tv Late Night With Seth Meyers NBC November 30, 2021 12:37am-1:37am PST
[ cheers and applause ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers. tonight, tracy morgan star of "the last best hope," comedian colin quinn an all-new "closer look, featuring the 8g band with roy mayorga. ♪ [ cheers and applause and now, seth meyers >> seth: good evening, i'm seth meyers and this is "late night. we hope you're all doing well tonight. now let's get to the news. president biden flew on air force one today for the 100th time since taking office it also marks his 100th time
being turned away from the cockpit. "sir, we got this, sir we're good, thank you, sir." [ laughter ] president biden last week unveiled his modified social agenda package and said "we need to build america up from the bottom up and the middle out, not from the top down," which is strange, because i thought he loved the top down [ laughter ] the white house announced yesterday that press secretary jen psaki has tested positive for the coronavirus and it's notable, because it's the first time she's ever been positive. >> well, i'm not sure -- >> we'll circle back - >> i'm not sure -- >> i don't know. i'll circle back >> i'll circle back with you >> seth: that's right, white house press secretary jen psaki has tested positive for the coronavirus. she's now resting comfortably at home taking questions from her kids "i don't know why frogs are green, but that's certainly something i can bring up with the president. [ laughter ] british prime minister boris johnson said over the weekend that queen elizabeth is in good spirits despite recent health issues. oh, sorry. i meant on good spirits.
[ laughter ] another joke from karen chee, our resident anti-monarchist [ laughter ] during a world series game over the weekend, former president trump and first lady melania trump did the so-called tomahawk chop with atlanta braves fans. they were hesitant at first until advisors assured them that it was racist. [ laughter ] according to a new report, the number of uber and lyft rides in new york city has decreased 15% since june despite the mta's best efforts [ laughter ] the gaming platform roblox went offline over the weekend for more than 24 hours forcing kids to spend halloween weekend outside. [ laughter ] a rare flower that is known as a penis plant recently bloomed at a botanical garden in the netherlands.
i just got to say -- rough weekend, bro and finally, media mogul rupert murdoch celebrated his 90th birthday with a party in new york but take that news with a grain of salt, because it was first reported by rupert murdoch that was the monologue, everybody. [ cheers and applause >> seth: you guys. if you are a fan of "snl" in the 90s and the early aughts, we have an incredible time capsule show for you tonight his series, "the last o.g.," is back on tbs. the one and only tracy morgan will be here in studio [ cheers and applause and i have seen all of colin quinn's amazing, hilarious, and thoughtful stage shows. his newest one, "colin quinn: the last best hope" opens tomorrow at the lucille lortel theatre. colin quinn will be here tonight. [ cheers and applause but before we get to all that, as most republicans fully embrace donald trump, others are trying to have it both ways by courting his base while keeping
trump himself at arm's length. meanwhile, trump is still trying to cover up what happened behind the scenes on january 6th. for more on this, it's time for "a closer look." ♪ [ cheers and applause >> seth: president biden is currently on a major international trip, where he just completed a g-20 summit in rome and then headed to glasgow for a conference on climate change and as his poll numbers sag here at home, he seems invigorated by the trip, as evidenced by this headline in "the new york times. "struggling at home, biden is buoyed by g-20 trip abroad." well, i'm glad you're having fun. meanwhile, we're all stuck here with our weird aunt and uncle. [ laughter ] "you kids want some dinner well, how you gonna pay for it?" biden's like a divorcee posting facebook photos from a solo trip to europe. next, he's going to post a pic on insta from a gondola in venice wearing a sun hat with the caption, "laughing, loving, living my best life, #blessed. [ laughter ] but, hey, we've all been there you're stressed.
