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tv   Gutfeld  FOX News  July 8, 2022 8:00pm-9:00pm PDT

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what most people may not know is tony was 55 years old and sleeping on a cot in his mother's living room in brooklyn when he was cast. condolences to the family. my pal, tony's brother. the family is asking for donations to st. jude's, but wounded warrior project. tony, rest in peace. i am raymond arroyo. have a great weekend. ♪ ♪ >> greg: oh, i didn't see it. it's friday. happy friday, everyone. what a great day. 175 days until new year's eve. god, i love ryan seacrest. waste not often i say this but a
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politician did something i totally absolutely love and it doesn't involve suicide. you sick, horrible people. it does involve a democrat. i know. what's wrong with me? besides the obvious stuff. do i have a head injury. if i had a dollar every time my mom asked me that as a baby. after she would push me off the bassinet. last night i complemented hillary clinton. man, did i get a tone of hate mail for that. most of it from bill. but now i'm about to complement cory booker. stop. stop. i know, it sounds like i'm losing my mind. you remember corey. he's the guy who says this crazy stuff. >> the closest i will probably have to "i am spartacus."
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moment. sometimes my testosterone makes me feel like punching him. i hurt. when dick durbin called me i had tears of rage learning about that meeting. are you not to feel that hurt, your silence is complicity. i want to tell you when i look at you, this is why i get emotional. no one is going to steal that joy. you have earned this spot. you are worthy. >> greg: he could be a peloton instructor. he can be a tad melodramatic. like he's auditioning for a starring role in the high school version of "the music man." please not done. compared to the squad, the dude is einstein. that's because unlike them, his head is only three quarters of the way up his butt so he is getting some oxygen. i like for what he said on monday. >> here is that a confession.
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i've been running for almost seven months straight but my weight has been going up and down. you can't out run a bag of oreos. you can't out run a late night hunt of -- pint of vegan ice cream. i am challenging myself and i want to challenge you, if you want to join me on this experiment, lif not to try new things. from july 4th to labor day, i am getting -- giving up all added sugar in drink and food. >> greg: you can't out run vegan ice cream. oh, man. i think we have found our next thomas jefferson. finally, a democrat who addresses something real. not some [bleep] virtue signaling. he is talking about sugar which leads to obesity which leads to death or worse, 80-year-old women in bikinis.
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who would sneak that photo into my monologue? kat. finally, a democrat not spouting some woke crap. talking about sugar, the bane of our existence. or should i say the cane of our existence. i know. that's why i am seated here. and by hour, i mean flashy yo-yos like me. up and down, bent down. it's not just my pecks when i flex but also my weight and it's all because of sugar. i love sugar. so much that i hate sugar. i feel the same way about the bachelor but the bachelor doesn't make my midsection grow like our national debt. political humor. very little. probably should have edited it out. so bucher bringing it up makes him my favorite democrat which i know is like saying my favorite
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proctologist. who is gary. i go once a month. he has great hands. bucher's challenges practical and positive. it's also free. maybe this is only what politicians should do since they suck at everything else. they have no idea how to reduce inflation or crime. why not try our love handles? he's got a point. america uses tax dollars to make sugar cheap then we end up with supersized people with supersized health problems and you know warm talking about. me. also we have all been to walmart and seen a five fat scooter pileup in the candy aisle or two... i am with them! >> tyrus: i have seen it. >> greg: you have been in costco. two 400-pound people beating the
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speech when one out of each other for the last family size pack of twizzlers. think about covid. who got really sick? the old and also the obese because obesity is a comorbidity for everything. no advantages except when it's cold outside. possibly during a tug-of-war. have you walked around your town when school gets out? no joke, kids are huge. in a bad way. giant inflatable versions of kids. it is so bad that school bus drivers have to make sure there's equal numbers of kids sitting on equal sides of the aisle. the boston rollover while turning. it's so bad, some kids are getting to school by rolling. this is not fat shaving, shaming, tyrus. i put on over 15 pounds in the
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last two months and i blame sugar. i went from a 10 to a 9.3 thanks to famous amos. that's my pot dealer. i digress. i work out every day and i cancel it out by sucking down cookies because they are sitting there in front of me on the dashboard of the treadmill. i'm not criticizing you for being overweight. i'm criticizing me which i desperately need because being the host of two hit tv shows and an international sex symbol, i can't lose this girlish figure. so i not only credit broker for doing something proactive. i'm also going to take the challenge. from now on until labor day i'm going without added or processed sugar. not including wind of course since it is a fruit. and i'm going to sweeten the pot, pun intended. if i end up heavier on labor day but i am not, i will do an
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entire show short-list, man boobs and all. it's disgusting but if i end up lighter, than mr. booker has to come on the show dressed like spartacus. yeah. how about that? the challenge gave this show an idea. why don't we come up with our own challenge? >> introducing the gutfeld challenge. no poop jokes until labor day. that's right. that means zero jokes about diarrhea, constipation, fighting, sharding, those disgusting tables covered in crap. go about your day not making poop jokes. if your name is gregory gutfeld it will be the most difficult two months of your life.
