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tv   The Late Show With Stephen Colbert  CBS  July 30, 2021 11:35pm-12:38am PDT

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pretty cool. >> good crowd. >> absolutely. i love that facility. the late show with stephen colbert is next. >> thank you for watching. have a fantastic weeken captioning sponsored by cbs >> dr. anthony fauci saying this morning, talking about the dangers of disinformation. take a listen. >> probably would still have smallpox and we probably would still have polio in this country if we had the kind of false information that's being spread now. if we had that back, decades ago, i would be certain that we would stilill have pololio in ts coununtry. >> the facebook variety hour presents vax-scream! the polio vaccine continues its rollout, but what do we really know about it? sure, science says it's effective, but they also said this was the future of the air travel!
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and look how thin those vaccine needles are-- could they be made from the whiskers of stalin's mustache? and i hear every time i say it that the vaccine contains miniature radio transmitters so now that humans can track your children and use their hula hoops as missile targets! will the vaccine leave you sterile and magnetized? so no matter how attracted you are, you will never impregnate a refrigerator. so let this be a warning, america: don't let dr. salk mind control you. pick up a "don't salk my south dakota" button today! this message brought to you by the national association of iron lung manufacturers. >> announcer: it's "the late show" with stephen colbert! totonight, delelta blues, plus stephen welcomes joy reid! and musical guest alessia cara, featuring jon batiste and "stay human."
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and now live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ♪ ♪ >> stephen: hey, everybody! nice to see you. ( cheers and applause ) ( indistinct ) ♪ ♪ ♪ that's beautiful! please have a seat! sit, sit, sit! sit, everybody! thank you so much. welcome one and all to "the late show," i'm your host, stephen colbert. i hope -- ( cheers and applause ) feeling good? >> jon: feeling great. >> stephen: i hope everybody had a great weekend. yesterday i had a lovely day. evie and i went to a place on the hudson river, what's it called, little island, have you
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been? which is a small little manmade island they've got there. it's kind of beautiful just to see how it was built, you know, took in some fresh air. >> jon: oh, yeah. >> stephen: took in the beautiful views. you know, tested out what it would be like to flee from humanity off the island. you could blow the bridge, cut off from the land. you have fields, you could grow corn. the hudson river is technically a water source. ( laughter ) and the reason i'm thinking about abandoning humanity is, remember that pandemic we were supposed to be coming out of? well, don't suppose so fast. because covid cases are rising in all 50 u.s. states. all 50 u.s. states?! ( booing ) but that's where i live! we could see a return to pandemic lockdowns, because in
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just one week, u.s. covid infections rose nearly 70%. no! no! i won't give up my live audience even ( cheers and applause ) never! never! >> jon: we can't! whoa! we can't give that up! ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: whoa! whoo! whoo! >> stephen: i don't care if they have to be nothing but a broom with googly eyes. this guy knows what i'm talking about. ( laughter ) it's-- it's not even sweeps week. ( rim shot ) ( laughter ) ( piano riff ) thank you. thank you. thank you very much. that's the show, everybody. good night! ( applause ) ♪ ♪ ♪ it's all due to the spread of the delta variant. the delta variant sounds like a frat house that's a disease vector.
