Skip to main content

tv   The Daily Show With Trevor Noah  Comedy Central  November 17, 2021 1:15am-2:00am PST

1:15 am
however, "business insider" is reporting there's now a 20% gap between the members of the two political parties. about two-thirds of democrats say they have or plan to get a flu vaccination, while for republicans, that number is less than 50%. researchers say that indicates the political battle over the covid vaccine is now affecting flu shots as well. >> trevor: yeah, that's right. many republicans have turned against the covid vaccine so hard that now they're turning against the flu shot. and, look, with the covid vaccine, i get it. it was new, people didn't trust the technology, but the flu shot has been around since forever. you can't decide now to hate it. it would be like if everyone suddenly decided to hate betty white. i mean, we were all cool with her for 140 years. what changed? and if you ask me, this is a selfish decision, because people who don't get the flu shot spread the infection to
1:16 am
everyone. they sneeze into the air that we breathe, they grab the doorknobs that we grab, they touch the subway polls that the rest of us lick. it's disgusting. that's why i'm getting my flu shot for sure. although, i am going to space it out from my covid shot. i don't want two shots close to each other. otherwise, if they're both in there at the same time, they'll start a turf war. i don't want that shit, trying to keep it save in my body. it just really feels like we're moving to a place where all of science is going to become partisan. that's what it feels like. like, in a few years, you're going to hear news reports about this: "democrats are sticking by gravity, but many republicans say they're not interested anymore. polls show that up to 40% of republicans are now floating off into space." and now, dulce, over to you and the weather. >> it's not as warm as it should be because i got to wear a coat and put my toes away, and i don't appreciate it. >> trevor: this covid-flu thing is wild. >> the only good thing about this, is now if we don't want
1:17 am
them to do things we can threaten to vaccinate them. if we try to storm the capitol again, they'll be like, "sir, if you come across that line, we will vaccinate you! don't make us make this flu shit airborne. hold them down! a bunch of cops running around with needles. rogue nurses trying to help the government. >> trevor: i think you just stumbled upon the next wave of law enforcement. this is actually pretty good. >> trevor: but let's move on from the war on science to the war in outer space, because yesterday, russia woke up and decided to make things much more dangerous up there than it had to be. >> now to a conflict in space. the u.s. is slamming russia for carrying out a missile test that created a serious amount of dangerous space debris, which could remain in orbit for decades, threatening space travel even. >> this morning, outrage from u.s. officials after russia carried out a missile test early monday, firing an anti-satellite missile into space, obliterating
1:18 am
one of its own satellites and creating a vast debris field that's now orbiting earth. >> some of that debris coming dangerously close to the international space station, which is currently carrying four u.s. astronauts, the crew sheltering for more than two hours until they were finally given the green light, secretary of state antony blinken slamming the russian missile test, calling it dangerous and irresponsible, and adding that the debris will remain a threat for decades. >> trevor: yeah, russia blew up a satellite with a rocket. and, guys, i keep saying this, but these gender reveals are getting out of hand. but, for real, i don't know why russia blew up their own satellite. maybe it announced that it was running against putin. who knows? but there's got to be a better way to do this. i mean, if you want to get rid of something, do what new yorkers do: drag it to the sidewalk and leave a big "free" sign on it. but, people, blowing it up so it sends lethal debris shooting
1:19 am
around in orbit is unacceptable. and if you ask me, someone needs to stand up to russia. like, maybe america should start some sort of force to defend space, you know? what's that? oh, it did? and i called it the most pointless thing since trump created since don jr.? nah, that doesn't sound like me. all right, thank you, thank you. well, look, man, this is one thing i love about america. america would never launch a missile at a satellite. i mean, they tried, but it accidentally hit a wedding in let's move on to a threat closer to earth: vigilante white dudes. booo! yesterday, the arguments in the kyle rittenhouse trial wrapped up, and now the jury has to decide whether he'll go to prison or become trump's running mate in 2024. meanwhile, down in georgia, they've begun the murder trial for the three men charged with chasing down and killing ahmaud arbery last year. now, for obvious reasons, this trial is getting a lot of national attention, but the