you're having a tough time at work so you grab a pint of haagen dazs and you call up your best bud, in biden's case, obama, and say, "i just need a reset. and he says, "oh, when i'm down, i find it always helps to do a podcast with, uh -- bruce springsteen. and then you mutter under your breath, "well, we're not all you. so say you say "f it," you pack a bag, you head to the airport, buy the first ticket to italy, where you eat, you pray, and most importantly, you pronounce linguini vongole with way too heavy an accent in a way you think will endear you to the waiter, but in reality will only make him hate your guts. [ laughter ] of course when trump went abroad, it was more like "eat, pray, shove! eat, pray, shove eat, pray, shove." [ laughter ] did you like that one, wally [ laughter ] >> yes, sir! [ laughter ] >> seth: also, i want to note that earlier, i chose haagen dazs for that ice cream joke instead of a certain vermont-based ice cream company, which has still refused to respond to my detailed request for my own personalized ice
cream flavor called "a closer lick." [ laughter and applause i guess our friends at ben and jerry's are laugh-tose intolerant [ laughter ] laugh-tose laugh-tose intolerant. [ laughter ] laugh-tose - did you like that one, wally >> i don't want to do this anymore. [ laughter ] >> seth: when did wally get so choosy anyway, the point is, biden is in scotland for a climate summit, coming off a trip to rome where, among other things, he met with the pope for 90 minutes, which as far as anyone can remember, is the longest meeting any sitting president has had with the pope, especially compared to biden's predecessor. >> tonight, president biden with a very busy first day of his second overseas trip ahead of the g-20 summit in rome, travelling to the vatican where he had a lengthy meeting with pope francis, 90 minutes in all. >> when president trump met with the pope, it lasted 30 minutes
>> seth: i mean i guess it shouldn't be surprising that biden's meeting with the pope was three times as long as trump's. i mean, knowing biden, he puts in a good 40 minutes with the barista when he pops into starbucks. "let's run through it one more time, because i got to tell you, grande and tall both mean big where i come from. and biden is a practicing catholic and a man of deep faith, while trump probably thinks stained glass just needs a little windex. i mean, i can't even begin to imagine what a meeting between donald trump and pope francis would be about "it's an honor to meet you, you, your holiness, mr. pope. can i call you frank we love religion and we love church don't we, frank? the bible is -- well, it's number one, isn't it that's what it's all about, isn't it isn't it, frank? i like the old testament, and, of course, the gritty reboot, the new testament. we love a reboot, don't we but i like the old you know who else i like that was old? arnold palmer. met him at augusta national in '92 stay with me, pope i was there --
[ laughter ] i was there -- do you need a translator how's his english? i'll just plow through i was there when he invented the drink. he couldn't decide between lemonade and iced tea, and i said "arnold, why not both?" they go so great together, just like the old and new testament the pope fell asleep someone wake up the pope?" so biden is on a much-needed get away as his poll numbers sag, and republicans continue to coalesce around trumpism and the core narrative that the 2020 election was stolen in virginia, for example, the governor's race there is neck and neck in a state biden won by ten points the gop candidate there, glenn youngkin, has tried to distance himself from trump while also keeping his supporters onboard a task that got trickier today when trump announced that he would hold a tele-rally for youngkin youngkin has said that he has no intention of participating in the trump rally. >> a lot of republicans would be thrilled to be on a stage with trump so close to election day not so much in virginia, and it sounds like youngkin won't even get on the phone with him publicly
what's happening >> no, jim, he has no plans to participate with the former president in that tele-rally on monday he has long distanced himself from trump, but engaged trump supporters >> the former president is doing a tele-rally on monday will you attend and do you welcome him to virginia? >> well, so i haven't been involved in that the teams are talking, i'm sure. but i've been out -- >> they would love to have you would you like to do that? >> i'll answer you in a second i've been out campaigning. i'm not going to be engaged in the tele-town hall, but we have more people helping us than you can possibly believe that is about unity. >> seth: yes, famously, that's what donald trump is all about unity. [ laughter ] if real estate hadn't worked out, he could have been a couples counselor. "have you tried a three-way? i hear that solves a lot of problems let me just lock the door. [ laughter ] trump stoked a violent insurrection to overthrow democracy and oversaw a disastrous response to a deadly pandemic, among many other things you can't thread the needle and have it both ways by courting his supporters while also keeping him at arm's length. it's hard to say, "if you like trump, you'll like me. but i don't like trump
also, elections are rigged, so get out there and vote!" [ laughter ] being a republican who keeps trump at arm's length is like trying to make it 24 hours without seeing any "succession" spoilers on social media it's not going to happen you know, i didn't watch last night, but thanks to twitter, i don't have to. look, i'm not one of those "no spoilers" people, but just give me a day yesterday was halloween, and by the time "succession" was on, i was passed out on the couch covered in necco wafers and tootsie rolls, the only candy my kids let me have [ laughter ] i tried to sneak one peanut butter cup out of the little one's bag and he called me a reese's piece of [ bleep ] [ laughter ] then he slapped my hand so hard i had to write with my left one today, which is why the note i left you looks like that [ laughter ] most republicans are full throated supporters of trump and his assault on democracy, while others, like youngkin, are trying to pull off a con where they tap into trumpism as an ideology and court trump's base without standing next to him on stage. but one reason it'll never work is trump always makes everything about himself.
