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tv   The Daily Show With Trevor Noah  Comedy Central  April 29, 2021 1:16am-2:00am PDT

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today is wednesday, april 28th, which means we are smack dab in the middle of world immunization week. but remember, be sure sto leave out a trail of milk and cookies so that when dr. fauci comes down your chimney he will leave you a vaccine instead of banging your mom, the world's sexiest man can do anything these day. coming coming up on the tonight's show we look roy wood, jr. tells ought of fate of black shit and why the covid vaccine could get you drunk. let's do this, welcome to the daily social distancing show. >> from trevor's couch in new york city to your couch somewhere in the world, this is the daily social distancing show with trevor noah. let's kick things off with the
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coronavirus vaccine. the thing that is responsible for the most welcome stabbing spree in history. more than 40% of americans have now gotten at least one dose of the vaccine. but there are sill a lot-- still a lot of people who have yet to roll up their sleeves. and maybe it's because they wrongly believe that the vaccine is dangerous. or maybe they think it's a plot by bill gates to replace our brain with windows 10. or maybe they think bill gates didn't put a microchip inside the vaccine and that is why they don't want it. whatever the reason, america won't be rid of coronavirus until more of these vaccine holdouts get on board. which isçó why now some places e coming up with a creative incentive for winning these people over. >> health officials are getting creative in how they convince hesitant americans to get the covid vaccine. >> the governor of west virginia is offering a 100 savings bond from anyone 16 to 35 who gets the vacs veen. >> at the american museum of natural history, get your shot along with a free museum pass
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for four. >> this is happening right here in erie county. the new strategy is targeted towards younger adults and the county executive is calling it drink for adults. >> shot and a chaser. get your shot, get a coupon for a free beer. get your chaser. >> it baton rouge the shots for shots program is run by relief, a tele health company. 23 year old brandon breaux went to a bar with friends and ended up vaccinated. >> where did you get your first shot? >> i got it at a local bar. >> there was a shot for shot. >> yo, man, people are crazy, like people are officially crazy. >> we have doctors coming up to us like we worked our ass off for a year to develop this vaccine that will save your life. and our response is uh-huh you but what is in it for me. on the other hand there is a long history of giving people free alcohol for doing stuff they should be doing anyway. you give alcohol to your friends so they will help you move. or you give alcohol to your baby
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so they will stop crying and let you finish watching the circle in peace. look man i don't really mind this. i think you have to be careful not to mix up who is giving up which shot because it a bartender tries to ster aislize your arm a that rag, your-- but honestlying thest way is for joe biden to ban them. >> yeah. then i promise you now all these anti-vaxxer maga people will be racing to get it. >> no way i'm letting sleepy joe tell me what vaccines can i take. stick that shit in my arm for freedom. moving on to entertainment news, movie, what the, now there is a new contender for best movie ever. >> for decades the movie critics declared citizen caine the greatest movie of all time but is no longer the top rated film on rotten tom at owe thanks to a newly unearthed chicago tribune review of 80 years ago. the critic says it fails to
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impress with cane sledding away from the top spot. >> that title now goes to paddington 2. >> that is right. paddington 2 is now officially the greatest movie of all time. >> in many ways it is the citizen cane of movies, if you ask me, i don't agree with this whole thing. i don't think you can rank movies based on averaging critical reviews. these are works of art. they should be judged or more important factors like how much money they made. personally i think when you are evaluating films you need to look at how it stands up to the test of time. you know, citizen kane is 80 years old. we still be talking about paddington 280 years from now, probably not. we will be too busy fighting for the last fresh water spring on the baron wasteland that will be planet earth. that is a mark dpens paddington. don't get me wrong, paddington 2 is a phenomenal movie. i just don't think it is the greatest movie of all time.
