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tv   The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon  NBC  July 25, 2019 11:34pm-12:35am PDT

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is closing tomorrow. that is the company's flagship store right next to the headquarters on college avenue. it first opened more than two decades ago, but now it's closing. kind of happened suddenly. dreyer's ice cream started in 1929. >> this is one of our old school bay area spots. >> a good cookies and cream will solve everything. >> and i believe dreyer's came up with the original rocky road ice cream. that's their claim to fame. >> love the cookies and cream. >> good weather this weekend. >> yes, lots of ice yeem. >> have a great friday. >> we'll see you tomorrow. [ cheers and applause ♪ >> steve: from 30 rockefeller plaza here in new york city, it's "the tonight show starring jimmy fallon." and now, here he is, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause ♪
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♪ >> jimmy: oh, my goodness. thank you very much. [ cheers and applause i feel the love. i feel the love out there. thank you very much. please, welcome. welcome, welcome, welcome to "the tonight show. please, have a seat. guys, we got a long show tonight. yeah you don't want to stand for the whole thing. yeah, no [ laughter ] we have a great show tonight i am so excited and fired up to be here. i'm pretty much the opposite of robert mueller i really am. [ laughter ] everyone is still talking about mueller's testimony. democrats were hoping it would, quote, "breathe life into the effort to impeach trump. but afterwards they were like, "forget impeachment, someone should try to breathe life into robert mueller." [ laughter ] that's right both democrats and republicans thought mueller came off as
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slow and old i'm not saying mueller was bad but he made bernie sanders look like one of the kids from "stranger things." [ laughter and applause right, mueller's not quite as sharp as he used to be this morning he got up and said, "okay, what time does the hearing start? [ laughter ] apparently, president trump is thrilled with how it went. yep, he was so happy, he came this close to hugging don jr >> steve: really [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah he thought about it. trump was so happy, he formed his hair into a party hat. >> steve: oh >> jimmy: yeah, yeah [ laughter ] he was so happy that he rehired jeff sessions and then fired him again. [ laughter ] he was so happy, he thought about taking a victory lap, just made an intern do it for him. [ laughter ] he was so happy, he offered to fly the squad back to where they came from on air force one. [ laughter ] that's how happy trump was i heard that yesterday the president watched all seven hours on tv. but today he went back to his usual schedule of watching seven hours of tv. [ laughter ] well, after the hearing, trump said mueller's performance was, quote, "one of the worst performances in the history of the country. and then stormy daniels was like, "second worst. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause
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and get this, i heard that during mueller's testimony, melania tweeted that she's already prepping for christmas at the white house not a good sign for trump. he's hearing that he could be indicted and his wife's like, "it's going to be the best christmas ever." [ laughter ] just wait a day. after that, mueller's testimony yesterday, a poll found that most americans thought it hurt pesident trump pretty interesting poll, take a look at this 60% said, "i think mueller's testimony hurts trump. 30% said, "i think mueller's testimony clears trump." 10% said, "i'm not sure what to think about mueller's testimony. 20% said, "what do you mean you're not sure, did you even watch it?" [ laughter ] 30% said, "i mean, i watched some it. it was seven hours long. [ laughter ] who has time for that? 45% said, "you do, carl. [ laughter ] all you do is sit on the couch and watch re-runs of "tiny house hunters. [ laughter ] you have plenty of time. 10% said, "it's research you know the tiny real estate industry is booming. we cannot do this right now.
