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tv   The Daily Show With Trevor Noah  Comedy Central  May 20, 2021 11:00pm-11:44pm PDT

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who was that? nobody. you and i are done. what?! >> trevor: high, what's going on, i'm trevor noah and this is the daily social distancing show. today is thursday may 20th, and my friends, some sad news just broke this morning. >> microsoft announced that it will be officially killing off internet explorer after 26 years. yeah. i hope are you happy mr. google chrome, mr. i know everything. i mean you i know you never got along but you better show some respect because an, og just popped. i know some are saying good riddance who cares but personally i'm heart brooken. internet explorer was there for some of the most de mief out how to turn off parental controls and download a j peg of a boob. so fair well. you weren't always the fansiest
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browser or most reliable browser but you were always there for me in the sense that you automatically opened every time i started my computer and i could never figure out how to turn that setting off. all right. anyway on tonight's show cicadas are partying like it is 2004. the world is running out of sperm and social media filters are giving us selfie-esteem issues. so let's do this, people. welcome to the daily social distancing show. >> from trevor's couch in new york city to your couch somewhere in the world, this is the daily social distancing show with trevor noah. >> trevor: let's kick things off with the news from the world of science and nature. specifically, insects. they are how we all get to experience the thrill of murder. people don't usually get excited about bugs but when you've got ones that only appear about as often as a friends reunion, that is worth buzz being. >> the latest buzz is that
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billions of cicadas are emerging in the eastern u.s. brood 10 is coming out of the ground after 17 years. >> the cicadas have been underground, living on tree sap and now as the ground temperature hits 64 degrees, they're making their way to the tree tops to mate. thaifer goal is to reach the tree branches where they will mate, lay eggs, and then die. two weeks later the eggs will hatch, the young will tumble to the ground and the whole 17 year cycle will start all over again. >> so why do cicadas swarm. scientists note their bizarre behavior is part of their survival strategy. >> it's called predator satiation, they are going to emerge in such massive numbers sin cron usually, they will fill the belly of every predator that wants to eat them and there will still be enough left over to perpetuate their species. >> trevor: wow.
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17 years! man, think about how different the world was the last time these guys were up here in 2004. i mean tom brady had just won the super bowl. we were getting ready to watch vin december nell a new fast and furious movie, ben affleck was dating j.lo. it will be hard for them to adjust. but basically cicadas hide for 17 years and then emerge all at once to try and have sex as fast as they can. i feel like right now everyone coming out of the pandemic is like yeah, yeah, i get that. i get that for sure. >> and you know as weird as this seems, it actually makes sense to me that they only do this once every 17 years. i mean any time i try to get more than three friends together, we always end up become like all right, all right, you know what, what is summer 2038 look like four, all right, great, we'll have brunch then. as interesting as it is, though, this lifecycle is completely insane. i mean how do the cicadas even
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come up with this? >> okay guys, you know how most species hang out in the sun all day having fun? well, how about we stay underground for 17 years. and then we jump out only once and have sex once before we get eaten. i love it! oh my, perfect. but let's move on from the cicada originally to-- orgy to some alarming news about human reproduction. it turns out when brood ten return ins 17 years we might not be around to see them. >> could humans one day become an endangered species? scientists say we are not only grappling with the coronavirus pandemic and a climate emergency, they say humanity is also facing a sperm count crisis. analysis suggests that sperm counts in the west have dropped by over 50% in the last 40 years. and if the downward trend continues, it is feared that the machine et could be facing what
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scientists are calling a sperm geddon by the year 2045. scientists say our modern life is behind this decline and healthy lifestyle such as smocking and o beetionity and exposure to dangerous chemicals found in plastic, cosmetics and pesticides. >> wow, okay, this is really bad news. although the way they delivered it is probably not going to hit right with some people. >> dude, are you telting me if i smoke, get really fat and live an unhealthy lifestyle than i can have sex without birth control? yeah, dude, sign me up. but for real, guys, this is bad news. if we don't stop sperm levels from dropping, that means the end of pregnancy. that means no more episodes of team-- teen mom, i'm sure there will be other effects too, but teen mom, people. i know sperm geddon sounds look a spinoff to the sharknado movie