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and i'm not just saying that because i'm bitter over the fact that they cut out my camio. why yes, i will give you a marm allayed sandwich, paddington, but first you have to s suck my-- maybe i shund have improvised that line. i don't know. but let's move on now to some crime news. today the fbi raided the home and office of trump lawyer and decaying stewy griffin rudy giuliani where they reportedly confiscated laptops, cell phones and a bunch of jars labeled definitely not blood. now we don't know exactly what rudy giuliani is being investigated for. take your pick, really, but it is this next story tells us anything, he better hope the feds didn't find any overdue blockbuster rentals. >> a texas woman has a felony charge on her record for not returning a vhs tape back in 19 the 9. karen mcbride only learned about the charge after trying to change her last name followk her marriage. the vhs tape in question, sabrina the teenage witch, she
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was charged in march of 2 thousand for felony embezzlement while the movie retail location later went out of business in 2008. >> the charges have since been dropped after mcbride's story aired on local tv. she actually believes her roommate at the time rented it under her name because she never even watched the show. >> wow. america loves arresting people. i mean this woman got charged with a felony for a late videotape return that is ridiculous. you know who the real criminal is here, the person who invented the system where we were allowed to rent four videos and watch them in a day. you knew full well i couldn't watch those four videos when i took them. but still, you let me take them, because you wanted to charge me a late fee. and now look, i have a criminal record. i associate with other criminals all because i returned the nutty professor four hours late t was worth t you know who plays everyone, even the kid. oh, and by the way for our younger viewers, a vhs tape is,
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it is sort of like netflix except it's only held one show that you wanted to watch, instead of 800 shows that you will never watch. now thankfully they let this woman off the hook. but i do love how even after the charges were dropped, she still threw her roommate under the bus. >> yay, i'm free but you guys need to arrest deborah because this was all her fault. and finally, dating t is how you find the person who is going to fart under yr covers for the rest of your life f you like romantic stories about new relationships then you will love this one, 35 times more. >> from japan, this man allegedly dated 35 women and told them all he had a different birthday so he could constantly receive gifts from them. he was able to get nearly a thousand dollars worth of presents from the women before they all banded together to report him to police. he has since been arrested for
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fraud. >> >> trevor: huh, dating 35 women in japan is illegal, weared a, in america they juster give you a tv show. i don't know if getting extra presents is worth the stress of juggling 35 girlfriends. i mean imagine having to pretend that you haven't already watched all of ted lasso 34 time, no, he doesn't know soccer? oh, not to mention, he has to be getting gifts for them too, right. at some point is he getting a present from one woman, and handing it to the next one, basically an assembly line of regifting. but let's move to our main story. tonight joe biden marks his first 100 days in office with an address to congress. and while biden may claim that his presidency has been a success so far, i think we can all agree that it has actually been a living nightmare, so let's check in on the latest biden scandals in another episode of joe biden, the worst president in his tree that we
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can remember. >> what is one of the worst things any human being can do, well, as anyone who watches fox news can tell you, the answer is try to save the planet. and now joe biden is trying to save the planet in the worst way possible. >> about to order a big mac any time soon, hurry up, president biden's climate plan limits you to one burger a month with like to have a steak, burker, grill, barbecue on memorial gay, the fourth of july or for no reason at all, not so fast. the left with their green new deal wants to make sure you don't. >> say good-bye to your burgers, in order to help get the biden administration's climate goal to reducing emissions by 50% from 2005 by 2030 researchers say you have to cut about 90% of red meat from your diet.
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>> where's the beef. >> no burgers on july 4th. so get ready, because throw back a plant-based beer, with your grilled brussels sprouts and wave your american flag. call it july 4th green. >> trevor: that's right, joe biden, aka plant-ifa is banning meat and right before the fourth of july, the day america celebrates its a legance to the burger king, that is straight up-- people. somebody didn't have to die for pie lunch i would rather starve. i will go vegan when you can make brussels sprouts scream, this isn't just terrible for americans, it is bad news for cows because they've been preparing their whole lives to become burgers, what they are supposed to do now, go back to school, move if with their parent, get a swrb flipping burgers? wait, they can't, because burgers are illegal now. and by the way, you know who else was a vegetarian? hitler. and now 80 years later joe biden is banning meat? well that can't be a
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coincidence. but guess what, if you want to take my beef, president hamburglar, you will have to get it from inside my stomach. ah yeah! >> on friday we told you about a study from the university of michigan to give some perspective on president biden ambitious climate change goals. that research from 2020 found that cutting back how much red meat people eat would have a drastic impact on harmful green house gas emissions. the data was accurate but a graphic and a script incorrectly implied that it was part of biden's plan for dealing with climate change. that is not the case. >> trevor: i mean that's fine. i still enjoyed that burger. it tasted great, and i feel great. but you know, so what if that joe biden scandal was a little bit exaggerated because senile joe bied enisn't even running the country, you know who is,
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kamala harris, sorry a pronounced it correctly, forgs of habit. while the vice president is focused on solving the immigrant children at the border, it looks like she is taking a strange approach. >> while kamala harris still hasn't visited the border, her book has, her 2019 children's book superheros are everywhere is apparently included in the welcome bag, that say lousy bag, for unaccompanied migrant kid, did a local volunteer buy the book f so that would mean the vp is making money. >> migrant children get to read kamala harris' pins book included in what can only be called a welcome pack. >> prop gangeda aimed at even children. >> she delivers it to them. >> not quite there. >> she doesn't want to hand deliver it t is in a backpack. >> it is her book, her book is a part of the welcome kit. >> no. >> once these migrant children get kamala harris' children's book which they are giving out, i guess on behalf of the taxpayers, paying for t you know strks all going to get solved.