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please, jodie, i'm exhausted." [ laughter ] 36% said, "you're exhausted? [ laughter ] i'm the one working double overtime because you couldn't hold down a job at freakin' outback steakhouse." [ laughter ] 15% said, "oh, real classy [ laughter ] look, i already told you, my uncle rico that he can get me an interview at fuddruckers first thing next week. [ laughter ] 42% said, "the same uncle rico who shows up to thanksgiving dinner every year completely plastered? great, i'm glad that's the one who we're depending on." [ laughter ] 35% said, "rico's a good man and you would know that if you weren't so busy nitpicking everything i do. [ laughter ] then 100% said, "if you love rico so much, how about you and him move into a tiny house together?" [ cheers and applause that was our latest installment of our segment "interesting polls. ♪ [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: some more news today, the president spoke at a a ceremony for his new secretary of defense but it seemed like he was having some trouble talking today. watch this >> our military kecked -- kicked in --
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both houses of congress, advising lawmarkers and the combat infantriven badge we talked to all of them and they talked to us. [ laughter ] >> steve: wow! >> jimmy: "my favorite show is "this -- this is us. [ laughter ] some business news, get this, i read that soon you'll be able to drop off and pick up ups packages at advanced auto parts. it's pretty simple ups driver just throws your package over your fence into an advanced auto parts. [ laughter ] >> steve: wait, i'm sorry. >> jimmy: what was that? >> steve: so you're saying you'll be able to pick up ups packages at advanced auto parts? >> jimmy: yeah >> steve: and that makes it simpler? >> jimmy: sure, yeah, yeah you order your package through ups, instead of getting it at your house, you get it over at advanced auto parts. [ laughter ] >> steve: what if there isn't an advanced auto parts near my house? >> jimmy: there probably won't be but you can move closer to one
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[ laughter ] >> steve: so let me get this straight if i like where i live - >> jimmy: uh-huh >> steve: and i like my house, right? >> jimmy: yeah, i've been to your house it's beautiful >> steve: i love my house. but i want to pick up my ups package. >> jimmy: right, i don't see what the problem is. >> steve: i'll have the option of moving closer to an advanced auto parts to pick up my ups package >> jimmy: yes, that's way it's easier >> steve: so i have to uproot my family. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: your kids will make new friends. >> steve: right. [ laughter ] so that i can get my package at advanced auto parts. let me -- let me just make sure i'm getting this right >> jimmy: i don't -- i don't see what the problem is. >> steve: okay what do i do >> jimmy: it's very easy you just go to a post office >> steve: right. >> jimmy: you get a box. >> steve: any size box >> jimmy: sure, any size box doesn't matter you ship it through ups. >> steve: yes. >> jimmy: and then it ends up at an advanced auto parts. [ laughter ] >> steve: the car parts store? >> jimmy: that's correct >> steve: oh >> jimmy: you got it >> steve: yeah, i got it now, i have one more question for you.
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>> jimmy: what's that? >> steve: what if i need to buy auto parts >> jimmy: you have to go to ups. [ cheers and applause it's easier. >> steve: that doesn't seem much easier at all >> jimmy: much easier. >> steve: that seems much harder >> jimmy: this is going viral, everybody. someone tried to order a cake for a two-year-old that said "happy birthday, lizard. but the bakery misheard them and sent them a cake that said, "happy birthday, loser." this is real look at this [ laughter ] [ audience aws ] meanwhile, at the white house, trump was like, "why does the cake i ordered for don jr. say, 'lizard?'" [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause and finally, this is amazing in north dakota, a college student discovered a a 65 million-year-old dinosaur skull. even more impressive, it took his roommate only an hour to turn it into a bong. [ laughter ] you guys, we've got a great show tonight come on with me. give it or theoots
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[ cheers and applause >> jimmy: guys, this is very exciting voting is done and the polls are closed we're about to announce the winning book in this year's "tonight show summer reads" contest. now, we gave you guys five to choose from, five great books. i'll line them up right here and then we have -- we asked you guys to vote on it online, on our website and everyone did. thank you for participating. we got close to a million votes. >> steve: wow. >> jimmy: in the past week [ cheers and applause here are the five books in the d this is it right here. so it was "silent patient. that's the woman who shoots her husband, then she won't talk >> steve: right. >> jimmy: yup. "ask again, yes. two couples live next door to each other in new york city and then something shocking happens. one family has to move away. >> steve: away >> jimmy: but the kids, they stand -- they get back together
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and then later - >> steve: they ask again, yes. >> jimmy: find out what went down [ laughter ] this one, "gone dead," she inherits a house after her father died years ago. she finds out when her father died, that day she went missing. >> steve: ooh. [ audience oohs >> jimmy: this one, "fleischman is in trouble" this guy -- ex-wife drops the kids off and then she leaves. never returns. [ laughter ] but it's set in a humorous way >> steve: right. oh, it's good. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: i think, i think she's funny. so it's probably funny and then this is "the chain. this is a thriller a stranger says he kidnaps your child. and to free them, you mus ild. >> steve: ooh. [ audience oohs [ drumroll ]wow,hat's the firste drumroll, please thatmy: people are making a drumroll with their legs >> steve: it's like rain in africa >> jimmy: this is the audience making the sound with their legs ♪ do do do do do do do do do ♪ [ cheers and applause >> steve: oh
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ooh. [ audience oohs [ laughter ] oh [ audience ohs ] oh [ audience ohs ] >> jimmy: the winner that got the most votes and will be our "tonight show summer read" is "ask again, yes. [ cheers and applause ♪ by mary beth keane that is the winner thank you very much for voting >> steve: wow! >> jimmy: it was really close between that and "the chain. "the chain," i think it was 3,000 votes. >> steve: wow. >> jimmy: but it won and congratulations, though. here's what we're going to do. we're going to read this book together i want all of us to read it together and then follow us on instagram and facebook over the next few weeks, i'll be checking in i have not read this book.
