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tv   The Daily Show With Trevor Noah  Comedy Central  May 10, 2021 11:00pm-11:44pm PDT

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a level, a level, level threat. he's the greatest hockey star i ever seen yet. threat level what? midnight. threat level who? michael scarn. threat level why? apartheid. gotta fight it. free mandela. peace, i'm out. i'm trevor noah and sth the daily social distancing show. today sa monday, may 10th. and i hope that you all had a great mother's day yesterday. and i also hope that everyone on instagram got a of solid feedback about how bangable their moms are. anyway coming up on tonight's show russians are hacking our gas tanks. bees join the war against covid and caitlin general certificate running for governor and away from homeless people so let's do this, people. welcome to the daily social distancing show. >> from trevor's couch in new york city to your couch somewhere in the world, there is the daily social distancing show with trevor noah. all right, people, let's do
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this, let's kick things off with the coronavirus pandemic. the thing that is both almost over and show worse than ever. even as vaccines are making everybody safe, it is clear that covid-19 is a lot like-- in that it is never really going to be over which is why a new break through in testing for covid is getting a lot of buzz. >> dutch researchers are training bees to detect covid-19 infections in samples and they say it could cut the waiting time for test results from hours or days to down to just seconds. bee have an unusually keen sense of smell and the bees indicate a positive test results by extending their tongues to get a reward in the form of sugar water. takes about a month to train these bees. researchers say it could be used in parts of the world where there is currently no covid testing available. >> trevor: aahhh, you see, people, you see what happens when we don't get vaccinated. i told you guys, what did i say? i said if we don't get global
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vaccinations up and running, we're all going to end up getting licked by bees, remember when i said that. and now look what happened, huh? huh? i also love how they say this is going to be used in countries where regular testing isn't available. poor countries always get screwed, man. in america, what do they dork they swab you with a q-tip, that is the test. in after africa, what you need to do put your head inside the beehive and cough, cough again, don't worry about the stinging, they are going to test you, cough again. >> why are we even making the bees do this? i mean these poor bees, they already have so much on their plate. they pollinate our crops. they make our honey. they teach our kids how to have sex with birds, biv them a break. i just hope that this et goes people over their vaccine hesitancy. because now if you don't want to get the vaccine, fine. but that means you got to get a bee test if you want to go to the club. hey, what's up, girl.
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you looking to have fun tonight. yeah, because-- aaahhh the bees, the bees, oh my god, there's bees. oh my god! so yeah, you want to be in there, i'll see new there, girl. but let's move on to the news from the world of sports. the kentucky derby, a super bowl for athletes who me standing up it turns out this year's winner may have been downing something stronger than a mint julep. >> now to a scandal that erupted in the world of horse racing. >> medina spirit, this contrary's winner of the kentucky derby failed a post-race drug test. the hall of fame trainer derby winner bb baffert suspended indefinitely by churchill downs. >> the substance an anti-inflammatory was also found in the system of gamin, another baffert trained horse that finished third in last year's kentucky oaks race. >> former president trump is weighing in. saying so now even our kentucky
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derby winner medina spirit is a junkie. this is emblematic of what is happening to you are o country. the whole world is laughing at us. >> trevor: yo, guys, i still can't belief this guy was president. i mean this man is a legend. what other ex-president spends their time roasting horses. it is weird though, to put this on the horse, right. i mean it's not like the horse wants to take drugs or train all day or race around the track getting slapped on the ass. it's a horse. it wants to do what horses want to do. z at the same time if it was up to the horse, i mean the horse would definitely take the drug. because horse racing is the sport with the biggest difference between winning and losing. if you win, you spend the rest of your life banging other horses. if you lose, you are going to be holding macaroni art together. and finally, a threat to america's infrastructure that is scarier than woody harrelson in the new venom trailer, if the
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line at the filling station is longer than usual it might just be because somebody has hacked the gasoline. >> we're going to begin with this, the race against time after a cyberattack on a major source of fuel for the east coast. colonial pipeline holds op operations after hackers forced a shutdown by taking the company's data hoss taj. >> colonial runs pipelines from houston, texas, to lindon new jersey transporting more than a hundred million dollars of tbas lean, diesel, jet fuel and home heating oil every day, a criminal gang with links to moscow is a leading suspect. >> there is a ransomware crew known as darkside. they use kind of a double tap technique of both locking up the networks and demanding ransom. >> overnight gasoline futures jumped more than 3 percent to 2.22 a gallon, the highest since may of 2018. >> another concern is panic buying, analysts worry nervous consumers could drain gas supplies which would also push
