Skip to main content

tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  November 8, 2021 11:35pm-12:37am PST

11:35 pm
us. thank you for watching. dan: for all of us, we ap >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- gwyneth paltrow, kal penn, and music from hardy. and now, jimmy kimmel! [ applause ] >> jimmy: thank you, thank you. that's great. thank you for watching. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. we have almost a whole audience! we have been bumped up from 50 to 75% capacity.
11:36 pm
[ applause ] i've been told that all 125 members of our studio audience are tested, vaccinated and sexually aroused. is that the case? i love that you had an extra hour of sleep last night, theoretically. did you get an extra hour? >> yeah, everybody did. >> jimmy: not me. i did not enjoy an extra hour of sleep because i have a four-year-old maniac living in my house. this was my clock this morning. when my son billy walked in and tapped me on the head to make him french toast, i knew he wasn't going to eat. 5:59 am. that's as blurry as my vision was. and why? why do we do this to ourselves? daylight saving time is something benjamin franklin, who has been dead for 230 years, came up with as a joke! and it's still screwing with us. for no reason. we don't have to worry about conserving whale blubber for our lamps anymore. here in california, we voted to
11:37 pm
end this three years ago. we passed proposition seven, which was supposed to give our local authorities the authority to end daylight saving in 2018. it got 60% of the vote, and yet, here we are in the dark again at five o'clock. going around the house, resetting all the clocks. enough is enough! i got up before 6:00 this morning. kids don't know it's daylight saving time. i tried to explain it to my seven-year-old yesterday, i finally just gave up. i was like "just go to bed." i don't know what it is. by the way, you know who is in charge of daylight saving? the secretary of transportation. pete buttigieg. mayor pete. the last time pete was on the show, i asked him to end this, and he said he'd see what he could do. you know what he did? he did nothing. he did nothing at all. but now i'm hopeful because pete buttigieg has 2-month-old twins now. now, maybe he'll understand what a nightmare this is. save us penelope and gus! those are the babies' names.
11:38 pm
even history's worst man, donald j.o. trump, supports not supporting it. "making daylight saving time permanent is ok with me!" this is back when he was allowed to. this is a bipartisan issue. let's get a hashtag going to encourage our secretary of transportation to move on this. so we don't have to go through it again next year. #givedaylightsavingthebuttigieg good luck spelling it. forget it. the pickleball is in your court, pete. get this done, you'll be carried through the streets of washington on the exhausted yet thankful shoulders of this nation's parents. please, get this done. thank you. i've had enough. well, it only took about three weeks, but our crazy ex-president finally weighed in on the tragic on-set shooting involving alec baldwin. mar-a-lardo went on a local radio talk show host's podcast to suggest that baldwin may have
11:39 pm
loaded the gun himself. >> maybe he loaded it. remember this, who would put a gun -- here, alec, here's a gun. oh, good. lift it up, point it at a person, and pull the trigger. and oh, man, a bullet came out, she's dead. so there's something wrong with him. he's a sick guy. i've seen him for years, because he did, i thought, a poor job of imitating me. darrell hammond did a great job. >> jimmy: he started at murder and somehow worked his way around to darrell hammond. and if you're wondering how a former president of the united states could say something so reckless, insensitive, and wrong, i'm just surprised it took him this long. i'm almost proud of him for holding out three weeks. and then, of course, he tried to claim that it's nothing personal for him. >> i don't like him or dislike im. i don't actually know him. but i've watched him over the
11:40 pm
years, because he did so much for "saturday night live." but he's a nutjob, a cuckoo bird. usually when there's somebody like that, in my opinion, he had something to do with it. >> jimmy: in your opinion? why do you have a opinion on this subject? oh, he hates being made fun of so much. he'll just accuse anyone of anything. this has got to be a tough one for alec's brother, stephen. this guy you love so much, donald trump, calls your brother a murderer. what do you do? what would jesus do? donald trump's days are so weird now. it's basically wake up, play golf, say something racist to the housekeeper, casually accuse someone you don't like of a crime, then back to bed to rub one out to oan. speaking of blowhards picking fights, have you been following the twitter feud between ted cruz and big bird? after the fda approved the covid vaccine for children aged five
11:41 pm