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i really don't know if it's good or not. >> steve: well, then read it >> jimmy: i know these are all good books but, i'm going to read it with you. and then we'll talk about it like what book clubs do. >> steve: yeah >> jimmy: yeah and then i want to make sure that you're reading it, too. so use the hashtag #tonightshowsummerreads. and we'll talk about this book together you can go to tonightshow.com/summerreads to find out where to get this book and yeah, it's a big deal. this is --"i annot believe this." [ laughter ] oh, my gosh. you guys, it's the timothee chalamet puppet [ laughter ] "i cannot believe this the 'ask again, --' is the winner i thought it was going to be --" [ laughter ] it was not it was very close. it was not "the -- "you sure? yeah, i'm sure "you sure? i am sure. "ask again --" "ask again, yes. "ask again --" timothee chalamet, "ask again, yes" is the book "well, that is the book i will read, as well.
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>> steve: so the dummy's going to read the book >> jimmy: "do not call him a a dummy. he's the host of 'the tonight show. [ laughter ] that is rude for you to do that [ laughter ] he knows what he's doing he's a professional. don't let him talk to you like that." >> steve: i'm sorry. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: a little -- i think he was -- never mind he's actually -- he's a very talented -- a very talented guy, the timothee chalemet puppet >> steve: he's a timothee chalemet puppet >> jimmy: you want to see what he can do?yeah ♪ okay blindfolded. >> jimmy: can you see anything "no, i cannot. >> steve: okay [ laughter ] >> jimmy: how many fingers am i holdin "i told you i cannot see what do you think? [ laughter ] you an idiot you are the dummy" [ light laughter ] all right, higgins, hold something up do you have something to hold up >> steve: yeah >> jimmy: anything >> steve: okay >> jimmy: anything okay >> steve: there we go, right there, give it a shot. >> jimmy: all right.
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can we have some silence, please >> steve: i'll hold it right by my face. [ laughter ] wow. his brain is working >> jimmy: "is it a cylinder? >> steve: wow, yes yes, it is a cylinder. [ light laughter ] amazing. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: "is it shiny?" [ laughter ] >> jimmy: "i'm almost too exhausted. [ laughter ] no, you have to continue you must continue, timothee chalamet puppet you're very close. "i'll only do this for you [ light laughter ] is it a beverage?" >> steve: yes, yes, it is a beverage >> jimmy: i think it is a can of la croix. >> steve: wow! [ cheers and applause
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♪ >> jimmy: wait, before - >> steve: wait >> jimmy: you want to guess -- >> steve: what flavor? >> jimmy: what >> steve: what flavor? >> jimmy: don't make him do that >> steve: yes. can you guess the flavor >> jimmy: don't make him do that pamplemmousse. >> steve: oh, my god [ cheers and applause ♪ >> jimmy: oh, my god timothee chalemet puppet oh, my gosh. >> steve: he's tired he fell asleep >> jimmy: he's exhausted >> steve: he fell asleep on the chair. >> jimmy: he's exhausted [ laughter ] he's can't do -- he's a -- >> steve: oh, my gosh. >> jimmy: he's not a mentalist >> steve: you know, the brain uses - >> jimmy: he's very talented >> steve: yeah >> jimmy: anyway, i'm very excited about this i can't wait to do this. we did this last year. and we love our author last year it was "children of blood and bone" which is still on the bestseller list. and tomi adeyemi - and so we're going to have mary beth keane on the show. and we're all going to read this together. it's awesome i'm so excited go to your bookstore and pick p. actually, you guys here don't have to. because everyone in tonight's audience is going home with their own very own copy, yes [ cheers and applause ♪ stick around we'll be right back with more "tonight show," everybody.
