ ♪ mmm-hmm...
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♪ [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: our first guest is an oscar-nominated actor who stars in a new film called "the art s off-defense," which is in select theaters now and everywhere on friday please welcome jesse eisenberg [ cheers and applause ♪
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>> jimmy: hey, bud >> hey, how are you? >> jimmy: i'm fantastic. it's great to see you. i don't get to see you enough. should be on you tv show more >> jimmy: yeah, yeah [ laughter ] whenever you want, please. >> -- on you. >> jimmy: i want to -- i want to -- yeah, i gus it is. >> yeah. >> jimmy: there's lots to talk about, but i do want to say congrats on -- i know you did a sequel to "zombieland. >> yes, yes, yes >> jimmy: and all the fans are buzzing with that. cong [ cheers and applause ve hopefully we'll ha you back when that comes out in - >> yeah. >> jimmy: -- in october. >> okay, great then we' be even >> how's woody harrelson is he -- >> he's the best he's, like, exactly what you would expect like, an amazing fun, nice, curious person >> jimmy: you've done a bunch of films wit >> yeah, we did, like, four movies together. you know, he's really like -- he's really like a borscht belt comic, but in the body of somebody from texas.[ ughter ] and so i think that's why he likes me 'cause he, like, loves like, nerdy jewish jokes, basically. [ laughter but he's just like attractive and has a twang. and so we're like -- we can't, like, figure out, you know, who he is. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: but doesn't he -- doesn't he introlice people to, , famous friends of his and, like, hook people up? >> yeah.
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>> jimmy: and he's, like, good at that. he's gifted. >> yes, like, your day that youw described in englandh, like, paul -- he knows all of those people in fact, on the first "zombieland" -- like, the last day of filming he said to emma stone, who's in the movie, "you know who you'd be great friends with paul mccartney." and she was like, h, cool. thanks then we should hang out. [ laughter ] and i was, like, sitting in the car thinking like, "how does he know i would not like paul mccartney?" [ laughter ] and mean, and i don't. i mean, i don't. >> jimmy: you don't? >> no, no. i never got their music. >> jimmy: no, no, of course. ] [ laughter of course. >> of course, of course. >> jimmy: i love the beatles yah, we love paul mccartney. >> obviously even if i didn't like -- yeah, of course. >> jimmy: yeahve >> eif i didn't like the beatles, he's english. >> jimmy: who did he introduce you to >> oh, so, you know he's like, "jesse, you should meet my friend oren moverman." i was like, "is he in the beatles, too?" he's like "no, no, no,o. [ laughter ] he's a writer no one ever heard of who sits alone and he's depressed just like you. [ light laughter ] i said, "oh, okay. great.ug [ er ] like, anytime he goes to, like, a rock concert or something, takes emma if he's going to, like, a bar mitzvah, takes me. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's very o thoughtfhim. >> yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: i want to -- i want to talk about your new film. this is a verys ool take on, i gues action movie, or i
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guess so it's called "the art of self-d >> yeah. >> jimmy: and it's like a cool take on a sports movie >> jimmy: yeah, kind of. it, like, takes like, the sports movie genre and kind of, like, twists it on its head to be like a brilliant satire of, like, masculinity. so, like, my character is this kind of, like, meek, timid guy who gets attacked on the street so i sign up for this karate class to learn self-defense. and then the movie just turns into this bizarre satire on, like, cults and the absurdity of, like, you know, crazed masculinity. >> jimmy: do you -- do you know karate at l? did you have to learn it for the role >> like, everything you see in the movie is, like, the very extent of what i know. [ laughter ] which is to say, no, i'm not good at it >> jimmy: yeah, no [ laughter ] but you have to look, like, a little bit like you know what you're doing right? kind of? or - >> yeah. >> jimmy: -- well, i guess you're learning in the movie >> i'm like a yellow belt. and, like, i had, like, three weeks of intense training with, like, one of the best martial artists in the world this woman, mindy kelly. and it was, like, stwassful because she trying to, like, train me to be great like her, which i don't know how she didn't realize i would never, you know, be good even [ laughter ] and by the end of the training i just said to her, you know, "listen, i'm a yellow belt i don't have to be good in this
