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tv   The Late Show With Stephen Colbert  CBS  April 8, 2021 11:50pm-12:53am PDT

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and ususe less enenergy frfrom 4 to 9 9 pm to help p keep our state gogolden. the 7pm news, weeknights on kpix 5. captioning sponsored by cbs >> while infections are rising in over 20 states, health experts aren't in agreement that a fourth wave is imminent. >> but, now, it's plateaued at a disturbingly high level. the last count yesterday was 63,000 cases in a single day. when you're at that level, there is the risk of getting a surge back up. >> i think there's enough immunity in the population that you're not going to see a true fourth wave of infection. >> the concern is, if this continues, we may be into a fourth wave. >> a a potential fourth wave. fourth wave --
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>> announcer: it's "a late show" with stephen colbert!
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tonight, trigger warning. plus, stephen welcomes hank azaria, and musical guest cheap trick, with a special appearance by jeff goldblum, featuring jon batiste and stay human. now live on tape from the ed sullivan theater office building in new york city, it's stephen colbert! >> stephen: hey, man! where you been? i have been here all day waiting for you to show up! i'm so glad you're here! i thought maybe i had the wrong place! welcome to "a late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. tonight, a very special late-starting episode, coming right off the highlights from the incredible ball-smackin' action today at augusta national. all the stars of golf were there: the club, the hole, the tiny flag. everything you love. but since we're extra late, we get to be extra spicy.
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and sex sells, so let's start with the too-hot-for-tv story that's making everyone's temperature rise: former texas congressman and company founder on the bag of gourmet pancake mix, ron paul. paul is a hardcore libertarian who has been called the father of the tea party. which is much kinder than pointig out that he's the father of rand paul. yesterday, congressman paul appeared on a zoom podcast to discuss the future of personal liberty. and at the end, he revealed that he had taken some liberties of his own. >> thanks, ron, it was a real honor to have you on the show. very-- >> nice being with both of you. truly. >> all right, thank you. >> thank you. >> thanks, ron. >> stephen: woo! yeah! he's not just small-government, he is tiny trousers! and definitely leans to the right. i'm not surprised a libertarian like ron paul flaunts the daisy dukes. it all goes back to ayn rand's
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classic work of rational self-interest, "atlas twerked." congressman paul, thank you for showing us the future of the libertarian movement-- free-thinking, unregulated, ball-hugging hot pants. let the market decide how much side-butt an 85-year-old man should show! why do you think former fed chair alan greenspan was better known as alan g-string? andrea mitchell is a lovely, lucky lady. speaking of old men who are letting it all hang out joe biden. today is his 79th day in office, and he's already done a bunch of popular things. one quarter of the u.s. population is fully vaccinated, he's sent everybody a $1,400 check, and soon, he's going to announce "only stuff" oreos. today, jojo kept his mojo workin' and announced several executive actions to tackle gun violence, starting with cracking down on so-called ghost guns, which are untraceable kits containing all of the components and directions to build a gun. they're really cheap, but in the
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end, you always have a few extra triggers, and it winds up looking like this. biden also introduced a new rule that would make clear that when a device transforms a pistol into a short-barrel rifle, that weapon is subject to the requirements of the national firearms act. yeah. you can't attach something bigger to something smaller and still say it's the small thing. same way you can't strap a peloton to the top of your s.u.v. and enter the tour de france. rats. biden also had a suggestion for the states: >> i wanted to make it easier for states to adopt extreme risk protection order laws. they're also called red flag laws. these laws allow police or a family member to petition a court in their jurisdiction and say, "i want you to temporarily remove from the following people any firearm they may possess, because they are a danger in a crisis. they are presenting a danger to
