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tv   The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon  NBC  July 22, 2019 11:34pm-12:38am PDT

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thunderstorms would stay over the sierra. could feel a touch of that humidity, especially in san jose. by wednesday, 97. we'll see it go down a little on friday and spike back up as we hit 97 degrees on sunday. quick look at san francisco, upper 60s and low 70s as we head throughout the next couple of days. oh, i want to say, i don't want to forget, i want to thank everyone for coming out to the tree truck in walnut creek saturday. so many fans of nbc bay area came out. they're so happy to watch our channel. we were happy to give them free ice cream. >> did you have an ice cream sandwich yourself? >> maybe. >> or three. >> walnut creek over the weekend. thanks. [ cheers and applause ♪ >> steve: from 30 rockefeller plaza here in new york city, it's "the tonight show starring jimmy fallon." and now, here he is, jimmy fallon
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[ cheers and applause ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: wow! wow. oh, my goodness. please - welcome. have a seat. welcome, welcome, welcome to "the tonight show", everybody. you're here. [ cheers and applause finally. let's start the show, finally, here can we please? gosh, it was hot this weekend. oh, my gosh. [ light laughter ] >> steve: was it it was hot >> jimmy: what's that? >> steve: was it hot >> jimmy: it was very hot. the heat was brutal, all around the country. for the first time in years, ice cream truck drivers sold more ice cream than weed >> steve: really [ laughter ] >> jimmy: for the first time, yeah - [ cheers and applause this is the first -- get this, it was so hot that here in new york, they had to cancel the new york city triathlon. [ audience aws ] which means 4,000 people were just wandering the streets
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going, "now what do i brag about on instagram?" [ light laughter ] i mean, "my brunch?" well, throughout the weekend, people came up with interesting ways to beat the heat. check out what one guy did when he had to swing by the store >> surveillance cameras captured a man walking into a specialty story in bennington, vermont -- naked [ laughter ] >> jimmy: the guy was like, "it's hot out there. and the cashier said, "are you sure it's not cold?" [ laughter ] [ audience ohs ] >> steve: oh oh oh hey! >> jimmy: very sharp very sharp cashier by the way, you don't want to know where that guy was keeping his wallet [ laughter ] i'm just saying. let's get to some news here. over the weekend, white house adviser stephen miller went on fox news and said that trump is not a racist people at home were confused they couldn't tell if they were watching fox news or "big little lies. [ light laughter ] check this out over the weekend, trump asked sweden's prime minister to free rapper a$ap rocky from jail. then sweden's prime minister was like, "we're the home of ikea, we don't do anything asap." [ laughter ] some more news about the president.
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over the weekend, a couple at trump's new jersey golf club held a "make america great again" themed wedding and he actually crashed it. take a look at this. yeah, he showed up [ light laughter ] yeah, he cut in right after hearing, "you may now kiss the bride. he's like, "all right, let me get in." [ laughter ] hey guys, this weekend was the 50th anniversary of the moon landing. [ cheers and applause it's crazy only 12 people have ever set foot on the moon and nobody's been there since 1972. so it's basically the jc penney of space [ laughter ] >> steve: ouch >> jimmy: some entertainment news everyone's talking about the trailer for the new "cats" movie. >> tariq: oh, they sure are. [ light laughter ] and now i can finally try out my new segment, "tariq's cat corner." it's puurrfect timing. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: actually tariq, we had to cut "cat corner" for tonight. sorry, man
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>> tariq: oh, i see. ♪ [ light laughter ] i guess i'll just put all my cat toys away. >> jimmy: come on, tariq don't be like that we'll do the segment another time it's just -- >> tariq: another time the "cats" trailer just came out. when's it going to be a better time than now? >> jimmy: look, we have to move on, all right. it's like we don't have time tonight. so, i'm sorry. we had to cut it >> tariq: it's fine. ♪ memories all alone in the moonligh i can smile at the old days ♪ >> jimmy: don't do this. just - ♪ i was beautiful then >> jimmy: all right, we don't need this, tariq this -- come on. ♪ ♪ i remember the time [ laughter ] ♪ i kne i knew what happiness was ♪ >> jimmy: it's not even cats from the movie it's generic pictures of cats. ♪ let the memor live again ♪
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♪ ♪ touch m it's so easy to leave me all alone with my memories of ♪ ♪ of my days in the sun if you touch me ♪ ♪ if i touch yo you'll understand what happiness is ♪ ♪ look a new da has begun ♪ [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: well, as i said, we're going to get to "cat corner" next week. [ light laughter ]
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>> tariq: meow [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: hey, guys, this is going viral. did you see this shaquille o'neal was in the crowd for a big music festival in belgium this weekend. see if you can spot him. ♪ ♪ [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it's like -- >> steve: what >> jimmy: it's like a reverse "where's waldo." it's called "there's waldo." also, can you imagine being the guy standing behind shaq [ light laughter ] he's like, you got to be kidding me out of 100,000 people, shaq is standing in front of me? [ light laughter ] the concert abruptly ended when shaq tried to crowd surf >> steve: oh >> jimmy: very sad [ laughter ] and finally, today, the first trailer came out for the new mr. rogers movie, "a beautiful day in the neighborhood. it stars tom hanks and judging by the clip they sent it looks pretty good. watch this ♪ it's a beautiful da in this neighborhood
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a beautiful day for neighbor ♪ ♪ would you be mine could you be min won't you be m wilson ♪ [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: we have a great show i'm going to tell you who's on the show tonight but first, give it up for the roots, everybody [ cheers and applause ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: great show tonight two of the funniest men in the world are here david spade is here. >> steve: come on. [ cheers and applause come on! >> jimmy: so funny >> steve: hilarious. >> jimmy: jeff foxworthy is here tonight [ cheers and applause >> steve: what >> jimmy: very funny and we have great music from red hearse, everybody. here you go. [ cheers and applause i had a great weekend. it was my daughter's sixth birthday [ audience aws ] very cute. but it was a hundred - it was really -- it was like 110 degrees.