as he did yet again when in response to speculation from the press, he issued a statement insisting that he and glenn youngkin are actually very good friends "the fake news media are trying to create an impression that glenn youngkin and i are at odds and don't like each other. importantly, this is not true. we get along very well together and believe in many of the same policies." cool, i'm sure youngkin is thrilled to hear that. republicans in virginia have been trying to appeal to trump's base without getting trump himself involved, but he can't help it. his next statement is going to say, "glenn is too modest to say it, but he reminds me of a young donald trump he's like the son i never had. i wish i could name him don jr." [ laughter ] just another reminder for republicans, no matter how hard you try, you can never escape trump. you guys are like the people who think chucky's dead because you threw him out a window "no need to look, i'm sure the fall killed chucky now let's move on from chucky the doll and talk more about chucky's ideas." [ laughter ] did the analogy get a little too far away from us [ laughter ] on fox news over the weekend, for example, trump appeared with jeanine pirro for his regular
rant session where she tried to call him a kingmaker, but accidentally used the wrong term >> my base has to turn out if my base turns out, he's going to win and i hope they turn out i really want them to turn out and i think if my base doesn't come out, he can't win >> do you see -- >> i think my base has to come out very strongly. >> do you see yourself as a kingpin for elections going forward? [ laughter ] >> well, something has happened, and this is not from an egotistical standpoint >> yeah. >> it's a great honor -- >> i asked the question. >> because it's never happened before to anybody. if i endorse somebody, they win. if i endorse somebody, they win. i think i'm 148 and 2. >> seth: you can't just make up your own win-loss record, otherwise the jets would be 7-0 instead of 2-5, although the jets did have a big win yesterday, and if i'm being honest, the last thing we need at "late night" right now is the jets being competitive this is already a pretty troubling time for our writing staff in regards to easy new york punch lines
i mean, the knicks are in first place, laguardia is getting redone and might be nice now, de blasio is leaving office. even pizza rat went on a plant-based diet and he looks great now. [ laughter ] here's me earlier today. handsome jacked rat question mark exclamation point. [ laughter ] all i'm saying is it's going to be touch-and-go until april for new york jokes until the mets come back. although, knowing the mets, they might not come back. "where are you guys, it's opening day? "it is since when does baseball start in april?" "since for always! also jeanine, i'm pretty sure you meant to say kingmaker, which is a good thing, not kingpin, which is usually reserved for criminals that's a very revealing slip i'd say it's freudian, but with you, it's probably franzian. [ laughter and applause
we spent a long time today talking about a joke we're not going to do, which is trump being insulted that he was called kingpin, because he wouldn't like the superhero villain, kingpin "never caught daredevil. as we speak, he's still trying to hide records about what happened on january 6th from the committee investigating the insurrection, and this weekend we found out more about exactly what types of records he's trying to hide >> they include files from his top administration officials, stephen miller, kayleigh mcenany, and then white house chief of staff mark meadows among meadows's papers are three handwritten notes specifically about the events of january 6th. >> we did not know what records had existed in the trump white house before last night. in this court filing very late at night, the national archives puts out a list of more than 700 pages itemized, saying, "this is what donald trump wants to keep secret." and they really gave details that we didn't know. there are these handwritten memos, or handwritten notes,
from the chief of staff mark meadows, specifically about january 6th. there are call logs and switchboard call logs about calls to president trump, to vice president mike pence, leading up to about january 6th. these are very specific things white house visitor logs, white house call records - >> seth: personally, i'm shocked the trump white house even had any records at all i assumed that place was like a radioshack in a zombie movie [ laughter ] most of the call logs probably just say, "some guy called, sounded french," or "rudy giuliani butt dial" over and over again and there's an obvious reason trump wants to keep those records hidden as we've discussed before, trump and his cronies had a detailed plan for overturning the election results, and they tried to execute that plan and they almost succeeded i wasn't an impulse, or a whim it was a plot. trump even had a lawyer who wrote an instruction manual for overturning the result and when vice president mike pence declined to follow through on the plan, that same trump lawyer told pence the violent insurrection was his fault as the insurrection was happening. >> "the washington post" is now
reporting that in the middle of the capitol invasion as rioters were overrunning the building and chanting "hang mike pence," one of fromer president trump's attorneys emailed a top aide for the then vice president blaming pence for the violence because he refused to block the election certification. >> and when that aide described the attack as a siege in an email, trump attorney john eastman wrote back, "the siege is because you and your boss did not do what was necessary to allow this to be aired in a public way so that the american people can see for themselves what happened." eastman essentially blaming pence for what happened on january 6th. >> seth: even as the rioters were rampaging through the capitol threatening to kill mike pence, one of trump's cronies was still pushing pence to overturn the result it's like telling a walmart greeter to stand their post even as a mob of black friday shoppers storms through the front doors. "hello, welcome to walmart happy shopping help me! i need backup! i'm under siege.