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themselves and to others." >> stephen: hear, hear! and in that spirit i'd just like to say, red flag! biden also used the event to announce his nominee to lead a bureau he can't abbreviate: >> finally, the bureau of alcobal-- of alcohol, tobacco and firearms, the key agency enforcing gun laws, hasn't had a permanent director since 2015. today, i'm proud to nominate david chipman to serve as director of the a.f.t. david knows the a.f.t. well. >> stephen: yeah, he knows the a.f.t. so well that he knows it's the a.t.f. now, chipman is a controversial choice because he's a gun control advocate. unlike the last administration's head of the bureau of alcohol, tobacco, firearms and explosives, head of the a.t.f.: drunk joe camel shooting dynamite off a fence. biden's also got a plan for u.s. infrastructure that would cover transportation, broadband, the
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electric grid and housing, fix 20,000 miles of roads and 10,000 bridges, and eliminate lead pipes from the nation's water supplies. i'd say they've thrown in everything but the kitchen sink, but the kitchen sink has lead pipes, so it's in there! this bill's very popular, so republicans are desperately searching for a reason to oppose it. enter tennessee senator and woman still waiting for her prom date 50 years later marsha blackburn. blackburn attacked the bill on twitter, complaining, "joe biden's plan is about anything but infrastructure. $400 billion for elder care." first of all, seniors are your voters. second of all, what is she talking about? seniors are infrastructure. they hold the collective memory of every road ever built. (as senior) "did you take the 480 bypass to get here today? i remember before they built that, you had to take the two-lane to chester and double back. you'd spend an hour waiting at that light over by route 16. i sure miss our old nash rambler. it had a rumble seat.
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who wants hot fruit?" the infrastructure bill is polling even higher than the covid bailout bill. but republicans don't care whether something's popular. case in point, themselves. in the latest poll, the g.o.p. trails democrats in party affiliation 49% to 40%, the democrats' largest advantage since the fourth quarter of 2012. back then, the democrats were riding high, until barack obama made that historic foreign policy blunder and wore a tan suit. america still has troops stationed in the men's wearhouse. but, the g.o.p. has a plan to overcome the deficit at the voting booth: keeping people out of the voting booth. georgia just passed new voter suppression laws, the most controversial of which is the one that makes it a misdemeanor to give food or water to people standing in line to vote. yes, it's a crime to give people food and water. just like it says in the old gospel song:
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♪ jesus gave me water. ♪ jesus gave me water. ♪ jesus gave me water. and we threw him in the jail. ♪ >> stephen: one of america's premier vote suppressors is georgia governor and "hunka hunka burning crap," brian kemp. yesterday, kemp appeared on newsmax and he gave advice to hungry voters, who will be forced to wait in line for hours: >> they can order a pizza. they can order grubhub or uber eats. >> stephen: it's that kind of care for the people that's captured in his campaign slogan: "let them order cake." let me get this straight: so, you can order a pizza, but you've got to eat the entire thing, because if you share it with other voters in line, you could go to prison. or worse, papa john's. we're getting more details about the most wonderful terrible story in the news: the federal investigation into florida representative matt gaetz, seen
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here saying, "you must be no taller than this to ride matt gaetz." gaetz is currently under investigation for allegedly having an allegedly sexual alleged relationship with a 17-alleged-year-old. and now, it turns out, that may not be the most illegal thing he's allegedly done. i'll give you all the disturbing updates in our recurring segment: "gaetz-gaete!" >> yo, you need a ride home from swim practice? >> stephen: we just learned that federal investigators are now looking into whether a bahamas trip matt gaetz allegedly took in late 2018 or early 2019 violated sex trafficking laws. it's the worst crime he could have committed in the bahamas, second only to these beach braids. apparently, gaetz was invited on the trip by marijuana entrepreneur and hand surgeon, jason pirozzolo. yes, marijuana entrepreneur and hand surgeon, which means he can cure your carpal tunnel and turn your thumb into a bong. gaetz went to the bahamas as a