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prices higher. >> okay, this is outrageous. if you want to take data hoss taj, you do it the legitimate way by getting people to sign up for your social media network. now maybe i'm not that tech savvy. but is there a reason a pipeline has to be on the internet in the first place? like who is out there like all right, tbies, i think it's fine to transport billions of gallons of oil through this pipe, but what if we could also use it to watch tick-- tiktok, huh? and look, attacks happen all the time but this attack is a big deal. and it could even cause a shortage of gas in america. which by the way, daddy yankee tried to warn us about, but what we doing, too busy grinding to listen. so yes, people are going to go out trying to buy gasoline before the price goes up again and st going to be chaos. not for me, though, i already have all the gasoline i need. so the trick, nobody realizes it, you want to save gasoline
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ahead of time. and the way to do that is you soak up the gasoline with a bunch of oily rags. see? yeah, and that way i can stack it up in my apartment and i only squeeze out what i need. that is how you stay safe. but let's move on now to our main story out of california. home to national treasures like yosemite, the golden gate bridge and the-- back in 2018, california elected former san francisco mayor and the only white dude who puts gorilla glue in his hair gavin newsom, to be the governor. for awhile he was as popular in california as botox. but now a lot of people aren't smiling any more. >> california officials confirmed last night there will be a recall election for democratic governor gavin newsom this year. a petition collected enough signatures to put new somg's face up to the voters who elected him two and a half years ago. >> he initially praised to his
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response to the pandemic, newsom came under fire for whiplash on and off business restrictions but the anger exploded and recall signatures surged when he was caught ignoring his own advice at an expensive din we are lobbyists, with no masks and no distance. >> as the state struggled with covid restrictions, newsom was photographed dining at the french laundry. an exclusive restaurant in california's wine country. >> we're all human. we all fall short sometimes. >> we all fall short sometimes. we all break our own quarantine rules. eat foisgras, that is what we what is so bad about the scandal s that it was his policy in the first place. like if nibbles broke quarantine like this, it would be irresponsible. but when the governor does t it is not like he just wanted everyone to stay home so he could get a good table. and don't forget, he got caught eating at the fansiest restaurant in the country, which
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i mean sort of makes sense, if i'm going to destroy my career for a dinner out, i'm doing it it for applebiesk i'm going mcdonald's at least. so thanks sto the scan ald and his handling of covid in general, newsom now faces a recall election. and you know california isn't happy with newsom if they were able to get that many people to sign a competition during a pandemic. >> i hate that guy so much, i will touch this pen that 10,000 other people have touched. give me that pen. give me that pen. >> now if you don't know what a recall election is, it is essentially a way for voters to express their anger towards an elected official without storming the capitol and trying to kill mike pence. and now if newsom loses the recall election, he will be replaced by someone else a year before his term was supposed to be up. and already there are more people on this ballot than there are sliding too melinda gates' dm. >> the race to replace gavin newsom is already becoming a
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circus. dozens of people have announced they are running or hinted they could be. so what are the requirements to run. not a lot. and that is why a lot of people do it. you have to be a u.s. citizen, registered to vote in california and not convicted of a felony involving bribery. the entry fee is just under $4,000 plus 65 signatures. if you collect 7,000 signature there is no fee at all. >> running in the california recall may be the best bargain there is in terms of seeking fame and fortune it only costs $4,000 to get on the ballot and that gets your message before 122 million california voters. >> damn. why do i feel like it's easier to run in california than it is to vote in georgia? and making it this easy to run could cause problems in any state but especially in california. i mean think about it, everyone there is trying to break into movies, every candidate, is going to be using the debate as an audition. >> california's constant wildfires make me angry!
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>> and sad. and did i get it? but not every candidate is in the race to get famous so some are trying to cash in on their fame. that's right. the highest profile person in the race is caitlin jenner. olympic gold medallest and yet show least successful kardashian. general certificate a republican who says she wants to focus on the issues important to ordinary citizens. unfortunately, she is not off to a great start. >> kate lynn jenner under fire for comments she made during an interview at her own airplane hangar. >> my friends are leafing california, my hangar is-- i was packing up the hangar, i said where are you going, he said i'm moving to sedona, arizona, i can't take it here any more. i can't walk down the street and see the homeless. >> trevor: wow, i'm tired of walkerring down the street seeing homeless people?