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>> greg: true. it's going to be tough. my advice for the rest of you, do not reliant willpower. it is about availability. if something is around you, you're going to eat it. that's why i don't have children. get rid of all the stuff in your house that's sugary. that is half the battle. the rest is keeping busy, idle hands always end up stuck in an empty tube of pringles. boredom leads to snacking and snacking leads to this. so i'm going to join mr. booker before i turn into that. we have to fight obesity one step at a time less of course there's an escalator. let's welcome tonight's guests. she has taken more questions that biden has taken nass. former white house press secretary
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kayleigh mcenany. they say looks can be deceiving but not this time. founder of the loftusparty.com, michael loftus. she is like a stately c-terminal. she could be well over 40 years old. kat timpf. finally, he never needed a booster seat. my massive sidekick, tyrus. so, kaylee, your pregnant. congratulations. >> kayleigh: thank you. >> greg: it's not that hard. 7 billion people on the planet. are you going to applaud everyone that is born.
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anyway. you get to eat for two. >> it's fantastic. first the democrats came for my future babies baby formula and now they are coming for a pregnant person, a birthing person. >> greg: you are against this idea? >> kayleigh: i had a rice krispie treat, m&ms and caramel yesterday. i'm planning my dessert when i get home. this is what pregnant women do. we eat dessert. >> greg: what if you weren't pregnant. when you take this challenge? >> kayleigh: under no circumstance. you're telling me if you passed up cupcakes, you're just walking by? >> greg: i usually spit on them. that way no one can have them. if i can't have them, no one will. like my high school relationships. >> michael: [laughs] >> tyrus: why the hell are you looking at me? >> greg: i am looking for help.
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it is good to have katie lying on the show. [laughter] it's good to have kd lang on the show. >> dear diary. greg really thinks... no. can't fight back. this is the name of the show. >> greg: michael, just kidding of course. you are wearing a jean jacket and you look like kd lang. >> michael: and a superhot way. >> greg: exactly peer-reviewed >> i see crybaby dropping out of a acting class getting ready to
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ban sugar. this is the groundwork. my own challenge. i was like spartacus. there is nothing more annoying than watching people who don't have a weight problem talk about their weight problem. >> greg: that's what kayleigh just said. >> kayleigh: he wants called himself an overweight to begin. >> michael: of the same time supposedly he was with rosario dawson. she is smoking hot. i am so fat i can't even get a girlfriend. shut up. if i'm going to be snorting lines of sugar all night long like hunter biden. at a russian's house. >> greg: i challenge you to give up sugar and perhaps take up bathing. >> kat: i just looked up "what is a kd lang?" you do look like that.
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>> michael: dear diary, kat zinged me too. >> greg: it is the most time kd lang's name has been spoken in 20 years. kat, would you join me in this challenge? i have the same problem. no matter what you do when you exercise, if you eat sugar, it's going to engage everything. >> kat: , i'll do it. with most commitments, there's no way to verify that your sticking to it. you can say you're doing it. no one's going to know. it will probably eat three stakes a day. >> greg: that's what i'll do. you can eat unlimited amounts of meat and lose weight. >> kat: i don't know what is in anything i eat because i don't cook. a few years ago i did.