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guest of dr. pot hands, who allegedly paid for the travel expenses, accommodations, and female escorts. probably kind of confusing to lay that out. "matt, the ladies are on me... because i'm paying for them to be on you." gaetz's spokesperson released a statement in response to the new allegations, saying, "representative gaetz has never paid for sex, nor has he had sex with an underage girl." at this point, gaetz has said that so many times, it just auto-fills on every message: "representative gaetz has never had sex with an underage girl... happy birthday, grandma!" i know gaetz is from florida, but "bahamas sex trafficking with a weed-peddling hand surgeon" is almost too florida, even for him. at this point, it feels like we're just generating his crimes at random. tomorrow, investigators will be looking into matt gaetz's trip to... six flags... bangkok, with
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a... moonshiner... ear, nose, and throat man, to... smuggle... endangered... teenage snakes. and things are about to get worse for gaetz, thanks to former florida tax collector joel greenberg, who gaetz described as a "wingman." according to some sources, the two shared more than one girlfriend. or what the french call a "menage a..." (gags). firstly: ew. secondly, "sharing" is not going to win gaetz any fans on the right. prostitution is one thing, but that's socialism! greenberg is in federal custody facing 33 different counts of financial and sex crimes. and it looks like greenberg will be pleading guilty, which means he'll probably cooperate as a key witness against representative matt gaetz. gaetz is going to get screwed! and as usual, he's going to have to pay for it. nothing is official yet, but
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here's greenberg's own lawyer outside of court today. >> does matt gaetz have anything to worry about? >> i am sure matt gaetz is not feeling very comfortable today. >> stephen: oh, i believe mat gaetz isn't feeling comfortable today, because he never seems comfortable. the man looks like a thumb that stepped on some teeth. we've got a great show for you tonight. my guest is hank azaria. and later, a performance by the boys from rockford, cheap trick. but when we come back, "meanwhile!" stick around! ♪♪
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♪♪ >> stephen: hey, everybody!
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welcome back. you know who i want to talk to, mr. jon batiste. hey, jon. how are you? >> jon: i'm good. i'm good. i'm jamming over here. >> stephen: you ever get a song stuck in your head and nothing will do other than hearing that song over and over again? >> jon: oh, yes, it's a good feeling especially when it's a good song. >> stephen: i have recently rediscovered, because i was a huge fan when a young boy of sly and the family stone, and i'm getting music drunk on him right now. if you want me to stay -- >> jon: hey, yeah! ♪ if you want me to stay ♪ ♪ i will be around today ♪ ♪ to be available for you to see ♪ >> stephen: unbelievable. so incredible. ( laughter ) >> jon: you see how you do that run -- ♪ i'm about to go ♪ ♪ and then you will know ♪ ♪ to stay here ♪ ♪ i got to be me ♪ >
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> >> jon: oh, my goodness! my dad played me that record when i was in high school and i listened to it so many times i know every note. it's incredible, isn't it? >> stephen: yeah. there are so many great covers out there. prince did a cover of it with the new power generation. >> jon: where was that? >> stephen: i got it online because i went down the rabbit hole. it may only be live. >> jon: the baseline -- ( humming baseline ) >> stephen: larry graham. >> jon: yeah, baby. >> stephen: jon, can you play us out with a little bit of that rhythm from that song? >> jon: yeah... ♪♪ >> stephen: jon batiste and the family stone, everybody. >> stephen: folks,
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you know, i spend most of my time felling for you the most topical spruce, willow, and maple stories, lovingly butterflying and hand-shaving them, then carefully dampening, steaming and moulding the wood to the shoulders and c-bout, carving out the fine f-holes, before delicately gluing in the sound post, fingerboard, and hand-carved scroll and tuning pegs, then treating it all with an egg tempera varnish and cremonese resin to create for you the glorious stradivarius violin that is my monologue. but sometimes, sometimes, folks, i grab a splintered pool cue i took as a souvenir during a backwoods roadhouse robbery, scour a truck stop parking lot to strip the twine off someone's deer kill, then string them onto a bullet-riddled washtub i cheated a hobo out of while pitching pennies, to make the renegade skiffle band gutbucket of news that is my segment: "quarantine-while!" quarantine-while, louis vuitton