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would there be any of the acceptance of this, that there is now if this had been happening under the prior administration. >> trevor: okay, this is outrageous, kamala's dumb children's book is being handed o out free to every migrant child, that is immigration socialism and reading, the three worst things in the world. look, i don't know what in book is about. i don't want to give her money by buying it, and a have a lifetime ban from public libraries, which be wasn't a jacking off thing mostly. all i know is kamala is forcing her propaganda on people, which you know who else did that, yeah. hitler. well, here is some karma for you kamala, have i gone through the process of adopting thousands of those migrant children so that i can personally unindoctrinate them. how you like that. >> according to the "washington post" this morning they're saying that it is not accurate. we heard that. but they're just saying that a book had been donated to the citywide drive it is not placed in these welcome bags. >> trevor: how to unadopt or
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sell thousands of children. >> okay. that story didn't exactly pan out either but i'm not done with joe biden because one of the things that really makes him the worst president in history, is his handling of the coronavirus pandemic. after more than half a million americans had already died before his first 100 days were even up, joe biden did something inexcusable. he wore a mask when he didn't need to. >> president biden's highly anticipated global climate summit happened this week. biden the only one wearing his mask. does he think he can catch covid on a zoom call? >> why the heck was joe biden wearing a mask on a zoom call. >> you've got leaders from across the world sitting there, virtually. and he's got a mask on. >> what in the world is he doing sitting by himself wearing a mask. >> he is the only leader wearing a mask, during a zoom call where he doesn't have anyone else around him, sitting there, by
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himself it is bizarre, st baffling, bewilledderring. >> he is fully vaccinated, sitting by himself on a zoom call and wearing a mask because he thinks that makes us appear tough to the rest of the world. >> if joe biden wants people to get vaccinated, start setting an example, take your mask off when you are alone in front of your zoom camera a good example for the rest of the country. >> joe biden should go on national tv, take his mask off and burn it. >> trevor: that's right. joe biden wore a mask, even though he was completely alone on a zoom call. what is he hiding under there, hillary's emails? honestly, people, something is wrong with this guy, wearing a mask when you are alone is like washing your hands when are you a enlo, like no good reason for it, this is especially bad for a presidency because everyone knows you have to project strength on a zoom call. i mean that is why i start every meeting with the sound of me on the toilet to assert dominance. good morning, everybody. oh, and by the way, you know who else wore a stupid thing on his
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face for no reason? men. you did not have to cut cut that whole time, that healed a long time ago. guess what, joe biden, you can be a little bitch if you want to but rand paul is right. and this is what i think about your mask. >> plilt fact rated the claim as false. president biden did occasionally wear a mask during the zoom summit but he was not alone in the room. he was jointed at various points by staff and members of his cabinet. >> okay, well, i got to take a quick break to put out this fire, if that is still legal in joe biden's america. when we come back we'll hear roy wood, jr.'s address on the state of black shit and an thonie mackie is joining us on the show, you don't want to miss it, take my hoodie, riding a bike should be a really fun experience. we make low maintenance bicycles, for everyday riders.