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so i was just afraid i didn't want any humans dying -- >> steve: mishaps, yeah. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: at my party. >> steve: yeah that would have been - >> jimmy: because we had a a party -- and it was great everyone survived, it was really good. but -- no it was really sweet. she loved it she kind of gets what parties are now. so she's like she's really happy everyone was there and loved the cake and was like kind of shy. it was just great. i asked people, no gifts, because we're very spoiled >> steve: right. >> jimmy: she has everything but people brought gifts anyway, so i played with everything and -- [ light laughter ] i mean, it is true though. you do see things that you don't -- you forget, because you were a a kid. but someone got winnie a a spirograph, do you remember those things >> steve: oh, yeah >> jimmy: you put the colored pens in there and move these gears around and it makes different designs. >> steve: so great >> jimmy: i played with it for like three hours [ laughter ] >> steve: yeah >> jimmy: a great gift i loved it so much but she's great, and she -- what do you call it she -- as of yesterday, her favorite thing was -- my friend got her a backpack with books in it. and also colored pens and a note pad and she pulled out the note pad, she's like, "mom, these
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are all blank. i get to draw. i'm gonna start drawing" - like freaked out about just empty paper. >> steve: aww. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: i was like, "we had a bouncy house." [ laughter ] >> steve: come on. >> jimmy: come on. but hey, speaking of books >> steve: what's that? >> jimmy: our book club, "the tonight show" summer reads? >> steve: oh, my god >> jimmy: biggest hit we've ever - well it's only the second year we've done it. but -- [ light laughter ] it's better than it was -- >> steve: last year. >> jimmy: last year. >> steve: and way better than the year before. >> jimmy: we never did it the year before. >> steve: that's why it's so much better. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: already, though, the people voting -- you guys out there are voting online at more than three times the amount that voted for last year's book. >> steve: wow! >> jimmy: so it's like really a game changer i love it. so i want to quickly go through the summer reads really fast, so you guys can vote on what book we're all going to read together okay this is real we've done this last year. >> steve: yeah we read 'em every year >> jimmy: well, no [ light laughter ] we read them last year >> steve: the last ten years >> jimmy: no, no, no
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last year was the first year we started this >> steve: exactly, that's what i said the first year was two years ago. >> jimmy: yeah [ light laughter ] and maybe we'll pick which one -- which one -- no order, i'm going to mix them up just no real order here we go, "silent patient. okay check this out this woman is -- everyone thought alicia berenson was a happily married artist, then she murders her husband. >> steve: oh >> jimmy: then decides to not talk ever again. >> steve: wow, that's rude >> jimmy: yeah then you have a psychotherapist that comes in there and tries to get her to talk >> steve: ooh. >> jimmy: and then maybe she does - >> steve: maybe she doesn't? [ light laughter ] read it and find out >> jimmy: "the silent patient. >> steve: "the silent patient. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah this is "fleischman is in trouble. this is by taffy brodesser-akner, who is a very good writer i've read her stuff in "the new york times" magazine stuff like - this is her first novel. it's humorous, but it's also a a great story. it's basically, this guy fleischman, toby fleischman, his ex-wife drops the kids off, says, "yeah, i'll be back. doesn't come back. >> steve: ooh.
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>> jimmy: so now he's trying to raise these kids and figure out what's going on. then he's like not sure what his marriage was to begin with what life was. yeah [ light laughter ] and it's got laughs and fun things in there. "the gone dead." >> steve: ooh. >> jimmy: yeah, this by chanelle benz. i think this is her first time novel as well. this is like a mystery one this is a -- this woman inherits a house, because her dad died years ago but she inherits a house in the south. she goes to look at the house, starts talking to locals, and finds out there's a rumor that she was missing -- or went missing that day >> steve: ooh. >> jimmy: or something like that i don't think she was kidnapped. >> steve: she just went missing? >> jimmy: i didn't read any of these books. >> steve: right -- [ laughter ] you haven't read them yet. why would you read them? >> jimmy: i'm saving it for the contest. >> steve: yeah save them for the contest. >> jimmy: i know the idea of it >> steve: right. you know as much as the people voting on it >> jimmy: correct, yeah. i want to read it with you guys, and really - but she finds out -- she herself went missing on the day her father died. yeah she's in -- she doesn't remember that.