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is now selling this airplane-shaped bag for $39,000. the designer says it represents the "positioning of two masculine stereotypes together for contrast-namely, the tourist versus purist archetypes." while the angry mob will call it "justifiable homicide." if you're considering picking one up, keep in mind that, for 39 g's, you could purchase this actual airplane, and still have $15,000 left over to buy a two-thirds less stupid bag. quarantine-while, "5 monkeys are on the loose in cincinnati." authorities believe that the primates were likely responding to a natural instinct to search for a place that does not put chili on spaghetti. monkey on the lam. quarantine-while, according to researchers, robotic lizards may play a role in the future of disaster surveillance. cool! also, quick follow-up question:
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we have robotic lizards? feels like you're sort of burying the lede here. it's like coming home and saying, "honey! my mistress just won the "price is right" showcase! why are you crying? it had a boat!" scientists modeled the robots on lizards because of their ability to scale walls, saying, "in a disaster zone, you could send these robots in, and they can just crawl around the structure and look for survivors." then you can find the survivors by following the sound of people screaming, because i'm guessing once the robot lizards get to them, they're not survivors for long. quarantine-while, the woman with the world's longest nails cut them after nearly 30 years. her nails measured 24 feet, 0.7 inches, and took three to four bottles of nail polish. and you've got to put the polish on, because you wouldn't want this to look unattractive. quarantine-while, in booze news, budweiser has debuted utah-themed bottles. utah-themed? so... they don't have any beer
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in them? the bottles will feature phrases that utah citizens like to use in place of curse words, like "holy shizz," "oh my heck," and "frick yeah." as in "oh, my heck, this frickin' beer tastes like shizz." quarantine-while, a convenience store in thailand had an unusual customer this week. a huge monitor lizard climbing one of the shelves. i don't know why everyone's freaking out. it's clearly just looking for survivors. quarantine-while, tolkien fans have been abuzz all week, and if you don't know why, hold on to your haldir, because a soviet tv version of "lord of the rings" has been rediscovered after 30 years! an adaptation of tolkien that i didn't know about?! jimmy! roll the precious! ( speaking russian )
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sprp >> stephen: i keep telling peter jackson that's what his version was missing: more gargling! the soviets made this thing in the '90s, and it is clearly now the gold standard "lord of the rings" adadaptation. best of alall, they inclcluded l the greaeat charactersrs peter jackson left out, like tom bombadil! and the circus mime tripping on bath salts of gondor. we'll be right back with hank azaria. ♪♪ ♪ ♪i'i've got t the brainss you've got thehe looks♪ ♪let's s make lots s of mone♪ ♪you'u've got t the brawn♪ ♪i've g got the brarains♪
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♪♪ >> stephen: hey, everybody,
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welcome back. he is an emmy award-winning actor you know from "the simpsons" and "ray donovan," and he now hosts "the jim brockmire podcast." please welcome back to "a late show," hank azaria! hank, good to see you again! >> nice to see you, too, stephen. (. >> stephen: now, this is the people at home, unless they're keeping score, and i hope they are, don't know this is that yor a year because you were the last guest that we had in front of a live audience before we had to bug out of the ed sullivan because of covid, and we weren's coming. all the protocols hadn't gotten into our bones yet and i did something silly at the end to have the interview without thinking. jim, can we show how we ended a year ago? >> stephen: jim, thanks so much for being here. >> oh, come on, you almost got me! >> stephen: force of habit, baby! how close did i get to infecting him. >> close as i remember.
