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tv   The Daily Show With Trevor Noah  Comedy Central  April 26, 2021 11:00pm-11:44pm PDT

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yeah, that a girl. that a girl. man, that stinks. what's going on, everybody? i'm trevor noah and this is "the daily social distancing show." today is monday, april 26th, and, yes, we are back, baby! we were off the air last week so i could get some spring cleaning done. also amazing what you discover when you clean your place. i found a piece of back jerky in my couch which is insane because the last time i had back jerky was the end of 2019, maybe earl. anyway, coming up on tonight's show, we catch up on our favorite moments from the oscars. michael kosta takes a close look at feet. and why india's corona problem could soon become everyone's corona problem. so let's do this, people, welcome to "the daily social distancing show." >> from trevor's couch in
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new york city to your couch somewhere in the world, this is "the daily social distancing show" with trevor noah! ♪ ♪ >> trevor: let's kick things off with the oscars, the biggest night to have the year for hollywood and for people who manufacture red carpets. despite the pandemic shaking everything up, the oscars pulled off a lot of cool moments last night. we got to see an awards show in a train station, right. we saw regina king get her steps in. and we even got to see glenn close audition to be in cardi b's next video. but we also got a lot of history made last night. chloe zhao con an award, and daniel cay will will kaluuya myn oscar and a beat down from his momma on the same night. >> and the oscar goes to daniel
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kaluuya. ( cheers and applause ) >> we're going to celebrate life, man. we're breathing, walking, it's incredible. it's incredible. like it's incredible. my mom, my dad, they had sex! it's amazing. i'm here, you know what i mean? so i'm so happy to be alive. so i'm going to celebrate that tonight. >> trevor: ah, ah, ah u did he say "sex" in front of his african america? forget saying my parents had sex, just to say sex in front of african parents will be instantly rewarded by an ass whooping of monumental proportions people. you can't say sex in front of african parents. the only reason she didn't whip daniel's ass right there is because there were too many white people in attendance. she's probably saying, mm-hmm, when we get home, daniel -- that's the only reason black
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parents won't beat you in public. my mom would look around and count, saying, one too many for you. that's the only reason i'm staying in america. all the white people make me feel safe because if i go home my momma will beat me because she have sent me to the shop to buy bread and instead abought a lollipop. i think this is the future of award shows, forget agents and the managers. i want to see parents. yeah. i want to see brad pitt's dad holding up his embarrassing baby photos in the bathtub. i want to see emma stone lick her thumb and wipe her check when she's on stage. i want to see the rock, he looks tough now but he wet the bed till he was 19. turning from movies to the other favorite form of entertainment, gender reveal parties. unlike the oscars, this ended with a bang. >> a large explosion in
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new hampshire that shook multiple towns was blamed on a gender reveal party. >> the sound was captured on a doorbell camera. some residents thought it was an earthquake. 80 pounds of explosive detonated tuesday, police say the man set them off in a quarry because he thought it would be safe. fortunately, know was hurt. officials are trying to figure out what charges the man might face. >> trevor: all right, listen, if you find out you're having a baby and your first response is to set off 80 pounds of explosive, you probably shouldn't be having a baby. plus do these parents ever think about how high you're setting the expectations for your child when you set off 80 pounds of explosive to announce their arrival? i mean, guys, even jesus didn't get an explosion. he just got some weird dudes delivering spices. but now these days parents are like frankincense might be good enough for the sofgd the son ofy
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braden deserves the best! i don't judge anybody who has a gender reveal party especially when it goes wrong. so many things can go wrong at a gender reveal. in fact i have gender reveal and, whoo, it happened to me. good morning, everybody, and welcome to my gender reveal party. all right, here we go! >> oooh, gross! >> trevor: yeah, apparently you're only supposed to do it for a child. but no one tells me this. i don't know what the rules are. all right, and finally, you might remember from your history textbooks that there was an attempt to overthrow the u.s. government back in the year january. and the latest arrest in the capitol insurrection comes from a poor guy trying to make a love connection. >> authorities say they have a dateing app bumble to thank for the siege of a man in the siege of the exop on jan 6.