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the pandemic. i made soup. >> greg: all right. jeez louise. it's hard to come up with monologues every day, as you can tell. i thought this would work. tyrus, you know what i'm talking about. >> tyrus: i'm with you, i agree. i have fought the weight monster. always hollering at me. whispering bleeped in my ear. but i want to be with you with cory about the brother drives me crazy. he always does things. just say it. he takes these long walks. get to the point. there's no such thing as a bag of oreos. no one has ever been caught by vegan ice cream. it's fast can wrap and set in your having 33 flavors. he does things like "oh, we're going to make lynching out log." for real?
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it is murder and assault. i think we've got it covered. you are 1000% right and i commend you. it's fructose syrup -- with everyone sees hunter biden's mocha crack pipe. but if they see me eating a cupcake, they are saying give me another one. i fast after 5:00. i am down 35 pounds. i had to change my life to do it. i go to someone's house at 6:00 for dinner. i'm sorry. i fasted. i don't eat after 5:00. you can have one? just one. you've earned it. you are a big guy. you have an appetite. i am like him i can't have one. i will have 47. you know what i'm saying question reckitt is the one addiction we don't ever talk about. obesity is just as rough as
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cancer. but you do it at the dinner table, holidays. you should do something with sugar. i thought it was great. they have that 75-ounce big gulp. >> michael: it's america. you can do it all. >> tyrus: but you are mad when your taxes are paying for everyone's type 2 diabetes which is really hurting people who are born with diabetes because all of that insulin is missing because it's going to type 2 diabetes. >> greg: there you go. he likes big gulp because he gets to use the cup afterwards to get the spare change. up next. what the hell.hn why was a crime victim thrown into a cell? n, leqvio can lower bad cholesterol and keep it low with two doses a year. side effects were
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injection site reaction, joint pain, urinary tract infection, diarrhea, chest cold, pain in legs or arms, and shortness of breath. with leqvio, lowering cholesterol becomes just one more thing life throws your way. ask your doctor about leqvio. lower. longer. leqvio.
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>> greg: it's clear cut case of self-defense so why didn't his punishment makes zero sense? another woke d.a. fail. punishing crime victims with excessive bail. i speak of jose albaugh, no relation to jessica alba. that's a stupid question. he is the new york city bodega worker freed on bail but not before being thrown to rikers island. a hardworking immigrant who became a legal citizens versus a career criminal on parole. in a normal city, he would be getting a good citizen award but this is nyc, home of aoc and elmo break so instead of the 61-year-old father of three was jailed on $250,000 bail. that was half of what though woke pro-crime office wanted to
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slap him with. they are considering a second-degree murder charge which should get thrown out quicker than a copy of jesse's book "how i saved the world." after a huge public outcry not seen since "the nanny" was canceled, alba's bail was reduced to 50 grand. alba made bail and he's a free man, as he should be. [cheers and applause] charges are still pending. what a message to thugs everywhere that today's daily special is a hot serving of f around and find out. have cities had enough of this bleeped? we go to our crime correspondent for answers.