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>> stephen: there you go. how has ur self-protection gone this past year? do you miss shaking 's hands? >> i don't, actually. at's one -- know, like thers up sides coming out of this pandemic. i'm, like, i hope howie mandel root. >> stephen: just fist bump. i have to glad hand so many people. even way before the pandemic, i never loved it. and, you know, i don't know about you, but i haven't been -- this is the first year i ironically haven't been sick a day because i'm not been shaking hands. >> stephen: same here. it's been terrible and lovely at the same time. it's been terrible for me not only because this is a crisis and tragedy for the world, but i haven't had an audience for a year. you've done a lot of live performing. can you imagine -- have you had the experience of no audience and having to go out there and do comedy? >> well, i feel like i jirchgd you a bit. i was your last guest. but i performed just sparse crowds as an improv comedian
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with, like, two people in the san fernando valley. >> stephen: sure. i had a brief career as a standup when i was 22, and although there were audiences, it was as if there was no audience because that's pretty much the response i got unless you played crickets. >> stephen: sure, i played that room. you did standup briefly and then the straight acting route. you got to work with extraordinary people, including i got to meet mike nichols once but never got to work with him. i'm curious, what was he like as a director? he's a certified genius but what was it like to actually work with him? >> well, mike spoke like this, he was a lovely man, called me tier boy, and i think you actually have to sound like this if you're going to call anyone dear boy and get away with it. >> stephen: sure. but i first worked with mic on the bird came about 25 years ago and i was actually at the same time shooting movie heated
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that michael mann directed with alpacino and robert de niro. >> stephen: sure. on my 30th birthday, 1994, i shot all night on heat with alpacino and the fairly iconic, "she's got a great ass! "scene. i shot that all night, 78,000 takes. it was al's birthday, too. we have the same birthday, apri. i went straight from the heat set and went to the birdcage. shot 28 hours straight on my 30th birthday. mike said you seem like you're dragging dear boy. i said, well, i shot all night with michael mann. and in that "great ass" scene, we rehearsed it. michael mann is kind of a street guy.
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i said, michael, what's happening here in the movie, what are we doing? and michael said, well, al, you just came from bob, meaning de niro, and then bob jacked on you and you want to jackpot this guy, you jackpot him on the desk there before he can jackpot you, you know what i'm saying? and al looks at him and goes, yeah, i don't understand what that means. jackpotting. >> stephen: i was going to ask the same thing. >> it means to get over on somebody, to clock 'em, to get one up on 'em. i jack polted him. i guess like a football term. i don't know. >> stephen: i don't know, yeah. >> so i tell mike this story and he finds it so remusing that for the rest of the day mike would call cut. he's go, all right, cut. are we all right or did anyone get jackpotted on that one? coming out of mike's mouth, i don't know whether i like it -- >> stephen: sounds classy.
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well, now that we have the jim brockmire podcast -- >> yes, we do. >> stephen: we've evolved to the final stage of human entertainment podcasting. >> yeah. >> stephen: brockmire, obviously, for those who don't know, he's america's most beloved disgraced sports broadcaster. and here comes the jacket -- here comes like superman's cape -- cape -- >> not comfortable speaking as brockmire unless i have the jacket on. >> stephen: what does mr. brockmire think about the m.l.b. pulling the all-star out of atlanta? >> well, i'll tell you, um, i'm -- i think it's great, actually. i applauded. as you know, america's pastimes are baseball and racism. so to see them face off like this, it's monumental. it's like godzilla versus king kong. a clash between two ancient monsters that simply will not die. i am a little cynical about it. i don't think the m.l.b. is a social justice champion.