to eleven, big bird tweeted, "i got the covid-19 vaccine today! big bird is like a 6-year-old. my wing is feeling a little sore, but it'll give my body an extra protective boost that keeps me and others healthy." and ted cruz, who desperately wants to be noticed, lashed out. "government propaganda for your 5-year-old." this is how they think. if the government says it, it's propaganda. if congress does it, it's socialism. if the executive branch does it, it's fascism. if the president says it, he's a dictator. and if the media says it, it's fake news. the elections are rigged, the deep state runs the world, and big bird is working for merck. and it's interesting because not only is ted cruz vaccinated, he was born with an immunity that protects him from contracting any friends. but the truth is i think maybe ted is still sore about big bird's most recent book. "big bird visits cancun to find
11:42 pm
ted cruz's balls." spoiler alert: he didn't find them. newsmax announced they will be requiring their employees to get the vaccine. which is surprising. this would be like arby's making their staff go vegan. today is the deadline for federal workers to be fully vaccinated, and thousands of them are claiming religious exemptions to try to get out of it. a religious exemption is basically asking god to write you a note to get you out of p.e. it is a fanciful idea considering the fact that even the pope supports the vaccine. if you can prove you're more religious than the pope, then i'm okay with it. the pope of green bay quarterback aaron rodgers has been playing some very spotty defense. as i'm sure you know, rodgers, who is unvaccinated, tested positive for covid last week. even though he told reporters he was immunized months ago. rodgers missed the game yesterday. he took a beating on social media, and some of his sponsors are dropping him or slowing down
11:43 pm
on running his ads. a-rodg defended himself by saying he tested negative over 300 times before testing positive. which is the same kind of logic your 95-year-old grandmother uses to justify keeping her driver's license. then aaron attempted to explain himself on the "pat mcafee show," a former punter for the indianapolis colts. aaron was on to fire back at the woke mob. >> i go back to these two questions for the, you know, this woke mob. number one, if the vaccine is so great, then how come people are still getting covid and spreading covid and unfortunately, dieing from covid? >> jimmy: right, and if parachutes are so great, how come eleven people died skydiving last year? the fact of the matter is, the risk of dieing from covid is 11
11:44 pm
times higher if you aren't vaccinated. this is a dumb question. but you'll never guess who he is getting his medical advice from. >> i consulted a good friend of mine, joe rogen. >> jimmy: the guy on the left is trying not to laugh. according to rodgers, one of the things rogan recommended was ivermectin. here's the thing i don't get, you won't take the vaccine, but you will take ivermectin. that you know is safe. "good old ivermectin!" "now that's a product i can trust!" and by the way, if you're looking for advice from a former host of "the man show?" next time, call me. i have a second opinion on this. how does someone who almost hosted jeopardy come up with 40 incorrect responses in a row? >> i would, you know, add this to the mix, and as an aside.
11:45 pm
but the great mlk said, you have a moral obligation to object to unjust rules and rules that make no sense. >> jimmy: but you didn't object. you pretended you were vaccinated and snuck around. always a good move for a white millionaire to half-quote dr. king. rodgers is claiming he's being cancelled, which is ridiculous. the packers only scored seven points without him yesterday. he's not getting cancelled. a lot of people are comparing him to kyrie irving, and that's not fair. kyrie irving is wrong, but at least he's honest. aaron rodgers let everyone around him think he was vaccinated when he wasn't. he's not kyrie irving, he's bernie madoff. anyway, i wanted to get to the bottom of this story. it's about a lot of people two have this kind of line of thinking.
11:46 pm
so we did some digging. we are joined tonight by aaron rodgers' doctor, miles birchbank. thanks for joining us, doctor. >> thanks for having me, but before we go any further, for legal purposes, i need to tell your viewers that i am not technically a doctor. >> jimmy: oh. what are you then? >> i am a fully-licensed homeopathic energy healer slash wellness alchemist slash vibrologist. >> jimmy: okay. well, can you tell us if aaron rodgers is vaccinated? >> yes, i can say that aaron is fully -- vaxterested. >> jimmy: he's what? >> he's vaxterested. it means he's interested in vaccination, and he's heard of vaccination, and he's given being vaccinated a great deal of thought. >> jimmy: but he's not vaccinated. >> oh, god, no. but don't worry. i know aaron to be a critical thinker who marches to the beat of his own bongo, and he did everything dr. joe and i told him to do.