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i mean. it was a cute video, tyrus. >> tyrus: we don't check resumes anymore. cute and cuddly is on the box. >> greg: what do you think of how this was handled so far? >> tyrus: it's a tragedy in a nightmare. if he didn't have the foresight to grab that knife, would have been watching another video of an old person being beat to oblivion in a corner. you could maybe make the argumentative maybe he had somewhere to go. he was fact in a corner. he had no traces. he was outmatched physically. the guy didn't come in there to discuss the credit card. his girl was egging him on. it was going to end horribly in his store was going to be robbed and destroyed and we have seen
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these videos over and over again. again, what my fear is, this again really motivates the worst part of our society. now there's going to be a person in the store who goes for something. i can't, i shouldn't because i'm going to get arrested. they are going to trade being arrested for having a disfigured face or worse. because they know that the d.a. doesn't have their back. that to me is sad. this should have been a celebration. to celebrate a murderer sucks but he saved his life and his livelihood and his family's livelihood and he was punished for it. she is not arrested. that she started it and pulled the first knife. >> greg: i have to bring it up with kat. this really upsets me when girlfriend start fights. >> tyrus: i don't think kat has ever done that. >> kat: my staff count is
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zero. not to brag. >> greg: she is not in jail. this was all over a bag of chips. her card got turned down. >> kat: could have just taken the chips. i think in general it's a bad thing to always assume the worst intentions and people. i think one situation where it's not bad is when someone is violently assaulting you. someone lunges that you and is pushing you. you shouldn't be like, he is probably starting a mosh pit. that's how you can die. like you should've just let this guy beat you up and maybe kill you. that's horrible. >> greg: have the law-abiding finally had enough? >> michael: i hope so. i want more people to stand up like this guy. it's going to be terrifying. this guy is a hero. i want bruce willis to come out of retirement and be bodega man.
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they tried to take everything and he fought back. then they sent him to jail. soon jail will only be full of law-abiding citizens will make the gang thing a whole lot different. i can't stand, the prosecutor, the d.a. always second-guess. what is you have to go to the knife? couldn't you have done this? couldn't you have run away? it's like arguing with your wife when you're late. there was an accident. i had to give a guy cpr. you could've called me. i want more heroes like this. >> greg: what do you think about this? >> kayleigh: i am a floridian. >> greg: i forgot that you moved. >> kayleigh: i am here but i'm still florida. >> greg: where do you live? >> kayleigh: florida and new york. greg, in one column we've got a
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guy who's on surveillance as the aggressor. his girlfriend pulled a knife. he has a criminal track record. he came back 10 minutes later to come find this man, alba, not related to jessica. nor did i ever asked by. acted in lawful self-defense and are crooked, gross district attorney decides to go after him. i saw alba trending on twitter. do something about it. demand that governor hochul fire the guy. fire the d.a. >> greg: governor hochul is nowhere to be found. such a bad governor. i would take andrew cuomo. i'm not kidding. that's how awful she has. he's awful but at least he did -- he was awful. >> tyrus: may be go little further back in time. >> greg: george pataki. >> tyrus: there you go.
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>> greg: remember him? all right. we have gotten a good audience. we have got a good audience when they are applauding for george pataki. >> michael: they thought it was a candy. >> tyrus: they had two choices. >> greg: up next, will we be looking up soon at a beijing owned movie its revolutionary rollerball design delivers fast, powerful, long-lasting pain relief. aleve it, and see what's possible.
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>> greg: coming soon. will china take the moon? our military abscesses. china is planning on making the moon its fees. the nasa administrator told the german newspaper that china might take over the moon as part of a new military program and ramped up space exploration efforts, saying "we must be very concerned that china is landing on the moon and saying it's ours
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now and you stay out." that's exactly what i said to kilmeade and peter doocy about my backyard tree house. chinese foreign ministry spokesman hit back. saying "the u.s. side is constantly constructed a smear campaign against china's normal and reasonable outer space endeavors and china firmly opposes such irresponsible remarks." that settles that. there is no one i trust more than the chinese government. there is nothing more irresponsible than nasa's remarks, not even unleashing a deadly pandemic that's killed millions of people but still while china pursue stuff like military efforts in space, with our country focused on? if you are our navy, you're making videos like this. speaker using the right pronouns in the simple way to affirm one's identity. what do i do if finest gender someone? >> the first thing to recognize is that it's not the end of the
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world. correct yourself and move on. accept the correction and move on. the most important thing i can tell you. do not put the burden of making you feel good about your mistake on the person that you just misgenderred. >> greg: we are so speaking mandarin. like the moon, people can see you outside their windows at night just hanging out. >> a lot of time said kd lang's house. i have a constant craving for her jean jackets. do you trust china? >> not at all. when they say that we are not interested in the moon, that means they're going for the moon. don't worry about hong kong. don't worry. we are not building islands in the middle of nowhere. in wuhan.