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they just don't want the bad press because if they had played in atlanta, would have drawn a lot of negative attention and if there's one thing baseball's good at it's avoiding attention. anytime non-baseball fans start talking about the baseball, an alarm goes off in the m.l.b. office, there's a mad scramble just to shut it down just because the sport is becoming fun and entertaining and they do not want that. but in this case, it was for a good cause, so i will take it. >> stephen: now, the mets, i know you follow the mets. their new owner this season, billionaire -- what's his name. >> stephen cohen. >> stephen: steve cohen. is this good to have the mets? >> i mean, mets fans are excited. signed francis so lindur to a contract. he's trying to make the melts a winner. he's doing what all billionaires inevitably do, they succeed so much in life, too much really, in order to get the sameries rush of victory, they have to
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take on an impossible task. bill gates wants to stop disease, bezos wants to conquer out of space and steve cohen wants the mets to have a big defense. as i have said many times before, the mets are the yankees of not being the yankees. >> stephen: now, before cohen actually bought it, there was a rumor that j. lo and -- hope i'm pronouncing this correctly, a-rod. >> lex rodrigues. >> stephen: i'm not familiar with the man. mr. rodrigues, they almost bought the team. >> yes. >> stephen: what do you think that would have been? do you think that would have been a good idea? >> well, they're getting divorced. >> stephen: okay. forgot about that. >> well, now, they've said publicly they're working through some things but as you and i know that's celebrity speak for we can barely stand the sight of each other anymore. ( laughter ) it would have been the most mets
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thing ever for j. lo and a-rod to buy the team and immediately get divorced. then the mets become a sad child of a broken marriage, split custody of team. a-rod gets section 335 and j. lo gets the pitching staff and a-rod gets to make trades every other weekend. it would have been such a nightmare i'm amazed it didn't happen to the mets. >> stephen: the jacket is a superpower. in the podcast, since we don't get to see you, do you have the jackets on? >> oh, my attire has not changed. i always wear the plaid jacket. it's about professionalism, stephen. am i occasionally naked from the waist-down, absolutely. sportscasters have always been naked from the waist-down. all you people who just started working with home acting like you invented doing your job without pants are ignoring the
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history of people doing that. harry caray, all his bits were dangling free, looked like a geriatric winnie the pooh, an image that will forever be burned into my memory and forever yours. >> stephen: thank you for that, mr. brockmire. ladies and gentlemen, jim brockmire podcast is available now, wherever you get your podcast. hank azaria, everybody. when we come back, jeff goldblum is going to help you do your taxes. stick around. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
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and ask k your doctotor if bikty is r right for y you.
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this calififornia famimily is o on the jobb helplping our ststate's rereco. yoyou see by k keeping their vavacation in n califora theyey're supupporting ouour l businenesses and c communitie. so y you could s say every j e box enjoyeyed on our b beachs is alslso bringingng nourishmt toto our statete's econonom. ththat's ththe taste ofof reco. calling g all califofornians. keep y your vacatition here
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and helplp our statete get t back to wowork. and plplease travevel responsi. ♪♪ >> stephen: oh, hey! welcome back. folks, as i'm sure you know, tax season is upon us, and this year the tax deadline has been extended until may 17. unless, of course, you're a big company like fedex or nike, in which case, it's banished forever. the pandemic is changing the way everyone does their taxes, and i don't just mean trying to write off toilet paper and bourbon as a work-from-home expense. more people are doing their taxes online, and a lot of companies now offer virtual appointments with licensed c.p.a.s. but for years now, i've been using a tax service that was way ahead of this trend. let's take an encore look at this colbert c classic. >> tax s season can n be stress. especiallyly if you'rere tryingo
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do i it yourselflf. luckily, p plus-tax prpro is heo help. otother compananies might t cont you u with a livive c.p.a., , by plplustax pro o can put yoyou face-t-to-face witith a licensnd c.p.g.g. a certrtified publblic goldblul. becacause wouldndn't you ratathk to the s star of "inindependence daday?" >> u uh, hi therere. howdy-dodo-dee. this is s jeff goldbdblum. hohow can i asassist you w withe filingng of your t taxes? >> wowow, jeff gololdblum! do i n need to repeport contributitions to my y life insusurance? >> to paparaphrase m myself: life insnsurance, umum, finds--- findnds a way. >> a awesome! >> whahat movie wawas that fror? >> "jurarassic park!k!" > it's "jururassic parkrk." > i knew itit. >> andnd jeff goldldblum is available e wherever y you are. > hi, jeff!f! i wawas just wononderingng, as a freeeelancer, cacan i deductct f my cellplphone bill?l? >> u uh, let me e ask you ththi: did i wiwin an outerer critics circlele award foror outstandidg featured a actor in a a play? >> um,m, yes? >> thatt is absolulutely correr.