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movie at all." [ light laughter ] and then she was like, "okay, okay, that's fine. so we stopped. >> jimmy: yeah >> then i finally got a break. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you got -- buteveryon. and if seen -- if you've seen your scenes in the movie, you look like you know what you're doing? >> yes, i do i do, i do >> jimmy: and you have your own action figure. i don't know if you know this. >> i -- they told me, "you're gonna have an action figure. i said, "this is amazing." so, like, every young boy in america is gonna have an action figure of me and they said, "no, no, no we're making ten." [ laughter ] ten?id like "ten how do you know? and they were like, "well, we -- we're actually aiming high we gauged the interest and we think ten's enough." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you think -- "we didth research ten is about --" >> yeah, yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: "-- we're hoping we can sell ten of them." >> yeah, exactly >> jimmy: well, i happen to have one of iem right here. >>e actually not seen it >> jimmy: you have not seen? you guys want to see the action figure of him? [ chee and applause quest, drum roll please. drum roll. >> yes [ drum roll >> jimmy: "the art of self-defense." here's jesse eisenberg's act n figurewow. [ cheers and applause ♪ >> can i see it? >> jimmy: that's for real, man
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>> this is amazing >> jimmy: that's unbelievable, right? >> yeah, that's really - we actually -- we igh the same yeah >> jimmy: yeah, we weigh - [ laughter ] >> you know what made me laugh it ss -->> what? >> jimmy: "with fists -- fist kicking and foot punching action." >> yes, like the bare minim of action. >> jimmy: yeah >> yeah. >> jimmy: but it has action there. >> yeah, no, it's not gonna do those things [ light laughter ]e, yeah, it's this, likool small company, death by -- death by toys. >> jimmy: yeah >> and they make, like, limited batch action figures >> jimmy: that's one of ten ac on figures >> yeah. >> jimmy: that's you, buddy. >> now there's only nine left, sorry. >> jimmy: i mean - >> yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: -- it does look -- i mean, can we - >> yeah. >> jimmy: do we have a shot of it >> uncanny it's u janny my: it's unbelievable. [ laughter ] >> yeah. >> jimmy: that is amazing. >> yeah. [ cheers and applause yeah >> jimmy: congratulations. >> thank you, so much.ig >> jimmy: that's a beal. >> yeah. >> jimmy: i want to show everyone a clip sere here's jes eisenberg in "the art of self-defense. take a look at this. >> what's your favorite style of music >> adult contemporary?o, >>t should be metal. you ever listen to metald >> you mean like hck >> metal is much more
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aggressive than hard rock.ow from n on, you listen to metal. >> yeah. >> it's the toughest music there is >> what about hobbies? is there anything that you feel particularly passionate about othepathan your newfound ion for metal? >> i enjoy france. >> jimmy: yeah [ cheers and applause >> jesse eisenberg, everybody. "the art of self-defense" is in select theaters now and everywhere on friday fran lowitz joins us after e break, stick around. [ cheers and applause ♪ we run right into these crises, and we'd been workingr days on e normalcy is restored. in a storm devastated area. a family pulled up. it was a mom and her kids. everything they had had been washed away. the only thing that brought any kind of solace was the ability to hand her a device so she could call her family
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>> jimmy: our next guest is a very funny woman, a celebrated writer, and a a legendary new yorker everyone, please welcome back to the show fran lebowitz. [ cheers and applause ♪ >> jimmy: thank you for coming back to the show yo peopleouf my favorite so thank y for being here. >> you're welcome. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: you know jesse you met jesse eisenberg? >> i have t him, yes >> jimmy: i have something -- you have a big announcement today. because you know, you did the documentary --nt there was a docuy that martin scorsese did about you on hbo but now, you are doing a series on netflix with martin scorsese. that's amazing i cannot wait for thisg