11:47 pm
>> jimmy: who is dr. joe? >> dr. joe rogan. >> jimmy: oh. what did you and dr. joe tell him to do? >> well, i started with a baseline medicine that we can all agree on, bee pollen. lots of bee pollen! this guy was pounding so much pollen i thought the bees were gonna make him their queen! >> jimmy: that doesn't sound like medicine. it sounds like pollen. >> i disagree, but for legal purposes, i agree. completely. so next, i had him taking hourly sound baths. if you think covid responds well to vaccines, wait until you see how it reacts to the vibrations from a hand-crafted singing bowl. see? no covid. >> jimmy: none of this sounds even remotely helpful as far as -- >> then just general common sense stuff. i made him run backwards for ten miles with no shoes.
11:48 pm
i had him wash his hair with beet root extract and gave him a handful of loose crystals to just sort of swish around in his mouth for a while. i really threw the kitchen sink at this thing, by which i mean i took the stuff at the bottom of my kitchen sink, made it into a paste, and put it in his morning matcha. >> jimmy: and did it work? >> it worked amazingly well, although for legal purposes, i should say it did not work. at all. >> jimmy: oh. >> but his chakras are aligned, his chi is balanced, and his urine has never smelled more like kombucha! >> jimmy: is that a good thing? >> it's a great thing! look, we should be focusing on what matters. these treatments protected aaron from getting covid. >> jimmy: but doesn't he have covid right now? >> oh yeah. big time. he may never smell or taste again, which is good because he hates my tabbouleh salad. >> jimmy: are you doing anything to help him get better? >> i've been doing this!
11:49 pm
[ sirens ] hey, i'd love to hang out and shoot the shaman with ya, but i'm sorta in the middle of fleeing the country until this whole media blitz dies down. >> jimmy: where are you going? >> can't say. >> jimmy: well, enjoy your trip. >> oh, a trip is something you come back from. this is no trip. i will be faking my own death. don't tell the government! >> jimmy: i won't. doctor miles birchbark everyone. >> don't forget to put "doctor" in air quotes! >> jimmy: we've got a good show for you tonight. kal penn is here. we have music from hardy. and we'll be back with gwyneth paltrow. so stick around.
11:50 pm
11:51 pm
11:52 pm
11:53 pm
11:54 pm
>> jimmy: tonight, his new book is called "you can't be serious," kal penn is with us. he looks like this. then later, he is nominated for cma new artist of the year. his album is called "a rock." music from hardy on the mercedes-benz stage. this week, we've got new shows with ryan reynolds, benedict cumberbatch, kevin garnett, jamie dornan. we'll have music from maren morris, ryan hurd and dustin lynch featuring mackenzie porter. so please join us for each one of those. our first guest is a multi-talented and multi-vitamin selling oscar winner with a new show about those things called orgasms. >> there's this thing in our culture with especially cis gender, hetero sexual men this is how you're supposed to be
11:55 pm
when you orgasm. slot a goes into slot b and explosive, and that's how it works. orgasm can be anywhere on the body. >> jimmy: "sex, love and goop" is on netflix now. please welcome gwyneth paltrow. [ applause ] >> jimmy: how are you doing? >> good. >> jimmy: i like that dress. is that a dress or a skirt? >> it's a dress. >> jimmy: i like the things you pick. i started subscribing to goop like right at the beginning, and everyone would make fun of me, because i would be like on "goop" it said. how long ago did you start the news leter? >> i started in 2008. >> jimmy: and now it's blossomed
11:56 pm
to become a company, a website, a brand, a place where you can buy ivermectin? >> no, that you cannot do. >> jimmy: a religion to some. yeah, i think you could start a cult if you wanted to. >> really? that does not sound fun. >> jimmy: no, that's more of a guy thing starting a cult. it's more fun for men. so you've been doing this, and now a couple of television shows have come from this. and one of them is this "sex, love, and goop." and this is -- which it sounds kind of gross when you put it next to sex and love. >> that's why we did it. >> jimmy: i was watching this show over the weekend, and the woman we saw in the clip, the woman -- now, she was laying on a -- you saw this one, i guess? >> i've seen it, yes. >> jimmy: she's laying on like a
11:57 pm