i need an extraction unit. oh, crap oh, this is just a happy face button!" [ laughter ] but that's because the big lie that the election was stolen and the idea that the insurrection was justified are now a key part of trumpism and the core of the modern gop and no matter how hard they try, the glenn youngkins of the world can't run away from that last week, far-right crazy person marjorie taylor greene even suggested that the insurrection was justified by the declaration of independence. >> but the real truth is the communist revolution that the democrats funded and waged every single day and every single night in american cities all across our country, you see, that was an attack on innocent american people, whereas january 6th was just a riot at the capitol. and if you think about what our declaration of independence says, it says to overthrow tyrants. >> seth: you think democrats are tyrants? have you every even seen chuck schumer? tyrants don't wear their glasses that far down on their nose. [ laughter ] looks like he's staring at a menu at a diner on the upper west side for three hours. "we're very close to coming to an agreement on whether to split
an appetizer." "sir, the restaurant is closing very soon. "okay, okay. just leave me here in the dark i've got a "new york times" crossword puzzle i've been working on since 1985. [ laughter ] the gop has embraced trumpism fully and completely whether they brag about it or whether they try to play coy, he sowed a violent insurrection to overthrow democracy, but republicans are still on board, which means he'll almost certainly try to do it again, making him a - >> kingpin for elections going forward. [ laughter ] >> seth: this has been "a closer look." [ cheers and applause ♪ we'll right back with our friend, tracy morgan [ cheers and applause ♪ >> announcer: for more of seth's "closer looks", be sure to subscribe to "late night" on youtube. ♪♪ ♪ you are my fire ♪ ♪ the one desire ♪ ♪ you are, you are, ♪
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♪ [ cheers and applause >> seth: this week's drummer is a renowned rock musician who's played with iconic bands like stone sour and soul fly. he is a member of industrial icons ministry, whose new album "oral hygiene" is available now. roy mayorga is here! welcome back to the show, roy! [ cheers and applause great to see you, buddy. our first guest tonight is an emmy nominated actor, comedian, you know from "30 rock" and his work on "saturday night live." new episodes of his show, "the last o.g." air tuesday nights on tbs. please welcome to the show our very good friend tracy morgan. ♪ [ cheers and applause
>> seth: great seeing you, morgan >> yo, what up, seth where roy? where roy? what up, roy >> yo, what's up >> can i get my $10 back you owe me $10 >> seth: now -- last i saw you, we zoomed two weeks into the pandemic and i got to tell you, tracy, i think it was the first time i laughed after the pandemic started. you were so funny. and it's so good to see you. how are you feeling these days >> i'm feeling great i'm just a little distressed 'cause my name -- my name keeps coming up and everything, man. >> seth: how so? >> they storm the capitol, my name came up >> seth: how so? >> michelle obama gets pregnant, my name come up. [ laughter ] two girls in a car, my name come up >> seth: really? >> yeah. >> seth: that's good, you're in the zeitgeist. >> man, my name keeps coming up in everything.
>> seth: yeah. i want to talk about show business with you as i always do but i also want to talk about some things that i also know are important you to inflation -- inflation and the economy. [ laughter ] >> i going to keep my eye on them >> seth: yeah, keep your eye on them [ laughter ] >> seth: do you have any - >> inflation is crazy. >> seth: yeah, what about -- >> prices are going up through the roof, man. i just got some sound good advice for my financial adviser. he said you should wait at least year before you get hit by another walmart drop >> seth: got it. [ laughter ] >> at least one year and i listen to him. i got to listen. i'm going for amazon now though. >> seth: oh, interesting that's good idea >> they're big now, yeah >> seth: what about labor shortages? you have seen this in your life? >> yeah, labor shortages they're out there. i went to the strip club and there was only one stripper in the whole club [ laughter ] she gave me, like, one lap dance on 16. the same mix tape. [ laughter ] she stopped taking her clothes off. she said you already saw my booty. [ laughter ] you don't need to see it again >> seth: very frustrating. did you get vaccinated are you happy to be vaccinated >> yeah, i got vaccinated.