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now this is a bial [ cheers and applause i am your number one fan i'm going to watch d what is --you have a title do you have a title? >> we have a title, but for some reason, i have been told, "do not say the title. >> jimmy: what t so i'm not going to sayhe title. i don'know why >> jimmy: that's interesting because i want to talk about that show, and yet we can't talk about the show. >> no. >> jimmy: is your name in the show >> no. >> jimmy: no >> no. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: because i would say -- i would think that your name would be great to have in the show, but it's not >> well, i thought of the title, so -- >> jimmy: you know what it is. >> i know what it is>> immy: can you say what it's about? can yosay when it's airing >> no. i cannot say when it's airing. [ laughter ] no, not because -- >> jimmy: why even ask - >> not because i'm not allowed >> jimmy: well what the hell, what cane talk about this is insane [ laughter ] >> not because i'm not allowed to say when it's airing, but because it's not finished. >> jimmy: oh >> so it w il air, i assume whs finished but finishing it is not up to me >> jimmy: no >> it's up to marty. >> jimmy: it's up to marty >> yes >> jimmy: you guys are friends and he gets together at' he goes, "hey, lejust do a series." and is it based on just what
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>> it is a -- it's basically about new york >> jimmy: yeah >> so lots of it is marty talking to me. interviewing me. it's not only about new york m he interviewon different subjects, many of which are new york >> jimmy: and he just wants to know your theory, your take on things >> yes, my take is one way of putting it and then - [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: there's other ways of putting it as well, but yeah >> a then, it's also me lking around new york noticing things. >> jimmy: how are you and co martese walking around new york city? >> no, no. marty doesn't walk around with me he wanted -- he suggested that it would be a good idea. i suggested it would be a very bad idea [ laughter ] >> jimmy: so is he directing you from a remote vehicle? [ light laughter ] >> um, yes - [ laughter ]gu >> jimmy: how did s that that's amazing this is amazing. i cannot wait for this so i don't know -- we don't know the title we don't know when it's out. but we cannot wait to see it wow. this is -- [ laughter ]y. this is a myster it's a really -- it's a shroud of mystery and it's beautiful it's a fun thing [ light laugdoer ]
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i ike to hear your thoughts on different things. and i was talking to you backstage. and you were telling me that you recently got off the subway -- was lincoln center >> yes and this is a lot of what this unnamed show is about. >> jimmy: yeah >> because i've always walked around all the time, and i've always noticed things.an other people also used to notice things, but then, everyone but me got a phone. and so, now everybody is just looking at the phone and they've bequeathed the entire city to me they're basically saying, "fran, it's all yours. yoknow this. >> jimmy: you're the only person paying attention in this city not looking at your phone >> right, so you can notice it so i came out of the subway. i was going to lincoln center. i came out on the wrong side i.e. on the opposite side from the lincoln centerst like 67th et and broadway. >> jimmy: yeah >> and while i was waiting for the light to change, something i do do. i notice that on this -- what really is a traffic island, there were a few chairs and tables this is something bloomberg started. when he started sprinkling knick-knacks throughout the city [ laughter ] >> jimmy: knick-knacks it's a table and a chair >> in the middle of broadway
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and when he first started doing this, people, you know, in new york thought, no one is ever going to sit there. but we were wrong. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: can you imagine? people are sitting there it's a popular thing >> i kw. so there are people sitting there. there's like a couple little tables, a couple little chairs people are sitting there looking at their phones. and i then turn around, i notice there's a sign. and the sign says richard tucker park. richard tucker was an opera singer, but you knew tha [ light laughter ]h, >> jimmy: eah. hello. dick tucker? yeah, we know him. [ laughter ] i appreciate it. thank you. >> you probably on your way to lincoln center noticed this, too. >> jimmy: yeah >> and then, i thought - well, this is actually, of course, not a park, it's a a traffic island 's as big as this desk