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i want to go to the moon yesterday. i don't know why we ever stopped. i say we get them -- obviously nasa isn't motivated so let's get hillbillies involved. give a hillbilly 20,000 bucks on a roll of duct tape, they will be up there tomorrow. they will make it happen. >> greg: are you worried that we are so focused? >> the space program shut down, president trump comes into office. he creates space force. the next administration comes in and jen psaki says space force and people google. what's that? it's a branch of our military, really important. china tells us they are looking forward to a global community on the moon. really? i'm sure that's true since he wanted a global community when you created covid-19. it leaked out that you lied to the world and people died. >> kat: when she was asked,
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what does joe biden think about the space force and she said i don't know who i would ask about that. probably him. >> greg: kat, you are an expert on the moon. >> kat: why not. >> greg: what is your take on the story? >> kat: i don't know. >> greg: you must have thought about it. >> kat: i did. i am worried. i don't want to sound like a globalist commie but can't we all share the moon? i don't want to send astronauts soldiers over there to do a moon conquering thing. >> greg: i don't know. that could be fun. >> kat: you're not going to go. >> greg: i am going to be watching it from my bed where i watch everything. >> kat: fighting over the moon. none of us have been there. >> greg: it's overrated. that's not the point.
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the point is to have something to shoot down from and if you own the atmosphere, then you own earth. you become earth's landlord. if you are above the earth and you are shooting down, there's nothing we can do but just get shot at. >> tyrus: i hate to stop you but if you're on the moon and you shoot down, you're going to shoot the moon. >> kat: that is a great point. >> tyrus: they can't all be home runs, gutfeld. let it go. i think maybe we are looking at this the wrong way. and we should let them have it. as long as they put their labs there. do all your experiments on the moon. we went there and the astronauts got there and we put a plan and there's a reason why they left the car there.
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something scared them. maybe we let them go. whatever scared, none of them come back and make beau's crazy, let them have it for a little while. then we have them. can katie borrow your guitar? >> michael: i try. let him have it. let them have it. >> tyrus: there is no air or water and something made us leave. and let them steal your intel. have them shoot down. >> greg: there you go. all right. coming up, should you fight crime with a neighborhood watch or a furry friend who sniffs your crotch?
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>> greg: here is a story in five words. more dogs equals less crime. kat. because your name is kat, i thought it would be clever to go to you first. research shows neighborhoods with more dogs have less violent crime because there is more people walking their dogs keeping an eye on things. what do you think? you have a dog in his name is carl. explain. >> kat: i guess if it's on the internet, it must be true. i don't know how they verified it. how do they find this out? how do you count the dogs? if you're walking a dog, usually walk it from a neighborhood to maybe another neighborhood. so i don't really know. i don't buy it. i don't believe it. nobody is going to take this into account when you're going to ask the real estate agent? how many dogs are on the surrounding area? can you count them for me
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please? this is the most useless study ever. congratulations to everyone on getting it out. >> greg: tyrus, do you think something else is behind this? >> tyrus: i can relate. i am pretty sure they have a tyrant at home who won't let them have a dog so they tried to make it scientific. scientifically have a dog, it's safer for everybody and walking is exercise and i will be able to check if anything is wrong. no, they crap in the yard. this was a desperate plea of a man whose run out of options. he just really wants her best friend. her making him sit and watched tv for 12 hours on a saturday and every time his friends call, they go -- he goes, no. maybe he had a dog, it would be his friend. put his head on his lap when he talks. i want a damn dog. >> greg: i want a dog.
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i was thinking, a dog for protection. would you want a big dog that scares people for a little dog that you threw at the robber? >> kayleigh: i have experiences with both. my husband and i have a black lab. my dad and mom have three little furry ones that you could certainly throw at her robber. two of which they inherited from me. they are not carrying a grasshopper away, much less an intruder. you need a big dog. >> greg: i do need the protection. world-famous celebrity and international sex symbol. >> tyrus: like kids, he shouldn't have a dog. your first move was to throw the dog. >> greg: take him! >> tyrus: little dogs are good alarm systems. they have the little napoleon complex.