1:20 am
lawyer for one of the defendants he seems to have a big problem with who is paying attention. >> an explosive morning in the trial of the three men accused of murdering ahmad arbery, with a still-smoldering racially charged debate spurred on by defense attorneys over black pastors in the courtroom. defense attorney kevin gough objecting to reverend jesse jackson's presence in the gallery. >> how many pastors does the arbery family have? we had the reverend al sharpton here earlier last week. which pastor is next? is raphael warnock gonna to be the next person appearing this afternoon? we don't know. >> with all due respect, your honor, the seats in the public gallery of a courtroom are not like courtside seats at a lakers game. >> trevor: all right, first of all, of course this trial is not like a lakers game. the jury has 11 white people and one black guy. that's basically the opposite of any basketball team. and, secondly, i'm not saying this guy is racist, but when you're representing a guy who
1:21 am
killed a black man just for jogging in the wrong neighborhood, it's not a great look to be pointing into the gallery and going, "hey, this black guy doesn't belong here. we should do something about that! come on,s jasper, you want to do that again?" and, thirdly, black pastors have been supporting families in need from the beginning of time. why are they shocked by this? whether it's their kids killed in gang violence, whether it's a civil rights issue-- doesn't matter what it is, they'll show up. hell, if you need them, they'll even show up for emotional support at your kid's spelling bee: ♪ ♪ ♪ "lord jesus, please, show this dumb little kid how to spell 'platypus'! his family has been through enough." >> amen, and amen. what i'm confused about-- listen, i grew up in georgia. everybody is a pastor. everybody is a-- what are you taltalking about you don't want pastors here. everybody in georgia is a pastor. also, how am i supposed to trust a southern white man that don't
1:22 am
want the lord in the room! you don't want one of god's servants. >> trevor: you're right, i don't get it. >> it would be different if jesse jackson was in there taking up a collection for a building fund. so, they're not taking up a collection. it's not like they're in there preaching. >> you're saying it could have been worse. >> it could have been way worse. they could have brought a choir. i'm bringing in a whole choir and a tambourine, "they're guilty! they're guilty that's what i'm doing. bring a choir in and say, george tell your neighbor-- neighbor. this man is guilty-- yeah! i would start a sermon every time i walked in the place. they're sitting there being quiet. it's a-- he said it's a public gallery. >> trevor: yes. >> they are the public. anybody can show up. you can go!
1:23 am
and, finally, yesterday afternoon, president biden held a ceremony on the white house lawn, along with democrats and republicans from congress. and they were doing this to finally sign his big infrastructure bill. and, guys, why do they have to sign the bill in public? i mean, i know this is important legislation, but as a spectator sport, it's pretty boring. where's the drama? "ooh, maybe the pen will run out of ink?" (bleep) outta here. also, why are they even having a bill-signing celebration? passing laws is their job. nobody else gets to do that at their job. like, after you make photocopies for your boss at the office, you don't get to pose for pictures while shaking hands: "i didn't think you could do it double sided. well done." but i do get why lawmakers are excited about this. it's the biggest investment america has made in itself in decades. and there's also some smaller things in it that might do a lot of good: >> how to stop drunk drivers before they even put the car into gear. it has been talked about for decades, but now, thanks to the infrastructure bill passed by congress last week, it could finally happen. >> it includes a mandate for
1:24 am
automakers that all new cars must use technology that prevents drunken people from driving. it will be as standard as air bags. >> the u.s. transportation department will decide the type of technology that will be required. it's estimated 9,400 lives will be saved every year. >> the drunk or otherwise impaired driver will get in their car, and it either won't start, won't move, or will pull itself over, depending on what technology is selected. the sober driver will get in their car and never even know it's there. >> trevor: all right, i think we can all agree this is an amazing law. first of all, because it will hopefully save lives, and secondly, because some people will be so drunk, they won't even know that the car hasn't started. you realize that. they'll be like: ( drunk ) "vrooom, vrooom! get out of the way! all right, i'm home now. wow, my home looks just like the bar! guess it's time for round two! now, i know some people are asking, "how will they develop technology to determine if someone is drunk?" what does that mean?