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whooo. that is shocking. i didn't realize people in california walked. but for real, it is crazy that someone so good at running could be so bad at running. i can't think of something more out of touch than complaining about people who have no home while you are sitting in a home you bought for your jet. i mean half the reason people are pissed at newsom is for being an out of touch rich guy. you have to counter that. you can't be out there making speeches like the butler at my third mansion really hate this place, we need to improve it. isn't that right, jeeshes, so it is definitely not relatable for caitlin jenner to talk about her private plane. but on the other hand, anything to keep her from driving. and there is another potential obstacle to her success as well. she is the most famous transgender person in the world. and the republican party as a whole like transpeople about as much as they like tax hikes or liz cheney. which maybe why jenner is going out of her way to assure voters that just because she's
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transdoesn't mean that she is on board with the transagenda. >> backlash this morning against caitlin generaller from lgbtq rights activists after the olympic champion in the one of the most well-known voice, one e of the highest transamericans said she opposes transgirls playing on girl's sport teams. >> in is a question of fairness. that is why i oppose biological boys who are transcompeting in girl sports in school. it just isn't fair. >> it is a dramatic shift for jenner, a transgender woman and advocate. >> i also want to acknowledge all of the young transathletes who are out there. given the chance to play sports as who they really are. >> that's right. as soon as she started running for office, caitlin jenner flipped her political position to get more votes. and if you ask me, i actually think it's inspiring.
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because she is showing the world that a trans person can be just as opportunistic as any other politician. that's progress. but still, this must be a big letdown for the transcommunity. you expect that if someone has lived your experience, they will be in your corner, like if biden got elected and suddenly banned grandpa from finding a quarter behind your ear, that say betrayal. >> you have forgotten your roots, joe. and you have forgotten this quarter. now as we said jenner is hardly the only candidate in the race. but because she is such a celebrity, the other candidates have to work so hard to just get noticed. >> one of the candidates for california governor taking off his bus tour in sack are mento with a 1,000 pound bear beside him. republican john cox held a news conference at miller park and behind him you can see that bear, a live one as a prop. cox has also just spent $5
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million to run tv ad campaigns that feature him standing right next to that beer. is he calling it his meet the beast campaign. >> st a wonderful animal. and you know, it say symbol of the big beastly changes that we need to make in california. >> how close have you come to the bear? >> i kissed the bear, actually it is a very tame bear. it's been in hundreds of movies. it is a member of the screen actors guild. >> trevor: you kissed the bear. my man, it is a bear. i know you think it's tame but there is no such thing as a tame bear, all right. there is only bears that haven't decided to rip your face off yet. in fact, let me ask you something, does anybody really believe that this guy is campaigning with a bear with us of some kind of symbolism? it feels like he bought a bear while he was drunk and is now trying to figure out how to make it work for his campaign. >> california is so bad i can't even bear it any more. we need to rewrite these grizzly laws. like for example, making it
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easier to return an animal you accidentally got off ebay. is anyone else with me. put my mom down, bear. look, we're going to keep an eye on this race as it moves forward but when you look at the major candidates in the race right now, californians basically have a choice between two candidates who are out of touch with the people, and one guy who is way too in touch with bears. so i t wouldn't surprise me in californians are looking at these choices and saying you know what, maybe i will just vote for the bear. >> all right, when we come back, i will be joined by ian manuel, a man who was sentenced to life in prison as a 14 contrary old child. and then can-- candace parker, wnba legend is joini (brother) hi sis! (sister) you're late! (brother) fashionably late. (sister) we can not be late. (brother) there's a road right there. (brother) that's a cat. wait, just hold madi's headpiece.
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>> welcome back to the daily social distancing show, my first guest is a ian manuel, an activist and poet-- who was sense tensed to life without parole at the age of 146789 he is here to talk about what he endured in the prison system and how his shooting vuk tim became his number one advocate, ian manuel welcome to the daily social distancing show. >> the daily social distancing show, thank you for having me, trevor. >> trevor: man, you have lived a life that i wouldn't wish on anybody. you have written a book about it. and i'm not going to lie, your story has all of the most surprising conclusions. because were you 14 years old and you got sentenced to life. that was it. what was really fascinating in the story is how the judge explicitly says hey, man, there is no second chances even if you are 134 years old, you know.
