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tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  October 21, 2021 11:35pm-12:37am PDT

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i'm and i dates. dan: we appreciate your time. good night. >> announcer: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight, larry david, david chang, and music from phoebe bridgers. and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you. thank you very much. that's very nice. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] hi, everybody. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thanks for watching. thank you for coming. on a -- i wonder if you know about this because today is a day that -- it won't necessarily live in infamy but it's a day -- a debatably notable day. today is the anniversary, something everyone uses every
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single day and almost no one knows anything about. today is the anniversary of -- not text messages. today is the anniversary of the typing awareness indicator, which is the official name for those three little dots that pop up when someone is composing a response to your text. do you like those things? >> no! >> jimmy: no. nobody does. because they're a torture device is why. like if i text a friend something like "we still on for unch?" i send it and i wait. and the dots appear. and they start bouncing around. and then half of the time they just go away. [ laughter ] and there's no response. which makes me crazy because why would -- i mean, what does that mean? why would they write something and not send it? are they checking in with somebody they'd rather have lunch with before getting back to me? [ laughter ] or maybe they died. you know, maybe they were typing and walking and not paying attention and they got hit by a fedex truck or something. [ laughter ] their final words were dots. i don't like the dots. happy 10-year anniversary, dots.
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it's time for you to go. [ applause ] guillermo. that was me you just texted. >> guillermo: oh, [ bleep ]. [ laughter ] are we still on for lunch today? >> jimmy: yes. but now you're paying for lunch. anyway, let's get rid of the dots. ten years is enough. [ cheers and applause ] you know, the las vegas raiders are currently looking for a new head coach after their current former head coach jon gruden resigned in the wake of multiple offensive e-mails unearthed by the "new york times" and "wall street journal." these e-mails contained homophobic, sexist and racist language. and just a sprinkling of porn too. he trashed coaches for signing gay players. used an anti-gay slur to describe the commissioner of the nfl. he made racist remarks about the executive director of the players association. criticized the league for trying to reduce concussions and sent around photos of half-naked cheerleaders to some of the
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other guys. e-mails were so offensive the raiders almost made him offensive coordinator. they were that good. [ laughter ] so he he of course apologized. he said he never meant to hurt anybody. and that if he'd known these e-mails were going to be published in the newspaper he definitely would not have written or sent them. [ laughter ] you know you screwed up when you're not fit to coach a team whose fans dress like actual demons. [ laughter ] you know, the raiders are known for being an unorthodox team, but this is the ugliest thing to come out of that organization since their owner's haircut. [ laughter ] which is saying something. good news is jon gruden's free for lunch with you, guillermo. >> guillermo: oh, no, i pass. >> jimmy: moderna, the pharmaceutical company that came up with what so far seems to be the most effective vaccine, has announced that they have no plans to share the recipe for that vaccine with anyone, even though much of the world still doesn't have access. moderna claims they're doing ths because they don't think other countries and companies will be able to mass produce their vaccine at a high enough
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level of quality. but it also obviously is in their financial interest to keep it to themselves. the covid vaccine is moderna's only product. it's the only thing the company sells. imagine only making one thing and billions of people want it. it must be how the baha men felt after recording "who let the dogs out?" [ laughter ] so on saturday the "times" reported that moderna has been supplying its shots almost exclusively to wealthy nations, keeping poor countries waiting and earning billions of dollars in profit. i'm sure that's just a coincidence. because we're doing it alphabetically. america, australia, britain, canada, denmark. it's not our fault the rich countries come first. zambia, zimbabwe? we'll get there eventually. hang in. it is a shame these companies think about profit in a time like this when people are dying. but if they don't make money doing it this time they might not bother to work on a vaccine next time. so how about this? how about we buy that vaccine from moderna and we give it to