thing, right? and then her husband comes out and he looks like a marvel comics villain from 1965, right? he's bald headed -- >> oh, yep. i know what you mean. >> he starts waving his hands over her like this. and like magic, like dr. strange or something. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and she starts writhing and moaning, and he's like, fake air rubbing her here, and she's going crazy. then she's touching her here and pulling imaginary strings. and she's going sexually crazy. >> yeah. >> jimmy: that's nonsense, right? [ laughter ] >> you know, actually, no, it's not. that's the amazing thing is that, i mean, energy is powerful. >> jimmy: have you tried that? >> umm, no, i have not. but i am open to trying it. >> jimmy: yeah. >> with you. >> jimmy: well, listen i would each let that guy do it to me
11:58 pm
just to see if anything was happening. >> yeah, i would to. >> jimmy: can we phone him up and see if his magic powers can get me going? because that's something else. >> i bet they could. >> jimmy: you have like five couples and introduce them to various experts in the field of sex. >> yeah. >> jimmy: where do you get these people, craigslist? >> yes, craigslist. umm, you know, yes, it's true that one of the focuses is sex. but it's also -- the show is really about intimacy, as well. people who have been in long-term, intimate relationships or even shorter, intimate relationships, like things can come up really quickly that feel like disconnects or that keep you, you know, not quite telling yourself the whole truth. so we thought it would be interesting to make a show around this subject. because it's an area where whatever is out of alignment in your life it's going to show up in how you are with your partner. so these couples we found, it was through a casting process.
11:59 pm
they were so brave and amazing, and really willing to be vulnerable. >> jimmy: yeah. >> on tv, in order to try to get closer to themselves and their partners. so i was super impressed with them. i've had so much amazing feedback from the show that it's help sod many people. it's helped couples have each other.onversations with - i had one friend who said they kept pausing it and now we need to talk about this and that. >> jimmy: so, really? >> i thanked the couples for coming forward and putting themselves on the line like that. >> jimmy: yeah, it really is interesting to watch people -- you have an older couple, and it's funny, because people think they're old people, we like to imagine our parents aren't doing stuff. >> they're randy. >> jimmy: and they're rolling around on the ground and then the -- they're looking at him and just kind of humping each other on the show.
12:00 am
and suspeisn't that wonderful? >> you know, you make it sound so appealing. >> jimmy: what is this thing? this is a -- a scratcher or something? >> well, it can be used a couple of ways. in the show, the expert that you saw in the clip, she is talking about all the different kinds of touch and talks about different sexual blueprints that certain people are turned on by different things. there's a kinky one, i think, this goes with. she puts this wolverine claw down -- put your leg up here for me. >> jimmy: my leg? all right. [ cheers and applause ]
12:01 am
>> jimmy: so this show is, you -- i would imagine now that you do this like first run that people are going to come out of the woodwork with all kinds of strange stuff. you try this stuff out yourself? >> like some of the modalities in the show? >> jimmy: yeah. >> i've tried, you know, a couple of them. i haven't done like energetic stuff or sexilogical body work, which is pretty wild. but i think i would be open to trying it. >> jimmy: do you feel like any situation, where there's somebody sitting there telling a husband and wife is going to be sexually exciting in the first place, because you're not used to having a coach. >> i think you've been married a long time. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: well, it's hard to
12:02 am
argue with that. we're going to take a break. you know i like to buy stuff for my wife from "goop." so when we come back, we're going to go through your holiday -- because it's time to start getting stuff. we have ships full of junk that nobody can get the stuff in right now, so you have to order immediately. >> you want to start early this year. >> jimmy: we're going to start early with gwyneth paltrow right after this. we'll be right back.
12:03 am
all it takes for the mcrib - with its tangy and juicy flavor - to be crowned “the most important sandwich of the year” is... to simply return. the most important sandwich of the year is back. ♪ ba da ba ba ba ♪ this season is too big for just red and green. it's the all-idays, and we're bringing alla the color. ooooh, this is lit! what's up snow people! alla the color, alla the gifts. happy all-idays from old navy!