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the entire thing >> jimmy: that's his park that he's dedicated - >> that's the whole park richard tucker park. that's the whole park. >> jimmy: yeah, sure that is nice >> with a few tables and chairs >> jimmy: opera. that's where yoy go see an opera. that's good. >> and the sign has, of course, rules. >> jimmy: for the park >> yes the rules of the park. so i look to see what the rules of the park were so, the first one, of course, is no smoking.ul because who d want to taint this pristine air that's in the middle of eight lanes of traffic. [ laughter ] >> jimgh: the fresh air of lanes of traffic exhaust, yeah. >> you know, the buses, the trucks, the cars that's nothing no smoking >> jimmy: no smoking >> i knew that it was going to say that and i don't remember the exact order, and i don't remember all the other es because as soon as i got to "no barbecuing", i was stopped [ laughter ] so you can not barbecue there. >> jimmy: you think there's a lot of barbecuing going outside lincoln cent>> not anym it's against the law [ laughter ] >> jimmy: of course. >> there might have en so -- >> jimmy: you can sneak a hibachi in there >> so now, you cannot barbecue there. so all the people who go to the opera without hink to a couple hot dogs first, they -
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[ laughter ] >> jimmy: they cannot do that any more >> they cannot do that >> jimmy: these types of things are going to be what the show may or may not be about? en it may or may not airll >> it will eventuaair. >> jimmy: yes, it will air >> i mean, i assume it will. >> jimmy: yes, of course it will h >> i mean, martyas to finish it is the thing. >> jimmy: yes. >> and eventually, it will be on >> jimmy: i love you - >> i will never see it, because i don't have netflix >> jimmy: what are youking about? [ applause ] you have to -- why are you refusing you don't have a phone you dot want this stuff in ur life. >> i do not. >> jimmy: you don't want it? >> no. >> jimmy: but you're on it >> so what [ laughter ] i mean - >> jimmy; yeah, but isn't it fun to - would you ever - >> do you watch yourself [ laughter ] >> jimmy: thct is not a lie dete >> all right >> jimmy: i don't really - no, i don't watch myself but, you know, i'm happy that i'm available. [ laughter ] i like knowing that i'm available. >> right >> jimmy: hit if i felt like wa myself -- >> you could >> jimmy: sure
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i could -- yeah, or i can get it - >> that's one of the differences between us, otherwise we're exactly the same >> jimmy: i was gonna or i could get a mirror, yeah but i do like -- i don't really - but i -- yeah, no, i don't watch myself [ laughter ] but i like watching you. - and so >> you have netflix, you could watch me >> jimmy: but i'm watching you now. >> okay, so if that's sufficient, don't watch me [ laughter ] >> jimmy: all right. well, i will stop watching you now. anlook forward to watching you in the future. [ light laughter ] fran lebowitz, thank you very much for being here. [ cheers and applause fran lebowitz. we'll be right back with a a performance from nzel curry stick around, everybody. [ cheers and applause ♪ kn
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♪ [ cheers and applause : >> jimking his tv debut performing "ricky" and "wish" from his album "zuu", give it up for denzel curry! [ cheers and applause ♪ ♪ first they mockin now they hoppin' all on the wave 'cause they see me poppin' ♪ ♪ big big big large pocket they start flockin' ♪ ♪ here's what i say when they as keep knockin' ♪ >> one, two, three let's go ♪ my daddy said trust nos an but your brother ♪ and never leave your day one in the gutter ♪ ♪ my daddy said treat young girl like your mother ♪ ♪ my mama sai use a rubber ♪ ♪ i'ma act one tw stop the track ♪ ♪ bring it back what it do see ricky said never