1:25 am
but, guys, we already have that technology. it's called a karaoke machine. no, for real, no one is sure what technology they'll use to detect if you're driving drunk. it could be something that tracks if your eyes stay open, or if you're swerving out of your lane, or if you're just trying to get to a taco bell. i just hope it's not a breathalyzer that's hooked up to the dashboard. i'm sorry, but i'm not trying to give me car a ( bleep ) every time i need to go somewhere. i want to save that for special occasions, like our anniversary, or toyotathon. there is one huge loophole in this law, and that's that this only needs to be in new cars. i mean, that's still good. but it means, if someone really likes drunk driving, all they have to do is drive an old car. at some point, we're really gonna be able to tell who's committed to drunk driving, because it's gonna be the year 2060, and they'll still be drive a sorrento from 2005.
1:26 am
"i can't give this up. you know me. i love vintage cars." >> have better friends. like, you've never had to take-- your friend's keys before? i know you have very classy, very sophisticated know-- >> trevor: no, that's an interesting point. so you're saying the best technology is friends. >> yes! like, the number of times i've stopped somebody from driving home. also, we have uber, we are lyft, we have tesla. you could put in the address-- get every bar a tesla. you could put in the address, and send their drunk ass home. also, people are just assholes. they just want to have a good time, friend. because, this is when we need these to activate. you're calling the cops on somebody in a damn victoria secret. you need to be on the wild wings with your uncle. >> trevor: that's the new technology. >> activate these cameras. they're out there. we need to release them like frumpy du ffs.
1:27 am
>> trevor: just aim carrens in the rice direction. >> so instead of calling the cops and getting black people murdered, maybe i should call the koppedz and stop these drunk dudes from killing people. >> trevor: just put karens in the parking lot. still, this is a big victory for safe driving and for organizations liked mothers against drunk driving. unfortunately, it's generated some criticism from the opposing side. ♪ ♪ ♪ >> in response to recent legislations, drunks for drunk driving have issued the following statement. >> come on man, we don't need our cars telling us when we're allowed to drive. >> hey, asshole, this is some nanny state bullshit. don't tread on me, just because you can't handle your drink! hmmm. m.>> we just got to be cool abot this. like me, you know me, baby. after a couple of drinks, i'm fine to die-- drive. >> this law, man.
1:28 am
pfft! did you see the video of the dog, you know the one he has glasses on? it's so funny. he's like-- hang on, let me show-- i'll show you. hang on. open ( bleep ). >> my car tells me i can't drive, i'm going to ( bleep ) it up. yeah! i'll find a car, because this is america! >> if you know you're drunk, you drive better. but i'm not ( burps ) ...drunk. >> how is a car going to know if i'm drunk, huh? some kind of knight-ridder car? some kind of david hasselhoff? huh? my god, i miss that show. an i miss jeremy. >> let's go! i got my keys! oh, i got them. oh! >> what? no, no, i can drive. i'm good. i'm good. i-- i just had a power nap. ♪ ♪ ♪ how did i get here. >> i am responsible, jeremy ( crying ) take me back! >> this has been a message from
1:29 am
d.f.d.d., take us back, jeremy ( snoring ) >> trevor: all right, when we come back, ronny chieng fights with you about thanksgiving. you don't want to miss it. no one can deliver your mom's homemade short ribs. for starters, your mom doesn't have a restaurant. if she did, it would be impossible to get in. she'd become famous overnight. she'd get talked into franchising everything. and at that point, they wouldn't really taste like your mom's short ribs. no one can deliver your mom's homemade short ribs. that's why instacart helps deliver the ingredients. this black friday, do you want a tv? or do you want. the place on the tv?
1:30 am
1:31 am
♪ ♪ ♪i put in the work all day i put in the work all day♪ ♪them man are doing this thing part time♪ ♪no i'm doing this thing all day♪ ♪i put in the work all day i put in the work all day♪ ♪look, no i don't care what you think or say♪ ♪i put in the work all day♪ ♪ ♪ ♪i put in the work all day♪
1:32 am
daily show." there is so much arguing in america today, but we here at "the daily show," we think there could be even more. so to do our part, here's ronny chieng with another installment of "prove me wrong." >> thanksgiving is coming andern is arguing about c.d.c.