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roger chapman told a woman he met on bumble he stormed the capitol and made it all the way to sanctuary hall. the woman replied, we are not a match. then she notified the f.b.i. chapman is charged with trespassing on government property. >> trevor: this has to be the craziest thing i've ever heard. someone told the truth on a dating app? that's wild. wonder how he brought it up, the fact he stormed the capitol. how do you work that into your game? does he come right out with it or wait till she opens the door. hey, don't i recognize you from somewhere? yeah, girl, you might have seen me on tv hitting a cop with a flag pole, you know, freedom. but, yeah, man, props to this woman, she wasn't messing around. she turned that dude into the f.b.i., with i is a hell of a swipe left, and it shows that, clearly, this woman has not been single that long because, i mean, let's be honest, people, after a few years of trying to date online stuff like overthrowing the government
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stops being a deal breaker for some people. he stormed the capitol but he's really sweet and bought me flowers so we're going to chili's friday night for a date. they're fully booked but he said he can guess us in one way or the other. moving on. the coronavirus; p. the reason we're all saying this felts so amazing! when we have lunch with two friends. so checking in on the latest developments in another episode of "keeping up with corona." ♪♪♪ as of now, 95 million americans are fully vaccinated against covid, which i don't care what anybody says, is amazing. americans are getting their shots almost as fast as americans are getting shots. but the bad news is america might be running out of people who are interested in saving their own life. >> there are growing signs that the nation's vaccination program is losing some steam nationwide. the average rate of vaccinations
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is down roughly 20% in the last two weeks. some states are starting to actually turn down shipments to have the vaccine because they have more supply than and in. >> in arkansas, 17 counties are cutting back. >> a number of mass vaccination sites in texas are closing and more than half to have the counties in kansas have turned down vaccine shipments because they'll go unused. >> all of this amid new reports that 5 million persons or 8% who got the first shot of pfizer or moderna vaccine missed getting the second shot. >> trevor: okay. i mean, this is just weird to me, people. you're seriously going to wait this long for a vaccine, take half the doses, and then just bail? getting half the vaccine isn't good enough. it's the same reason that trojan discontinued their crop top line of condoms. it just doesn't work as well. don't get me wrong, i don't like the framing where this is doom and gloom, no,le% -- no, 92%
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getting their second dose on time is still really impressive. the big problem is the demand for the vaccine overall is falling. a few weeks ago we were scrambling for appointments. now you can pick up moderna shots in the two or one bin at wal-mart. i don't know, maybe the problem is people like things that are new and now the vaccine doesn't feel new anymore. maybe what we need is a rebrand. start calling it the vaccine pro s, change the color, then people will line up around the block. america finds itself having so much vaccine supply it doesn't know what to do with it. and this is a really unique situation when you look at the rest of the world because many countries have barely any vaccines at all and, for them, the pandemic is worse than ever before and no place is in worse shape right now than india. >> tonight what officials in india call a tsunami of coronavirus cases is becoming a
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global catastrophe. the third day in the world the country shattering world records, more than 345,000 cases reported in the last 24 hours. nearly 1 million in the last three days alone. >> an aggressive immunity variant no match for the country's underfunded medical system. hospitals are turning patients away for lack of oxygen, medicine and beds. >> while india's official death toll at under 200,000 is still only one-third of that of the u.s., indian funeral workers say the true number of casualties is far higher. >> the black market is now thriving, to give you some idea, a tank of oxygen was about $80 before the pandemic, now going for more than $1,000. >> trevor: yeah, people, things are really dire in india right now. countless people are dying. the hospital system is collapsing and oxygen is going for $1,000 on the black market. that is so much money. i'm surprised people aren't out there mugging scuba divers. the really sad part about this
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crisis is it could have been avoided if india's government hadn't taken their eye off the ball. >> only two months ago it looked like india had avoided the worst. the government relaxed rules, even allowed a huge hindu festival just a few weeks ago. >> in recent months, priements narendra modi hosted huge political rallies and allowed mass gatherings. >> thousands of people have been taking to twitter with trending hash tags like resign i modi, hs been holding rallies. >> the government of narendra modi has contacted twitter to sensor some -- censor some of the streets that have been highly critical of the government. twitter replied, removing some of these tweets. >> trevor: okay, you know things are getting bad when a leader's response to criticism of his failures is to try to