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we were coming off a great year, and when the pandemic hit, it just stopped. we really had to think creatively. teams allowed us to do what we call virtual visits. hey, is that tk? hi, how are you? we're able to see two or three-fold the amount of customers from all over the world. without teams there's no way this would have been possible. i really think it's going to set a standard for retail moving forward. (text chime) (text chime) (text chime) (sighs) (text chime) (chuckles) (text chime) it's the biggest week in television. watchathon week is your chance to finally watch shows you missed for free.
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now you get to talk about them with your friends, no matter what time it is. say "watchathon" into your voice remote and watch for free
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if you vape nicotine, all week. you could be inhaling toxic metals like nickel, chromium, and lead that can damage your lungs. (vo) ideas exist inside you, electrify you. they grow from our imagination, but they can't be held back. they want to be set free. to make the world more responsible, and even more incredible. ideas start the future, just like that. >> trevor: welcome back to the daily social distancing show, joe biden's speech tonight
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wasn't technically a state of the union. but he basically did everything that you do for one. he spoke in front of congress, he talks about the country. and he even appointed major as a designated survivor. so it was a state of the union. and when the president talked about the state of the union, we at the daily show offer our annual response. where we cover the issues that are especially important to black america. so please rise as roy wood, jr. delivers "the daily show's" annual state of black shut address. good evening, black people, african-americans and chet hanks. i'm coming to you from one of the blackest locations in america, the backyard where meghan markle spilled the tea to oprah. tonight we black people are gathered here to once again ask ourselves the question, where
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were at, 2020 was one of the mischallenging years in recent history for the black community. beginning with covid which frankly is a racist virus as it accomplished what the criminal justice has been trying to do for years. lock up every black person in america. and covid was especially hard for black people. did you know we love to get together. i'm talking about churches, cookouts and secret black people meetings where we decide which dumb viral dance to trick white people into doing next. the next one up, the gupie. but if the ronna wasn't bad enough this past year we also had to deal with the ongoing pandemic of police brutality. we witnessed the death of george floyd, breonna taylor and frankly too many innocent black people to name but we didn't take it lying down. dem straighters took to the streets, creating the largest process in american history against police brutality and for that we thank our activist toes
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organized, we thank our allies for marching along side us and to a certain extent we thank the police. you showed up to a police brutality march and did police brutality. that really helped us hammer home the point. for the first time in what feels like forever our cries were heard and the plition officer responsible for the death of george floyd was held accountable. we sought justice because of political activism and most importantly those black squares on instagram. still not sure what they did but it must have worked. the black lives matter movement was felt in every aspect of life and culture in america including sports. where athletes from the wnba, to tennis to the nfl made their is vos heard, nba players managed to stage a protest of police violence from inside the nba bubble at walt disney world. that is the blackest thing to happen at walt disney world
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since the time i got pulled over for going too fast on space mountain. but amidst the cayous of 2020, black folks made major strides. forp the first time in our history we witnessed a black person assume one of the most important positions in america, of course i'm talking about the first black bachelor. that's right. for too long our nation has been forced to watch only white men get chlamydia in a hot tub on prime time tv. but no longer. we did it, dr. king. your dream is happening. also making history was kamala harris, the first black woman elected vice president of the united states. congratulations, cam la, on your amazing achievement. i find great comfort in knowing that a black woman is searching in the white house and even more comforting knowing that when the white house screws something up we can blame it on the white guy in charge, kind of the best of both worlds, and stacey abraham her massive voter registration
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turned georgia blue, flipped the senate and shows the nation if you want to get to the white house you need to go through it ladder first and i mean that literally. one time hi a flight from new york to dc that stopped in hartsville, you tell me how thattic mas sense. it was also an historic year for black entertainers as their art continued to reflect the black splerns, it reflected our hope, through amanda goreman's words at the presidential i believe august raise it reflected our greatness as beyonce became the most awarded female artist in grammy history and reflected the fact that black people are sexy as hell, when megan and cardi doing the wap video, when i go to the store now those elderly cashier ladies are checking me out. and for once, not because they think i'm stealing. which i am, can't stay this sexy without nipping a few lotions and cleansers from time to time.