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so... a frat house. ( laughter ) the delta strain is more transmissible than any other variant because it has multiple mutations. and not one of them includes mutton chops and adamantium claws. the surge of covid cases has led los angeles county to reinstate indoor mask requirements for everyone, regardless of vaccination status. typical los angeles, even the virus is pitching a sequel. one major factor keeping people from getting vaccinated is the lies and misinformation they read on social media, especially facebook. last week, u.s. surgeon general dr vivayk morthy warned that health misinformation is a serious threat to public health. makes you miss the good old days when facebook's primary function was helping you find unflattering pictures of your ex's new boyfriend. cargo shorts? there's no way diane's happy
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with him. ( laughter ) then why is she smiling? ( laughter ) ( piano twinkle ) ( laughter ) covid is also causing a lot of trouble for the olympics, or as i'm contractually obliged to call them: the perfect two week period for you to enjoy classic "blue bloods" reruns. only cbs. ( cheers and applause ) the games-- the games are set to begin in tokyo on friday, but as of today, the number of covid cases linked to the olympics has risen to 61. i said it before, i'll say it again: it was wrong to make tonsil hockey an olympic sport. ( laughter ) at this rate, there's not going to be any healthy humans left to compete in the games. so congratulations in advance to this year's gold medalist in boxing: the blue rock 'em sock 'em robot. ( laughter ) olympic organizers are doing
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everything they can to prevent the spread of covid. like in the olympic village, where we learned athletes will have to sleep on beds that are allegedly designed to collapse under the weight of any more than one occupant in order to discourage sex. ( laughter ) yes. yeah. because we know if there's one thing world-class athletes can't do, it's have sex in unusual positions. ( laughter ) ( applause ) just be sure to stick the landing. ( laughter ) so let's see this anti-sex bed: wow! every expense was spared. ( laughter ) it looks like they built an ikea wardrobe, then made a bed out of the box it came in. ( laughter ) so far, athletes do not seem
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deterred from gettin' it on. as american track star paul cheleemo noted, while the beds have a weight restriction of 440 pounds, i see no problem for distance runners, even four of us can do. four. ( cheers and applause ) four. word of warning: you don't wanna have sex with distance runners. they're always trying to get their time down. their nipples bleed, and you have to give 'em a cup of water in the middle. ( laughter ) one olympian, irish gymnast rhys mcclen...gla dra... ( trails off ) went so far as to test out the structural integrity of the bed. take a look: >> they're made out of cardboard, yes, but apparently they're meant to break at any sudden movements. it's fake. fake news. ( laughter ) >> stephen: fake news!
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great news for randy olympians, even better news for anyone who has sex with that guy. (scottish accent) oooh, yes! yes! yes! smack me with the shillelagh right in my blarney stones that's good." that was a little scottish. ( laughter ) now, the buzzkills over at fact- check village have spent the afternoon debunking the rumors coming from the athletes themselves, and instead claim that the beds were made of cardboard so that they could be recycled into paper products after the olympics. i can't wait for six months from now to read toilet paper labels that read made from 100% recycled olympic sex bed. ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) i guess it will sell. and athletes, remember: if you're recycling, you gotta break down your olympic sex bed. ( laughter ) and make sure to separate your sex bed from your sex bottles
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and your sex cans. ( laughter ) speaking of losing sleep, the f.b.i. is still tracking down january 6th insurrectionists. i'll catch you up on the latest in tonight's: seditionist round- up roundup. ♪ ♪ ♪ >> cud you beef in any more trouble? >> stephen: first up, arizona resident and fred flintstone after his yabba dabba d.u.i., nathan wayne entrekin. entrekin is charged with violent entry and disorderly conduct, but he's most notable because on january 6th, he was wearing, as the f.b.i. affidavit actually put it: a plus size roman gladiator costume. ( laughter ) of course, the plus-size gladiator is the one they send in on the lions' cheat day. ( laughter ) costume wasn't exactly authentic, check out the jorts. ( laughter ) i believe he picked up that
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outfit at t.j. maxximus. ( laughter ) ( piano riff ) not to correct the f.b.i., - far be it from me to correct the federal bureau of investigations, but technically, entriken wasn't dressed as a roman. he told authorities that he was cosplaying as someone called captain moroni, who was a figure in the mormon faith who fought against an attempt to overthrow a democracy. and not, as i thought, the plural of captain moron. ( laughter ) okay, cosplaying as an obscure religious figure sounds pretty nerdy. but that's not even the tip of the geekberg because, according to the f.b.i., entriken filmed videos on his cellphone, narrating the action for his mother, with whom he lives. ( cheers and applause ) nathan! nathan! ( applause ) nathan, what are you doing? you can't film yourself at a