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the play was "the e pillow mana" and the e year was 2 2005. long beforore you werere born. >> i'm 37.7. >> a and, does y your c.p.a.a. w thor? >> s so then i s said to chrhris hehemsworth, i i say, "chrhris,, yoyou call thahat a push-u-up?" >> hey, jejeff goldblulum, i'm really l loving thesese stories. i justst... reallyly need to d y taxes.s. > hey, man.n. let's do s some taxes.s. >> okakay. greaeat. > okay, taxax, tax workrk. here we e go. ready? > great. do i r report net t or gross i ? >> i'm'm not very y good with hx stuff. >> oh! >> jefeff goldblumum is availale whenevever you neeeed him... a d times yoyou don't. (phonene rings) > oh, janicice. oh, goodod. i wawas hoping y you were ththe. is now a g good time t to go ovr your tax r return? >> jeff, i it's 2:00 a a.m. >> grereat. because e i had someme ideas. whatat if, uh, t this year, , ye to filile jointly?y? >> i i'm not mararried. > right, i i know. bubut, what ifif you were e mar? oh, hehere, wait a a minute. even b better. whatat if you wewere marrieded,t your husbaband suddenlnly didisappeared d and then c camek anand wasn't t the same maman? he'd b been replacace by some et of humanan-like replplica.
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dodoesn't thatat sound grereat? >> i donon't -- is t that legal? > um, i wououldn't knowow abt ththat. hey! you wawant to hearar about whaht was like g getting intnto makeur "t"the fly?" ha! i i on't know w how many t timee toldld that, butut, uh, woululdt be intereresting to o you? >> no, thahat's okay---- >> a anyway, i w was in the e cr fofor five houours-- chris waililess won ththe oscart year-- that was 1 1987, i belelieve. want t to hear thahat story? >> jefeff, i have e to do my t . ohoh, okay. susure, sure.. hey, i i don't knonow if i mentionened, i'm kinind of a stt of jazz. so, soso, would itit be helpfuf, as you d did your wowork, i dide of that t scat singiging? want to hehear some ofof that? >> no-o-- >> ( (starts sininging) >> plus-tatax pro. you'u're definititely gettining audidited. >> (singining) in "jujurassic parark" scarary in the d dark i'm so s scared thatat i'i'll be eateten
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in any case, how can i help you with your taxes? >> stephen: thanks again, jeff goldblum! you're a national treasure. we'll be right back with a performance by cheap trick. ♪♪ (mom vo) we fit a lot of life into our subaru forester. (dad) it's good to be back. (mom) it sure is. (mom vo) over the years, we trusted it to carry and protect the things that were most important to us. (mom) good boy. (mom vo) we always knew we had a lot of life ahead of us. (mom) remember this? (mom vo) that's why we chose a car that we knew would be there for us through it all. (male vo) welcome to the subaru forester. the longest-lasting, most trusted forester ever. you can tetell this isis realy crispy, , juicy and d tender.. because e we wouldn'n't take the timeme to butterer all these e potato bununs if it wasnsn't worth i it. inintroducing g mcdonald's'sw crcrispy chickcken sandwicic. ♪ ba dada ba ba ba a ♪ ok, so there are good deals...