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but i think we have to start conservek our sprm. he can can't just be wasting it just because we saw someone hot in a shampoo commercial. we men need to start treating our bodies better. because your sperm is only as healthy as you are. if you are spending all day smoking and eating badly, you can't be surprised when your sperm is also hella out of shape. okay guys, let's do it. time to get to that egg. ha ha ha ha ha oh wait, i'm cramping, i'm cramping. oh boy, this is further than i thought. i just-- do we have to go to the egg now? we have to do that right now? cuz this is shall-- oh boy, oh, i'm not, i don't think i'm going to make-- oh, man, you know what, i'm just going to call an uber. i just think i-- yeah. >> surge pricing. and finally, this is the time of year for spring cleaning. you know when you take out all of your old trk shirts, decide not to throw any of them away
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and put them all back slightly folded. but if you find stuff going through your house that you really don't want any more, please think carefully before giving it away. >> we all know that saying one man's trash is another man's treasure. well sometimes st is just trash. this morning good will is urging people to reconsider what we're donating. it turns out good will is getting a lot of stuff it can't use like broken furniture and leakey batteries and that's herting the nonprofit more than helping. garbage disposal costs are going through the roof. a spokesperson for good will says if you wouldn't give it to your judgey mother in law, than don't donate it. >> that's right. some people out there are actually trying to give good will trash like broken furniture, leakey batteries and kayne's last album, and what i want to know is who the hell is trying to donate leaking batteries, what asshole is going i don't like getting burned by battery acid but maybe poor people will? i don't foe what they're into. and you know that this has become a real problem for good
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will because they never say negative stuff like this. they are literally called good will. if they're mad, then there is a good reason like if you are saw mr. rogers going off on daniel tiger, you know that little puppet tried to pull some shit. so guys, please, make sure the things you donate are useful. and when it is time to throw away batteries, be responsible. you take them and you put them in a drawer where they just stay forever because no one really knows how to throw batteries away. i mean. >> all right, let's move on now to our top story. may is mental health awareness month. the month where we raise consciousness about mental health issues. and the month where we thank our therapists for giving us a fake name when they make fufn us to their friends. unfortunately due to the pandemic a lot of people are doing worse than ever because it turns out that the technology keeping us connected is also making us feel like shit. >> with the dress of the pandemic, body image issues have
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been on the rise. >> 43% of women, 26 percent of men said covid-19 negatively affected how attractive they felt. >> the countless hours spent on sphwhroom or video calls is causing more and more americans to be insecure about their appearance. >> video conferencing presents a constant unedited unfiltered look at ourselves that can be unsettling. and those front facing cameras we are all using aren't doing us any favors. >> things like the nose could appear larger and wider and the eyes could appear smaller. not only is a person confronting their own reflection with much greater intensity and frequent see than ever before, but they were starring at a distorted reflection. >> this is all part of an alarming new trend coined zoom dysmorphia. >> trevor: yes, zoom dysmorphia. when you realize that it is not just everyone else who looks terrible on zoom, and that is really not school. you know, zoom shouldn't make you feel bad about your looks, it should make you feel bad
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about your dirty ass living room. but in is a new phenomenon we're dealing with. humans didn't evolve to see their own faces all the time that is not normal. except for swines, i guess. they don't count, they're freaks. like another one of you. what? >> like think about it, for most of human history, if you wanted to know what you look like you have to get your friend to smash up some blew berry and rub it on a cave well you look like this, damn, do i really hold a spary like that? the good news is it st likely we will all be using zoom a lot less in the near future but unfortunately there another technology that also makes us feel bad about ourselves and it doesn't look like it's going away any time soon. i'm talking about photo filters, they help man kind realize its dream of puking rainbows but some of the most popular filters just help you look more attractive, which may sound harmless but it could be anything but. >> cutting edge apps and social
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media filters are allowing ordinary people to enhance their online photos to impossible perfection. in some cases, it is sparking a concerning phenomenon. >> with apps like face tune you have the power to completely transform yourself, bigger eyes, skinnier nose and jawline, smaller butt or flatter belly, whiter teeth, smooth erskine, you can do it right on your phone. >> when i take a selfie i always use filters. i wish i could look lick my filtered self in real life. >> this obsession with personal appearance that selfie culture encourages may have darker implications for mental health. >> a study in the journaling of the american medical association says filter pictures can take a toll on self-esteem, body image and even lead to body dismore figure. >> i feel like we are losing touch with reality, we are getting to the point where we are expecting people to look as unhuman as possible. >> yeah. photo editing-- set unrealistic expectations for beauty.