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so that will hopefully probably tie in "the gone dead." [ light laughter ] "the gone dead." this is "ask again, yes. these are two families live nextdoor to each other in new york, i believe and then -- they become friends and the kids grow up together. then something shocking happens. >> steve: oh >> jimmy: and one of the families have to move away >> steve: 'cause it's so shocking >> jimmy: yeah [ light laughter ] and never to talk to the children - can't talk to each other don't talk to me ever again. >> steve: don't say anything ever >> jimmy: ever again no, well, they are allowed to talk >> steve: well, they're not -- it's not - >> jimmy: that's "the silent patient. >> steve: "silent patient. >> jimmy: yeah, "silent patient" they can't talk again these people can talk -- >> steve: but they choose not to [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: they choose not to - >> steve: they choose not to >> jimmy: they choose not to talk to each other >> steve: refrain from talking to you >> jimmy: don't talk to me >> steve: but "ask again, yes? >> jimmy: no [ laughter ] that's not a good segue. [ applause ] don't clap for that, no. no, no, no, no it's not a segue what happens is the kids, they can't -- it's like a magnet, they can't stay away from each other. >> steve: 'cause they grew up
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together >> jimmy: maybe they might be in love, i don't know. >> steve: we don't know. >> jimmy: it may be so romantic - >> steve: it might be so romantic, no one's murdered. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, there's not murder in all of these books >> steve: just a few of them >> jimmy: i don't think. all right, so that's "ask again, yes." >> steve: okay >> jimmy: this one is called "the chain." >> steve: boo. >> jimmy: all right, you ready for this i almost want to have an echo on my voice like, "the chain-n-n-n-n." this is called "the chain. >> steve: chain-n-n-n-n-n. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: this is a thriller check this out - >> steve: out-t-t-t-t. >> jimmy: your phone rings - no, not everything [ laughter ] >> steve: not everything-g-g-g >> jimmy: i don't want everything - turn the echo off. >> steve: off-f-f-f-f. >> jimmy: no, i'm serious. shut it off! >> steve: off-f-f-f-f. >> jimmy: turn it off, i'm being serious. >> steve: serious-s-s-s-s. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: so you're -- [ fart noise ] [ laughter ] phone rings, the stranger has -- [ imitating phone ringing no, no, no [ laughter and applause i don't want to do all of this >> steve: i'm sorry. i'm a little hot i went to cape cod i'm tired -- >> jimmy: i'm gonna read what the book is about. >> steve: i'm not going to say another word
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sell it. sell that book, man. >> jimmy: a stranger -- i'm not selling the book >> steve: i'm just saying. you don't have many -- you don't have a horse in the game, right? >> jimmy: i don't have a dog in the fight. no, these are just fun books i want to read with you. i don't own these books. >> steve: right. >> jimmy: i don't option for movies - >> steve: no payola. >> jimmy: nothing. no payola. no one paid me to do this. no, this is just fun >> steve: summer read. >> jimmy: a stranger has kidnapped your child >> steve: ooh, child, child-d-d-d. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: a stranger has kidnapped your child to free them, you must abduct someone else's child >> steve: ooh. >> jimmy: your child will be released when your victim's parents kidnap another child you're now part of "the chain. >> steve: chain-n-n-n-n-n. >> jimmy: it's "the chain. "ask again, yes" - [ applause ] "fleischman is in trouble. "silent patient. and "the gone dead." vote on which book will be this year's "tonight show" summer read go to your local book stores and even pick them up while you're there go to tonightshow.com/summerreads. vote, or find out what these books are really about i give a bad description
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but that's basically what the idea is. voting ends this wednesday at noon we're going to announce the winning book thursday night on the show >> steve: yeah >> jimmy: it's going to be fun this is it right here. [ cheers and applause we'll be right back with david spade, everybody come on back [ cheers and applause ♪
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♪ [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: our first guest hosts a new late night show called "lights out with david spade" which premieres next monday at 11:30 on comedy central. please welcome the always entertaining, david spade. [ cheers and applause ♪ >> jimmy: wow. hey. >> hey >> jimmy: that's a nice standing ovation for david spade right there. >> hey >> jimmy: they love you here welcome back to the show