but it wasn't for covid. it was for gonorrhea >> seth: oh, okay. [ laughter ] >> keeping my mind where it should be. >> seth: i hope -- this is, you know, we kind of referenced it earlier. this is a good time to be a new york knicks fan, tracy are you enjoying it? >> yeah, man this, right here, is a lucky log. all the knicks fans. i'm representing -- i'm representing the culture so all the knicks -- all the knicks, the players, they come and rub this for a win >> seth: when you go to the games, they come over and they rub it >> when i go to the game they doing good too. >> seth: yeah. >> they look like they like playing together i like it. >> seth: and you bring your daughter to the games? >> i be -- oh boo, that's my stinky momma >> seth: yeah. >> i call her stinky momma [ laugther ] you know, most fathers they got a whistle and they kids come and the kids come. with her, all i have to do is go - and she comes running. [ laughter ] >> seth: wow >> aayour honor! >> seth: can you whistle, though, tracy? 'cause when you just said -- >> can i whistle >> seth: yeah. you said a lot of -- >> do i look like a magician [ laughter ] i don't be whistling
whistling for what - >> seth: that's way better >> come on so if we go to disney world and, like, she get lost in all those people all i got to do is go -- and she come running >> seth: that's great. and that must be nice for the other families as well >> that's my stinky momma. yeah [ laughter ] all other families >> seth: what was your -- halloween? did the baby dress up? >> halloween is getting crazy out there. just different than when i grew up i mean, these white kids in my neighborhood, 'cause i live in the suburbs now, since walmart i live in the suburbs, man [ laughter ] so i live in the suburbs watching this dude over here i live in the suburbs. the white kids, they like rap now. they dressing the part they listening to rap and all that but one of them little white kids came up and was trick-or-treating. yes, came to my house was a ghost. so, i said "who you supposed to be?" he said "i'm a ghost." i said "why the -- the sheet was black. >> seth: he was wearing a black sheet? >> a black sheet i said "why the [ bleep ] is you a -- excuse me. >> seth: that's all right. [ laughter ] >> i said "why your sheet is black? he said "because i'm keeping it real." [ laughter ]
>> seth: what about you? when you grew up, what were your halloween's like >> my halloween? i didn't get dressed up until i was 38 [ laughter ] >> seth: what was it like in your neighborhood? >> i dressed up as a cop i got whatever i wanted. [ laughter ] i was a bag man. [ laughter ] i was a bad cop. i dressed up as a bad cop. >> seth: all right >> i was a -- i dressed up what was his name? what was the cop, the good cop name what was his name? >> seth: serpico >> yeah. i was bad cop after him. >> seth: oh, really? >> yeah, i - >> seth: so you were not -- you were not frank serpico >> i was on "the take. >> seth: so, you dressed up -- your - >> i would go to illegal gambling spots and got -- get whatever i wanted. [ laughter ] at illegal gambling spots. >> seth: do we feel like we have enough illegal gambling spots in the city anymore >> there's not enough. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] >> i'm not getting paid. [ laughter ] >> seth: how would you get paid? >> i would go on "the take."