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shut down the chris simple, not the failures. "we've got to stop the spread -- of these mean tweets about me!" honestly, you know who must be so jealous of modi right now? donald trump. because modi's got it on lock. he got twitter to censor enemies, holding huge rallies in the middle of a pandemic and got the skin tone trump has been trying to get for years. and look, maybe modi thought there were good reasons to let crowds gather indoors, but i'll say it again, the virus -- does not care why you're gathering! it's still coming to get you! but, look, regardless of how it got there, india is in a really really bad place right now and it needs help from the rest of the world before things get even worse. thankfully, the united states has stepped up to grudgingly answer the call. >> tonight a global response to the covid crisis ravaging india as the u.s. pledges immediate medical aid including drug
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treatments, rapid diagnostic covid 19 testing kits, ventilators, p.p.e., oxygen supplies and ingredients for producing vaccines. >> the united states is partially lifting a ban on exports of the materials needed to make coronavirus vaccines in india. the move is an abrupt policy change for the biden administration which had previously denied the request to allow the act claiming their focus was on vaccinating americans. >> the answer was america comes first, that's what we heard from the state department. >> the united states first and foremost is engaged in an ambitious and effective and so far successful effort to vaccinate the american people. >> trevor: okay. yeah. this is good. look, i'm glad to see america sending something to the rest of the world that doesn't have the name of the wrong super bowl winner printed on it, but i still feel like america could be doing a lot more. just today -- just today -- america announced it would start sharing its massive stockpile on
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millions of doses of the astrazeneca vaccine which, by the way, america has been sitting on for months even though it doesn't need it. doesn't need it. but just has it. so america's basically treating these vaccines like it was the old can of pumpkin puree in the back of the cabinet. you knew you were never going to use it but you still held on to it way longer than you should because just maybe some day someone would be like, hey, i need pumpkin puree! i know a country's priority has to be looking after its own people, but donate forget that it makes america safer when corona is under control in the rest of the world because the more corona has time to run wild, we've seen the more opportunity it has to mutate and become more deadly and, trust me, if a bad mutation emerges, it's going to come to america. corona spreads through respiratory droplets and when have you ever met someone who took a trip to india and didn't
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shut up about it? so, look, we need to remember until everyone is immune, the job is only always going to be half done. kind of only like getting your first shot. it helps but the job is not complete. so america really needs to start helping the rest of the world now, or they can start saving up for those thousand-dollar tanks of oxygen. all right, when we come back, michael kosta figures out america's problem with feet. you don't want to miss it. >> has your disney world experience been ruined by wokeness? come to the probable magic kingdom, the family theme park where nothing gets canceled, racist, sexist, too backward for an n.f.l. logo, say goodbye tomorrow land and hello yesterday land where the hall of presidents still celebrates the confederacy. yee-haw! and be sure to reserve a magic breakfast with your favorite
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canceled characters like peppy le pew, gina, and scott rudin, watch out for flying food, buy your tickets now to the probable magic kingdom. harriet tubman 20s not accepted. riding a bike should be a really fun experience. we make low maintenance bicycles, for everyday riders. we were coming off a great year, and when the pandemic hit, it just stopped. we really had to think creatively. teams allowed us to do what we call virtual visits. hey, is that tk? hi, how are you? we're able to see two or three-fold the amount of customers from all over the world. without teams there's no way this would have been possible. i really think it's going to set a standard for retail moving forward. (vo) ideas exist inside you, electrify you. they grow from our imagination,
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did you know that geico's whole 15 minutes thing... that came from me. really. my first idea was “in one quarter of an hour, your savings will tower... over you. figuratively speaking." but that's not catchy, is it? that's not going to swim about in your brain. so i thought, what about... 15 minutes. 15 percent. serendipity. 15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance. frank is a fan of fast. he's a fast talker. a fast walker. thanks, gary. and for unexpected heartburn... frank is a fan of pepcid. it works in minutes. nexium 24 hour and prilosec otc can take one to four days to fully work. pepcid. strong relief for fans of fast. if you vape, you could be inhaling toxic metals into your lungs. to show how scary that is... ...we made metal monsters.
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with special effects that show metal particles being inhaled. and music- music that would've made your heart race. but nothing is as scary as the facts. vaping can deliver toxic metals - like nickel and lead - into your lungs. that's metal. in your lungs. tail slate. >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily social distancing show." >> every once in a while an ordinary person goes above and beyond to change the world. tonight, michael kosta has found one of those persons for another episode of "thank me later." >> hi, i'm michael kosta.