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the same way-- sets up unrealistic expectations of how easy it is to slice floating fruit. and once you have the aversion of yourself in your head you become dissatisfied with what you really look like. in essence we're basically catfishing ourselves. but if the editing apps can turn adult nootion quivering blobs of insecurity, just imagine what they are doing to kids. >> psychologists warn these photo filters can be particularly troubling for teens and young people who are still developing their sense of self. >> 80% of girls in one survey say they compare the way they look to other people on social media. >> i follow people like denneddal jenner and kiley jenner, they have this time measure body image that everyone is expecting from this generation. >> young girls on social media have a negative body perception with one in seven girls reporting being unhappy with the way they look at the end of the elementary school. and that number almost doubling to nearly one in three by age 14
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bns 80% of young girls are using photo retouching apps to change the way they look before posting pictures. >> and those with high scores for manipulating their photos were associated with high scores por body related and eating concerns. >> have any of you questioned your body because of what you feel on social media. >> yeah. >> this is a vicious cycle for teenagers, social media makes them unhappy with how they look, so they use filters which per spet yaits the unrealistic expectations for themselves and others plus they are teenagers, they are doing all of this while driving which puts everyone at risk. all this insecurity is harmful to teenagers, i know it is hard to tune all of this out but teams shouldn't be obsessing over this stuff. luke i honestly wish i could sit all teenagers down and say hey, don't worry about how you look. the plan is going to die out before you are 40, it doesn't matter. >> it is bad enough when people wish they had the perfect
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instagram look in real life. what is worse, is when they actually try to make it happen. >> the more people look at doctored up images, the more likely they are to actually start seeking out cosmetic procedures at younger ages. these cosmetic procedures are becoming so popular with teens, plastic surgeons coined a new syndrome, snapchat dispor feea. >> and the number of kids getting a-- may a sound you more than 230,000 teens having cosmetic proarks kids as young as 13. >> doctors seeing an influx of people of all ages to look more like their filter. >> 62% of plastic surgeons reported their patients wanted to gunned the knife because of dits satisfaction with their social media profile. 57% said their patients wanted to look better in selfies. >> absolutely. they are becoming more and more common, when people show me images on their instagram or even something they posted on facebook and go this is really how i want to look.
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>> last week i had a patient and asked me for more of an anime eye and couldn't figure out why it is not possible. >> trevor: this is really disturbing. 13 year olds, in particular, should not be getting plastic surgery. when you are 13 your physical appearance is already naturally changing. our faces are doing long-term pass tuck surgery, this is what i looked like when i was 136789 you got to let that shit play out. honestly, i don't blame the teenagers. i blame the parents and the plastic surgeons. how are you going to let them do this to themselves. they can't even buy cigarettes but you will let them buy a new face. clearly this is getting out of hand. which is why there is now a movement not just against filters but all the ways that people have been disturb-- distorting reality on social media. >> many influencers have started speaking up on this issue admitting that they have presented altered images in the past and are opening up the conversation. >> some are even posting raw, totally unedited photos and
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breaking down how people on your instagram feed may be manipulating their angles and lighting to get that quote unquote perfect lighting. >> there are many celebrities exposing the dangers. they are posting images of themselves unedited, unfiltered, online. and this is a great example to young girls. >> pop star lizzo made a big flash splash when she posted a selfie in the nude and unretouched. >> there is no shame any more. and i just kind of post myself, just take me as i am. are you going to have to love me. >> luke evans has proposed to digitally altered body bill requiring advertise eschs to police day a logo whenever a person's face or body has been digitally enhanced. >> trevor: first of all, i love the idea of putting disclaimers on photos of people who have been digitally altered. i love it. i don't think we should stop there. we need to do this on everything that seesms digitally, like food ads, those are the worst, every
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fast food burger looks great but when i order it it looks like it fell asleep in a hot tub. but i'm glad we are learning the truth about what celebrities look like. personally i'm waiting for spongebob to join this movement. no way that guy is that square naturally, you seen that, it is not-- what you do you mean is he not real, how would we see the show. i'm not naive enough to think that society will stop creating unrealistic beauty statuses any time soon but i hope we can better educate our kids and ourselve that our own natural bodies are beautiful, except for that old people skin we have for our elbows, that shit is gross, i don't care who you are, it is luke a mid arm ballsack, but everything is beautiful, because this movement could take awhile, we here at the daily show decided to come up with a filter of our own that might help. >> our social media filters giving you body image issues? are you de pressed you don't