1:33 am
guidelines or pilgrims being problematic. what about the nonpolitical thanksgiving issues? for those, i'm here to argue with random strangers on the pret in "prove me wrong," thanksgiving edition. ♪ ♪ ♪ thanksgiving is the worst holiday. >> no! >> i said it. i said it. >> no! >> why? what do you mean no? why? >> family gets together-- >> oh, it sounds terrible. >> but it's fun peeling vegetables with family. >> we do it together. >> we're peeling vegetables. that's your big argument. >> it's not the worst holiday because columbus day is a holiday. so there are worse. >> you actually genuinely have a good time at thanksgiving? >> i do have a great time. >> just how much weed do you guys smoke during thanksgiving to get through it? >> it depends how much extended family is there. >> so what is the worst holiday. >> i have to say-- and god forgive me, i'm irish-- but st. patrick's day can be brutal in the city.
1:34 am
>> st. patrick's day is amazing because during thanksgiving people get mad if you're drunk. you have to travel. >> you don't have to travel. haven't you heard of zoom. >> after two years of zooming nonstop, i'd love to zoom with my family. sounds amazing. >> it's supposed to be a peaceful day of being thankful, you know ( wretching sounds ) >> did you not receive love as a child? >> that's another thing to bring up with your family during the holidays, whether we received enough love. >> did you? >> this is starting to sound like therapy. i'm not paying you for this all shoes some buckle. prove me wrong. >> i think shoes should have buckles or laces. >> are you wearing dress crocks. pilgrims genocide, not great. turkey could have pakd better animal to eat. but buckles, dude, they nailed is first time. >> buckles aren't appropriate
1:35 am
for every occasion. >> like what? >> if you're going to hit the beach, you've got to pop on some flip-flops. >> pilgrims landed on the beach with buckles. >> but don't you want your feet to, like, breathe, be open? >> no, i don't need people's feet to breathe. i'm not quentin tarantino. >> it will make shoes more expensive. >> but isn't that the part of footware, they're expensive as ( bleep ). >> speaking of nike, a lot of shoes come with velcro not buckles. i think that's convenient. >> if you're a child, yeah, get velcro. if you're an adult, put on a buckle like an adult. pumpkin pie should replace pecan pie. >> pumpkin pie has no taste. it's a squash. >> first of all, that's rainforest. wouldn't that make it more special? >> this is america, you do it
1:36 am
every day until you get sick of it and then do it more. >> if you do it less often, then you get to experience the full pleasure of it. >> oh, man, i feel like i just ate some turkey. >> okay, mr. pilgrim, first of all, you go to mom's house, you don't silt down and she gives you a pumpkin pie. she gives you a slice of apple pie. you tell me why you would mess with america and moms. >> i'm trying to help mom here. it's way easier to make pumpkin pie than an apple pie. you open a can and dump that shit. >> open the can-- those are the second-rate moms. >> now you're hating moms now. >> i'm not-- i'm loving moms. >> this person hates moms. >> only t a dad would recommend that. you must be a dad. >> that's never been prove nen court. >> apple has more administrator. you can play around with it. pumpkins aren't as varied so you get sick of it sooner. >> that's also an argument for how complicated apple pies are. you have to pick an apple--
1:37 am
>> you have to pick a pumpkin, too. >> there's only one pumpkin. >> kabucha. japanese pumpkin. >> that's a squash. stop taking away my pumpkin pie. i don't want squash pie. people are getting mad at you because you're wrong. >> i have psychology on my side. >> you're wrong! we're going to start a fight in union square about this right now. pumpkin! pumpkin! >> when your kid comes home from school do you say, "a pumpkin a day keeps the doctor away?" no, that's stupid. that's just stupid. you can't do that. you give them an apple. >> i don't give my kid apple pie to make him live longer. >> nobody likes pumpkin pie. it doesn't make you feel good. it doesn't make you feel homey. it's a piece of crap. that's why you only have it once a year. >> i guess you win. >> i get the hat, too. >> be careful what you wish for.