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♪ [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: welcome back everybody. we are joined right now by our resident science expert, give it up for kevin delaney. [ cheers and applause ♪ >> jimmy: good to see you buddy. kevin -- kevin, welcome back to the show it's always good to see you buddy. >> good to see you too >> jimmy: what are we doing first here >> do you like fireworks >> jimmy: yes. we all do. >> do you like - [ cheers and applause do you like s'mores?- yogot those on >> jimmy: yes. it's great oyou look very cool >> jimmy: thank you. >> you look like the terminator >> jimmy: i'll be -- no, i won't. i won't say that >> yeah. [ light laughter ] so i'm going to ask you to hold the s'mores -- >> jimmy: okay >> and i've got the marshmallow here so -- what we're gonna do -- i have a sparkler back here. okay, so i'm gonna light the sparkler, and i'm gonna use it to roast this marshmallow. so this is a titanium sparkler so it reaches about 600 degrees celsius. or if you're in to fahrenheit, it's over a thousand degrees >> jimmy: yeah, i'm in to fahrenheit [ light laughter ]
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>> really, really hot. so it should be able to -- yeah, yeah me too me too man >> jimmy: yeah >> so it should be able to toast this really well done. so are you ready >> jimmy: okay yeah. yeah, let's -- >> alright [ clicking ] ready? here we go >> jimmy: this is fantastic. this is perfect to do in the summer >> it's about eight feet tall, give or take [ audience ohs ] >> jimmy: yes, yes that is the way to do it right there. look at that, perfectly done [ cheers and applause >> okay. so, now, do you want to get a s'more - pocae orn -- >> jimmy: yeah i'll get a s'more ready to go there >> we wanted to have enough so >> jimmy: perfect, thank you very much. >> here, you want to - >> jimmy: just put one on top of there >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: yeah, that's perfect thank yoitvierfectly >> don't eat it, it's full of titanium [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, thank you. i appreciate that. thank you very much. i'll have one of these can i eat that >> we have some more sparklers -- you all right? >> jimmy: yeah - >> did you eat a plain raw marshmallow? >> jimmy: i did, but yeah, that's - >> i think that's safe >> jimmy: okay, i didn't come to rehearsal [ laughter ] >> alright, that's okay, that's
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okay have you seen -- there's a a movie called "titanic" that's about this boat. [ talking over each other >> jimmy: no spoilers. yeah [ laughter ] >> okay, yeah. the i'm flying scene, where jack and rose are on the bow of the boat and there's beautiful music playing. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah >> and he asks her, "do you trust me," and what does she say? she says, "i trust you, jack." right? [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah, this is unbelievable >> do you trust me, jimmy. >> jimmy: i trust you kevin. >> we're going to re-create the scene. >> jimmy: alright. >> so i need your arms out at 90 degree angle. >> jimmy: okay >> imagine you're looking out at the beautiful ocean a researcher's been deceived by a woman, an old woman. [ laughter ] okay >> jimmy: that's right >> it's "titanic." >> jimmy: yeah, of course. >> okay ready, light the titanium [ cheers ] wow! >> jimmy: yes! ♪ near far wherever
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that was unbelievable. >> how are you doing >> jimmy: i'm great. i'm not on fire, am i? >> how is your heart, did it go on >> jimmy: my heart was gonna go on [ laughter ] >> okay, good, good, good. so, we were able to do that, so why didn't it burn you >> jimmy: i don't know why >> there was not enough heat energy in a little tiny spark to burn your skin. >> jimmy: because it did the marshmallow. >> right >> jimmy: so had my hands in closer to it >>ight, because heat is a product of an object mass, and it's temperature so a larger object like the marshmallow, with all that heat concentrated on it, cooked the marshmallow. but just a small amount of heat on your skin didn't hurt you at all. >> jimmy: fantass a newoods der champion - >> jimmy: nice >> when i was a kid. thank you very much. [ applause ] so we have some pinewood derby style racing cars here but because -- come on over here we're people of science. so we have some little co2 cartridges in the back to power them so what we're gonna do is -- i'm gonna put your hand there. >> jimmy: yep. >> and you want to pull out the pin, but don't let it go until i say so >> jimmy: okay, sure
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>> so on the count of three let go alright, ready >> jimmy: yes. >> three, two, one [ audience ohs ] >> jimmy: oh fantastic >> awesome [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: can we see it in slow motion you got me you took me. yeah, you're the champ right there bud. >> that's okay that's okay. [ applause ] >> okay, so i know you like racing on the show a lot >> jimmy: yeah i do. >> wouldn't it be cool if we had human sized versions of these sort of cars wouldn't it be cool? [ cheers and applause i agree. tariq, do you want to race against him? >> tariq: i thought you'd never ask. [ cheers and applause ♪ >> jimmy: really >> you're going to want to put on these gloves cause it's gonna get cold >> jimmy: wow, really? really >> oh, now it's getting serious. >> all right >> jimmy: what do we do? >> follow me, we're going to go out into the hallway >> jimmy: all right. >> all right >> jimmy: you mentioned something about the 50th anniversary of the moon landing? >> right, right. and so pretty much, this is the same way that like we move objects around in space. so it's a large, you know,