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look as good as your filter? then good news. you will never have to worry about living up to your filter again. with rudi phi t is a wrapped new filter that turns your face into rudy tbeulianee, you will never be unhappy about how you look in real life. this wouldn't be effective if you could turn it off, so rudify overruns every other. and retroactively applied to every face on every photo on your phone. the best part is the filter is permanents. just like rudy himself. you can never get rid of it. rudify. you will be overflowing with self-esteem. warning, use of this filter by rudy giuliani will rupture the fabric of space and time. >> trevor: coming up. what happens when you go up what happens when you go up against big oil
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within welcome back to the daily social distancing show. we're never going to pore get the last rear that we lived through, being locked inside our apartment 24/7. but what if i told you that some people had it even worse. well, roy wood swrr has more within it's spring time, covid is in the rear view and new york city is opening up again. [bleep] you. >> no good sir. [bleep] you! z but one new yorker is still stuck inside. human rights lawyer steven-- has been locked in his apartment under house arrest without trial for over 600 days. you have been on lockdown for coming up on two years, what did you do? >> you cut the tag off a mattress. >> i'm a human rights lawyer and have i a black angel claw shackled to my leg courtesy of the united states criminal
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justice system because i helped a lawyer win a big pollution judgment against chevron. >> chevron the gas station where i get like hot cheat owes and shut. >> chevron is one of the largest most powerful companies in the united states of america. >> he has been under house arrest since 2019 when he was charged with contempt of court in the middle of a protracted legal bat well chevron. >> you know what they say, if you come at the king, you best not mit miss. and if you hit your ass get locked up in your apartment for almost two years. i think that's how it goes. >> i mean the attacks on me are just to distract attention from what they did down in ecuador and the pollution they caused. >> they call it the amazon chern noble. >> . >> billions of gallons of toxic waste dumped into the ecuadorian amazon, rivers and liked is poisoned with soil, elevated
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cancer rates, stevens and several other lawyers brought a lawsuit that lead to a legal judgment against chevron. >> this is the first time i'm hearing about it. where are the influencers with the little oil square instagram posts. >> there is an atmosphere in a lot of these media outlets where they get scared to do stories that would expose the cor rungs of some of their major advertisements. "the new york times" actually did assign a story about me to a major journalist there, two weeks in they said they killed the story, major network had reached out, one actually interviewed me extensively and the guy disappeared. >> when you say disappeared, you mean like reassigned, you don't mean like he's like gone off-- the earth, right? >> chevron has a goon squad of lawyers and pr people that threaten outlets that try to cover the story in a balanced way. >> you don't think that will happen to me though right, cuz
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that's like real journalists, i'm a fake journalist, we say that on the post for "the daily show." >> i don't think they will go after you. >> you don't think or you know. big difference between the two. >> chevron being up your ass is no joke. in 2011 they filed a suit against steven claiming the verdict in ecuador was obtained fraudulently. three years later they won a multimillion judgment, two years after that the verdict was upheld after an appeal. this is a messy case and it looks pretty bads for steven with. chevron a budget there might not be an end in sight. >> the people attacking me make $1500 an hour. they are never going to stovment i mean if you were making $1500 an hour, wouldn't you attack me? >> yeah, i would, i would [bleep] you up for $800 an hour, but no disrespect. >> they sued me for $60 billion, that is b, billion. >> excuse me a second. chevron, these are the words of him and not me, please don't [bleep] with my money. sorry about that. >> want to hear something
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crazier, their prosecutor here in new york refused to prosecute me. and the judge then appointed a private law firm that has chevron as a client. >> you got the fossil fuel mafia coming after you. >> absolutely, they want immediate to turn my computer and cell phone. the one lawyer fighting another guy, you don't get the other guy's computer, that is now how it goes. >> that is like giving the girl your phone in the middle of an argument. that is why you have to have a separate phone that you pretend is your phone and when they ask for your phone, that is the phone you give them mtion hang on, baby, you watching this, i only have one phone, i love you. go ahead, man. >> when he appealed the order to turn over his phone the judge charged him with contempt of court and put him on house arrest. that is pretty unusual. so is the private law firm and steven's civil judge appointing the judge for his criminal trial. there are a lot of irregularities in this case and