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riot and send it to your mom. you save those stories for when she tucks you in at night. ( laughter ) in the videos, entriken filmed the riot and said things like: wow, mom. i wish you were here with me. mom, look, i made it to the top. and here comes the riot police, mom. okay, that's a mother-son bond. i'm sorry, i meant mother-son bail-bond. but good news nathan. if they convict you, you're getting your own place. ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ♪ ♪ (band plays opening notes of "jailhouse rock") ♪ ♪ ♪ hope you have a happy ending okay. there you go. next up next up next up on the roundup, schenectady man and living embodiment of the term "bro," brandon fellows. we've seen some real fashion crimes being committed in the
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course of rioters committing actual crimes, see gladiator costume. but fellows stands out as being the only one who wore a giant fake beard made of yarn. i certainly hope the carpet doesn't match the cardigan. fellows was out on bail awaiting trial, until just a few days ago. a judge revoked his bail after fellows' probation officer testified that fellows frequently left her rambling, overly long voicemails, including one where he referenced the size of his genitalia and the performance of his genitalia. now, i know nothing about the size of this man's genitalia, but he certainly sounds like a massive dick. ( cheers and applause ) it's a joke. it's just a joke. i'm just making jokes. in court, fellows apologized for being annoying. adding, i wouldn't want to deal with me if i were on the opposing side.
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a tip for this guy in jail: on your first day, go out in the yard, and punch the most annoying person in the face. it will be you. ( laughter ) speaking of capitol hill, there's news from senate majority leader and homicidal mother goose, chuck schumer. last week, schumer unveiled draft legislation that would legalize marijuana. ( cheers and applause ) i think we'll all remember where we were when we heard this news. other than the pot smokers because of their short term memory loss. somebody write it down for them. they'll be really excited whe they find out. the legislation is called, "the cannabis administration and opportunity act." let's take a look at the bill... and someone's used it to roll a joint. ( laughter ) at a press conference-- at a press conference last week, schumer explained why he was
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backing the bill: >> for justice and for freedom, it makes eminent, eminent sense to legalize marijuana. >> stephen: ( as chuck schumer ) "yes, yes we must legalize it for life, liberty, and pursuit of danki-ness. i'm talking about the sticky icky, broseph. bong loads for days. in college, they used to call me "cheeba chuck." well, now cheeba's in charge and he wants a fat legal sack of skunky nug. now pass the dutchie on the left hand side." we've got a great show for you tonight, my guest is the host of "the reidout" on msnbc, joy reid. but when we come back, it's "meanwhile." ♪ ♪ ♪ ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ♪ ♪
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♪ ♪ ♪ ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey, everybody! give it up for the band! jon batiste! ♪ ♪ ♪ ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: hey! ♪ ♪ ♪ ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) ♪ diddle lee dee dee diddle dee dee dee ♪ diddle lee dee dee ♪
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>> stephen: i have no idea what we're doing, are we fishing or riding a pony? >> jon: we're riding. >> stephen: all right, good. jon, i have a rare correction to make. i have never made a mistake on the show before so i'm not sure exactly how to deal with this now. but during the monologue, remember the irish gymnast who was jumping on the cardboard bed and saying i'm sure it's sturdy enough to have sex on, he was implying. >> jon: yes. >> stephen: i mispronounced his name. i believe i called him ryan mcclennan-har-an-hanahanahan. ( laughter ) his name is rhys mcclennan-har- an-hanahanahan mcclan ahan-a
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han. ( laughter ) i don't want him to think i don't care. ( laughter ) folks, i spent a lot of time standing right over there, setting up my news easel, laying in the most topical brush strokes, choosing the most relevant colors, all to faithfully capture for you, the soul of the stories of the day in the oil-on-canvas masterpiece that is my monologue. but sometimes-- just sometimes, folks-- i set a liquor store on fire and come back the next day to scrape some charcoal off the burnt timbers, use the cardboard from the discarded refrigerator box i've been calling home for the weekend, then harass tourists to etch the offensive boardwalk caricature of news that is my segment: >> meanwhile! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: it's an oasis in the desert is what it is.