1:38 am
lots of people come up here and argue with you. thank you so much, ronny. when we come back, one of the world's most important living artists will discuss his new memoir about creating art when it's no [ snoring ] honey, geo's pizza palace just launched cha cha cheesy bread. i'll go wake up the kids. excuse me. a random sales rep just emailed for the 14th time about an important new offer that has nothing to do with our business. well forget the merger, this is far more important. hey guys! a random sales rep just emailed for the 14th time... this is the first photo of your life, son.
1:39 am
your first smile. your first bath. the room we made for you. and you'll meet nana and grandpa. i can't wait for the world to see you... like i do. [sigh] ♪ dramatic music ♪ [sigh] ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ [typing] ♪ ♪ [typing] ♪ ♪ [typing] ♪ ♪
1:40 am
♪ ♪ ♪ music swells ♪ ♪ ♪ [footsteps] ♪ ♪ [typing] ♪ ♪ inspiration is out there. go find it. ♪ ♪ this black friday, do you want a tv? or do you want. the place on the tv?
1:41 am
daily show." my guest tonight is ai weiwei, an activist and one of the world's most important living artists. he's here to talk about his new memoir "one thousand years of joys and sorrows." ai weiwei, welcome to "the daily show." i'm not exaggerating when i say you might be one of the coolest human beings i have ever spoken to who might have lived one of the hard echt lives i have come across. when i started reading this book, i thought it would just be a memoir of your life. then i realized it was a memoir, really,uf your father's life. it was his biography. and it was also a story of china and the last 100 years. so maybe you can help me understand that. why? >> well, i've often asked why
1:42 am
you become you? so when i was in detention in 2011, i asked the same question, "why i become enemy of the state?" so then the direct response of the memories, my father was arrested 80 years ago. put in jail for six years. so we have been crime-- accused of the same crime, but very different political government. so i think without understanding my father's time, and his struggle-- which is about china, about the political situation, the culture, background of china, i never really can clearly indicate what i have
1:43 am
been through. >> trevor: it really is a powerful account of what you've been through. and, you know, in your story, what i found fascinating is it appears to me that you have a love for china that is always in your heart, but you do not have that same love for the political system in china, or for, you know, how the government treats people. is that correct in my assumption of how i read the book? >> i think you made a clear-- i think clear response what has been-- i have been doing. yes, i'm chinese. you know, china is... is-- it matters today. it's important for one billion people. but at the same time, they are under a system which really struggles in every sense-- politically and human rights, freedom of speech-- almost every topic it really struggles.
1:44 am
>> trevor: right. >> so how should i put myself, my personal life, into this large context? it's why i have to write this book to figure it out. >> trevor: were you never afraid? as somebody who has been detained by the chinese government on multiple occasions, it appeared that your life would be in danger. you were told so many times not to go up against the government, and, yet, repeatedly you did. is there no fear in you? is that what it is? how do you keep on pressing? >> i do a fear, but the fear comes if i don't speak out. there is no person named ai weiwei. and i won't be silenced, as anybody else. so that is not responsible to life itself.
1:45 am
we always want to speak out our mind is . >> trevor: right. one of your biggest fans from what i read in the book is your son. you know, he sounds amazing. one of the passages in the book that is really gripping is where you were detained for 81 days, taken away. and you ask him, you say to him, how does it feel-- knowing how he feels-- knowing you'd been taken away? and he said it's not a big deal. all the government did was advertise for you and they've made you even cooler. what do you think it is about your son and how he processes what is happening in the world? >> i try not to touch him that much. i don't want to teach him, give my lesson to him. i think it's not necessary for him to learn what happened to me. he has this perspective, i figured out the one of being treason make the same kind of effort as someone chasing him.