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mcdonald's? i mean, think about it. you want consistency, relentless laser focused consistency, where do you go? mcdonald's. no matter where you are, no matter what time, no matter how much homework the 15-year-old behind the counter has to do, mcdonald's food is exactly the same. there's not one iota of difference between the mcnuggets in phoenix and the mcnuggets in fiji. they're the same. and they're -- 3.75 billion people in the world have been vaccinated, which sounds like a lot, until you realize mcdonald's has sold over 99 billion hamburgers. and they keep the vaccines colder than the mcflurry machines too. [ laughter ] maybe even mix a few oreos in. think about it. it's really not a bad idea. hand over the recipe, moderna. because if you don't we know a guy who can get it. [ applause ] so in texas the governor of texas greg abbott is --
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[ audience boos ] oh, you don't like him? is doing his best to bring covid back. he signed an executive order yesterday that bans vaccine mandates of any kind in his state. he said the covid-19 vaccine is safe, effective and our best defense against the virus, but should remain voluntary and never forced. right. and seat belts prevent auto fatalities but feel free to ghost-ride the whip. [ laughter ] and while governor abbott is selectively determining who can do what with their bodies, texas senator ted cruz is helping to launch an imaginary new crisis. you know how southwest canceled all those flights over the weekend? well, ted cruz and some other lawmakers from the gop have been claiming it was the result of a strike by pilots who don't want to get the vaccine even though there's no proof of that happening at all. but so many republicans are now running with this, the faa had to weigh in and say none of the information from southwest, its pilots union or the faa indicates that the weekend's cancellations were related to vaccine mandates. the one time republicans support
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a labor strike is when no labor is actually striking. [ laughter ] i just hope they don't cancel ted's annual trip to cancun. you know? [ applause ] now, this is something we should be worried about. a new kind of virus aspreading across the country, and it's affecting democrats and republicans alike. do your kids have these pop-it toys? they're like the new fidget spinner. if you have a kid under age 9 you know what i'm talking about. there they are. they're like reusable bubble wrap. kids love them so much the schools now are banning them. they're banning pop-its. which is -- i don't know. they don't make any noise. kids are anxious as it is. they're wearing masks. they're doing home school. these are tumultuous times. let the kids pop some rubber bubbles, for god's sake. [ applause ] but i came up with a way to get around it. listen closely, kids. if your school bans these pop-its, ask your mom and dad to buy a whole bunch of them and turn them, if they're handy with a needle and thread, into a pair
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of pants. [ applause ] your teacher can't force you to how are they? are they comfortable? >> they're itchy and i hate them. >> jimmy: oh, you don't like them? are they fun to push? >> yeah. >> jimmy: yeah. okay. >> and -- but wearing them just sucks. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you know -- oh, you might be interested in this. you play with legos? >> yeah. >> jimmy: okay. so lego yesterday announced they have a plan now they're going to eliminate any trace of gender bias from their products. lego apparently decided to make this move so that tucker carlson will have something to scream about for the next two weeks. [ laughter ] this will finally pop that vein in his forehead. but legos said they will ensure any child regardless of gender identity feels they can build anything they like. that's right, no matter --
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[ applause ] no matter how you identify, lego wants you to feel totally comfortable wasting 47 hours putting together a 75,000-piece millennium falcon. you will leave on the floor of the living room for three weeks and then throw in the garbage. meanwhile, we have an important update concerning dog the bounty hunter and his efforts to be on tv -- i mean to find that suspected murderer. >> dog the bounty hunter ending his search for fugitive brian laundrie after he hurt his ankle. the "daily mail" reports dog has now returned to his home here in colorado. however, dog's team told the paper that he will continue to hunt for laundrie from his headquarters here while his ankle heals. >> jimmy: right. so much for the bounty hunter, i guess. maybe he'll find brian in his laundry room. i don't know. i guess we have to send in mcgruff the crime dog to finish this job. president biden's finally getting a little bump in the polls. his approvl rating went down to 38%. it's now up to 40% in one poll,