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feet. they aren't just the most searched term in my browser history, they're also how we measure things. but did you know that america has two different foot measurements? it's a problem that started decades ago and, until now, had gone unsolved. let's start off with a quick history lesson about america's foot problem. in the nineteenth century a hot trend was sweeping across europe, the metric system. it was popular and made the jump to america like ed sheeran. in 1866 the congress passed the u.s. metric act which recognized the foot as an exact number based on the metric system with one foot equals 1200 divided by 3937 of a meter. and in 1893 the 1893 the mendenr makes that the definition of a foot. feet creeps, as i call them, won an exact number, which will help
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industrial machines make standardized parts the exact same length everywhere in the world. in 1959 the u.s. redefined the foot to international standards making it exactly .3048 of a meter. this becomes known as the international foot, and it is just slightly shorter than the old 1893-foot. and i know what you're thinking -- so america has two foot measurements, big deal. i couldn't agree more. why does it even matter? >> having two pete for measuring things is uncool. >> meet dr. dennis works with the national geodebtic survey. >> i'm a geodicist, the science behind mapping, surveying and navigation and i kept running into the problem with the different versions of the foot. >> trevor: you're basically a foot doctor, right -- excuse me, a feet doctor. >> not quite that. we won't say that. >> trevor: i that.
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>> i have been jocking and i have it outside my right foot. >> that's outside my area of expertise. >> what's the foot problem? >> there are two versions to have the foot in current use of the united states. one foot is older and longer than the other one and people mix them up and surveyors mix them up and it causes problems. >> two different feet. okay. how different are these feet? >> they are not very different. two parts per million. that is about an eighth of an inch per mile. >> what? >> it's almost nothing. >> so why did i take my tuesday afternoon to even talk with you? why does it matter? >> once you get to a million feet the difference is two feet. now you're talking about a pretty big difference. and what was happening is people would go to location on the ground and it was off by several feet. >> this is a nuisance and in some cases more than a nuisance. >> right. no, and this stuff actually makes a difference, it really does. >> this needs to be changed. you're a scientist, you want to
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fix problems, you want to find solutions. so what are you doing about it? >> i'm glad you put me on the spot because i take it seriously and i am doing something about it. now one large group of surveys called the national society of professional surveyors nsps represents all the surveys throughout the united states. i decided to go speak to them directly and i gave a presentation, gave them all the history and all that and i didn't know if they would throw tomatoes at me or what but once they heard the whole story they bought in. the date of deadtation for the u.s. foot is december 30, 2022. >> you did it. >> we did it. >> what can americans do to prepare for the big change. shall i set my clock back? what will the new temperature be? i assume all units of measurement are connected, right. >> might seem as a let down but the average american is not going to notice anything. >> great, i can still brag to
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people about having a foot long. >> absolutely. you won't have to qualify oh, i meant an international foot long, you can just say foot long. >> great because i have a small penis, but this is a foot long. >> okay, and i won't comment on that last thing if that's okay. >> mr. foot doctor based on this achievement did you get accolades, any acknowledgment. >> nothing formal. just said i did a good job. no other recognition. >> guess what? that's about to change. did you receive a package from us recently? >> i did indeed just a couple of days ago. >> can you show that to the camera, please? >> this is it. i'm going to hold it up in a way everyone can hopefully see. isn't it beautiful? look at that foot. isn't that lovely? i have to say, i am extremely pleads with the to havey. it will be in a prominent place forever in our home.