12:04 am
mrs. claus the shopping boss here to help you merry savers decorate with the best bargains ever! ross has savings on everything you need to get the party started. because who waits for shipping anymore? or guests?! i love saying yes to more merry for less at ross! welcome to this world. you have some big shoes to fill. lots of new introductions. ...4 ounces... so many new toys. it's not going to be easy. but, together, we got this. kaiser permanente. thrive.
12:05 am
12:06 am
mrs. claus the shopping boss here to help you merry savers find the best bargains ever! when you have the world's longest list you go to ross so you can work that budget and get those savings. i love saying yes to more merry for less at ross.
12:07 am
>> jimmy: you pick your most favorite items from goop and you sell them, especially for clueless husbands like myself and you sell things like this. this is a vitamin -- >> it's a supplement. >> jimmy: it's a s s s s s does this really work? >> yes. >> jimmy: it does? >> yes. >> jimmy: you say yes in a very sure way. >> yes! >> jimmy: what happens if a man eats them? >> should we find out? >> jimmy: oh, yeah. i will take it.
12:08 am
how many are we supposed to take? >> women are supposed to take two. >> jimmy: i'm going to take four and see what happens. all right. i hope nothing happens right away. >> oh, wow. oh, my gosh! [ applause ] mommy is in >> jimmy: now, this is a -- this is kind of cute. this is a croissant. if you open it up -- you know what? that's a good place to keep your dtf pills right in there. this is something i've been reading about, and i wanted to try this, because these are like super -- what do they call
12:09 am
these? >> oishii strawberries. we don't sell these at goop, but we like to link to other fun things. these are apparently the most special strawberry in the whole world, and they're hydroponic. they're like, $50. >> jimmy: holy moly. wow. join let me know if you get sexually excited. take the rest of these.
12:10 am
[ applause ] and then we have -- oh, there you go. and then you mind if we eat the rest of yours? i hope you don't have covid. and then we have something that i've been seeing now. in fact, bill murray was wearing these last week, and guillermo is wearing them right now. these are -- >> these are great. >> jimmy: what are they called? >> i forget the name of them, but they pump your legs, so if you have lactic acid in your leg, they fill with air and compress your leg. >> jimmy: how do they feel, guillermo? >> real tight. but they're very comfortable. >> jimmy: is it supposed to be zipped all the way up? >> yeah, but the belly doesn't let it. >> jimmy: and then somewhat do
12:11 am
those do exactly for a person? >> so they compress your legs, so they help with circulation. if you work out, it will circulate the lactic acid out of the muscle very good for circulation. >> it's for people that work out. but this is something that you would buy for anyone? >> this is like if you have someone in your life who is very fit or into wellness or they're doing a lot of walking or hiking. >> jimmy: i see. they would put these on. and we would take a picture and ten years later make fun of them. what happen it is you and oprah have the same favorite thing, is there a fight? >> i defer to oprah all the time. >> jimmy: if she were to have something, you would back off and say that's -- >> if she asked me to, oh, yeah. >> jimmy: okay. you think oprah's got these? >> i don't know. but maybe i should send her some. >> jimmy: please send oprah a pair of those and see what happens. >> i think that's a good idea.