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>> they like us hanging out together >> jimmy: they like us hanging out. >> it's fun. thanks guys. >> jimmy: today's a special day for all of us because that you're here, first of all. we love having you here. but also, today's your birthday, buddy. >> oh, that's right. >> jimmy: happy birthday [ cheers and applause ♪ happy birthday >> yeah. >> jimmy: and you -- yeah, you don't like to make a big deal out of it. >> no, no big fuss, jimmy. >> jimmy: what are you going to do do you have any plans? anything for your birthday >> oh, we were going to dinner me and you, right? >> jimmy: yeah >> you're invited. >> jimmy: no, me and you are going to dinner. >> yes, just us. >> jimmy: i didn't know if you want to tell everybody but yeah >> yeah, yeah. we're going to dinner, and then - >> jimmy: we're going to go to dinner tonight, wow, i'm so psyched. >> i -- i try to invite anybody rich because - [ laughter ] i just want somebody to buy. 'cause i'm going to eat and drink a lot and -- >> jimmy: and you're not paying for it >> no, no. i'm calling all credit cards beep, beep, beep, beep, beep [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, my god >> i called chris rock, he goes, "i'm in toronto. i go, "you can call in a credit card [ laughter ] i mean, you could surprise me. >> jimmy: yeah but no, it's -- one time, you know, i tried to -- you know,
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sandler -- we always talk about all these names, not to name drop -- yes to name drop, but also - [ laughter ] because of old "saturday night live" stories. but adam once -- he always buys me dinner. you know he's a nice guy and his wallet's about 10 feet tall. [ light laughter ] and then he has to bend it [ laughter ] but we were all out -- or i was out at dinner at some fancy restaurant and then they go, "mr. sandler's here. and i go, "ooh." [ laughter ] i play it down i go, "who cares?" [ light laughter ] but then, he's got this whole backroom with 15 people, and they're having some big birthday party or something. so, i go in there, and i do a few thirsty bits to get attention. gross. [ laughter ] and then i come back but then when i leave -- [ laughter ] -- it was so sickening i'm like, "i'm your waiter or whatever." >> jimmy: yeah, yeah i did that i've done that >> everyone's like - [ laughter ] "get lost. >> jimmy: i've done that bit >> yeah. so i go, "all right," and then when i leave, i go, "hey, put this on, you know, my discover card or whatever." so i charge theirs the guy goes, "sir, his whole
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thing? i go, "yeah. i am on tv sometimes what are you worried about?" [ laughter ] so he goes, "sure -- you know, and then "i'm like --" anyway, so the next day identity guard calls me and says "someone stole your card. [ laughter ] i go, "they did? they go, "yeah." [ laughter ] there was some 9,000 dollar dinner last night. [ audience oohs i go, "oh, my god. i go, "that was me." they're like, "it couldn't have been you're not that generous." i go, "no, i was buzzed. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you're not that generous >> no, no, no, yeah. >> jimmy: they told you that >> they knew they could tell. my scrimp -- "we've gone over your tips and realized you're a bit of a scrimper. >> jimmy: no, of course, last time you were here was for your - >> "father of the year." yeah, it was great >> jimmy: "father of the year. that's right it was on netflix. [ cheers and applause it was -- it was a big hit congrats >> it was -- yeah. they told me once, they go, "oh, it's the biggest movie in the world for two weeks in a a row. i go, "huh?" [ laughter ] i -- i go, "i can't believe it." they go, "believe me, we can't
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believe it." [ laughter ] but they -- you know, listen, netflix, the way it works you never know it comes out in all these countries. but i play, like, a boston guy you know >> jimmy: yeah >> and so one time we were shooting it, we're up, you know, on boston outskirts. >> jimmy: yeah >> where i'm a little more famous and then - [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you're more famous on the outskirts? >> yeah, yeah. i have an app that tells i'm like 9% more famous. [ laughter ] do-do-do-do-do that's where i go, "it's worth the drive. so we're shooting and they give me a minivan so people don't, like, know 'cause, you know, they know something's shooting so it blends in. and then i'm sitting in this at, like, midnight and then some lady bangs on the door "hey is the superstar in there? [ light laughter ] so, i open it. i'm so -- i open the window about a quarter inch and i go, "hey, what can i do for you? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: just peeked your eye out. >> hey, man of the people, yeah yeah, and she goes, "hey, can i talk to you, hotshot?" [ laughter ] and i go, "uh, well -- and then she goes -- opens the van door and it's like - bing, bing, bing you know, automatically and all
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the lights come on i'm like, "oh. [ laughter ] the gizmo. and so, i go, "ahh," and then she goes, "hey, scooch over. i got to talk to you." i go -- and then i scooch over like a loser i don't know why i'm doing it. [ laughter ] i'm weak >> jimmy: don't mess with her, man. >> i -- yeah, and i go, "uh," 'cause she's like from real housewives of boston adjacent, wasted like -- [ laughter ] spilling her drink then she gets in and she goes, "we have a dog named farley. i go, "farley? okay like, chris farley?" i go, "yeah, yeah. " and then she goes, "yeah, it's kind of a fatty you know he's, like, funny, he bangs into stuff." i go, "oh, that's nice." [ light laughter ] but you know, people bring up chris. i know it means a lot to people so >> jimmy: absolutely >> so, take some time with her i'm like, "that's so nice," and she goes, "well, we love your movies and everything. i go, "all right." and then she talks about 20 minutes in circles, and then they finally go, "we need you on the set." i go, "thank you, jesus. so i go, "all right -- [ laughter ] i go, "all right, take it easy." she goes, "you want me to wait here do i go with?" i go, "no, go home i don't know." [ laughter ]