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throwing mass behind a craft right? moving it in the opposite direction. so pretty much what we're going to do is the same thing. so down here we have two carts that have been modified, kind of upscale from the pinewood derby type cars. okay >> jimmy: oh my gosh, yes! >> so pick your cars, there you go and you've got helmets to put on >> tariq: i like to make a a choice >> now, these red tanks are fire extinguishers, right, and they're co2 fire extinguishers that have been modified to really allow all the pressure to release and we should be able to get a a nice propulsion forward. so once you're ready, we'll begin the race now you want to go down the hall, around, and back into the studio and the first one to the finish line is the winner >> you ready >> tariq: i'm not answering that let's go [ light laughter ] >> alright, three, two, one. ready, set, go [ explosion ♪ ♪
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[ applause ] [ bell ringing ] >> tariq: you sprayed me with smoke. >> jimmy: smoked you, man. smoked you smoked him [ cheers and applause kevin delaney, everybody [ cheers and applause we'll be right back with zachary quinto come on back everybody wow, that was -- [ cheers and applause ♪ ] {tires screeching} {truck honking} (avo) life doesn't give you many second chances. but a subaru can. (dad) you guys ok? you alright? wow. (avo) eyesight with pre-collision braking. standard on the subaru ascent. the three-row subaru ascent.
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the brewpub chicken new hwith grilled chickens. crispy smokehouse bacon, and fresh avocado. the new buffalo chicken with frank's redhot wings sauce. ♪ [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: our first guest stars on the amc series "nos4a2" which will air its season finale this sunday at 10:00 p.m. lady's and gentlemen, please welcome zachary quinto ♪ [ cheers and applause
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>> jimmy: welcome back to the show >> it's good to be here. >> jimmy: we love having you here how was your summer? you enjoying it? >> great yeah >> jimmy: did you go on any vacations at all >> jimmy: no >> i had never been there either >> jimmy: is it beautiful? >> its so beautiful and peaceful and the people are so welcoming. and, yeah, it was great. it was really lovely >> jimmy: this is not where the incident occurred, if you know what i'm talking about >> it's not where the incident occurred >> jimmy: the paddle boarding incident >> the paddle board fiasco i mean, i love to kind of experience the places that i'm in and so, it was my last day i was like, i'm going to go out for a paddle board - >> jimmy: yeah >> before i leave for the airport. so i go. and i was like very tranquil, paddling my way down, and i'm like, this is great. and i go, you know, fairly far down the beach, and then i get to the end and this, like, hurricane force wind, basically, whips up. and then i have to turn around
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and now what was like this tranquil thing [ light laughter ] i'm, like, like, like, laboring against the wind and then i had to get on my knees and be like paddling and it was like -- it was horrifying and, of course the paparazzi was there. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: what's fun is that - >> i know. i know >> jimmy: we found the photos. [ laughter ] >> i mean, what did i ce >> jimmy: come on, dude. this is fantastic. [ laughter ] [ applause ] dude, it's so good it's so funny. >> that's right. that's right ekim i was like, "please. >> jimmy: you still look good, buddy. >> come on >> jimmy: that's just hilarious though oh my gosh can we talk about "nos4a2? >> let's do it >> jimmy: by the way, the finale is this sunday -- >> sunday. already. it's so crazy. >> jimmy: on amc >> yup >> jimmy: and you're fantastic in it. >> aw, thanks. >> jimmy: you have so much prosthetics in this show >> there's a lot of different looks -- >> jimmy: it's amazing >> for the character who ages up and down through the course of the narrative, the story. >> jimmy: i mean, hundreds of years. look at this >> yeah. >> jimmy: i mean this is scary
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look at this >> ooh.? >> jimmy: do you like doing prosthetics, or do you - >> i do. i mean, it's an interesting -- i've never done them to this extent and it's certainly a a fascinating part of the process that really allows me to immerse myself in a a character. >> jimmy: sure and we have a fantastic team of people joel harlow, richie elanna, and cheryl daniels - they're incredible, and th>>ell itca so congratulations >> yeah, we did yeah thanks, man. [ cheers and applause it's a good segue, yeah. >> jimmy: i want to show everyone a clip. here's zachary quinto in "nos4a2. take a look. lovend the care that they require you are, however, capable of providing them with a proper meal ♪ come out, right now, or you will be the one to burn.