12:12 am
>> jimmy: it's very good to see you. gwyneth paltrow, everybody. we'll be back with kal penn. okay davey. good game. you gonna be on tonight? yeah, definitely. cool, see ya later. pass it! pass it! yeah!!! you wanna play one more after this? yeah! one more! got him! yeah!!! hahahaha ha! hah- ha! oi! keep it down! no! you keep it down! sorry, neighbors. i can't stand mine either. with clean, fresh ingredients, panera's new chicken sausage and pepperoni flatbread is a mouthwatering explosion of yes. craft? yes! heartiness? yes! living life to the flavor-fullest? heck yes. panera. live your yes. now $1 delivery. the classic hollywood story. we meet the hero, the all-new nissan frontier
12:13 am
hero faces seemingly impossible challenge. tension builds... the plot twist the hero prevails in hollywood, this would be the end. but our here, we are just getting started. introducing the all-new nissan frontier. kinder bueno? woooooow. it's crispy. it's creamy. it's not your average chocolate bar. smooth milk chocolate, crispy wafer and creamy hazelnut filling. it's kinder bueno. ♪
12:14 am
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ tums vs. mozzarella stick when heartburn hits, fight back fast with tums chewy bites. fast heartburn relief in every bite. crunchy outside, chewy inside. ♪ tums, tums, tums, tums ♪ tums chewy bites
12:15 am
this holiday season, give your family the gift that keeps on... going? our very own energizer bunny! energizer ultimate lithium. [snowball splat and windshield wiper] the #1 longest-lasting aa battery. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ make your holiday dreams come true. for way less than you expect. at t.j. maxx, marshalls and homegoods. endless selection. great prices. all season long. ♪
12:16 am
♪ we're all ready for a real vacation.
12:17 am
one where you can sip tropical drinks with fruity garnishes, without having to get up. a vacation where you don't have to sweat the small stuff, like rummaging for room keys. and a vacation where drinks and wi-fi that's fast and reliable, are all included. because when you're on a real vacation together where you don't have to think about anything, you can finally enjoy everything. come aboard a medallionclass cruise with princess plus. visit princess.com or call 1-800-princess. >> jimmy: music from hardy is on the way. our next guest is a former white house staffer and either harold or kumar.
12:18 am
they're still sorting it out. he now adds "author" to his resume with the new memoir "you can't be serious," please welcome kal penn. [ applause ] ♪ ♪ >> live audience. this is so nice. >> jimmy: it's nice to have them here. it really is. somebody put this book on my desk a couple days ago. i looked at it for a second and i thought it was me. >> we've gotten that before. >> jimmy: yeah, if i was more handsome and younger, this could potentially be me. but it's not. i thought hey, i wrote a book. you cover a lot in this book, including how that you got a job at the white house. >> yes. >> jimmy: which is very strange
12:19 am
the way you went about doing this. >> yes. i applied -- i took the sabbatical, i was on the tv show "house." i applied after working on the obama campaign for a year and a half by putting my resume online on this website. the campaign sent out an email saying if you want a job on the administration, fill out a form on change.gov. i told my acting manager. he's every character from the hbo show "entourage" in one person. i told him, he's like, you going to take a sabbatical and work at the white house? of course, nobody called. and then i got invited to speak at the lincoln memorial. backstage, you can bring your family and friends to meet the incoming first family. mrs. obama comes over and she says, hope you stay involved.
12:20 am
and i said, yeah, definitely. i'm thinking she's say thing to everybody. and dan, my manager goes, you know he applied for a job, right? she goes, what do you mean? yeah, he applied a job and nobody called him back. and i'm like, yo, this is not the time to do this at all. and then she says, who did you apply with? and i said, well i applied on change.gov. as soon as those words came out of my mouth, i realized how ridiculous this. mrs. obama has a low threshold for b.s. she called the president over and said tell him what you just told me. i was like no, no, well, sir, i applied for a job on change.gov. and he looked at me with some amusement. they said let's look into it if there's something that you are qualified to do.
12:21 am
it turned out outreach to young people, outreach to asian-americans and worked with the arts community, they were looking to fill one job to deal with all those. so it worked out well. >> jimmy: have you ever thought psychologically you applied online? >> a, because i'm very stupid. but b, and this is the point of writing that chapter the book. obviously it feelsa it wilittle salacious. but if you worked at a company on a company, i started on the obama campaign. if you work at a company with that kind of growth, and you want to keep working there, you should tell your boss that. to them it looks almost disrespectful that maybe you don't want it. but i had this chip on my shoulder like, do they think i'm just going to apply because i'm an actor? but for that administration -- >> jimmy: i would like to see that resume, too.