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>> michael: they are great. do yourself a favor, if you get a dog, get our rescue. you never have to train them. they could bite an old lady's face-off. you are like, it's a rescue. they are like aww. it's the best thing ever. >> greg: i have to give you credit that you got the audience to applaud an animal eating a woman's face. i have been working towards that for ten years. you just did it. >> michael: of course neighborhoods with dogs receiver. this is one of those studies i hope we didn't pay for. it is that ridiculous. did they have control neighborhoods? was there a cat neighborhood? gorilla town? that should be a tv show. he tried to break into shark house. >> greg: what if he threw piranha fish? >> michael: you could throw
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them like throwing stars. >> tyrus: they would suffocate and die. speed fish live in water. >> greg: sometimes you find comedy gold in jokes that are few days old. ...free your gut. and your mood will follow.
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try hypnosis... or... quit cold turkey. kidding me?! instead, start small. with nicorette. which can lead to something big. start stopping with nicorette
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always, this is my first time reading these jokes. they really suck. here we go. this way, rhode island state senator karen mack posted a video of herself upside down working on a public beach. critics call it the scariest upsidedown captured on film since stranger things. i don't get it. a survey found that chick-fil-a is america's favorite restaurant 48. 48 years in a row, in related news, driving democrats absolutely mad, chick-fil-a has also been appointed to the supreme court.
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[laughter] president biden has set a new approval no according to a new poll. white house staffers in the president will be very upset once never mind that he is joe biden. that's good. keep that one. white house communications director departing the white house later this month. she said she wants to spend more time with cnn contributor job. [laughter] that was funny. a recent study found that neighborhoods with more dogs have less crime. if that's true, the viewer has to be the safest place in america. no. no, no, no. no! no. that's why it wasn't in the show. reportedly had a chance call with the white house staff recently. planning on the president has been acting, which is the same complaint fans have about everything she's ever been in.
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that was good. johnson complained her support for the president has been a waste of time. unfortunately, joe was on a call when ewing air force one's extended service warranty period crosby stills nash and young quietly returned to spotify five months ago after leaving due to the platform's support for joe rogan. they look for service more appropriate for the audience but couldn't find one that stream data tracks. [laughs] if it crosby contempt rogaine for spreading health disinformation, and who better to trust the man who did so much cocaine his septum is wider than the lincoln tunnel? a new poll claims cabin news is a stronger presidential candidate than kamala harris. the survey revealed voters prefer if it's because they think it's finally time we have a female president. wow.
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that is vicious. i don't know. popeye comic strip is getting a makeover to include more characters who aren't heterosexual. wimpey, previously known for his love of hamburgers is pivoted his preferred food choice 2-foot long. i think a 10-year old road that one. getting those kids involved with the writing process. last weekend, administration claimed that nasa might take over the moon is part of a new military program. meanwhile, north korea launches on moon mission consisting of 300 balloons, binoculars and a lawn chair. [laughs] and finally, never been happier to hear those words. [laughter] not with you with this one. >> and 90-foot granite monument known as the georgia guide stones was destroyed in an explosion this week.
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they say it the worst bombing in georgia since michael lawson performed in atlanta. >> come full circle. >> greg: don't go away. we'll be right back. this is john. he never gives up—no matter what life throws his way. high cholesterol. heart disease. 17 fad diets... 5 kids... 3 grandkids... 1 heart attack. and 18 passwords that seem to change daily. with leqvio, john can lower his cholesterol— and so can you. when taken with a statin, leqvio is proven to lower bad cholesterol by over 50% and keep it low with two doses a year.
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>> greg: great show. thank you to all the contributors in the studio audience. i love you, america. i do. ♪ ♪ 31 hello and welcome to fox news at night. shannon bream and welcome. breaking tonight, pro-choice protesters targeting conservative supreme court justices not just outside their homes but now also tracking them down at restaurants. justice brett kavanaugh forced to sleep at the back door of a stake is right here in the nation's capital is one left-wing

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