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[ cheers and applause >> jimmy: ooh! i've never seen that side of you. >> so creepy >> jimmy: that's a creepy side of you i never really see - >> yeah, that's a creepy side. we should balance that creepy side out i feel. >> jimmy: if you don't mind, i'll bring up something that could balance it omy: heard tha time you were here, we talked. you said that you were kind of picking up the banjo >> oh yeah, yeah >> jimmy: and trying to learn that >> i've been playing the banjo >> yeah. >> jimmy: we have your - >> we do have my banjo >> jimmy: banjo here tonight i was just wondering if you would -- [ cheers and applause >> thank you, thank you, thank you. >> jimmy: this is fascinatin i'm really excited about this. >> are you >> jimmy: yeah, because i love banjo. >> i love banjo too. >> jimmy: and i tried to play, and i couldn't do it >> thank you i was debating on what to play i decided to go with one of my easier songs just because i've never -- i feel very show and tell about this like, very third grade [ light laughter ] like bringing my cookie monster doll into the class. [ laughter ] this is something i mostly only do on my own, but this is one of my favorite folk songs.
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and i fell in love with it the first time i heard it when it was covered by joan baez it's been covered by bod dylan, jerry garcia, so many people but it was written by this woman named elizabeth cotten, who's amazing. she was born in 1893 in , rth carolina, d 9 shpicked up her brotrom the beginning. she started writing songs and playing songs, and she did that for years. when she was 13 she bought her first guitar, but she was left handed she bought a right handed guitar, and learned how to play it up side down. i mean, just this incredible woman, and then she got married and had a kid, and she stopped playing music. and she made a living doing other jobs and one of the jobs she had was in a department store. and one day this young girl was lost in the department store, separated from her mother, and elizabeth cotton helped her find her mom and they struck a conversation and formed a friendship. and eventually elizabeth cotten went to work for this family as a housekeeper. and it turns out that the little girl who was lost in the department store was the sister of pete seeger and so she hadn't played music for 25 years, and the seeger
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family reawakened her joy for music, and she started playing and recording. she won a grammyhen she was 90 and -- >> jimmy: 90 >> yeah. she started her career again when she was 65 years old, but she wrote this song when she was 11 >> jimmy: wow. >> and then i added to it. i'll play three quick versus and the last one are lyrics that i wrote but i'm so like, all right, i'm going to do this this is -- [ cheers and applause >> wait till it's over wait till it's over. [ laughter ] it's called "freight train." "freight train," yeah. ♪ ♪ freight train freight train going so fas freight train freight trai going so fast ♪ ♪ please don't sa what train i'm o and they won't kno
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what route i've gone ♪ ♪ please don't tell the what train i'm o so they don't know what route i've gone ♪ ♪ when i'm dead and in my grav no more good times shall i crave ♪ ♪ place a stone at my head and fee tell the world that i've gone sleep ♪ ♪ place a stone at my head and fee tell the world that i've gone to sleep ♪ ♪ country country i will wander until i know ♪ ♪ where i come from is where i'll go i will wander until i know where i come fro ♪ is where i'll go >> jimmy: oh, my gosh, hey [ cheers and applause zachary quinto, everybody. that was beautiful the season finale of "nos4a2" airs this sunday at 10 p.m. on amc. betty gilpin joins us after the break, stick around everybody. [ cheers and applause
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[ cheers and applause >> jimmy: our next guest just got nominated for her second emmy for her work on the hit netflix show, "glow. season three premieres august 9th. please welcome betty gilpin. [ cheers and applause ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: come on, welcome to the show >> hi. >> jimmy: thank you so much for being here >> it's so nice to be here >> jimmy: happy belated birthday i want to say >> oh thank you, thank you so
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much >> jimmy: did you have a nice one? >> i was on the plane back from comic-con which was so amazing, i had never been before. >> jimmy: ooh that's a big deal >> yeah, it was crazy. >> jimmy: e yothat'sin or there's like special rooms -- >> i was in hall h - >> jimmy: yes. >> which seats just a casual 7,000 people >> jimmy: yeah >> there's like this part of me that's like my 7-year-old self like "oh my god, i can't believe any of this is happening. and then part of me that's like, "it's all going to go away." >> jimmy: oh really? >> i call her angela i have to tell angela to kina of take a chill pill >> jimmy: enjoy it now kid >> yes >> jimmy: yeah >> and then right before i went out, this woman with a headset was like "oh don't be nervous. they don't care about you, they're here for marvel, it's right after your panel." i was like, what [ laughter ] and then i realized like it's 7,000 marvel super fans who have travelled from all over the world to come see the marvel panel and before that i have to be like my name's betty i'm on "glow."