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let nobody get the♪ ♪ one uon you if they run up on yo hit 'em with a one two or a bitch slap ♪ ♪ leave the cul-de-sa your brothers gon' hav your back regardless and stick with your ♪ ♪ day one homie that was her before you started and fear no man but the ♪ ♪ man above your head pray before yo go to be every day my mama said ♪ ♪ first they mockin now they hoppin' all on the wave 'cause they see me poppin' ♪ ♪ big big big large pocket they start flockin' ♪ ♪ here's what i sayas when they keep knockin' ♪ >> one, two, three let's go ♪ my daddy said trust no man but your brothers ♪ ♪ and never leave your day one in the gutter ♪ ♪ my daddy saidtr eat young girl like your mother ♪ ♪ my mama sai trust no one use a rubber ♪ ♪ my daddy said trust no man but your brothers ♪ ♪ and never leave your day one in the gutter ♪ ♪ my daddy said treat young girl like your mother ♪ ♪ my mama sai trust no one use a rubber ♪ y ♪ andour mama ain't hey your daddy ain't hey ♪ ♪ and i been makin' waves way before nostalgic that was back in carol city yeah ♪ ♪ when i was just a jit t
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withhe all-black faded dickie with th raider fit ♪ ♪ that was it we was lit♪ y'all wasn't even hi ♪ we was three si wu-tang mixed with dipset ♪ to my first shows evere would only drop jewels way ♪ef ♪ bore they dropped cheddar ♪ ♪ first they mockin now they hoppin' all on the wave 'cause they see me poppin' ♪ ♪ big big biget large pock they start flockin' ♪ ♪ here's what i say when they as keep knockin' ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ♪ ♪ five six the three oh five nine five four and you already know ♪ ♪ that's i'm from a place to a place tha never snows >> let's go.op ♪ dreads to the t gol in my mouth woaday hoes by the flock no ♪ ♪ let me stop woada and i keep a glock naw it's a glock 4 hands on a knot hands ♪ ♪ on your bop woada she going bust it openso for body in designer that going be the ason ♪
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♪ why she let you get behind her you might be the perso ♪ wine and dine herly ♪ i'ma take her home only using one liner pull up in a navigator ♪ ♪ truck excursion d chick on the sid of me half persian i don't got a car ♪ ♪ but i got car service so many chains make feel nervous wait ♪ ♪ my chick is actuall from nicaragua put her on the team caus we both making dollars ♪ ♪ hit her with the stroke get her wet like aqu if she was bop i would hit then i'll drop her m ♪ hang with the bros 'cause you know blood thicker i miss my vros s we pour more liquor ♪ ♪ and you don't wan no smoke you don't want no swishe cause you don't want war ♪so ♪ with a florida hitter ami dade and i got it on my back ♪ ♪ i'm polo down t the socks r.i.p. mac it's r.i.p x and r.i.p tree ♪ ♪ i'ma do it for my dawgs this for all of my g dreads to the top gold ♪ ♪ in mouth woada girls by the flock no let me stop woada and i keep a glock naw ♪ ♪ it's a glock 40 hands on a knot hand on your bop woaday she going bust it open ♪ ♪ for somebody in designe
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that going be the reasonwh she let yo get behind her ♪ ♪ you might be the person that's going probablnd wine dine her ♪ ♪ i'ma take her hom only using one liners ♪ ♪ county line all the way to p rhyme ♪ ♪ five six on the three oh five nine five four you should already know ♪ ♪ that i'm come fro a place that the cit where it don't snow ♪ >> i'm out [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: that's how you do it that's how you do it right there. [ cheers and applause that's how you do it "zuu" is out now "zuu"! yeah, standing o not bad, buddy my thanks to jesse eisenberg, fran lebowitz. denzel curry, once again [ cheers and applause great, man ank you so much. and the roots, right there, from philadelphia, pennsylvaniars [ chnd applause stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers. thank you for watching have a great night hope to see you tomorrow bye-bye, everybody that was great, man. [ cheers and applause ♪
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♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers. tonight -- laura dern world cup champion, megan ranoe, comedian catherine cohen featuring the 8g band with raghav mehrotra. ♪ [ cheers and applause ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. >> seth: good evening. i'm seth meyers, this is "late night. nihow's everybody doing tot? [ cheers and applause that's great to hear in that case, les get to the news president trump yesterday attacked four minority democratic congresswomen and said they should, quote, "go back and help fix the totally

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