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that is why steven is doing something kind of crazy. >> we are asking the new attorney general merrick garland to intervene. i promise you i'm the only lawyer in the united states right now who is begging to be prosecuted by the department of justice, prosecute me. take it out of the hands of the private chevron law firm because it is inappropriate for a private law firm to be prosecuting someone when they can go to jail. >> hell you don't want to go to jail as a human rights lawyer, they will be harassing uday and night for free legal advice, your nickname will be pro bono. steven trial is going into closing argues and he has had proponents coming out for him. but it seems like cold comfort when you are stuck in your apartment for double the length of the pandemic. >> i mean at this point your house arrest might outlast the amazon. >> if i didn't exist, chevron would invent me. they don't want people think being their pollution. they want people thinking about
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that lawyer, keep on the amazon, they guard the lungs of the planet for all of us. if i can't do this work, we're [bleep] dead, all of us, it matters. >> at the end of the day this case is about an oil company claiming they didn't pollute. what else do you really need to know. i feel bad for steven but not bad enough to go full erin brockovich. >> i'm not [bleep] with you no more. i'm nervous, man. >> hang in there with me. they are not going to put an ankle bracelet on you in house arrest. >> i can't do house arrest, i need to do naked yoga. >> we don't do naked yoga, we do regular yoga. >> that is why we can't be on house arrest. i do naked yoga, y'all can't be a around for that, that is my meditation. >> trevor: when we come back >> trevor: when we come back nba champion jeremy lynn will
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i love bedtime. the thin, sweet bite to end the night. oreo thins. daily social distancing show. my guest tonight is nba champion and philanthropist jeremy lin. we talked about breaking down barriers on and off the court and why mental health action day is so important to him. jeremy lin, welcome to the daily social distancing show. >> thanks for having me, trevor.
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it is going to be a blast. >> man yeah, man, you are an international basketball sensation and recently, this week in fact, you released a really lengthy heartfelt statement about your journey in basketball, your life in basketball. i couldn't help feeling, man, is this jeremy lin saying good buy to basketball s this your official retirement. >> it wasn't my official retirement but it was definitely something where i'm kind of realizing there is not much else i can do to prove that i brong in the nba. and so every challenge that i have been given, every ask, you know, of me has been dd-- i've done and pornled well. so for me it is kind of realizing hey strk doesn't really matter what i do, there is not much else i could do to earn a spot or a chance to fight for a spot, so that was kind of my way of saying hey, i done think this door is opening. i think it is closed. and that you know t is kind of important for the next
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generation. but in many ways, honestly, it hurts, right, because i feel like i do deserve it but it is also a celebration in many ways but hey, it's time for the next generation. there will be plenty of asian american players much better than me down the road. >> you represented asian americans and asian people in general in a sport where we just haven't seen asian americans excelling at the level you were. you inspired them whether they were asian or not, it was lin sanity for everybody. when you hit that moment where it was lin sanity, did you take a moment to appreciate how crazy your journey had been up until that point? >> you know, i have two huge regrets, one of them is i didn't slow down to empt brace everything about what was happening. i didn't know what to it meant to society. i didn't know really what it meant to me because i was just in my second year as a pro. and so i didn't process it. and i think that is when i learned, if you are not fulfilled and content during the journey, you won't be fulfilled
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and content when you get to the destination because you will set another destination for yourself. that is why i struggled so much with pregame anxiety, i couldn't eat, i couldn't sleep. you know, and this is when i was just trying to make it and just trying to, you know, survive. and then i played well and i am literally the most popular person on the plan elevator. and i'm struggling with those same anxieties. and i'm realizing like man, mental health and the anxiety i struggled with was something that came before i had the success, after i had the success and everything in between if i don't lesh how to properly address it. >> trevor: what do you think some of the misconceptions are in and around mental health and what are the stigmas that you hope to erase as you continue these conversations. >> it is like when you talk about the body, it is like you walk into any store, any-- you got collagen and bone broth. >> trevor: right. >> all these things that people
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literally spend their lives building these products to give you just a little bit of health benefit. but then when it come totion mental health t is like whoa, no, we can't talk about that,, the brain, the mind is a part of our body and arguably the most important. and if you aren't addressing it or not aware of it, like there will be severe consequences. and sometimes to me one thing that i also don't like, let's say you go to therapy or trying to get help in terms of mental health, sometimes it is more just-- i'm adding tools to my toolbox. i'm learning how to process past experience. i'm trying to grow and become better. >> right. >> i was happy to see that you were teaming up with m tv networks who are also speer heading an initiative to say hey, st time for a mental health action day, time for us to do everything. what are. so tools you learned to help you, were there anything that helped you with your pregame