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-- 14 years old, when that judge says you are sentenced to life, did you know what that actually meant? how long did it take to sink in? >> i didn't recognize that life meant life until i was nearly in my 20s or 30s. as a child you don't recognize what life without parole means. and that was based on a broader law that said a child of any age indicted for life or death felony shall be treated in every respect as if he were an adult. and that law is still on the books, so children can still be subjected to this no matter if they are 8, 9 or 10. it felt horrible, man. no human being should be treated like that, especially a child. >> trevor: you weren't just sentenced to life with no parole, you at some point were sent to solitary confinement. and you spent what, over a decade in solitary confinement. >> actually i spent 18 consecutive years from the time of george h.w. bush was
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president until when barack obama was on his second year of his first term some of from 1992 to 2010. if it wasn't for me diving within the depth of my imagination and learning how to-- i would have went crazy in there. >> trevor: i really need to understand this on a human level. you know, everyone, every therapist, every researcher, every scientist has said one of the key things human beings need to exist is human connection. is for those who really don't understand solitary confinement, can you explain that? what is it like exisessing in a box for 18 years. >> about the size of a walk-in elevator or z freight elevator. there is a steel box. there is a door it is about five or six steps from the wall to the front door with a size nine and a half shoe and st not like they put me in that cell and left me there, right. i was tortured. i was gassed with chemical
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agents. i was boothen, i mean if what happened to george floyd happened in broad daylight imagine what is happening behind closed prison walls when there is no one to videotape it. >> trevor: and what makes your story interesting is one of the advocates who said we need to let this man out of prison, he can not spend his entire life behind bars, was the woman who you shot in the face, debi who you are now friends with. and she said hey, man, if i can forgive this person and move forward with him, the american legal system needs to dot same thing. talk to me about how you made contact with her, why that journey began. and what that did for both of you as human beings. >> i was going through my paperwork an i seen debbie a phone number and address in the police report. so i reached out to her and i called her. and i remember the first thing i said was debbie, i would like to wish you and your family a merry christmas and to apologize for shooting you in the face. an she asked me a question that
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no 14 year old should ever have to answer. she said ian, why did you shoot me. and i just remember saying it was a mistake. it all happened so fast. and i asked her could i call back. and i called back and i just asked, i don't remember much about that second krvetion, september i asked her could i write her. she said yes. and that is how our cosponges started. and that lead to brian stephenson sending me a letter and taking my case and appealing it to the u.s. supreme court to overturn may life sentences. >> trevor: if you were appealing to people who were in no way, shape or form be on the side of anybody who has committed a crime, how would you explain to them why they should consider not having, you know, a life sentence, especially for a minor who the courts or the justice system considers an adult. >> yeah, i would just say that as children our brains are still developing. and i am nowhere near the person
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i was at 13, at 14, at 15. i volt of the. we as human beings, we begin to evolve and we become different people. so to say to a child that you will never change, it is scientifically untrue strk proveen through science that we develop and we grow. so you should not eradicate because that is what the judge thought to do. he tho out to eradicate me from earth. and i just thought that we as humans deserve a second chance. >> what do you think st about poetry that saved your brain. like you know because you talk about it with so much passion, you go like this is the only thing that kept me copus-- what is it about poetry that helps you cope. >> i will give you examples by reciting one of my poems t says i promise you, the front of my oppression has a purpose. and the same person that you persecute will one day be worse.