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>> dr. michael dennis, the measurement hero who set the record straight by taking america's feet into is own hands. i'm michael kosta. you can thank me later. >> trevor: thank you so much for that michael. when we come back, the amazing rapper vic mensa will be joining me on the show to talk about his brand-new e.p. stick around. ♪ who can take a sunrise ♪ ♪ sprinkle it with dew ♪ ♪ cover it in choclate and a miracle or two ♪ ♪ the candy man ♪ ♪ ♪ 'cause he mixes it with love and makes the world taste good ♪ ♪ 'cause the candy man thinks it should ♪
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>> trevor: welcome back to "the daily social distancing show." my guest tonight is rapper and activist vic mensa. he's here to talk about his recent trip to africa, his new ep and what he thinks joe biden -- his personal negligence for joe biden. vic mensa, welcome to "the daily social distancing show"." >> thanks for having me. >> trevor: every day i see you on instagram and you're in south africa and i feel like you stole my country from me. i can't travel, i can't go there, i can't come back and you're just out there living my best life. i feel like you've just stolen my dream, man, what's going on? >> you changed your hair. so i'm over this telling them i'm you, you know. they like the accent. my accent isn't all the way
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lining up, but i was getting somewhere. i was getting some privilege as you. >> trevor: tell me a little bit about that. what inspired you to go on this trip? >> well, you know, i went to ghana in january, and i've just been on kind of a panafricaen mission and thinking about connecting black people in america with black people on the continent of africa. so i went to ghani because that's where my family is and then i got the opportunity to go to south africa and, i mean, it was amazing, you know. it was very interesting in that there was such extreme wealth and people living lavishly in a way that i don't think i've ever seen this year other than there. and then there was, on the flip side, a depth of abject poverty in townships and people living in shacks, tin walls, tin roof,
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and these things are next door to each other, you know. >> trevor: right. >> so that was striking, but then, also, just the culture, the rich -- the richness of the culture was inspiring and beautiful and, you know, the language is like eleven languages and people speaking zulu and -- >> trevor: you've got a great crick. people get stuck. that was a nice click, vic. >> i was listening, man. i was trying to soak it up. >> trevor: you looked like you were having a good time and i feel like your music shows that. you've got a new e.p. out getting rave reviews, "i tape." i'd love to know why you thought now was the right time and where you found the inspiration. >> yeah, so this "i tape" is part of a three-part series. v tape, i tape and the eventual
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c tape. this was largely inspired by what transpired in 2020, and, so, i'm in chicago, i just moved back to chicago when i started doing this series of e.p.s and it's going to come together as one fully realized project and i just moved back to chicago, and then the world is set on fire, around there's riots on 47th 47th street on the south side and buildings being burned and things that haven't happened since the '60s when martin luther king was assassinated. so it just found its way into my music, you know. so i was writing about that and writing about stories of friends of mine that are incarcerated who, you know, have been a big part of my life. >> trevor: right. >> and, you know, that formed the basis of kind of the thematic structure. it ended up being really about freedom, you know. >> trevor: it's not just freedom but it's the lack of freedom. you know, when you're talking
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about the prison system and you're talking about people unfairly incarcerated and how unfairly people get punished and kept in the carceral system, some people would just rap about that in the music. vic mensa takes that -- and i see you in the streets doing stuff, i see you going bailing people out and giving them opportunity. i see you staging peaceful protests and walks and gathering people and having sleep-ins. what makes you so inspired, i think, to go beyond just the music, which is a powerful message, but go, like, i'm going to take this into the streets as well? >> you know, i had an experience when i was making this project that informed a song on there called moussa. it was the most moving experiences in my life where i was able to help a friend of mine convicted and sentenced to 25 years when he was 14 years old. when the pandemic started i threw a shot in the dark. uphe asked if i could help him
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get clemency in front of the governor and i was able to help him push that across the finish line and he came home twelve years early. it changed the way i look at life because it made me realize, first of all, my own power intrinsically as a person and, also, that having the faith and belief to see what seems impossible, you know, what's necessary. so i find myself doing things in the real world because these are relationships that are important to me. these are the people i spend time around. i might be in south africa pretending to be trevor noah, you know, for, like, three weeks, you know, but most of the time i'm in chicago, and i'm surrounded by people that are working, you know, nine to five jobs or trapping or -- >> trevor: right, right. >> and it's like those are the people whose stories i speak and those are the people i'm speaking for and whose lives are
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closest to me. >> trevor: mm-hmm. what do you think it is about chicago that gives us so many ot conscious rappers. there seems to be an essence to chicago rap that goes beyond just making the music. what do you think it is about chicago that inspires that? >> chicago's got a history of revolutionaries. you know, i think that coogler and that entire team, they showcased that well, in that people may not be familiar with the story of hampton and the strong history of revolutionary action in chicago. on top of that, chicago is also not a place full of industry, so differing from new york for l.a., you don't have the film industry, you don't have the music industry largely. it's like a blue-collar city. >> trevor: right. >> and, also, chicago is an