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50% in another. which just goes to show you we're fickle and approval ratings are dumb. but the boost in his faorability is -- they think it's linked to the covid decreasing and the fact that all the pumpkin spice crap put everybody in a better mood. [ laughter ] meanwhile, our former president, donald judge jeanine trump is reportedly in talks to sell the lease on his hotel in washington, d.c. he's said to be unloading the hotel for $500 million, which you know, after he pays taxes is $500 million, which is a lot. [ applause ] and because it's so much money president biden, who's no dummy, is deciding he's getting in on the local hotel action too. ♪ >> hey, looking for a swell place to stay when you visit d.c.? you're always welcome at joe-tel 6. no frills. no malarkey. just clean rooms and little soaps. and join an incontinental
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breakfast for no extra charges. with those little baby donuts we call joe-nuts. it sounds -- never mind how it sounds. they're free. forget those fancy downtown hotels. 18 bucks for a banana smoothie? come on, man. joe-tel 6. we won't leave the light on for you. because it's bad for the environment. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: all right. well, at least somebody cares. hey, we've got a great show for you tonight. chef david chang is here. we have music from phoebe bridgers. and we'll be right back with larry david. so stick around. >> dicky: abc's "jimmy kimmel live," brought to you by geico. . wha — wait, wait, is that a... baby on the field?? it looks like it, craig. and the defensive linemen are playing peek-a-boo. i've never seen anything like that before. harris now appears to be burping the baby. that's a great moment right there. the ref going to the rule book here. what, wait a minute! harris is off to the races! we don't need any more trick plays.
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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: oh, hi there. welcome back to the show. tonight, he has a new docuseries on hulu called "the next thing you eat." chef david chang is here. [ cheers and applause ] and then later, from this album titled "punisher," phoebe bridgers from the mercedes-benz stage. [ cheers and applause ] tomorrow night, billie eilish and zach galifianakis will join us. and on thursday night, kumail nanjiani and salma hayek, with music from bleachers. so please join us for that. [ cheers and applause ] our first guest tonight has been socially distancing himself long before it was mandated by the cdc.
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he is an american treasure who gifts us yet again with an 11th season of "curb your enthusiasm." it premieres october 24th on hbo. please welcome larry david! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> thank you, thank you! you're going to be so disappointed. [ laughter ] that's what i do, i disappoint. i disappoint people. you know, there's this -- sometimes i'll do a charity golf thing. >> jimmy: yeah? >> people will -- they'll pay money, like to play golf with me. >> jimmy: uh-huh? >> which is such a joke, you know? [ laughter ] they think they're going to be entertained for like four hours, and it's the worst time they've ever had in their life. [ laughter ] by the 3rd hole i look at their
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face and they go, oh my god, what have i done? [ laughter ] such a waste. >> jimmy: but you haven't disappointed. just by showing up, you have excited us and pleased us. [ cheers and applause ] because i will be honest and will say that -- >> by the way, may i slouch? i'm a sloucher. >> jimmy: slouch, go ahead. >> it's not a crime. is it a crime to slouch? people look down on slouchers, i don't know why. >> jimmy: do they? >> you're not allowed to slouch. >> jimmy: i think if you've made something of yourself, you can souch all you want. >> i don't think so. >> jimmy: you don't? >> i think slouching -- i think slouching is so frowned upon. >> jimmy: really? >> oh, yeah. you walk into a house, you see slouchers, you want to leave immediately. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: well, it definitely doesn't give you the sense that somebody's real excited that you're there. >> that's true, that's true, yeah. >> jimmy: anyway, i just want to say, i'm surprised when you come. >> uh-huh? i wanted to cancel. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i know you always want to cancel. >> 12:00, i'm flirting with the idea. is it too late?