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>> jimmy: "we're done. >> that's a wrap, yeah >> jimmy: that's a wrap. >> so, i go in, and an hour later, now it's like 1:00 a.m. i come out, i don't see her, but i see some people with their kids and dogs out. so i go talk to everyone great guy syndrome [ laughter ] i walk over, "hey, guys. thanks for staying up. and i'm petting this dog he's like, "oh, this is ginger." i'm like, "yeah. and then out of the bushes comes drunkelstilzchen with her drinks [ laughter ] then she goes, "hey, we were gonna name him farley. i go, "wait, you didn't name your dog farley? [ laughter ] she goes - [ indiscernible and then even the husband's like, "it's a girl." "no, but if it was a boy, -- [ laughter ] and then we didn't name it ginger." >> jimmy: oh, my god >> i was like, "oh, my god you made up that whole --" so i leave and then she goes, "heading back to the van hotshot? is that where we're all going now? >> jimmy: what [ laughter ] >> i go, "no, i'm going," and then -- and then i hear her get mad at her husband she goes, "dan, you ruined it. he goes, "what, your horrifying lie? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you lie that said that -
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>> give me a heads up. >> jimmy: -- the dog's name is ginger >> yeah. ginger's like, "huh? [ laughter ] i was gonna be farley? >> jimmy: gosh talk about -- can we talk about "lights out with --" >> "lights out." uh-huh yeah, the show >> jimmy: "lights out with david spade" is a new competing talk show against us, 11:30 at night. [ audience oohs >> well, i just -- i have three comedians. it's different i just have three comics we do just current events, pop culture stuff, you know, whatever, maybe some sports. no politics, because i'm too stupid, i don't even know. [ laughter ] i know who the president is for sure i think that's what i'm scared of i'm so dumb if anyone asked me any questions, i wouldn't know so i just -- we just talk about dumb stuff, and laugh and do some bits. we did this one bit the other day where we thought it'd be funny 'cause people sometimes want to know what it's like to be a stand-up, you know, you know what's it like, and people go, "what is the feeling?" so we got guy a guy that works with me. he's sort of a chubby guy, and we got someone from "vanderpump rules," and we just put him on stage at the comedy store but instead of writing him an act, we just give him an ear piece.
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and no one knows it's not a comedian so they go right up on the -- with everyone else, it's terrifying and then we're in a monitor, me and jeff ross. >> jimmy: oh, no >> and we feed them a joke, and they just say whatever we say. it was so scary, but it was really fun >> jimmy: oh, my god [ laughter ] >> yeah, it was fun. >> jimmy: that's such a good bit. >> it was fun, i think, for everybody. yeah, it's a good bit, and it came out great it was like a tv show or something. i was like, they show us laughing, then we say it like -- we go, "this guy's kind of heavy." and he goes, "hey. i go -- i go, "hey." and he goes "hey." [ light laughter ] and i'm like, "oh, it's working. and i go, "you guys like impressions? and he's like -- [ laughter ] "you guys like impressions?" and he goes, "you should see the impression i left on the couch in the green room. [ laughter and applause >> jimmy: oh, my that's a good joke come on. [ cheers and applause >> yeah. >> jimmy: that's a good joke >> it's funny. he's - >> jimmy: i can't -- i would love that joke and they laugh and he's like this - >> jimmy: i can't wait >> that's funny 'cause we're writing, like, sort of professional jokes for some of them - >> jimmy: yeah >> -- just as an amateur and they -
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they can't even screw it up. they just say it it -- anyways -- >> jimmy: when is it -- when is it >> that's monday we do that, and we go four nights a week after "the daily show" every night. >> following "the daily ," it's called "lights out with david spade. >> yeah. >> jimmy: david spade, everybody. it premieres july 29th [ cheers and applause we'll be back. not this monday, next monday >> yeah. >> jimmy: next monday, july 29th at 11:30 p.m. on comedy central we're playing "wheel of opinions" when we come right back. stick around, everybody. [ cheers and applause ♪ ♪ ♪ so kim, you going for our big drive safe & save discount? yup, using the app. i've been quite vigilant. sharon says step on it. the meeting's started. ok, write her back 'dear sharon, don't mess with my discount!' faster mommy, i gotta go to the bathroom. i do too honey, but we're gonna hold it for mommy's discount. easy, easy! but you're in labor? don't mess with my discount! uh hem.
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click, call or visit a store today to learn more. ♪ [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: welcome back we are here with david spade, everybody. now, david - >> wow >> jimmy: that's the first time - that's the first time ever our guest gave our audience a standing ovation good for you >> yeah, yeah. you guys were great.