1:46 am
because you both are running. so i think there is a beauty in there. he would always think about on both sides, you know, to say why power has to < say the people ae amassed the way, or why they treat them the way. because they are afraid of this kind of majority. and he-- he always has this kind of intelligence. so i think somehow he just got it. >> trevor: it feels like your art has a-- has a feeling of resistance to it. you know, when you're shattering a jar, when you're breaking something, it feels like-- is it a rage that you're trying to put through? is it a defeness? what is it that's coming across that maybe is different from what you meet when you meet the man? >> well, it's, when i talk about
1:47 am
my fight or my struggle, or even my art works, it's not really about me, but rather about the value i defend. i think the value is shared by everybody, mostly for the people who have no chance to speak out and leave their life in dark. for generations, you know. they have no way to see the justice ever being presented. so that always got me angry. but still, i know, you know, that's just some kind of emotion. i have to control it. >> trevor: right. >> because there is not much you can do. but as artists, you can find a language or vocabulary which can reach out. sometimes it's successful. >> trevor: recently, the holocaust museum declared the treatment of ouijas in china as
1:48 am
genocide. many world nations are afraid to say or try to keep their distance on labeling anything that's happening. i guess my question has two parts? one, do you agree to what is happening to the oue jas as being genocide. and does that help the conversation to get these people liberated and treated equally. >> i think genocide is a term chinese are not very familiar with. they have been doing that to tibetans, to the inner mongolian people. basically, the communist society has been doing this kind of education and the brainwash to anybody-- to my father. i grew up with my father in the
1:49 am
same location as the people today. so that only been brought to the world view in recent years, but that's why they don't understand. why now, being really bring up the issue. >> trevor: interesting. >> the communists are always doing that to their own people. and to other minorities. >> trevor: "one thousand years of joys and sorrows." what are some of the joys and maybe tied to that, what are some of your hopes for china anything forward? >> the joys will be, i will always think when there are obstacles, there will be some kind of humor and joy. and they always offer me this difficult moment. so i have to rethink about my language, my strategy, how to deal with it.
1:50 am
that is in most cases it's quite humorous and joyful until they put you in absolute severe condition like kidnapping or under some kind of brutal situation. and for china, i think they are developing very fast. of but at the same time, they are in certain areas, they are quite blind. first, they cannot solve the legitimacy of the power. they never let their people, which is 1.4 billion people, to say what a voting ticket is like. that means two things, one, they don't trust those people. and the second, they don't have
1:51 am
self-confidence to-- to be in power as a legitimate government. so once that is not solved, there will be constantly struggle to clean out any opposition, and i don't think they can solve that. >> trevor: and as your son says, the person who is chasing is running just as fastals the person they're chasing. >> that is the game. >> trevor: yeah, that is the game. thank you so much for joining me on the show. it's a pleasure to meet you and have you here. >> a pleasure to meet you. >> trevor: don't forget, ai weiwei's memoir, "one thousand years of joys and sorrows," is available now. we're gonna take a quick break, but we'll be right back after this.
1:52 am
1:53 am
>> trevor: that's our show for tonight. but before we go, please consider supporting urban growers collective. they are a black- and women-led non-profit farm in chicago that provides the city's most vulnerable with healthy, healing food. and they offer education and advocacy for urban agriculture. if you want to support them in their work this thanksgiving, please donate at the link below. until tomorrow, stay safe out there, get your vaccine, and remember: if you can't afford
1:54 am
space travel, you can just recreate the experience at home just run through a pile of trash. now you're in if space. now, here it is, your moment of zen. >> now the focus comes to the bbb. >> there are always acronyms. >> bbb. >> bbb. >> bbbbs. captioning sponsored b ♪ ♪ - ♪ i'm goin' down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna have myself a time ♪ - ♪ friendly faces everywhere ♪ ♪ humble folks without temptation ♪ - ♪ i'm goin' down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna leave my woes behind ♪ - ♪ ample parking day or night, people spouting howdy neighbor ♪ - ♪ headin' on up to south park, gonna see if i can't unwind ♪ - ♪ [muffled] ♪ - ♪ come on down to south park and meet some friends of mine ♪ does your deodorant keep you fresh all day? we put dove men deodorant to the test with nelson,
1:55 am
a volunteer that puts care into everything he does. it really protects my skin. it's comfortable and lasts a long time. dove men, 48h freshness with triple action moisturizers. ♪
1:56 am
♪ ♪i put in the work all day i put in the work all day♪ ♪them man are doing this thing part time♪ ♪no i'm doing this thing all day♪ ♪i put in the work all day i put in the work all day♪ ♪look, no i don't care what you think or say♪ ♪i put in the work all day♪ ♪ ♪ ♪i put in the work all day♪ [dramatic music] ♪ ♪ - last week, the students of this school participated in the presidential fitness test. i am sad to announce that south park elementary scored the lowest in health and fitness in the entire country. on the whole, you students actually scored fine.