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so i stand before you, with my soul in the owe motions naked, just wanting to be nurtured, yeah, despite the desperation, des session and hurting, my time is going to come. so i composed this poem not knowing if i would ever be able to perform it in an auditorium. i do it with the faith of a poet that believes he was born to do it! like an acorn caught up in a storm, flung from the branch where it was born, you can only hold him back for so long. my time going to come. despite the deficits and disappointments, my determination remains undaunted so though the watt hers of my tomorrows are deep and unchartered, the boyance of my character will float on
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waiveringerring-- gsh like a song written yet unrecorded. my time going to come. so you ask me to change, and spray me with chemical flames and did all of the things you did to add to my pain. my sirks were changed. i believed this with the depth of my being that as long as it were-- it cannot end until it's been enjoyed. remember this day because things won't always be this way. my time going to come. my time going come against all conceivable odds, my time going come. thank you. (applause). >> trevor: man. your story isn't easy, ian, it's complicated. the issue isn't easy, it's complicated. one thing i appreciate your book and your conversation is that we
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are dealing with human beings. you are a human being. the person that you shot was a human beingk. the people who are incarcerated every day are human beings and we hope they we don't treat them like human beings when they are locked up. thank you for joining us, best of luck, i appreciate you, man. >> thank you, trevor. >> trevor: don't forget, ian memoir my time will come is available now. when we come back the wnba legend candace parker herself will be joining me on the show, will be joining me on the show, so don't go ♪who can take a sunrise♪ ♪sprinkle it with dew♪ ♪cover it in choc'late and a miracle or two♪ ♪the candy man♪ ♪♪ ♪'cause he mixes it with love♪ ♪and makes the world taste good♪ ♪'cause the candy man thinks it should.♪
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welcome back to the daily social distancing show, my next guest tonight is wnba superstar candace parker. she is here to talk about what it has been like returning home to play for the chicago sky and what she gets up to behind the scenes with shaq and d wade on tnt. >> candace parker, welcome to the daily social distancing show. >> thank you for having me, i'm excitedment i'm a fan, trevor, just so you know, not a casual fan, i'm a fan. >> trevor: oh, wow, that puts a lot of pressure on me because i'm a fan of yours because it's not often i get to talk to anybody to anybody who is considered the greatest at anything that they do. i am going to read, this is a
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small list of some of your achievements. you have won a wnba title, right. two limb pick gold medals, two regular seasons mvp's and finals mvp. also the first player to win rookie of the year and mvp in the same season. last year you were named the defensive player of the year. my question to you is have you already started writing your hall of fame speech. like what do you-- like do you plan ahead or try and make it seem like you didn't know, is it going to be one of those like oh, modest, oh, what a surprise. >> listen, i'm just realizing now like i've been in this thing for 14 years. and like i have a daughter and the people that i am playing with are closer to her age. so i think it is more so just more concerned about worried about how my shots are if i'm not looking like an old lady, all those things. >> you say that but are you still competing they highest level. the season is about to kick off. everyone in chicago is excited
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because you have just switched to a new team stvment almost a homecoming for you because are you from illinois. what are your expectations from the upcoming season and how do you deal with that pressure of a whole city going all right, candace, we need you to fix what happened last year. we need to you take us to the top. >> first i'm really excited. i grew up in naperville swi western suburbs of chicago. and i started playing basketball here. and you know, just to be able to come back to where it all started. because around the chicagoland area, i grew up in the 09 itsee, so it was all bulls, all prep high school, college, everything, they follow basketball. and so i would always run into people, and think would always be like i remember seeing you when you were in high school or whatever. >> wow. >> so now to come back and just play and you know, to be able to have din we are my dad and have breakfast with my mom, my grandma can come see me me play, all of that stuff is so special. to shall a part of. and i'm excited. i am, you know, with the
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challenge, you know, to try to win, because if are you not trying to win at the beginning of the season, yeah, i don't know what you are doing. >> you aren't just the best on the coulter you are also one of the best off the court as well. people love you, i'm one of the people o who loves you, i love your commentary on tnt with shaq and d wade. i love the game you play, how you go at it with shaq, that relationship seems so authentic. like are you fighting, you are laughing, are you arguing. but it's like are you in the same space. how long does it take for to you form that. is that a natural thing? >> i you groo up watching these guys am like i grew up as a fan on a couch debating with my two brothers who are fans, by the way trevor. have i to shout out. they-- championships we have done all of these things trk is like you are going to be on "the daily show," are you kidding me? huge hit. >> but i will say that my