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anxiety, are there things you still do that help you breathe and sensor yourself? >> yeah, i mean for my faith is, has been very, very helpful in terms of getting me to a place where i don't, when i start to really struggle with fear and anxiety, how do i remind myself that like hey this result does not de fine who i am, right. >> right, right. >> because if i'm not careful, i will end up listening to myself constantly. i'm beating myself is, majority of the time, not good. >> so i'm in the talking to myself, then i listen to myself. and when i listen to myself, then i listen to a lot of the doubts, the fears, a lot of the things that aren't true, that haven't happened, that won't happen. and i'm bombarding myself and going down this rapid-- rabbit hole of catastrophic thoughts, so there are so many different schools, so many different ways that each person can learn how
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to improve their mind or to be able to-- it is relaxing that i realized that all of our experiences are constantly changing. and if we aren't realizing that, a lot of the things we go through and had went through when we were younger, are, can be triggered and that if we don't prosecute things, we don't learn about things then we are not adequately equipped to be able to handle future situations. >> you also have taken the mantle in many ways in and around the discussion of the hate crimes that we have seen escalating since the dawn of coronavirus in and around the api community. you have talked about this and the stigma that kosms with it. looking at it, obviously you don't speak forth entire asian community. your shirt i think speaks to this as well, unity. tell me about what you are trying to achieve in getting different conversations going and what you hope society as a whole will come to understand about the challenges that maybe
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unique to certain parts of the community, specifically asian people. >> well, you just said it you said unity and conversation. that is what we are trying to start. so this shirt shirt is a-- it is about proper-- basketball gave me access to different cultures and different people. and they reshaped all the different stigmas and stereotypes that i had of other ethnicities that i was only learning from hoddee wood, when my parents came, immigrant parents, all we knew about black people was what we saw from movies. and that is dangerous, that is dangerous, right. >> trevor: right. >> and so having the exposure, having these conversations, being able to learn from each other, i mine that is what you are saying where it starts. i think if we can go into different spacesk having an open mind and being willing to listen, like not defend yourself, not prove a point but just listen, if we could start
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doing that, i think it would go a long way. >> trevor: you are doing amazing things. and i guess as you said, now the journey is going to be enjoying the next part of the journey before you get to your next destination, thank you so much for taking the time. congratulations on everything you have done. and we'll see you again hopefully. >> i appreciate it. thanks, trevor. >> trevor: take a moment today to take action to support your mental health it is easier than you think. visit the link below to find tools to support yourself and others. we're going to take a quick break, but we'll be right back after th it's moving day. and while her friends are doing the heavy lifting, jess is busy moving her xfinity internet and tv services. it only takes about a minute. wait, a minute? but what have you been doing for the last two hours? ...delegating? oh, good one. move your xfinity services without breaking a sweat. xfinity makes moving easy.
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go online to transfer your services in about a minute. get started today. show for topt, but before we go may is mental health awareness month. so please consider supporting the national alliance on mental health. they are the nation's largest
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mental health organization dedicated to supporting the millions of americans affected by mental illness. if you want to help them provide advocacy, education and support for mental health then please go to the link below and donate whatever you can. until next time, stay safe out there. get your vaccine and remember, if you find your yard covered in cicadas, whatever you do, do not donate them to goodwill, here st, your moment of zen. >> an apparent individual-- video of joe biden has been float on twitter. he hits it in the rock clay and it goes straight backyard. >> i don't even think you call that a shank trk is so bad. >> i don't have time to play a lot of golf, joe, played a few rounds in my day but i never hit a ball backyards, hilt it out, to the left, to the right, never to the left, to the right, never backwards.
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[touch tones beeping] [line trills] [phones ringing] [upbeat music] [children singing] come one, come all 'cause we're having a ball we're just making some calls to strangers we're back on the cell and the world's gone to hell but you're gonna feel swell when they pick up from new york to alabammer they'll probably wanna throw our ass in the slammer 'cause we're disturbing others maybe even your mother won't you join the crank yankers tonight? - "crank yankers." - do i need to sound like i'm in a truck? like, talk like, "hey!" [line trills] - this is nicole.

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