1:57 am
but the president's fitness test is scored on a school wide average, and one fourth grader at this school scored so low... with a terrifying body fat score and high blood pressure and the cholesterol levels of a 70-year-old man, that it actually brought your entire school's average down to the lowest in the country. - [yawns] - however, the presidential fitness program never wants to single out one child, because then that child might feel bad, and so as far as we're concerned, you're all a bunch of fat [bleep] pigs. - uh, could you please use a little different terminology? - far as the board is concerned, you're all a bunch of fat [bleep] pigs. and so it is the recommendation of this board that every week, each class will alternate turns giving up their recesses and instead reporting to p.e. [students groan] - all right, fourth grade class, you're up first. we're gonna do some rope climbin'! - god, this sucks!
1:58 am
- four weeks we gotta do this? - well, let's just suck it up, guys. all we can try to do is have a positive attitude about it. - all right, mccormick, let's start with you. climb the rope. - [grunting] - ha ha! look at kenny. he's so poor. huh, you guys? his family is so poor, they couldn't pay the $3.99 for the gym outfit! - all right, let's go, broflovski. - [grunting] - ha ha ha ha ha! look, you guys, a jew on a rope! you know what they call a jew on a rope? - all right, cartman, stop ripping on other people to make yourself feel less embarrassed about the fact we're all here because of you. - hey, whoa, we are here because the average score was low! that's on all of us! - because of you! it's your fault that we have to do this. we have to do this because you're unhealthy. - yeah. we're paying for your being fat. - wow, craig. i can't believe you just went there. here we were, having a perfectly nice conversation about kenny being poor and kyle being a jew, and you just decide to go 9-11 and bust out the "fat" quip. - we are here because of you, eric, so just keep your mouth shut. - oh, my god! why doesn't everyone just back off? i know how this works! you're the 99% ganging up on the 1%!
1:59 am
- oh, grow up. - jesus christ! the 99% is totally ganging up on me! - that's what we mean by grow up, dude! stop being a baby! - yeah, why don't you go home and cry to your stuffed animals again? - [gasps] [crying] [sniffles] and then-- and then wendy said that they were the 99%, and i was the 1%, and that made me not cool. [sobbing] [as clyde frog] but, eric, you are cool. i know, clyde frog, but now the 99% is saying everything is my fauuulllt. [sobbing] [as peter panda] it's not your fault, eric. how can they blame you for what is clearly president obama's fault? [sniffling] what do you mean, peter panda? [as peter] you didn't make that stupid presidential fitness test. obama did! [as polly prissypants] yeah, that's right, eric! you don't need to grow up. you are awesome and cool. thanks, polly prissypants. i'm just so scared that all the kids at school are gonna be talking about me behind my back.
2:00 am
[school bell rings] [indistinct chatter] - heh, and so then, skeletor told terminator he wanted a divorce, and apparently it's all gonna be finalized soon. - dude, butters, how many times do we have to go over this? that's not skeletor, it's a woman named maria shriver. - but then why does his face look like that? [doors bang] - what? what? what? what are you guys talking about? what are you guys doing? what are you talking about? i knew it! you guys are having a big 99% rally, aren't you? occupying the cafeteria? you wanna know why you guys are all here protesting? because you're pissed off, but you actually think it's wrong to be pissed off at a black president, so you're all just pissed off at me! well, go ahead! have your little rally to figure out how to stick it to the 1%-- see what it gets you! [crash]
2:01 am
- hey, you know, eric is right.


info Stream Only

Uploaded by TV Archive on