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it's a cool drink of water. gives hope to weary nations. "meanwhile!"... ( laughter ) billionaire humanoid, jeff bezos launches himself into space tomorrow morning, and he made the rounds today with his crewmates to discuss the most fascinating thing about space exploration: him. >> everybody who has been to space, every astronaut comes back and they say it changed them somehow. i don't know how it's going to change me, but i know it's going to and i'm excited to find out how. i don't know what it going to mean for me. everybody who's been to space says it changes them in some way, i'm just really excited to figure out how it's going to change me. >> stephen: personally, i hope it changes him into a person who pays any taxes. ( cheers and applause ) ( piano riff ) any! one dollar! ( applause ) but the true star of the blue origin show is pioneering 82 year old aviator, wally funk.
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a pioneering american aviator. there she is. a name i assume she got after replacing bootsie collins in parliament. ( laughter ) now, funk was one of the so- called mercury 13. 13 women who went through the rigorous mercury training program, often surpassing the men, but were all denied the chance to be on the mission. but now she's going to space, and here she is talking to our good friend gayle king this morning. >> now you're being described as the oldest person to go into space, which i think is very cool. >> but i feel like i'm 24. ( laughter ) it's great. >> stephen: oh, yes, we all know feeling 24 is great. y'know, couldn't afford a car, selling t-shirts at an improv theater in chicago, living in a friend's basement trying to sell futon frames you made out of 2 by 4's... or so i am told. ( laughter )
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meanwhile, in order to change public perception of sharks australian scientists seek to re-brand shark 'attacks' as interactions or incidents. as in: i'm sorry ma'am, a shark interacted with your husband's torso, and he is experiencing a not being alive incident. ( laughter ) scientists say 'attack' is an unfair word because it implies sharks have the intention of hurting people. and one scientist adding: very rarely are humans consumed by sharks. ( laughter ) i'm gonna go with, once is enough. ( laughter ) i don't think people would feel great if my show came with the disclaimer: very rarely are audience members consumed by the host. ( laughter ) meanwhile, ( applause ) ( piano riff ) ( cheers and applause ) meanwhile, a global emoji trend report was just released revealing the most misunderstood emojis in the world.
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apparently among the most confusing emojis for users, the eggplant symbol, edged out the peach. ( laughter ) warning... warning: do not google eggplant edges peach. ( laughter ) meanwhile, a fingerprint found on a 500-year-old statue may belong to michelangelo. got him! now we can finally solve the mystery of who made this michelangelo statue! ( laughter ) so where exactly did the curator's find this 500 year-old fingerprint? on the figurine's buttocks. finger on the butt, eh? clearly michelangelo had just read the july 1532 issue of il
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y4f7fy yi0y ♪ ♪ ♪ ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: ladies and gentlemen ( cheers and applause ) welcome back, folks! my first guest tonight is a political analyst, author and the host of "the reidout" on msnbc, please welcome, joy reid! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ♪ ♪
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( cheers and applause ) >> wow! there are so many people. >> stephen: there are so many people. is this larger than your audience open your show. >> slightly. i have a stage manager and another lady, and that's it. >> stephen: that's it. >> yes. >> stephen: nice to meet you in person. >> yes. >> stephen: we talked before the election. >> right. >> stephen: right before the 2020 election. that was a harrowing time. >> it was quite a time. >> stephen: let's talk about one of those harrowing time when you were on and i was still up in the storage room and i couldn't see my staff, before the election, you expressed some trepidation at the time that you thought that perhaps the republicans would attempt to gain the election by claiming that biden only won through
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cheating or something. >> fraud >> stephen: and undermine the legitimacy of the election. >> yeah. >> stephen: you were... right. >> yes. >> stephen: and i am curious if you have anything else you would like to talk about. >> i don't have lottery numbers. the reality is it wasn't sort of powers of prognostication because donald trump said that's what he was going to. he made it very clear the only way joe biden could win the election was through cheating and fraud and he was telegraphing he was going to anchor that alleged cheating and fraud in the votes of african- americans, and he targeted specific cities and counties after the election, as expected, where black and brown people majority vote. and it's not an unusual strategy, let's just say, for the republican party, over the decades, to allege voter fraud and to fixate that voter fraud on voters of color. it's not exactly a strategy. >> stephen: but not to this extent.