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>> jimmy: now david, you are a a great comedian and part of your job is to have strong opinions about all different kinds of things. >> yeah. >> jimmy: so with that in mind, i want to play a game we call "wheel of opinions." here we go >> oh! [ cheers and applause ♪ ♪ wheel of opinions yeah ♪ >> jimmy: now here's how it works. we're going to hit this button here which will activate the opinion topic generator. >> flux capacitor. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: and it will land on a random topic and whatever it is, you'll have to give your opinion on it >> i don't know. >> jimmy: you ready for this [ laughter ] all right, here we go. ready? here we go >> what do i do? >> jimmy: well, i think you should press it because you're here >> i press it to start it or - >> jimmy: then we'll tell you random opinions and then just talk about whatever shows up >> okay. ♪ [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, do you know the faceapp filter >> oh, do i. [ laughter ] yeah people did it for me i'm against it, because i'm just against, in general first of all, i don't want to look any older on that app
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[ laughter ] that's like -- i don't even know why anyone would do it. but i like -- i want one that when i'm taller. an app [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's nice. >> yeah, where's that invention. [ laughter ] but overall, i just think that sometimes people don't look like they do on instagram. and so it's not a great idea you meet girls on instagram, you're like, "uh, is the girl from instagram coming? [ laughter ] because -- are you her roommate?" because sometimes you don't look - [ ding ] they don't look exactly the same you know, it's bad for the world. that's all okay there's no right or wrong answer >> jimmy: no, it's just opinions [ laughter ] here we go ♪ >> i can't even read that. >> jimmy: it says, "the richest man in the world." [ laughter ] >> oh, richest man in the world. oh, it's now - >> jimmy: it's - >> no, not bill gates anymore. it's a french guy named bernard arnault. i just read this and he is number one and then bezos >> jimmy: oh, jeff bezos, yeah >> and then bill gates embarrassing [ laughter ] bill gates is -- isn't that tragic? >> jimmy: ew >> yeah, he's the bronze
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nobody's talking about the bronze anymore [ laughter ] he walks around with a leather coat and they're like, "hey, i'm bronzy hey. >> jimmy: bronzy >> yeah. [ ding ] his wife is like, "i thought you were rich? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: here we go ready? here we go ♪ >> that's my favorite part [ laughter ] >> jimmy: this is an odd one this is an odd one this is -- what is your opinion on going into the pool with a shirt on >> oh. [ laughter ] it's mandatory for me now. [ laughter ] yeah america voted. [ laughter ] no, you know what happened though i did -- i did get some paparazzi pictures at the pool, like, two summers ago. and, you know, no one's expecting miracles from this rig, you know? [ laughter ] so i had my shirt off, i didn't look great and then i come home and i'm -- my waiter is german at my breakfast place. and he comes up and goes, "what was going on in the pool?" [ laughter ] i go, "huh?" and he goes, "i saw pictures, dude not good."
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i go, "what do you mean? he goes, "you have a gut." i was like, "oh, my god. [ laughter ] i go, "first of all, let me tell you something." he goes, "why do you pick the most horrible picture? i go, "i don't pick [ bleep ], dude they pick it." [ laughter ] what do you -- do you not know how it works they want a bad picture. the guy's got like a jeweler's loop with a context. he's like, "looks too good, looks too good." [ laughter ] fat, run with it." [ laughter ] print it [ cheers and applause [ ding ] >> jimmy: that's it, "wheel of opinions." my thanks to david spade right there. >> yeah. [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: thank you for playing that >> that was good >> jimmy: we'll be right back with jeff foxworthy, everybody [ cheers and applause ♪
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>> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. oh, my god i love spade so much he really -- i told him, i didn't want to make a big deal for his birthday so i really didn't do it because i once, this was years ago, we were friendly, but we weren't friends. now i would say we're friends. i was just a fan of david. [ light laughter ] but i saw him at a restaurant and sent him over cake and pretended it was his birthday and had the whole restaurant sing "happy birthday" to him. [ laughter ] not happy. [ laughter ] he was like, "oh, we're not going to be friends. he was like, "oh, no, i don't do this. like - and i was looking -- i was like, "wasn't that funny?" [ laughter ] and he was like, "no, not funny. [ laughter ] wow. so i really know that he doesn't like that. he doesn't like to get attention even though he's, you know - a star, and he's on tv [ laughter ] and he's on -- yeah, so but anyways, so i promised i wouldn't make a big deal so that's why i didn't make a giant deal about his birthday, but i'm going to dinner tonight and i'm going to have -- [ laughter ] i'm going to stand on the table and sing "happy birthday." [ laughter and applause because it's his actual birthday
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stick around we'll be right back with jeff foxworthy, ladies and gentlemen. [ cheers and applause ♪ it runs on doritos. want to tr[dog barks]me machine? okay. yes! [humming, thumping] this is the greatest moment of my life! get out of my yard! [birds chirping] jimmy? you're so old.