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if you haven't seen "glow," you should check it out. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: how sad, how sad >> yeah it was -- and then the moderator of the panel i was on -- i saw this happen in slow moon a bo 7,000 people she was like trying to throw me she's like, betty gilpin plays liberty belle on "glow." anyone out there dressed as liberty belle? cosplaying as liberty belle? and 7,000 people, this is the sound i heard. [ cough [ laughter ] ♪ >> jimmy: somebody coughing? [ laughter ] >> one cough [ cough [ ht >> jimmy: oh wow >> and my inner angela was like, "you see." >> jimmy: this is the end of the road kid, yeah >> yeah. >> jimmy: let's talk about glow and this is your second emmy nomination >> yeah. >> jimmy: congratulations. that's really fun. >> thank you so much i'm really excited [ cheers and applause yeah >> jimmy: you deserve it >> thanks. >> jimmy: i just read somewhere you do some interesting impressions? >> yes okay, so -- this impression that i do, i have the musical taste of like a 75-year-old hermit woman who's like wearing a dress made out of spider webs so the impression that i can
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do -- i don't know if it's gonna translate, is a duet between ella fitzgerald and >> jimmy: oh my goodness that kind of thing >> jimmy: absolutely >> but i thought to kind of modernize it, i would do it to one of -- a pivotal song for me as a a middle schooler. okay, okay, here we go this is happening, this is crazy. this is like what i would do when i was 6-years-old alone, and then stoned at 17, and now sober here okay ♪ oops i did it again i played with your heart got lost in the game o baby baby oops you think i'm in love ♪ ♪ and i'm sent from above i'm not that innocent ♪ >> jimmy: oh, my god
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[ cheers and applause that is a first. that is a first that has never happened on our show before. that is a first. ella and louie doing britney spears oh my gosh >> thank you >> jimmy: betty gilpin, you are awesome. here's a clip. here's betty gilpin and alison brie in season 3 of "glow. take a look at this. >> we may never open a show in las vegas ever again just take a moment and appreciate what is right in front of you so you don't miss it >> hey, so me speaking as your producer, everyone is up don't bring them down into your sinkhole of despair. >> hey it was fun last night. >> no todd, what did we say? i'm working. >> let's chat. [ light laughter ]
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>> really? >> jimmy: betty gilpin betty gilpin, everybody. season three of "glow" premieres august 9th on netflix. we'll be right back with stand up from mike vecchione, stick around [ cheers and applause ♪ ♪ ♪ protect your pet with the #1 name in flea and tick protection.
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♪ new sichuan hot chicken. for a heart breaking limited time only at panda express. [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: this next guy is one of my favorites.