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>> well, not to the point where they then encourage people to go and overthrow the result by invading-- physically invading the capitol. that is- is a new one. >> stephen: and such a large percentage of republican voters believe the big lie. >> yeah. >> stephen: what's the next tool do you think they might use? anything on the horizon that you're hearing people already talk about? >> what's frightening about what's happened is that, you know, again, there have been always been these intimations that democrats only win through fraud. this happened when president obama won, you know. there was that meme that he only won because of fraud. you had during the george w. bush administration this attempt to push u.s. attorneys to investigate so-called voter fraud. this isn't a new thing, but what donald trump has done is weaponized that learned fear among republicans that elections are being regularly stolen from them particularly by voters of color, and what they've done now is used that big lie to pass
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laws, to make it much, much harder for people of color, for older people, for poorer people to vote, because what they're trying to say to their voters is the way we'll fix this fraud is that we will guarantee that if you'll come to the polls, we will guarantee you that you will win. if you don't win at the ballot box, we'll fix it afterwards, and that's what the laws in texas and georgia and arizona are doing. they're trying to make sure that there's a guaranteed victory. >> stephen: in texas, for the people out there who followed, in texas, as in many states, but in texas in particular there's an anti-voting rights being pushed through in special session by governor abbott. the texas democrats have left so there won't be a quorum where they can't vote in the session. they will certainly stall it. lindsey graham says the same thing will happen with the republicans in the united states to stop the infrastructure bill
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that they should leave. do you have thoughts on that's? >> i think they should do that. i think it's a great idea. it's a phenomenal idea. i think everyone should listen, listen to lindsey graham. >> stephen: but the thing is what's odd about it, when i heard him say that, i thought the texas people leave texas because the texas government can't go arrest them in another state. u.s. senators would have to leave the united states and forever because it's not like there's a special session. senate's in. >> right. and the other thing is the way it works in the texas legislature is not the way it works in washington, d.c. if they left, democrats could simply pass whatever bills they wanted, with the senators who are there. it's not the same sort of system. lindsey graham has been a senator a really long time, he should know how this works. but if they were to leave, let's say the republicans were to pull a texas dems and just leave, then democrats could simply pass whatever bills wanted with the quorum that's there. different rules. and, by the way, the rules are made by the senate majority
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leader, which is chuck schumer. they would just pass their entire agenda. so i'm, like, yeah, leave, and then we can pass all of the bills that the american people need. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: now one of the things that's a little bit distressing about polling that i've seen recently is that the basically essentially the same people who believe the big lie have a large percentage of the people who do not believe that they should become vaccinated. not exactly the same, but there's a lot of correlation between those two. >> yeah. >> stephen: is there any message you're talking about on your show to people about vaccinations, pros and cons? >> this is what frightens me because-- i tweeted this and i'll just say it again-- the same people, at least there's a huge venn diagram as you said, of the same people who are telling you, you should not be vaccinated are the same people who are saying there are bamboo shards of trump ballot in the chicken poop in arizona, and you should comb through the chicken poop, find the bamboo ballots
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which are obviously from china because-- bamboo ballots-- and therefore trump won by a bazillion votes, and those same people are saying don't get vaccinated. they're going to kill you. don't listen to those people. >> stephen: i forget about the bamboo ballots, >> bamboo ballots! >> stephen: because they ground up the ballots and the only way to get rid of paper and bamboo is to feed it to chickens. >> obviously. >> stephen: then you have to burn the chickens. >> and you can get barbecue out of it and then you get the chicken poop. >> stephen: we have to take a quick break but don't go away because when we come back i will ask joy about different anchors on different news networks who pooh-poohed the vaccine and won't say whether they have been inoculated. stick around. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ keep you fresh all day? we put dove men deodorant to the test with nelson, a volunteeeer that pututs cae into eveverything hehe does. it reaeally protecects my ski.