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you know? [ laughter ] can i get out of this thing? what am i doing? why do i have to go there? >> jimmy: and in fact, well -- you didn't cancel. we were supposed to have dinner together at my house. >> true. >> jimmy: and i wouldn't say you canceled, necessarily. >> yeah, okay. so -- you know. he invited me for dinner. [ laughter ] this guy. i don't really know him that well. [ laughter ] i don't know why you would invite me. because leaving my house requires talking and listening, you know. listening, not my forte. honestly, i could have conversations with people for like a half an hour, and they could be telling me their wife just died, and i won't even know it. [ laughter ] i'm kind of nodding along. i have no idea what they're talking about. [ laughter ] and occasionally i'll throw in. >> jimmy: you're a giver is what you are, you're not a taker. >> i show up a at his house,
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nobody's home. >> jimmy: so i get a text. do we have that? can we put that up on screen? this is really a text. [ laughter ] you wrote, "i'm outside, can't get in. larry." and i wrote, "it's next monday. i am at a funeral. sorry, pal." and your response to me being at a funeral is "holy [ bleep ] ha ha ha." [ laughter ] >> come on, that's really funny. >> jimmy: you're right, exactly. worked out. >> but i thought that you had played a practical joke on me, that it was a prank. [ laughter ] i thought i was getting punk'd, you know? >> jimmy: it would be a dumb joke. >> i thought, i'm never doing that show again, kimmel's done, yeah. >> jimmy: and then when -- the following monday was the actual dinner. then you didn't come to that. [ laughter ]
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>> i got it up once, you know? couldn't go the second time. >> jimmy: you made the effort, yeah. >> you know what, do me a favor. >> jimmy: yes? >> try it again. >> jimmy: okay. >> try it again. >> jimmy: okay. [ laughter ] >> because i never have people to my house. never. >> jimmy: do you -- >> you're not getting invited to my house. >> jimmy: no, i don't expect to be invited. i will, i would love to try it again. are you forgetful? do you often mess up -- >> i don't write anything down. i think i'm smart enough to retain it in my head. oh, dinner with jimmy on monday, okay. all right, it's in my head, i've noted it in my head. but -- you know. it doesn't work out that way. >> jimmy: right, yeah, yeah, yeah. >> god forbid you forget a doctor's appointment. which happens. >> jimmy: you do that? yeah. >> yeah, they hate it. >> jimmy: they don't like it. >> oh, the doctor. oh, oh, the doctor's precious time! is wasted! [ laughter ] oh, oh! the doctor! then you get calls from the doctor's assistant for the next two weeks. >> jimmy: oh, why? >> to remind you. >> jimmy: because they think
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you're -- >> "the doctor was upset that you didn't show up." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah well, maybe you just write stuff down from now on. that's probably the solution. >> i should, i should. >> jimmy: last time you were here, i was told a story. >> yeah. by the way, what do you think of this jacket? >> jimmy: i like it. >> you like it? >> jimmy: yeah. >> ask me how i got it. >> jimmy: how'd you get it? >> i complimented someone at dinner. i said, "i like that jacket." you know what he did? he sent to it me. a week later. he bought one and sent it to me. >> jimmy: really? >> i think this is a fantastic way to get a wardrobe. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] you just keep going out with people, "hey, i like your sweater." you get one in the mail. >> jimmy: really? >> by the way, i love your tie. i love that tie. >> jimmy: well, i'll give you this one on the way out. [ laughter ] on the way in here tonight, last time you were here -- we have these pictures on the walls. as you enter.
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i heard that you noticed your picture was not on the wall. and so what we did is we took all the other celebrities' pictures down. [ laughter ] we replaced them wit [ laughter ] the whole length of the hallway. and then when you came >> this way. >> oh, you put that up just for me because i'm here today? ha ha! what a trick! >> it's like this all the time. >> that's so funny. [ applause ] >> jimmy: i wanted you to feel comfortable. >> i like your style on this show, you know? you really -- you surprise, you've got surprises, it's fun. >> jimmy: thank you. [ laughter ] >> maybe i'll come back in five years. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: come on monday why
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don't you? have you been doing standup recently? >> no. not -- not really, no. >> jimmy: why not? >> i don't know why you would ask me that, no, i haven't. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i'll tell you why i ask. because one night zach galifianakis was here and then he got a text, he goes, hey, larry david's doing standup at largo, do you want to go? of course we raced right over there. and you were great. >> oh, please. >> jimmy: you were great. >> i stink. >> jimmy: no. >> no, i stink. >> jimmy: okay. >> i'm not temperamentally suited for it. okay? >> jimmy: for stand-up itself? >> for standup, not temperamentally suited. >> jimmy: why do you say that? >> if i see people talking, they could be ordering a drink, you know. "hey, what are you doing? hey, hey, come on, what are you -- hey, i'm talking here!" >> jimmy: you take that as an offense? >> you know, when i got up on stage, i couldn't -- i couldn't say hello properly. >> jimmy: to the audience? >> to the audience, yeah. like i -- you know, i couldn't go out and go, "hey!