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plus no surprises on your bill. taxes and fees are included. and now for a limited time, with each new line, get one of our latest smartphones included. that's right, only $40/line for four lines and smartphones are included for the whole family. ♪ [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: our next guest is the best-selling comedy recording
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artist of all time and one of the judges on the show "bring the funny", which airs tuesdays at 10:00 p.m. on nbc. everyone, please welcome jeff foxworthy [ cheers and applause ♪ >> jimmy: welcome back to the show we love having you here. thank you so much for being here i want to get into "bring the funny." but i also want to hear about what's happening with your life how is it going? what's new what have you been up to >> life's good good summer. my mom's flip phone finally broke. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: wow! >> yes >> jimmy: that's a big deal. >> big deal. big deal so - >> jimmy: finally. >> we got mom her first iphone
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>> jimmy: oh, no >> and if you said to me tonight, jeff, i give you the choice between teaching your mother how to text or teaching your dog how to wipe his butt - >> jimmy: yeah [ light laughter ] >> i would say, "hand me the toilet paper let's give that a shot." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: wow. teaching her how to use an iphone no, way. >> and she loves this thing. so she calls me, like, last week and i answered, because i didn't have anything to do for an hour and a half [ laughter ] and so - so, i'm talking to my mom. and during the conversation, she mentions that there had been a couple of break-ins in her neighborhood i said, "well, mom, you know, that's kind of concerning. she said, "i know. she goes, "that's why i'm thinking about getting my carry permit." [ light laughter ] my mom is 83 years old [ cheers ] [ laughter ] her eyesight is bad, her hearing is worse and she has the balance of ron white after midnight [ light laughter ] and now she's thinking about getting a pistol
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and i said, "mom." i said, "call me ultra, you know, worrywart, but maybe you shouldn't be packing heat if you're wearing a life alert. you know [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no >> i mean, what do you say so i try to talk her through this and i said -- i said, "mom." i said, "i hope loading this thing is not going to be more difficult than opening a jar of pickles, or you're going to be in trouble." well, 'cause she's got arthritis in her thumbs. and then i started thinking, "i bet i could get her a commercial out of it." you know, it's like, "my arthritis had gotten so bad, i could barely jack a round into the chamber. [ laughter ] "but thanks to new improved bufferin, i can make it rain, dog. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. >> you feel me [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: mom -- >> i just see her, like sorting her bullets in her pill boxes and everything [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, my gosh.
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>> so i hung up and i said to my wife, i said, "well, i know what to get mom for christmas. i said, "i'm getting her the magnetic holster she can put on the side of the walker [ light laughter ] and i'm getting her husband the bulletproof vest he can wear underneath his cardigan sweater, just in case she goes spider monkey during 'the wheel of fortune'. so - [ laughter ] >> jimmy: "wheel of fortune" argument [ applause ] >> yeah, right >> jimmy: let's talk about "bring the funny," if you do mind it. congrats on this show. >> yeah. >> jimmy: it's a hit show on nbc. it's you, chrissy teigen, kenan thompson i love the show, because i love any form of comedy >> yeah. >> jimmy: i just love to laugh >> well, i think the thing that's fun about it, any time you've ever seen a comedy competition on tv, it's always standup. and i'm a standup. i love standup but kind of the idea was -- with the show was, a, the timing of it if the country ever needs to laugh, it's now. >> jimmy: yeah >> you know? and to me, laughter is always like the release valve that keeps the boiler from exploding. you know, you got to laugh and so we kind of thought, all right, we don't care how you do it it can be sketch
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it can be music acts it can be comedy magic - just make us laugh bring the funny. and so that's what we're doing i mean, we got standups going up against sketch acts >> jimmy: ventriloquists >> ventriloquists, puppets you name it, we got it >> jimmy: which i always love. >> yeah. >> jimmy: i love watching these shows because i always think, like, well - i don't -- you got to get your start somewhere. and this is a good way - >> oh, yeah. >> jimmy: even if you don't win -- i mean, have you ever been a a contest an the on one of these, like type of -- >> oh, god, yeah i mean, a lot of - and i try to tell the guests that it's that, you know, just because you don't go to the next level, doesn't mean you're not going to be doing this for the rest of your life. and so i try to point out things like, i remember the first time i ever did "the tonight show." blake clark -- you know blake >> jimmy: of, of course, blake clark. >> blake - >> jimmy: blake clark. >> blake clark >> jimmy: love blake clark >> blake drove all the way over to nbc to tell me, "look, when you're doing tv, you get nervous and you go faster. so when you think you're going too slow, slow down. i've remembered that for 30 years you know, so i'll tell the contestants. 'cause a lot of them, it's their first time on tv it's like, when you're doing tv - >> jimmy: slow down. >> slow down
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set your pace. and so it's nice to be able to kind of -- you know, it's almost like handing the baton. taking these things people taught you and handing them to the next generation. >> jimmy: you told me a good story backstage about "the tonight show", when you were on johnny carson. >> oh, yeah. i was telling somebody this. so this was always my dream as a comic to be on "the tonight show. and so when i was growing up, it was carson. >> jimmy: yeah >> you know, that was the top of mt. everest >> jimmy: sure >> and so i finally get to johnny and, you know, back in those days, you didn't know if you were going -- you did your standup. but if johnny didn't like you, he'd clap. if he liked you, he'd do this. if he loved you, he'd call you over >> jimmy: that's correct >> and so you're scared to look after your six minutes, because it's like caesar you know, do you live or die [ laughter ] and so johnny called me over and i'm like, "oh, my god. i can't" - and then sit in the chair. so we go to commercial and ed mcmahon leans over. and he goes, "hey, how come you never did 'star search'? and i said, "'cause i've auditioned for you six times and you turned me down every single time. [ audience aws ] but now i'm talking to johnny! so you slide on down there!" [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: that's right six times?