12:22 am
>> yeah, yeah. line one, smoked a ton of weed with a fake president bush. >> jimmy: somebody probably thought it was a joke. >> the joke was -- this was not a joke, but when i had to do the fbi background check and asked you, have you ever smoked week? i'm like, two movies full. and they're trying to hide their smirks in the fbi interview. >> jimmy: you also talk about you are engaged to be married to a josh, a man. something that a lot of people don't know. >> yes. >> jimmy: when are you guys getting married? >> we got engaged almost three years ago. a chapter i love in the book, chapter 18 how we met over a conversation about nascar and beers. and then got engaged three years ago. because of covid, it's sort of on pause. but we will see. >> jimmy: before i show these tweets, tell us what led to this. >> so we were flying to l.a. for some book promotion stuff and i
12:23 am
noticed that cardi b was on the flight. so an early flight from the new york. i thought i have to say hello. i fell asleep and i had a dream that cardi officiated the wedding on the plane, and we held hands walking out of the airport. i didn't tag her because i thought it might be tacky. then she saw it. >> jimmy: first wedding you say hi. second, i'm licensed to do that. so let me know. so when you respond, you're the best. just going to say but didn't want to be disrespectful. >> look at the time code on this. josh was asleep when i sent this. i was in bed and i saw her sweet. i'm like, oh, man. i've got to wake him up. no, executive decision. cardi b says she's willing to
12:24 am
marry you. of course i'm going to say yes. >> jimmy: no question about it. and josh, i assume, agreed. >> he said, oh, cool. >> jimmy: and cardi b says i'm down, i'm get my suit. now is she going to marry you guys? >> i hope so. you know, yeah, we need to set a date. >> jimmy: yeah, that will be one thing you have to do, yeah. how will your family feel about her marrying you? >> well, if we do an indian wedding, those can be like ten days long. i would imagine if she's got the time in her schedule, it will be the day that she officiates, and then nine days of aunties asking her about her lyrics. >> jimmy: will she have to stay for the whole ten days? >> no, it's very fluid. >> jimmy: is there a moment, though, at which the person does the, can you take -- >> there's a couple ceremonies
12:25 am
like that. >> jimmy: why are you making this so difficult? >> we need ten minutes of her time. >> jimmy: that's how you book cardi b. >> and she can stay for two weeks. >> jimmy: she can even be five days late and still marry you guys, no problem. >> no issue with that. >> jimmy: this would be incredible. that's about -- that would be just amazing to have her do that. >> yeah. she's wonderful. i would be super down. >> jimmy: i feel like you're still only half. guillermo is popping over there, by the way. >> yeah, i think it's broke. >> jimmy: it's about to explode. it's very good to see you, kal. this is the book called "you can't be serious." kal penn, his interesting life is available now. we'll be back with music from hardy.
12:26 am
♪ fresh flavors... classic dishes... ♪ and a new seat at the table. ♪ kenan! and a newhey kenan!he table. looking good. feeling good. i just found all these cars on autotrader. wow! now wait for the best part there microwave. a dealer is gonna deliver this car to our home. never leave home, never leave home! woo, it's here! there's one thing... i can't do from home. drive! someone stop him!
12:27 am
kenan! catch ya later, refrigerator! [upbeat pop music throughout] [upbeat pop music throughout] ♪ i'm a reporter for the new york times. if you just hold it like this. yeah. ♪ i love finding out things that other people don't want me to know. mm-hmm. [beep] i just wanted to say... ♪ find yourself in these situations and see who you are. and that's just part of the bargain. ♪ expecting someone else? and that's just part it's the all-idays, and no matter how you jingle, we've got your jammies.
12:28 am
nice, nice. it's the naughty ones who make history. alla the jingle jammies, alla the gifts. happy all-idays from old navy! tender pork. tangy pickles. delicious sauce. any one of these alone would make a good sandwich. but to be the “most important sandwich of the year,” i'd humbly suggest having all three. ♪ ba da ba ba ba ♪ ♪ (vo) command hooks are easy to apply and remove cleanly. command. do. no harm. i've been telling everyone... the secret to great teeth is having healthy gums. crest advanced gum restore. detoxifies below the gumline... and restores by helping heal gums in as little as 7 days. crest. the #1 toothpaste brand in america. need a cleanser that does more? new and improved cetaphil cleansers are specially formulated with our dermatologist-backed blend of ingredients
12:29 am
to reinforce your skin's moisture barrier. cetaphil. complete care for your sensitive skin. black friday deals have been extended! shop now through wednesday at kohl's. cetaphil. and save on your holiday shopping with an extra 15% off! plus, get a little more for your wallet with kohl's cash. and get fast and free store pickup. shop black friday deals extended. now through wednesday only at kohl's. welcome to this world.