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which brings me to the future of black shit, and what is in store for us this year. while the rest of america gets back to normal, this is the year black america created a new normal. cuz that old normal was some bull shit. i'm talking about a new normal where cops being held accountable isn't as rare as getting another frank ocean album, a new normal where not because i need to fight for my rights but because i need to get my steps in and done-- a new normal where we can gather with family and loved ones but still tell our weird uncle that he has to hang in the garage just to be safe. a new normal where gorilla glue is hair gel, that is the new normal we must strife for and that i'm kf defnt we will achieve. god bless you, god bless black people and god bless the meme of michael jordan looking at an
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ipad. >> amen to that, thank you so much. when we come back, its incredibly talented anthony mackie will be joining me on the show. show. you don't want to miss ♪ who can take a sunrise ♪ ♪ sprinkle it with dew ♪ ♪ cover it in choclate and a miracle or two ♪ ♪ the candy man ♪ ♪ ♪ 'cause he mixes it with love and makes the world taste good ♪ ♪ 'cause the candy man thinks it should ♪ ♪ hey look at this ♪ ♪ new kit kat thins ♪
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distancing show, my guest likes an thonie mackie, talkinged about about being the first black captain america and his journey through hollywood that brought him here. >> what is going on on your end? >> nothing, all quiet. >> i'm sorry, wait, who are you? >> i'm captain america. >> anthony mackie, welcome to the daily social distancing show. >> what's up, i'm happy to
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social distance with you. >> you were one of the last people hi as a guest before the world shut down, i think it was february 2020, and i remember laughing with you, having a good time with you, i'm going to be doing this all the time. and then everything shut down, last time i spoke to you you were building houses for fun with your own hands. are you still doing that? >> i am, actually. i'm waiting for some vanities to come in now, i'm finishing this housings actually right down the street from my house and then i'm starting on my man cave, so when you come to new orleans, you will be welcome at my man cave. >> what is it about new orleans that you love so much. >> it is the best city in the world, man, i say it over and over and i will say it again. if you look at the history of new orleans, like you know, if you look at the food, the music, we have a season called festival season where every weekend there is a different music festival. i mean there is no other city like that in the world stvment the people, you go into a restaurant, whoever is making the food instantly becomes your
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family member, there is nothing like it. >> let's talk about your latest success, man. i always wondered how you would tell the story of the captain america journey, how you would tell the story of the passing of the shield. i never thought that buckie would be a part of it. i love buckie as a character but i never thought it would turn into the story. you about i think even more surrising was how newanced the conversation was in and around america, what america is, what institutions are, what the systems are and how as a black man even in the superhero position your character was dealing with the stories, help me a little bit, help me a little bit about how you put all of that together and how you made sure that it wasn't just like a caricature of what is happening in america. >> well, i think a lot of that has, all of that has to do with mall come, our writer, he really, like went down that road and fought for the acknowledgment, of that tesh lent relationship between black men and america. and you know, the question that
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we came up with, and we kement asking each other, every page, every scene, every time we were-- every time we would talk is how do you deal, as a black man you are in an abusive relationship with america. so how do you fight for it, stand up and risk your life for a country that has never given you any love, support, appreciation or trust. you know, so it is one of those things where when we talked about t two black dudes chopping it up. and then like carrie, she-- she is the most down female i have ever met in my life, and every time we would try to pull a punch, she's like nah, we going all the way in, you know, so it was an amazing group of people from different perspectives and different backgrounds. to be able to make it a realistic situation for the character and not something that was made up or fictitious, when
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put on the screen. >> trevor: when you are playing that character and thinking of this journey of becoming the black captain america, i mean you know what comes with it, like becoming the first black captain america t is safer to say-- it is just like woi, you the falcon, you stay in the corner, you got your wings, you are good. but you know as soon as you take that shield, a lot of people are going to be like oh, you getting the shield because are you a black man, you getting its shield, why the black man got to have a shield, like when you even have these conversations with fans of the universe or when you talk about anthony mackie, how do you break it down for people? >> well, what's been interesting, and i expected to have those conversations. i expected that to be the internet buzz but i haven't received that or seen that at all. like you know, it's easy for us to look at the news and what is going on and say all people are bad, the world has gone to shit but the reality of it is most people rre good people, you know. and a lot of people are really excited about the idea of the falcon becoming captain america and what that means not only in