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>> yeah, right >> jimmy: that's awesome kids, learn something from this funny human being. [ cheers and applause jeff foxworthy, everybody. bring the funny airs tuesdays at 10:00 p.m. on nbc we'll be right back with a a performance from red hearst. stick around come on back [ cheers and applause ♪ my experience with usaa
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has been excellent. they really appreciate the military family and it really shows. with all that usaa offers why go with anybody else? we know their rates are good, we know that they're always going to take care of us. it was an instant savings and i should have changed a long time ago. it was funny because when we would call another insurance company, hey would say "oh we can't beat usaa" we're the webber family. we're the tenney's we're the hayles, and we're usaa members for life. ♪ get your usaa auto insurance quote today.
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♪ [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: making their tv debut, performing "half love" from their upcoming self-titled album, give it up for red hearse
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[ cheers and applause ♪ ♪ i don't wanna waste no time with you i don't wanna wast my time ♪ ♪ you feel it comin don't want t acknowledge it ♪ ♪ so sick of fronting stand up in front of it ♪ ♪ 'cause i don' wanna wast no time with you ♪ ♪ i don't wanna waste no time ♪ ♪ don't hear your mother fathe whole family ♪ ♪ they said i won't get fa well we gon' see ♪ ♪ 'cause i don' wanna wast no time with you ♪ ♪ 'cause everybody' playing it loose but what if we wer real with it ♪ ♪ 'cause honestly i'm just too goo for that half love ♪ ♪ you know that you bee feeling it too but
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admit the truth ♪ ♪ never gonna lov another like you ooh ♪ ♪ sick of holding o hanging in not again midnight waiting for the sunrise all again ♪ ♪ 'cause i don' wanna wast no time with you ♪ ♪ i don't wanna waste no time ♪ ♪ don't need to say it no don't even explain it now ♪ ♪ ooh i hear you lou and clear now ♪ ♪ 'cause i don' wanna wast no time with you ♪ ♪ 'cause everybody' playing it loose but what if we wer real with it ♪ ♪ honestl i'm just too goo for that half love ♪ ♪ you know that you bee feeling it too but admit the truth ♪ ♪ never gonna lov another like you never gonn never gonna ♪ ♪ never gonna never gonn love another like you ♪ ♪ never gonna never gonn never gonna love another ♪ ♪ never gonna love another like yo never gonn love another like you ♪
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♪ never gonna love another like yo never gonn never never ♪ ♪ ooh oo ooh ♪ ♪ never never never ooh ooh oo yeah oh yeah ♪ ♪ 'cause everybody' playing it loose but what if we wer real with it ♪ ♪ honestl i'm just too goo for that half love ♪ ♪ you know that you bee feeling it too admit the truth ♪ ♪ never gonna lov another like you what if we wer real with it ♪ ♪ honestl i'm just too goo for that half love half love ♪ ♪ you've been feeling it too ♪ ♪ admit the truth never gonna love another like you ♪ ♪ ooh never gonna love another like you ♪
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♪ ooh never gonna love another like you ♪ ♪ ooh ♪ [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: yo sam dew. jack antonoff. sounwave red hearse, everyone [ cheers and applause "half love" is out now my thanks to david spade, jeff foxworthy red hearse, everyone [ cheers and applause and the roots, right there, from philadelphia, pennsylvania [ cheers and applause stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers. thank you for watching have a great night hope to see you tomorrow bye-bye. [ cheers and applause ♪
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[ cheers and applause ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers. tonight -- senator cory booker, host and creator of "what just happened??! with fred savage" fred savage, music from kane brown, featuring the 8g band with fred armisen ♪ cheers and applause ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. [ cheers and applause >> seth: good evening, i'm seth meyers. this is "late night. how is everybody doing tonight [ cheers and applause that is great to hear. in that case, let's get to the news vice president mike pence gave an interview with cbs yesterday where he said that both he and president trump were not pleased

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