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he can be heard weekly on the "no disrespect" podcast available on itunes. please welcome the very funny mike vecchione ♪ [ cheers and applause ♪ >> new york city, baby [ cheers and applause my name is mike. i'm in my 40s. some of you might be younger, so i'll tell you what it's like to be in your 40s. [ light laughter ] whether i lift weights or get drunk, my body feels about the same [ light laughter ] the next day i'm just achy and sore, questioning all of my life's choices [ light laughter ] my father gave me some very bad advice growing up. and it's going to sound like good advice when i say it. but now that i'm in my 40s, i know it's bad. this was the advice. he said, "michael, always give 100%." he said, "you can't go wrong if you always give 100%." that, my friends, is false [ laughter ] if you give 100% at all times,
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you will end up in a mental institution. [ laughter ] but you have to try sometimes. so what i do now is when i walk into a situation, i check my cell phone whatever percentage my battery is at -- [ laughter ] that's how much effort i give. [ cheers and applause tonight, they were like, "mike, this crowd deserves 100%." i said "37% is what they're gonna get. [ laughter and applause "unless somebody has a a charger. [ laughter ] i'm not married. there's a lot of lies floating around out there about marriage one is that marriage is 50/50. i find that to be not true at all. the marriages that last are never 50/50. the marriages that last are a combination of two types of people one person who is boring - [ light laughter ]
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with another person who is crazy. [ laughter ] boring and crazy is the only combination that seems to work i've done the math on this two borings don't work they'll cheat on each other. [ laughter ] not enough excitement. two crazies don't work because that's the show "cops. [ laughter ] have you ever seen the show "cops? i have been through a lot of break ups. and when i break up with a a woman, never pleasant. i like to do it at a a restaurant [ laughter ] because i feel like it's a a public place and she will not cause a scene [ light laughter ] but can i share a secret with you guys the women of today will yell at you right in a restaurant. [ laughter ] do you know what i do? i take her to a chinese restaurant [ laughter ] that way if she yells at me, it just seems like she's working at the restaurant. [ laughter ] [ applause ]
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i'm trying to stay in shape. i started doing hot yoga last spring and one of the benefits of doing hot yoga in new york is that you get to carry a small mat around the city with you and i like that. [ light laughter ] because my friends are dumb. they're like, "are you doing yoga?" i'm like, "this? no i like to engage people in tiny wrestling matches all over town [ laughter ] that's how i work out now. i start a confrontation. i roll out the mat [ laughter ] i wave on the challenge. i'm like, "bring it, dog let's solve it in this two by one by two by one-inch space that i carry around with me for aggressive reasons." [ light laughter ] i complain about hot yoga being too hot. i'm one of those guys. my friends are like, "mike, why don't you just go to regular yoga?" i'm like, "no, i like hot yoga i like hot yoga. because you're sweating so much, no one can tell that you're crying. [ laughter ]
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they're like, "mike, are you chanting?" i'm like, "i am weeping. [ laughter ] i told the instructor it was too hot. it's supposed to be 90 minutes, 105 degrees. but it feels like 140. the seasons. i'm like, "do you know how buildings work?" [ laughter ] you control the weather on the [ laughter ] that's why it's different from the outside of a building. [ applause ] otherwise we would not need buildings. we would just do everything outside. she's like, "but don't you feel better after it's over?" i'm like, "i feel better the way someone feels better after they survived a car accident [ laughter ] i feel better that i'm alive [ laughter ] but i don't feel better than if i never would have come here." she's like, "but you're losing weight aren't you happy that you're losing weight? i'm like, "am i losing weight? i don't feel like i'm losing weight i feel like i'm evaporating. [ laughter ] i feel like that's happening i feel like there's a cloud outside that looks exactly like me [ laughter ] fat, white and sad."
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[ laughter ] [ cheers and applause you guys are amazing thank you so much! [ cheers and applause ♪ >> jimmy: mike vecchione for more visit mikevecchione.com. ♪ i'm black superman. here comes the kryptonite. ♪ come on! [ screaming ]
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and it really shows. with all that usaa offers why go with anybody else? we know their rates are good, we know that they're always going to take care of us. it was an instant savings and i should have changed a long time ago. it was funny because when we would call another insurance company, hey would say "oh we can't beat usaa" we're the webber family. we're the tenney's we're the hayles, and we're usaa members for life. ♪ get your usaa auto insurance quote today.
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[ cheers and applause ♪ >> jimmy: my thanks to zachary quinto, betty gilpin, kevin delaney, mike vecchione, and the roots right there from philadelphia [ cheers and applause stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers. thank you for wang bye-by e
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[ cheers and applause ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers. tonight -- michael moore, host of "most expensivest," rapper, 2 chainz writer, brian michael bendis featuring the 8g band with fred armisen ♪ [ cheers and applause ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. >> seth: good evening, i'm seth meyers. this is "late night. how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause that is great ea
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