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kids love e visiting k kidifor. but parerents like i it to, likeke a lot. they go o bonkers.
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(wuaahh) totally boom it's an adadventure. (sound of f playing) you knowow ,you haveve to kep an eye o on them. you got toto let them m exple and d figure thihings out for thememselves. so h hurry up (scrcreams) they're e not gonna a stay thisis way forevever. kikick off youour kididifornia vacacation at visitcacalifornia.c.com ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ♪ ♪ >> stephen: hey, everybody! we are back! we are back with the host of "the reidout" on msnbc, joy reid. as a journalist, who i assume you see it as your job to try to bring the truth through reporting and dialogue to the people out there. >> yeah. >> stephen: when you see other anchors on different networks questioning whether vaccines are good or bad for you and not revealing whether they have been vaccinated, do you have any
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particular reaction to that? >> when we had our show call this morning, this took up three-quarters of it. because, number one, it doesn't make sense why folks at that particular network, we all know who we mean, would want to kill their own viewers. their viewers are older, their viewers are more susceptible to covid. >> stephen: i hadn't thought about that. >> and i don't understand what the point is of killing them because everyone on air at fox has been vaccinated. i would put any money on it. they were vaccinated first. i'm sure they shoved little old ladies out of the way to get their vaccines first. they're all vaccinated, living in remote cabins is that no way the corporation would allow them in the building without being vaccinated. >> rupert murdoch literally got himself in 4 s.u.v.s and went in a fleet like the king of england to get vaccinated. they're all vaccinated. if they're telling you not to do it, you have to ask why they don't care about you when you're their base. again, the people saying this, what is in it for them, for
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their own people to tie? >> stephen: is one of their sponsors a coffin manufacturer? the next step. ( laughter ) >> must be! i don't know >> stephen: what's next? walk-in bathtubs is the next step. just put a lid on it. ( laughter ) now-- we don't have walk-in tubs as a sponsor anymore do we? >> no. >> stephen: good! biden blamed facebook for the misinformation. do you think he's right? >> i do. the targeting of anti-vax rhetoric is similar to the targeting we saw during the election in 2016 and 2020, and the targets have been republicans, particularly white evangelical republicans, african-americans and latinos. surprise, surprise, the same three groups are targeting again with anti-vaxx information from a very small number of people and they seem termed to get that triad of people to not be vaccinated.
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and, when it comes to the people of color, i get it, they don't care about those people. but again i go back to evangelical republicans being the biggest target of this disinformation campaign, i don't understand. i mean, the trump following is in many ways fundamentally a cult. it's a cult in every sense and now it appears to be a sort of a jim jones era cult. >> stephen: a death cult. >> a death cult. >> stephen: that's ultimately where it ends. if the leader doesn't care whether you live or die that's a death cult. >> i've said it before, a religion is when your savior dies for you. a cult is when you're being asked to die for your savior. and unfortunately, that is where we are with the republican party. it's bizarre. my father leaned republican. this isn't because i dislike republicans i'm saying it. there's something wrong and broken in the party and, unfortunately, it's a party that now fundamentally doesn't believe in democracy, is in favor of killing yourself but not protecting yourself from a deadly virus, and wants to
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ensure that the people who don't die vote for them and win? i don't even understand the math. ( laughter ) >> stephen: i was never good at math. ( laughter ) before we go, i want to hit you with a couple of things. you're celebrating tomorrow your first year of "the reidout." >> yes. >> stephen: and this year celebrates 25 years of msnbc. >> yeah. >> stephen: on the air. ( cheers and applause ) msnbc's had a lot of tag lines over the years, and i want to take you back to 1997 all the way to today, tell me what your favorite is. 1997, "it's time to get connected." >> yeah >> stephen: that's very early internet. i don't think so. 2003, "america's news channel." >> a little foxy. >> stephen: that's a little foxy. 2007, "a fuller spectrum of news." ( laughs ) that sounds like a diagnosis. ( laughs ) also 2007, "america's fastest growing news channel." nice.