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childhood coming up debating pie brothers and being around them all the time kind of prepared may for turner. because honestly, like that is what it is like on set. you debate, you might not have any fact to debate it but you try. there is a lot of yelling and screaming and just things you don't understand. and that is what st. honestly when i came in, i know there is a lot to do like me being the only woman on set and things like that, i told them immediately i'm not trying to be one of the gi goosk i'm trying to be one of the players. and they embraced that, like i'm a teammate. i wish we had cameras in the back like in the makeup room because if you would hear some of those debates, it is like the show after the show. >> trevor: i feel like you could add it to the list of things you are doing, you are playing, in front of the camera. rumors are you are stargt a new pod quas s that true, can we confirm that? >> yes, i'm very excited to be starting moments with candace
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parker. i have a 12 year old daughter and she is just the center of my entire world. and just talking with other patients, d wade, and gabby are amazing parents, and so just really excited to chat with a lot of different experiences. because i think there is no blue print when it comes to raising a child. >> is hard or does it get easier raising a child when you are an elite athlete because so much of your time is taken up by the game. like how do you kreelt a stable base for a child in a world fla is so unstable because of sports. >> leila has been with me from day one, we didn't start a day away from from each other until she was 2 or 3, i nursed for 15 months so my coach saw a lot of switching in the locker room while he's going over plays but that is just the way it was. and i wanted to balance both. and i am very lucky because i have an amazing family that helps me with my daughter. and
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i have an amazing kid. she gets it. she is one of the best travelers, she's been to russia, china, everywhere in europe. like she is amazing. but i will say this, i think a lot of people give professional athletes credit for being able to balance motherhood. but there is a million other women out there that have it way harder, that jobs don't let them bring their kids to work. that you know, don't let them take off when they are sick. and it just different things like that. so i am very happy to have that balance of motherhood an i realize, you have tough days but it's all worth it. >> man, i hope everyone listens to the podcast. it must be fun hearing some of the behind the scenes of everyone's moments as a mom. good luck with your next venture out in the chicago. good luck with your new podcast, thank you for joining me on the show and hope to see you again. >> thank you so much. >> remember, you can catch candace play with the chicago sky when the wnba stee son
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starts again on may 159. all right, we'll take a quick break but we'll be right back after this. see every delivery... every yikes... and even every awwwwwwww... wait, where was i? introducing self protection from xfinity. designed to put you in control. with real-time notifications and a week of uninterrupted recording. all powered by reliable, secure wifi from xfinity. gotta respect his determination. it's easy and affordable to get started. get self protection for $10 a month.
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>> trevor: that's our show for tonight, but before we go, may is mental health awareness month, so z please consider supporting an organization called therapy aid coalition. they're a nonprofit that is committed to providing free and low cost online therapy to essential workers and to victims of national disasters. so if you are able to help them out in anyway go to the link below, and donated whatever you can. until tomorrow, stay safe out there. get your vaccine. and remember, if a horse asks you for drugs, just say neigh. i will show myself out. now here it is, your moment of
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zen. >> in dimension beyond left and right, between hanging with a legend sex offenders lies a dimension of imagination. st an area we call-- . >> happy birthday to you. ♪ happy birthday to you. ♪ happy birthday dear cast happy birthday to you. ♪ i have the best stocked survival shelter in northeastern pennsylvania. but everything has a shelf life. so i must eat and then replace everything that's about to expire. it's nice not to have to plan my meals. you're eating 8 year old tomatoes.
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they're still good for another week. you know, i think i might have some type of cheese in the back i've got some cheese of myou might like, too.ike. in between my toes. hardy, har, har. all right, picture this. snowy ash drizzles from the sky. a rabid pack of dogs surround you as the flame at the end of your stick dies out. there's only one hope left for you, the door to my shelter. you pound, you beg, dwight, please let me in. but i ignore your cries and do not like you in. you want to know why? because of the sign that says, no pounding, no begging. no, because you laughed at me. kevin will be eaten. pam will be taken slave. jim will be made a warlord's jester. meredith will do ok. be assured, this day will come. it's just a matter of time. could be 1 month, could be 2 months. 3 months. could be. 4 months. i see that happening, yes. 8 months? that's a realistic timeline. 11 months. perhaps. ok, wait, now really think hard about this one.
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1 year. i could see that is a very real possibility. 494 months. i could see that happening. 495 months. that's just-- [theme music] i really thought i was becoming too much of a womanizer. i realized i had shirts in five different women's houses. still missing the problem here. all right. truth is, i got a couple of love bumps on my ding dong. so i was like, whoa, game over. it was the best of times, it was the awesomest of times. and now, packer wants to come home. and oh, look who's here to sign off on it. my boo, holly.


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