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and then there are kohl's epic deals. inintroducing g mcdonald's'sw crcrispy chickcken sandwicic. like spring tops for just $9.99 and under... $29.99 and under sandals... and huge savings on bedding. oh, did i mention no coupons needed and you'll get kohl's cash? shop these epic deals and more... kohl's. does scrububbing greasase feel e a workrkout? scrub lessss with dawnwn ulta it's superioror grease-clcleang formula gegets to workrk faste, mamaking easy y work of totoh memesses. dawn is s a go-to grgrease-cler throroughout thehe kitchen, , . keep a botottle in thehe laundry room to prpre-treat grgreasy st. and d keep dawn n in the gararo lift greasase off car r rims. it's eveven gentle e enough to n wiwildlife affffected by o oil. dawnwn's greaease cleanining r takes cacare of tougugh grease whererever it shshows up. scrub less, save more...with dawn cellll phone repepair. did you u know liliberty mututual customomizes yourr car r insurancee so youou only payy for whwhat you neeeed? just getet a quote a at really?? i'll c check that t out. oh yeah. i i think i might get t a quote.
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not agagain! aah, come e on rice. do your r thing. onlyly pay for w what you ne. ♪ libererty. libertrty. liliberty. libiberty. ♪
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great party carly you must of blown your budget. not exactly. you have great wine name brand snacks tons of meat, and where did you get this imported cheese? hello? grocery outlet bargain market. oh, more bubbles? more bubbles for less benjamins our amazing 20% off wine sael is going on now until april 13th at your neighborhood grocery outlet ♪♪
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>> stephen: welcome back, everybody. their album, "in another world," is out tomorrow. performing "boys and girls and rock n roll," friends of all my shows,s, cheap tririck! ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪
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♪ ♪ ♪ take e it easy i'm pleaeasing my lolove ♪ yeah, it t feels likeke we've really c come togethther ♪ well, s she's so fafab i think k i'd betterer lay downn ♪ n now please e don't ever letet me go ♪ i'm p pleading show me,e, let me knknow ♪ ooh wowoo-ooh, woooo-ooh ♪ well, s she sits baback dressed d in black ♪ in plplain sightt as a matteter of factt ♪ the samame place, s same time
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her love i is like a r riptide ♪ well nonow, please e don't ever l let me go ♪ she livives and bleleeds rorock 'n' rololl ♪ well, seeee what she's's done to m me, boys ♪ welell, she lalays it downwn for me, b boys ♪ she says s she's got t to sasave the besest for me, , boys ♪ nowow, see whwhat she's d done to me,e, bos ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ thahat's rightt
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she e likes to r roll in thehe o ♪ w when the otother girls s coe i roroll down ththe window ♪ it's ththe same plalace, samee her lolove is likeke a riddlee ♪ now plelease, don't't ever l let me go ♪ t take it easasy it's o only rock ' 'n' roll ♪ seeee what s she's got f for me, boyos ♪ she lays it t down for m me, boys ♪ she sayays she's gogot to save thehe best for r me, boys ♪ now see what s she's got f for me, boyos
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♪ see what shehe's got foror me, boyss ♪ well, s she lays it t down for m me, boys ♪ shehe says she'e's got to save thehe best for r me, boys ♪ now, sesee what she's's got for m me, boys♪ >> stephen: cheap trick, everybody! we'll be right back! ♪♪
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it's okay that you don't want to be first: you aren't.. second covid vaccine. it's okay y to have ququestio: everyoyone deserveves answer. i'm waryry that therere isn't enough i informationon.
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it's okay y to be excicited, or worrieded, or both.h. it's alrigight for it t to te whatevever it takekes for yoyou to be reready. hi mom, reready for yoyour sh? yes, i i've been w waiting for this d day. wewe just got t what? vavaccinated.. we just t got vaccininated! let's s get you ththere. lelet's get toto immunity..
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>> stephen: that's it for "a late show." james corden is next. good night. captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by media access group at wgbh ♪ ♪ ♪
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♪ ♪ ♪ captioning sponsored by cbs ♪ the late late show, oh, oh the late late show, ooh


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