i take bribes and everything i'm a bad cop. [ laughter ] >> seth: i want -- >> all i got to do is pull out a phone book >> seth: oh, is that - >> hit them in the head with the phone book [ laughter ] get whatever you want. >> seth: that was part of your costume? you carry around a phone book? >> i need information. >> seth: yeah. so would you say -- when you showed up dressed like a bad cop with a phone book, would you say "trick-or-treat" or would you just say, uh - >> "give it up." [ laughter ] i don't believe in trick-or-treat give it up i'm getting ready to get a tattoo on my hand. >> seth: what is it going to say? >> "pay me." >> seth: really? that's pretty nice >> pay me. >> seth: yeah, yeah, yeah. [ laughter ] i've got some more questions for you. are you going to stick around? >> i'm around. i'm here >> seth: we'll be right back with more from tracy morgan. [ cheers and applause ♪ how did olay top expensive creams? by staying on top of our game with derm-recommended ingredients in every jar
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>> when is the last time you did something for somebody that didn't benefit you >> nora, good point. hey, howard? >> what's going on, trey >> could you get those sheep sheers out and shave some of the wool off of vese's back? so she could donate the wigs for kids >> i'm staying out of that >> how is that for doing something for somebody else? >> seth: welcome back to "late night. we're here with tracy morgan tracy! [ cheers and applause that was a clip? new season of "the o.g." fourth season. >> yeah. >> seth: and we talked about your daughter briefly. she's in this season >> she is my greatest and best co-star ever, my daughter. >> seth: when did she first show an interest in being on screen >> well, she -- i'm her dad. so she's always raised in it she was around you when she was born so, she was raised in it and she likes it she's a natural. she's a natural. and i love it. she's on the set she doesn't drop a line. >> seth: that's one -- >> i drop lines -- >> seth: do you get nervous? >> no, no, not with her, not no more >> seth: yeah. >> she don't drop lines. i drop lines [ laughter ] >> seth: do you think she gets nervous on your behalf >> i don't think so. i think she wants to really make
her dad proud and she does make me proud i am proud of my daughter. and i love my daughter and she does well. and i'm really proud of her. and she's doing good and she knows what she's doing >> seth: that's fantastic. >> but she wants to be a marine biologist. >> seth: well that's pretty good i mean, i would say like based on her dad, the two things i would expect is one, she would want to be an actor and do comedy and, two, she would love sea life because you have often -- >> yeah. >> seth: you correct marine life >> that's my baby, man >> seth: do you still have sharks and octopi? >> i have 30,000 gallon shark tank in my backyard. >> seth: really? >> now >> seth: do you keep the sharks outside? >> no, they're in the pool house. >> seth: okay, got you >> i converted my pool house to a shark tank >> seth: got you >> but people say, you know, they look -- she looks just like me they say, "your daughter looks just like me." and i said, "she better. >> seth: yeah. >> she better not look like seth, i know that. [ laughter ] we're going have a problem [ laughter ] my daughter better -- all my kids look like me. look at me
>> seth: yeah. this is -- speaking of children - >> she's a good kid. she's a good kid >> seth: i'm very -- i'm very -- >> baby, i love you. daddy love you [ audience aww's ] >> seth: i'm not surprised i expect nothing less. speaking of kids who maybe don't look like their parents. you are cast in an upcoming film that we knew as "twins" back in the day. danny devito and arnold schwarzenegger. true story, there is going to be a film called "triplets" where you're the third sibling >> yeah. i'm black. and i was black. >> seth: yeah. they cast you as a black person. >> yeah. it's going to be fun not bad for a kid that with a ps public school 59 i'm working with the ex-governor. so take that, tompkins projects! [ laughter ] i'm from the projects, you know, now i'm working with arnold schwarzenegger. that is incredible danny devito that's crazy that's crazy >> seth: a lot of people who work with arnold schwarzenegger will start doing an arnold schwarzenegger impression do you have -- i know you're a man of 1,000 voices. can you do arnold schwarzenegger? >> yeah, "i'll be back."
>> seth: that's great. [ laughter ] >> "i'll be back i'll be back." >> seth: very good >> "i'll be back i'll be back." >> seth: you've always - >> "i'll be back." >> seth: you've always had an ear for it >> yeah, of course i don't do dialect i just do ghetto stuff [ laughter ] "i'll be back. >> seth: all we ever want -- >> you say obi-wan kenobi, in the ghetto, we say obi-"juan." [ laughter ] obi-"juan. yo, obi! [ laughter ] obi-o! >> seth: when do i say obi-wan kenobi >> you say obi-wan kenobi. we say obi-"juan." >> seth: well, i guess that's good as any to leave it. >> yeah. >> seth: oh, wait -- >> you know the relationship was between chewbacca and han solo that was the real relationship because everybody thought it was between princess leia and han solo no, and because if you remember "empire strikes back," when the doors close. >> seth: yeah. >> he said, r2 -- c-3po said,
"r2-d2 has been known to make mistakes." and the doors close from time to time and chewbacca goes - [ laughter ] and i said, "oh, man that's his boy!" [ laughter ] i said, "he hurt he's hurting he's hurting!" chewbacca was garbage. >> seth: yeah. >> everybody knows he's behind on his child support payments. everybody knows that everybody knows that about chewbacca. [ laughter ] everybody knows chewie is behind >> seth: everybody knows that. >> yeah, yeah. >> seth: everybody knows that. >> yeah. he has a lid out there >> seth: that's why he's in space. he said, "i'll be gone for a week." >> seth: yeah, exactly >> he doesn't want to claim all the puppies. >> seth: yeah. that's tracy morgan, everybody "the last o.g." airs tuesday nights on cbs. we'll be right back with colin quinn. [ cheers and applause colin quinn. [ cheers and applause ♪
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♪ [ cheers and applause >> seth: our next guest is a comedian, actor, and author. you know him from his work on "saturday night live," "train wreck", as well as his shows "unconstitutional" and "red state blue state." his latest show "colin quinn: the last best hope" opens at the lucille lortel theatre here in new york on november 2nd please welcome back to the show, one of our favorites, colin quinn. ♪ [ cheers and applause >> seth: welcome back! >> no water? what is it, covid regulations? >> seth: yeah. well, we have this one for you >> oh, thanks. >> seth: yeah. >> embarrassing. i though -- i thought i scored a nice expose.