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hey there! hey, hey! hey, everybody! how you doing, how you doing? how's it going, how's it going? you having fun, having a good time?" i didn't care if they were having a good time. [ laughter ] [ applause ] and i couldn't -- and i had trouble like lying in bits. like, i couldn't say -- like if i was in new york, i couldn't say, "hey, i just got back from l.a." because i didn't just get back from l.a. [ laughter ] it's a lie! i didn't want to lie. if i did just get back from l.a., i could say it that night, "i just got back from l.a." >> jimmy: and that's it? >> no, and one time -- and i've told this story before, but you don't care, right? >> jimmy: no, we don't care, yeah. they weren't here, right? >> one time i was watching another comedian. i didn't care for the audience that much. i didn't like the way they were acting, you know? and i walked out on stage. i looked them over. i went, "eh, i don't think so." and i left.
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[ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: larry david is here. "curb your enthusiasm" comes back october 24th. we'll be right back. tums vs. mozzarella stick when heartburn hits, fight back fast with tums chewy bites. fast heartburn relief in every bite. crunchy outside, chewy inside. ♪ tums, tums, tums, tums ♪ tums chewy bites the classic hollywood story. we meet the hero, the all-new nissan frontier
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i drop off and pick up my kids from school so, i can't work early. or late. and i need to make enough to make it worthwhile. i can only work two days a week. and it can't interfere with my other job. i can do full-time. just not daytime. and i need benefits. good ones. and you know, it would be nice if you paid for my tuition. like all of it. ♪ ♪ ♪
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you never call me. you always pick the restaurants. >> what, are we married? i don't understand, am i dating you? >> you hate people. your wardrobe sucks. >> i do. so what. >> my wardrobe? you're talking about my wardrobe? look at you. >> i'm one of the best comics that ever lived -- >> you're the worst-dressed person i've seen. >> you're comparing this -- >> i can't look at you, i get depressed. when are you going to die? will you just -- will you please die? [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: larry david and richard lewis in "curb your enthusiasm." >> he's the only person in the world i could say that line to. >> jimmy: i was going to ask you about that. >> the only person in the world. our friendship is so strong, and
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it goes back so far that i could say -- he's one of those guys. i could say anything i want to him and vice versa. >> jimmy: he is, to me, one of the all-time greats, richard lewis. >> absolutely. >> jimmy: absolutely one of the best. [ cheers and applause ] and would you consider him to be your best friend? >> you know, i have other best friends. [ laughter ] and those other best friends are going to get very insulted. >> jimmy: okay. >> but he's definitely, definitely -- very, very best friendy, yes. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: he's up in that area? >> yeah, yeah. but i don't want to insult the other best friends. >> jimmy: i know he's been recovering -- >> by the way, that's a dumb question for a host to ask. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: if he's your best friend? >> yeah, stupid question. you know i'd get in trouble for that. >> jimmy: can i ask you you something? i am surprised that you even responded to that question. >> you know, you put me on the spot, i'm on national television -- >> jimmy: that's not why i'm surprised. i'm surprised because i would think you would reject the concept of a best friend just in general.