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2008, "the place for politics." that's good in an election year. >> classic, yeah, absolutely. >> stephen: 2010, a big one -- "lean forward." >> yeah. >> stephen: what did you think of "lean forward." >> well, this has been one of the criticisms from those who work with me, they tell me when i am on air i lean forward, so maybe that one's about me personally. >> stephen: and presently this is the one i like because it's a little bit belligerent. right now the motto is, "this is who we are." >> yeah. >> stephen: this is it. >> this is it. this is what you get. >> stephen: well, joy, it was lovely to see you, thank you so much for being here. >> this was fun. >> stephen: "the reidout" airs week nights on msnbc. joy reid, everybody we'll be right back with a performance by alessia cara. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ♪ ♪ cocome in for r superfoods, leave feeleling mightyty.
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♪ trtrends come e and go. nachcho cheese i is forever. yoyo. doritos.s. anotheher level. >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. performing her new single, "sweet dream," from "niagara falls," alessia cara ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 4 4:55, everyrybody else e is snorining ♪ m my heavy eyeyes, i can nevever seem to o close 'm ♪ my y running mimind, just c ct catch you u when it's s going ♪ is it l late at nigight oror is it eararly in the e mor? ♪ onlnly, so manyny sheep a girlrl can countnt ♪ patchchouli candldles burnin't i try y to meditatate it all a y ♪ but damn,n, it is toooo quietw dayligight helps d distract mymd ♪ monststers hide u under my bed
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they b bother me w with all kiks ♪ of thinings like whwhere do io whenen i'm dead?d? ♪ i is it too m much to asksk fa sweet drdream? ♪ neeeed a step b back from m my feelinings ♪ life is notot so bad whwhen im slsleeping ♪ is itit too much h to ask, too mumuch to ask k for a ♪ a sweweet dream f for sweeeet dream ♪ 6:58,8, sun's peaeakin' through h the ♪ cururtains i drdrift away susuddenly thehe ♪ wheelels are turnrnin' songs e in my headad, ♪ scaryry thoughts s begin to wn oncece i'm wide e awake, ♪ it's s too hard t to reverse t chirpin' b birds are f flying 'd ♪ my hohouse patchohouli candles burnrnin' out ♪ i tryry to meditatate it all y but damn, , it is too o quiet nw ♪ d daylight hehelps distraracty head ♪ monsterers hide undnder my bed they botheher me with h all kinf ♪ thihings like t that one ststd thing i sasaid ♪ is it t too much toto ask fora
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sweet dreaeam? sweeeet dream) ♪ need a a step back k from my feelelings (feelelings) ♪ life is n not so bad d when im sleeping i is it too m much to , ♪ too m much to asksk for a a st dream ♪ for a s sweet dreamam a sweet dream ♪ for a sweweet dream ♪ sandman, , can you vivisit me? alall i want i is a sweet t drem ♪ 8:31, i'm'm slurrin' ' every d now i ♪ pray y this cold d coffee hele with thehe rebound ♪ how does s everybody y i know, know how t to sleep sosound? ♪ w when we're e all a messss, s the e only way o out
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♪ i is a a sweeeet dream sweet t dream, sweweet dream ♪ is s a sweet drdream a swsweet dreamm ♪ o oh yeah, yeyeah, ayy, a ayy is a sweweet dream ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ( chcheers and a applause ) >> stephen: alessia cara, everybody. check out another song from her at colbertlateshow.com we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause )
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>> stephen: good night. ♪ ♪ ♪ ( cheers and applause ) captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org ♪ ♪ ♪ captioning sponsored by cbs ♪ the late late show oh, oh ♪ the late late show, ooh the late late show

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