>> seth: you - >> before you start, let's just say nobody likes that you haven't gained weight during covid. it's - [ laughter ] it's rude to your guests >> seth: okay. >> and i don't like it and i'm on the record. but go on. >> seth: well, you take covid regulations very seriously >> yes >> seth: you are a man who caught covid twice and i'm glad to see you're doing well >> yes twice i had covid and got the vaccine and -- yeah. that's how you know it's not as bad as the plague. because, you know, in the middle ages, nobody was like "hey, i got the plague twice [ laughter ] i got it again symptoms were mild." >> seth: nobody -- when you got it, was it still coronavirus 'cause i feel like we stopped using that term. >> yeah. nobody says coronavirus. it's only covid now. because, probably the lobbyists from corona beer were like "what are you doing to us? and then -- like, "okay, we'll call it delta. then they were like "fine. and then delta is like, "what? no, no." [ laughter ] and then, covid is like just one angry romanian guy he's like, "my family name." they're like "i'm sorry, sir but that's how it has to be. [ laughter ] >> seth: do you feel -- how do you feel like new york is
handling it as -- as often a spokesman for the finer points of the city? >> yes, thank you. i do consider myself a spokesman for the city and i feel like i have to keep doing that or people forget -- that i'm a spokesman for the city [ laughter ] and new york is obviously finished what happened was -- [ laughter ] covid -- because when it flooded -- when the subway flooded -- >> seth: yeah. -- we saw fresh water cleaning the subway it's not -- you know, urine or anything would be fine but fresh water is unnatural [ laughter ] and i realize is because when bloomberg first started that no smoking law in 2003, that changed the -- we have a very delicate ecosystem and, you know, no floods could get in before that because, this is the smoking section of the country >> seth: right >> people move here to smoke [ laughter ] and no floods. there was no covid there was no disease no airborne illnesses because they couldn't get through. even the sun barely got through. and -- [ laughter ] >> seth: well, because -- so the smoke was providing sort of like a defense layer. >> yes
>> seth: okay. >> and times square was the rain forest and it was like a combination of spit - a delicate balance between spit, body fluids, blood, and those bike lanes created like a wind tunnel [ laughter ] it brought all the stuff in. those were the down fall as you've seen. [ laughter ] >> seth: one thing that people have said, you know, and i think everybody always has to preface it, like covid was terrible. obviously, it was horrifying one thing like about it is outdoor dining in the city and i hope it stays. >> oh, of course because it's so -- people go "your table's ready. it's that shed in the gutter just sit right over there. [ laughter ] you know like the waiter is sanding down your table there is a con-ed worker on a jackhammer two inches from your face [ laughter ] you're having an anniversary dinner you're like, "you know, when we first met -- he's like, "lift your feet for a second." you're like, "what the --" [ laughter ] like "are you sparkling water or fire hydrant sir, what will it be?"
[ laughter ] plus, nothing's better then when you try to get up and you forget the bike lane. you almost get taken out by a delivery guy but you can't say anything he's delivery. our heroes delivery apparently, been - [ applause ] all right folks. that's enough. we get it. we're all -- medical people and delivery the rest of us are nonessential. [ laughter ] that's a rude way of phrasing it can't you just say "people that were important at a particular time?" and it's -- yeah, it's delivery and -- people, you know, edu go to medical school three years you get an electric bike and you have equal status. [ laughter ] i'm sure -- i'm sure the medical people love that one you know [ laughter ] they're like "i studied oncology at stanford. it's like, "hold on, my pizza is here [ laughter ] what is that guy oh, first responder. thank you for your service." you know [ laughter ] but it is -- it's weird, because that's who's -- medical people and restaurant people are interchangeable now. >> seth: yeah. >> they deputized -- the only person that's taking my temperature past -- is every hostess at a restaurant.
>> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] >> like the waitress is checking your vitals. [ laughter ] and the bus boy will be back with your blood work in a few minutes. [ laughter ] that's how i found out i had covid. now, you're going to think i'm making it up i get the phone call "you have covid. i go, "who is this?" "applebees." >> seth: no. [ laughter ] >> i said "what should i do? they go, "we don't discuss it over the phone come down. we'll talk about it over a bottomless margarita for $8.99." [ laughter ] it sounds made up. it sounds like a bit >> seth: sounds like a bit so you know, some things are going back to normal and yet, within this pandemic, there have been some people who have sort of gone to the heights and then all the way lower than they started governor cuomo >> oh, yeah. ellen and governor cuomo have had a tough covid. yeah because cuomo, remember everybody is like "oh, my god. where he's been all my life? this guy." >> seth: yeah. >> "he should be president of the united - the man who be king. and now he's in a u-haul on 17th [ laughter ] that escalated quickly [ laughter ]
driving in circles around ulster -- duchess county i said ulster, but then i went with duchess it's funnier i don't know why [ laughter ] last minute decision but, yeah. because you got -- remember he is yelling at us every day he got cocky he's like, "hey, six feet distance don't touch anyone's face. all the stuff he couldn't do with his staff ironically. right? [ laughter ] and -- but, of course, we all overcorrect everything now what is it mario cuomo bridge, they want to rename it tappan zee mario cuomo bridge - they want to change it back because to punish andrew cuomo take his father's bridge >> seth: yeah. >> that's uncalled for and it's not going to change anything he's still going to be andrew cuomo >> seth: right >> doesn't make sense. they should leave the name mario cuomo bridge and make him change his name to -- you know, andrew tappen zee. [ laughter ] >> seth: there you go. and mario cuomo doesn't get punished >> that's right. >> seth: "last best hope" is the title of your show >> yes >> seth: you have not been -- i think it's safe to say, you haven't been -- we've been very
clear eyed about this country, but maybe not particularly optimistic why did you come up with the title "last best hope? >> well because that's what abraham lincoln said right before the civil war and he said the last -- "we're the last best hope." i forget, exactly, how he phrased it but -- which i should know since it's the title of the show [ laughter ] you know but, yeah. but, i feel like, look, this country's -- i think everyone shocked we're not in a civil war right now, never mind. and you know, civil war is the worst kind of war to have because you have to see each other afterwards >> seth: yeah. >> so, it's pretty awkward they're like, "oh, my god, is that missouri? didn't we bomb --" [ laughter ] but -- yeah. i do feel like this guy -- i love this country. but, i think we should sell. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] >> because -- you know, now is the time to just - hgtv is very popular the founding fathers and "property brothers." we knock down the rockies, open concept, you know how these shows go [ laughter ]
we got the double sinks, the atlantic and pacific yeah, i went through the whole thing with the bit and -- [ laughter ] >> seth: double sink - >> nice back splash, the grand canyon [ laughter ] you know here's the thing about a bit i finish them. they're not always hilarious >> seth: yeah. >> but i finish them >> seth: you don't bail on it. you finish the bit >> no, i bail. flip the louisiana purchase. [ laughter ] and change our motto "america, 'love it or list it.'" [ laughter ] now it's done. >> seth: perfect >> now i'm done. thank you, folks >> seth: colin quinn, it is always a pleasure to see you sir. >> thanks for everything >> seth: thanks for making the time for us. >> thank you [ cheers and applause >> seth: "colin quinn: the last best hope" opens at the lucille lortel theatre tomorrow. for more information go to colinquinn.com we'll be right back with more "late night. we'll be right back with more "late night. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
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♪ oh what a wonderful world ♪ wealth management is planning your path together. and, it's guiding you along the way. start a relationship with citi and earn a cash bonus when you open a new eligible account and complete required activities. ♪ [ cheers and applause >> seth: i want to thank my guests, tracy morgan and colin quinn. i want to thank roy mayorga and the 8g band. stay safe. get vaccinated we love you. give it up for the audience. [ cheers and applause ♪ ♪