12:30 am
you have some big shoes to fill. people will tell you what to eat. everyone will have an opinion. and, yes, there will be tears. lots of new introductions. sleepless nights. that's normal. okay. so many new toys. it's not going to be easy. but, together, we got this. kaiser permanente. thrive >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing.
12:31 am
>> jimmy: we got smoke and everything. this is his album, it's called "a rock." here with the song "give heaven some hell," hardy! ♪ ♪ ♪ can't believe that you got me in a suit and tie ♪ ♪ i had to take a pull so i wouldn't cry ♪ ♪ you got a line out the church door saying goodbye ♪ ♪ yeah i believe 'em when they say you're in a better place ♪ ♪ you had a wild side but you had amazing grace ♪ ♪ i know you're way off up in them clouds but if you can still hear me right now ♪ ♪ i hope you hit those gold streets on two wheels ♪ ♪ i hope your mansion in the sky's got a ten-acre field ♪
12:32 am
♪ with some mud and some hubs you can lock in ♪ ♪ make some thunder make them wonder how you got in ♪ ♪ hide your beer hide your clear from the man upstairs ♪ ♪ crank it loud hold it down til i get there ♪ ♪ and when i do i hope you got some new stories to tell ♪ ♪ til then give heaven some hell ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ i bet you're looking for a crew like we had bunch of noise-makin' boys that like to live fast ♪ ♪ burning rubber in a parking lot ♪ ♪ man i don't know if oer sids♪ i
12:33 am
e goldonwo ws ♪ ♪ hopuransion in the sky's got a ten-acre field ♪ ♪ with some mud and some hubs you can lock in ♪ ♪ make some thunder make 'em wonder how you got in ♪ ♪ hide your beer hide your clear from the man upstairs ♪ ♪ crank it loud hold it down til i get there ♪ ♪ and when i do i hope you got some new stories to tell ♪ ♪ til then give heaven some hell ♪ ♪ i was there when you raised your hand heads bowed singing just as i am ♪ ♪ walking that aisle praying that prayer man it ain't right but if you gotta be there ♪ ♪ i hope you hit those gold streets on two wheels ♪ ♪ hope your mansion in the sky's got a ten-acre field ♪ ♪ with some mud and some hubs you can lock in ♪ ♪ make some thunder make them wonder how you got in ♪ ♪ hide your beer hide your clear from the man upstairs ♪
12:34 am
♪ crank it loud hold it down until i get there ♪ ♪ and when i do i hope you got some new stories to tell ♪ ♪ til then give heaven some hell ♪ ♪ i was there when you raised your hand heads bowed singing just as i am ♪ ♪ man it ain't right man it ain't fair i'll see you again ♪ ♪ but til then give heaven some hell ♪ >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing.
12:35 am
there's never been a better time to switch to xfinity. get the fast and reliable internet you deserve, for only $19.99 a month for 12 months. and, for the first time ever, score 12 times the speed for the same price when you add xfinity mobile. that's more speed and more value for the same price. switch now to xfinity internet to power all your devices and get started for just $19.99 a month. plus, for a limited time, get $300 back
12:36 am
and a 5g phone on us. get this deal before it's gone. click, call or visit a store today. >> jimmy: i want to thank gwyneth paltrow, kal penn, and hardy. and for bringing all the smoke. we haven't had it in quite sometime. apologies to matt damon. we ran out of time for him. tomorrow night, jamie dornan and jessica williams with music from dustin lynch and mackenzie porter. "nightline" is next. thanks for watching, goodnight.
12:37 am
this is "nightline." tonight, concert catastrophe. the astro world tragedy. 50,000 fans, when the crush that killed at least eight young people. >> i just remember feeling someone's chest under my foot. >> families grieving, demanding answers. >> you go to a concert to have fun, not to die. plus, scottie pippen, unguarded. >> and the chicago bulls are nba champions. >> the nba legend telling his story and setting t

77 Views

info Stream Only

Uploaded by TV Archive on