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just right off the bat. you're full of surprises. you really are. [ laughter ] i would think that would be a juvenile thought for you and you would not be interested in it. >> yeah, it was a juvenile thought. [ laughter ] for your juvenile thought, yeah, a little old for the best friend. >> jimmy: you shot the show during covid? >> yes, yes. >> jimmy: during the covid scare, obviously. >> yeah. and we went the whole season. we shot the whole season. and everybody had masks on. i didn't see one face other than the actors who were in the scenes with me, i didn't see one person's face all year, the whole year. >> jimmy: wow. >> and then the last day of filming, we were in a backyard somewhere. everybody, the whole crew, was there. everybody was there. and i looked around. i said, "okay." by the way, covid policed people
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there, if anybody took their mask off. "get that mask on!" i didn't care anymore. it was the last day. i said, "okay." i looked around. "take them off, get these masks off, i'm sick of this! i want to see what you look like." they all took them off. i looked. "okay, put them back on." [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: you were at fashion week in new york. >> oh, geez. >> jimmy: you do a lot of the things i would not have imagined you doing. [ laughter ] this is a photograph that was taken. [ laughter ] you don't seem to be having a great time. you actually seem to be scared and plugging your ears. >> it was very noisy. >> jimmy: it was noisy? >> yeah. let me explain how i wound up there, okay? >> jimmy: okay, yeah, how did you wind up there?
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>> my friend, my friend's -- >> jimmy: best friend? [ laughter ] >> for the purposes of this exchange, yeah. >> jimmy: okay, all right, yeah. >> so his fiancee is a great fashion designer, her name is stott, you know, she has -- she's a wonderful gal. he said to me that my presence would be helpful. [ laughter ] "i want you to go, your presence would be helpful." i said, "my presence has never been helpful anywhere." [ laughter ] wherever i am, it's wrong, you know? [ laughter ] everything is better if i'm not there, believe me. like i have to shut the tv off because i'll ruin -- if i'm watching my home team, i know if i leave the room they'll do better. >> jimmy: right, yeah. >> so you know, it reminded me, like -- a friend of mine's girlfriend was a waitress at the improv once. and the show is over, it was late. she said, can you walk me to my
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car? [ laughter ] you want me to walk you -- what's that going to do? what, am i a deterrent? you know? what are they going to see? the muggers are going to see a skinny bald guy and go, hey, be careful, he's got some pepto-bismol on him? [ laughter ] [ applause ] so i showed up. it was not, you know -- to me, a fashion show, it's not a good -- >> jimmy: yeah, not your kind of place. >> little out of place, you know. like steve bannon at a seder, you know what i mean? [ laughter ] it doesn't really work, you know? so it was very loud music, that's why i was covering my ears. >> jimmy: well, you're a lot of fun, larry. it's great to see you. i'm so excited that this show is back. >> october 24th. >> jimmy: it's a nice little surprise for us. october 24th. "curb your enthusiasm" returns to hbo.
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larry david, everybody! we'll be back with david chang. [ cheers and applause ] the stinging. my skin was no longer mine. my psoriatic arthritis, made my joints stiff, swollen... painful. emerge tremfyant™. with tremfya®, adults with moderate to severe plaque psoriasis... ...can uncover clearer skin and improve symptoms at 16 weeks. tremfya® is the only medication of its kind also approved for adults with active psoriatic arthritis. serious allergic reactions may occur. tremfya® may increase your risk of infections and lower your ability to fight them. tell your doctor if you have an infection or symptoms or if you had a vaccine or plan to. tremfya®. emerge tremfyant™. janssen can help you explore cost support options. [knocking on door] ♪ ♪ so many bottles of champagne ♪ test test test test test test test test test test test test test test test test test test test test test test test test
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♪ >> jimmy: hi there, welcome back to the show. music from phoebe bridgers is on the way. our next guest is an author and podcaster and chicken cooker extraordinaire, with a new show that explores the future of food, restaurants, and robots. it's called "the next thing you