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acute representation of hoods around america because of what happened with the public housing. chicago was the biggest public housing experiment in america, you know, stacking poor people on top of each other like car teens in a can and creating an extremely segregated city and when they tore down the projects resulted in the streets being in turmoil, but it's got history of revolutionary action, so i think we always had a perspective to be able to analyze what's happening and the way that we express it like a journalist, you know, is through our -- >> trevor: right, right, right. you've always inspired me, vic. one of my favorite pieces from you wasn't music, it was an op-ed you wrote, and it was essentially addressed to president joe biden where you said, you know, one of the biggest debts -- and i paraphrase you -- one to have the biggest debts he has now is
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to make right what happened to black communities because of covid. talk me a little bit about that and why it's important for you not only to speak out but for the government to look at people impacted in the worst annuation because of covid because it ample fitted whatever existed in america. >> that's the thing about a situation like covid is that the structure is set for black people to be damaged more by any storm that hits america, we're the ones that are most likely to be left in the cold. you know, joe biden, he owes us on a lot of levels, though, because we put him in power, you know. it was in atlanta and georgia and south across the nation, black people put biden in power, so he owes us on many levels. and i want him to remember that, don't forget that because we ain't forget it. you really inspired me, too, trevor, because the idea of
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being african-american, i love -- i always go back to that special of yours, the african-american, because, although, you know, we come from different sides of the globe, i have that same experience, you know, of being -- >> trevor: right, right. >> -- in the most literal sense of the word an african-american. >> trevor: right. >> and that's why i put so much -- i put so much emphasis on collaboration because it's, like, black people in south africa and ganna and chicago and atlanta, we all are facing a common enemy, you know, and our unity expands our possibility. >> trevor: yeah, man. i appreciate you. like when daniel said at the oscars, instead of allowing then to divide and conquer, you figure out how to unite and ascend. thank you for taking the time. congrats. i'm excited to enjoy the "i
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tape" and we wait for the "c tape." >> all right. >> trevor: "i tape" is available right now. we'll take a quick break but we'll be right back after this. which shows will you be getting into tonight? how about all of 'em. netflix. cuz xfinity gets you really into your shows. when someone burns for someone who does not feel the same. oh, daphne. let's switch. from live tv to sports on the go. felix at the finish! you can even watch your dvr from anywhere.
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okay, that's just showing off. you get all of this with x1. so go on, get really into your shows. you need a breath mint. xfinity. it's a way better way to watch. but before we go: please consider supporting an organization called "one tree planted." they're a non-profit charity focused on global reforestation. just last year, they planted over 10 million trees worldwide to create a healthier climate and protect biodiversity around the globe. if you want to help them restore forests, create jobs and build communities, please go to the link below to donate what you can. until tomorrow -- stay safe out there, wear a mask, get your vaccine, and remember: if you feel the need to brag on
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dating apps, keep it to misdemeanors. now, here it is -- your moment of zen. >> so i think that it's time to start opening the country to vaccinated people. vaccinated people can go to a restaurant. any vaccinated people can go out without masks on. >> what if i'm fully vaccinated, dave matthews is coming to d.c. in august, is it safe for me to be in a crowd there? >> you know, right now, in a -- if i was in an environment with a fully vacsed crowd, absolutely, i would go see dave man, my delts are blasted. i wish they had a chart for how much protein powder to scoop for a 180-pound man with no fat. protein powder, huh? you cut it with water? why don't you just take estrogen?
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there you go, boys, see how papa takes care of you? i remember when people thought biceps were all that. they'd flex them all night at the discotheque. oh, i bet you think it's all about core, huh? yeah. core is critical. there are four tenants of pilates that i live my life by. one, lengthen. two, elongate. listen, guys, i think we all want to know the same thing, right? who's the strongest? there's only one way to solve that. thigh curl contest. all right, here we go, everybody, may the manliest man win. go. feast on this, lewis. i love the burn. the burn is where i live. come on, gabe, you can't handle his hamstrings? you're getting hypno-thighsed. speed set. 1, 2-- here, this is for you elbows. for your elbows. thank you. you're welcome. 6, 7--
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quick phone call from you guys. keep going, 8, 9, 10. we got it? very funny, jim. yeah, jim. way to mock us for perfecting our bodies. everyone, conference room, now. all right. easy there, grandpa. i don't need your help. ok. you don't need my help? [theme music] morning. hey. somebody left in such a hurry this morning that she forgot these. oh. you know the only thing more delicious than your feet is the feast that i'm going to prepare for everyone. andy, if you're going to hang out for a while--

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