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the cinematic universe and comic book universe but in our true reality. you know because it gives a younger generation a different perspective and different way to look at the world, and that's what is cool and what i am so excited about, because when my kids have a birthday party, you know t looks like a damn crayon box in the backyard. i don't know who, what, who, what-- you know, but at the same time that's the way it is supposed to be. like it is supposed to be a mix, america is a melting potk you know t is supposed to be a micros could am of little people from little backgrounds having little fun in their little way and i think this is a blip on the radar of what that next generation is going to look like which is what i am so excited about, you know, because we're only as effed up as our parents and grandparents were. and my only goal becoming captain america is not to pass on the lineage of effed on nature that came from the
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generation before me. >> i think you do a great job and i think that is what makes the show exciting. i will be honest, i want to be in a marvel movie, not to be in a marvel movie, i just want to get your gi's fitness plan. everybody who is in a marvel movie has a body that just like, i don't care who you are, the men, the women, you look like, you look like statues from like ancient greece now, that is what you look like. look at your arms right now, your arms look like are you holding the ground down instead of the ground holding you up. that is what you look like. i want to know an thonie mackie. you can eat jambalaya, can you eat oarchg out there in new orleans and still be like captain america? or do you have like i only eat boiled fish and like old boiled rice. >> that is the hard part, during quarantine i learned a lot about myself and a lot about you know, my family and our relationship and the importance of having those people, you know, near and dear to your heart. i will tell you what, man, like you know
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being able to like go fishing and social distance and fried fish on your porch every day say problem. that is a problem. mid way quarantine i was like yo, i'm starting to look like fat thor, i got to figure this out, you know. it was, that was my only down fall because i literally just like cut off, you know, no straining, no nothing cuz it was just me and my house. so i would go fishing by myself. i would, you know, cook for myself, friend was come over, my sisters and drop off potatoe salad, everything i'm not supposed to be ating. >> that is the reality, you know, so it takes, you take, like right now i'm in the end of first month of a four month process to get back away from fat mackie to movie mackie. and fat mackie is free. >> what i like, i like that you just said that, you know why why, because i think i'm one of the people who thought this was
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just like, i like that you said four months, so now when i see the body it was four months of like a chef preparing the meals and the training program. i like that, thank you. cuz i saw, i would see the pictures and just be like how does he do that, and i go do 20 push-ups and i am like my body doesn't respond accordingly but i understand there is work in it, congratulations, thank you fr the time, thank you for always being amazing, for building those houses for houses, for being you, always a pleasure to you have, congratulations. >> blessed to be in your presence. >> trevor: don't forget, the falcon and winter soldier is streaming right now on disney plus. we'll take a quick break but we'll be right back after this. (text chime) (text chime) (text chime) (sighs) (text chime) (chuckles) (text chime) it's the biggest week in television. watchathon week is your chance to finally watch shows you missed for free.
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for tonight please consider supporting an organization called one tree planted, a nonprofit charity focused on global reforestation, just last year they planted over 10 million trees worldwide to create a healthier climate and for tech biodiversity around the globe. if you want to help them out in restoring forest, creating jobs and building communities please go to the link below and donate whatever you can, until tomorrow, stay safe out there. dpet your vaccine and remember, if you are going to get a birthday gift for that special someone in your life, make sure to check with his other 34
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girlfriends that you don't double up. now here it is, your moment of zen. >> but is providing information transparent trfertion to the public to make clear what the benefit-- have no fear, the sealing is not falling, that i am aware of. okay. okay. hopefully trk is an old building. maybe lincoln's ghost, that is quite something, maybe it is. captioning made possible by comedy central - ♪ i'm going down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna have myself a time ♪ both: ♪ friendly faces everywhere ♪ ♪ humble folks without temptation ♪ - ♪ i'm going down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna leave my woes behind ♪ - ♪ ample parking day or night ♪
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allergens are little terrors all around us. sometimes even in our clothes. take them on with all free clear. its powerful clean removes tough stains and 99% of top allergens. all free clear. the #1 doctor recommended brand for sensitive skin. - friends, we gather in this place to mourn the victims of yesterday's tragedy. nine good people, who were run over in the street by an elderly woman driver. - oh god, memorial services are so boring.

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