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eat." it premieres on hulu october 21st. please welcome chef david chang. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ how are you holding up? you got a baby at home. >> yes, a little over 2 weeks. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: two weeks old. wow. little boy. gus is the boy's name? >> that's right. >> jimmy: i like it, i like it. >> getting some sleep. >> jimmy: how is his older brother, hugo, handling this? >> 90% he's good. it's the 10% now that when he's acting terrible, it's really killing me. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it is, yeah. >> yeah. >> jimmy: are you happy just to be out of the house right now? be honest. >> yes. [ laughter ] i think i -- yes. i think i -- yeah. any chance i can get out of the house is amazing. i'm so happy to be with all of you. [ cheers and applause ]
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> jimmy: running a lot of errands. this is an interesting idea for a show. you're really exploring the future of food. i was glad to find out that we'll even have food in the future. i think that's a good sign. and some of the stuff is really, it seems, very creepy, i think. like some of the food that they're growing. >> yes. >> jimmy: meat that they're growing. >> that was my initial reaction as well. because there's -- they call it cultivated meat. but it's lab-grown meat from cells. theoretically, they can make anything. like any steak, any chicken, salmon, from cells of the real thing. >> jimmy: theoretically, they can. practically, can they do that? >> it's happening, i've tasted it. >> jimmy: what did you have? >> i had chicken, i had salmon. there's a bunch of companies that are working on it. and i'll be honest, the chicken was pretty damn good. >> jimmy: it was? >> yeah. the salmon is going to get there.
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and the best way i can explain it is almost like when you're playing video games or tv in the early '80s, you can see that it's going to get a lot better, and it's already pretty far along. >> jimmy: so right now it's "asteroids"? >> yes, yes. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: and we're going to eventually get to "call of duty" is what you're saying? >> 100%. >> jimmy: and the chicken itself, does it have skin on it? just the breast of the chicken? >> they can just grow the breast meat. they can grow chicken without the bones, the blood, none of it. >> jimmy: do real chickens know about this? [ laughter ] if so, what is their take? i wonder, would i rather never be raised or i'll be raised to be eaten? it's a real dilemma for these birds. >> yeah, no, i'm serious. these are funny questions that are actually pretty serious if you start to think about it. that's one of the reasons why we wanted to do this show. it's not like we know exactly what's going to happen, but we can start asking these questions about what it means and be better prepared for what's around the corner. >> jimmy: if you were a vegan and you were to eat some of this, whatever you call it --
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>> cultivated meat. >> jimmy: cultivated meat. are you still a vegan? >> that's what i'm asking, right? [ laughter ] like, what happens? if there's no -- no animal died. there was nothing. it's just like jell-o, you know what i mean? >> jimmy: i watched the trailer. and one of the scientists you were talking to said that they could even recreate dinosaur meat. >> i know. and that -- that was a real head scratcher. but it is sort of this "jurassic park" kind of technology. listen, i'm not the person to be explaining this to you, but it's happening. and i was really suspect until i tasted it. and i'm here to tell you, i think it's an inevitability. i think we're all going to be -- >> jimmy: we'll be eating brontosaurus burgers like the flintstones? [ laughter ] >> 100%. >> jimmy: people talk about the jetsons, they don't realize we're going to the flintstones with this. that's so crazy. we could eat a t-rex someday. >> i think so, yes. >> jimmy: we could open a chain of kentucky fried t-rexes.
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>> let's trademark that right now. >> jimmy: we're doing this for reasons of health of the planet, scarcity i guess, supplies? >> uh-huh. >> jimmy: and it's probably good that we're doing this weird stuff. is it good that we have now robots in our kitchens? these automated kitchen situations? >> that's the real dilemma for me. because i'm super excited about the prospect of having, you know, consistent work. but also, like, what does it mean? like, if my dad came to this country in 1963 and there were robots, he probably wouldn't be here today. >> jimmy: he'd be killed by robots? [ laughter ] >> we've got to figure out -- we're going to have our automation. just like in the automotive business and any kind of business. you have more automation. it's here. we're already doing it in our restaurants and our businesses. and we're going to have more of it. >> jimmy: it's still especially weird i think with food.
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when you're talking about building a car, you know, your mom or dad or whatever makes you breakfast, makes you dinner. they're not in the garage building you a car. so it's like you're used to that human connection to your food. and to have an artificial connection, i guess it's like -- i don't know, i guess there wasn't a toaster at some point. >> yeah, washing your dishes was by hand for forever, until now you have a dishwasher. think of how many hours that saves. if you think about that pattern, i think you're going to see that more and more in how we operate and live on a day-to-day basis. >> jimmy: but then people also miss out on the rich reward of washing a dish. [ laughter ] >> this is true. >> jimmy: yeah, you have a cookbook you have been working on too. >> yes. >> jimmy: what's the title? >> "cooking at home: or how i learned to love not following recipes and learned to love my microwave." with priya krishna. i just butchered the title. >> jimmy: you don't know the title of your own book? >> it's so long, it messes me up.
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>> jimmy: we'll put it on the screen later. we'll figure it out. there it is. okay. i know you're always up to a lot of interesting stuff. i can't wait to see it. the show is called "the next thing you eat." it premieres on hulu october 21st. you can see all the stuff we're going to be eating, for good or bad, in space i guess when we live there. david chang, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] we'll be back with phoebe bridgers! [ cheers and applause ] >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. to treat hiv. s a differey it's once-monthly injectable cabenuva. cabenuva is the only once-a-month, complete hiv treatment for adults who are undetectable. cabenuva helps keep me undetectable. it's two injections, given by a healthcare provider once a month. hiv pills aren't on my mind. i love being able to pick up and go. don't receive cabenuva if you're allergic to its ingredients or taking certain medicines, which may interact with cabenuva. serious side effects include
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kenan! hey kenan! looking good. feeling good. i just found all these cars on autotrader. wow! now wait for the best part there microwave. a dealer is gonna deliver this car to our home. never leave home, never leave home! woo, it's here! there's one thing... i can't do from home. drive! someone stop him! kenan! catch ya later, refrigerator! ♪ ♪
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>> dicky: and now cisco presents, "where is russ hiding?" where is russ hiding this time? ♪ >> i was hiding right behind this chair. >> dicky: and that's where russ was hiding.
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comcast business. powering possibilities. >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. >> jimmy: thanks to larry david and david chang. apologies to matt damon. tomorrow night billie eilish and zach galifianakis will be with us. "nightline" is next. but first buckle in, a voyage is about to begin. her album is called "punisher." here with a very special version of "moon song," phoebe bridgers!
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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ i had to carry you ♪ ♪ and you pushed me in ♪ ♪ and now my feet can touch the bottom of you ♪ ♪ you couldn't have ♪ ♪ you couldn't have stuck your tongue thrt
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somebody ♪ ♪ who loves you more ♪ ♪ so i will wait for the next ♪ like a dog with a bird at your door ♪ ♪ ♪ we hate tears in heaven ♪ ♪ but it's sad that his baby died ♪
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♪ and we fought about john lennon ♪ ♪ until i cried ♪ ♪ ♪ and then went to bed upset ♪ ♪ and now i am dreaming and you're singing ♪ ♪ at my birthday ♪ ♪ and i've never seen you smiling so big ♪ ♪ it's nautical themed and there's something i'm supposed to say ♪ ♪ but can't for the life of me remember what it is ♪
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♪ and if i could give you the moon i would give you the moon ♪ ♪ you are sick and you're married and you might be dying ♪ ♪ but you're holding me like water in your hands ♪ ♪ when you saw the dead yellow bird you started crying ♪ ♪ but you know the killer ♪ ♪ doesn't understand ♪
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♪ [ cheers and applause ]
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♪ this is "nightline." >> tonight, breaking news. actor alec baldwin accidentally shooting two people with a prop gun on a movie set. one person is dead. plus race-norming. ending the controversial practice of factoring race and concussion claims. >> as it stands today, my husband hassen't receives his justice. >> reporter: some say the discrimination went on too long. >> i felt like i got the short owned of the stick, along with my other brothers in battle. and behind the


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