tv The Daily Show With Trevor Noah Comedy Central April 20, 2021 1:16am-2:01am PDT
last year, i followed trump supporters to his rallies, from parking lots just like this one all the way to the steps of the capitol. then i stopped because sedition's not really my thing. i'm more of a jaywalking guy. but now that the election's over and the glass has been cleaned up from the capitol, i wanted to look back and reflect on this past year, and see how this led to this. (overlapping shouting) because ultimately, they were about the same thing: a fervent devotion to donald trump above everything else. and that's something i learned early on in my travels. the picture of donald trump that his supporters have in their heads is more flattering than, well, almost any picture of donald trump. but don't ask me. just ask them to describe donald trump. ♪ - trump is my hero president. - trump is kind of a force. - his aura came in the room before he did.
- donald trump is our first rock star superhero president. - he's a very tall man. little bit shorter than yourself. very big man. uh, nice, big hands. - he's a man for all the people, i think. he didn't need this job whatsoever either. the white house is honestly like a downgrade from his penthouse suite and everything. - yeah, it feels like it's a downgrade for america too. - he's just a peaceful person in general, i think. - and he puts those protesters down like that. - yes. - which causes peace pretty quickly. - yeah. - he's got skin that is-- is about as thick as it gets and-- - don-- who does? - donald. donald trump. - donald trump is? - yeah, thick skin. he's-- - thick skin? he gets mad if a celebrity makes fun of him on twitter. - he's the real-life tony stark. they should call him president iron man. - well, tony stark gave a shit about science. - (laughs) uh... - of course, you can't be a true superhero without some tragic flaws. - sometimes i don't like what he tweets. - i don't 100% agree with the way the guy talks. - admittedly, his personality is a bit rough around the edges. - if he's doing a good job, why can't you just vote for him?
yeah, he's an ass sometimes. - all right, we'll end on that last part. i think it's something we can all agree on. - he is an ass sometimes, but that's him. - that's him, right? ♪ nothing could stop a trump rally. not bad weather, not a looming impeachment trial, not a full-time job as leader of the free world, and definitely not covid-19. even at the height of the pandemic, the trump rallies still drew a crowd, because trump rallies are worth it. just ask anyone who isn't herman cain. besides, there's simple effective health precautions that can limit risk at these events, like wearing a mask. but for many trump rally goers, this was a face diaper of oppression. ♪ - trump 2020! (cheering) - trump is all about transparency, as you can see on the faces of his supporters. frankly, i'm pretty jealous of these mouth-breathers. ♪
- whenever they report it, they just talk about cases and death. they don't talk about recovery. - they just tend to focus on the number-- - the negative stuff, the scary stuff. - yeah, too much focus on the number of dead. let's focus on the other uplifting stuff. - correct. ♪ - i'm worried about covid! ♪ why no mask? - frankly, i forgot it in my car. ♪ - why aren't you wearing a mask? - i mean, again, it's a personal choice, i think. if everybody was wearing 'em and everybody said, "put a mask on," i'd respect everybody's wishes and put it on. we're not sheep, we're lions. - you're not sheep, but if everybody here was wearing masks... - if everybody was wearing 'em, but again, we're not sheeple. - you're not sheeple. - we're not. - so you're gonna look at what everybody's doing and you're gonna follow along. - that's it. - yeah. but not sheeple? - not sheeple. ♪ - you know, from a trump supporter's point of view,
a trump rally was a traveling carnival. it rolled into town, gave everyone some thrills, then rolled back out, leaving some good memories, some covid hospitalizations, and some unpaid bills. so what happens when the president of the united states stiffs the locals on an invoice? just ask the mayor of albuquerque, new mexico, who's still looking for his money. mr. mayor, thank you for joining us. what happened with the city of albuquerque and the trump campaign? - trump came for a rally, and we decided to bill him because the costs to the city were tremendous. they made us shut down downtown. we had to close city hall. and so we decided to just bill the campaign for it, and we have yet to get paid. - so how much does trump owe? - 200,000 roughly. - $200,000? that's it? he's into deutsche bank for 350 million. you think you're gonna get your money from him? he doesn't even pay the irs and they can put him in jail. - in my mind, he owes us a lot more, because there were about a day and a half where we couldn't even function as a city. - what have you tried to do to get money back from donald trump?
- no phone calls have been returned, so we hired a collection agency. - you actually hired a collections agency? - he should be getting these annoying voicemails that like we get usually from scam companies where it's like, "you owe debts." i mean, i think mar-a-lago is now getting those calls. - a collection agency for donald trump, i feel like they could specialize predominantly in just donald trump claims. like did you ask for a number 12? - we know other cities, just from news reports, have also billed the campaign. - yes, the king of debt is very good at staying on brand because he owes lots of cities money. maybe you send a tough guy to go get money from him. like, you're the mayor of new mexico. you don't know mike from "breaking bad"? - i don't, but i have heard actually as a person, he's a great dude, and he really also loves albuquerque. - when people out there hear that a city doesn't get $200,000, what does that actually mean to a place like albuquerque? where would that money go? - really what happens, it just goes into the general fund and we use it to operate the city. so, police force or fire, all of those services.
- is it fair to say that donald trump has effectively defunded the police? i mean, i knew it was happening somewhere in america. apparently it's happening somewhat in albuquerque. - by that definition, you could say that. - knowing that he owes $200,000 to albuquerque might mean he'll never come to albuquerque again, and is that worth it? - that's all right with us. we're totally fine with that. - i got a little gift for you that i think could be helpful. i wanted to send this your way. "welcome to albuquerque... we do not accept checks from donald j. trump." - (laughing) - i saw this at a bodega once to really just shame anybody who had bounced checks, and this, it kind of did the trick. - if you send that to us, we might send you back an image of that hanging somewhere. (laughing) - done. ♪
( crunching sound ) only from ritz. i hope this doesn't take too long, i'm double parked. next. oh, it's an arm one?! your cousin. from boston. ♪ we're back baby! sam's on me! indoor beers! indoor beers! did i get the shot? nope. you saw the needle and passed out cold. here you go. continue to wear a mask. next. good luck guys! it's a breeze. good l♪ck guys! - if there's one thing trump supporters hate, it's fake news. which begs the question, which news sources do they trust? - we used to like fox... - we don't like fox. we don't like msnbc. we don't like cbs.
we don't like any of the fake news channels because they lie all the time. - what happened to fox? was it their covid coverage that turned you off? - no. - what about hannity? - i like hannity. - tucker. - tucker. - and tucker. so, just two hours every day of fox news, otherwise it's a complete boycott. - yes, absolutely. ♪ - will you accept joe biden as president of the united states on the 20th? - no, i will not accept... no, i will not. so, look, what i... i've educated myself about this okay? i don't know all that's in the constitution. - have you read it? it's pretty short. - the constitution of america? - yeah. - i've not read the whole thing, no. you've read the entire thing? - yes, it's remarkably short. - all right. - i-i doubt that, but it's okay. - you should read it, 'cause you might be committing a seditious act in an hour and a half. - okay, i'm not gonna comment about that. ♪ - what do you think of the impeachment? - come on, everybody knows what it's all about. - read the transcript, right? - read the transcript, right. - have you read the transcript? - i have not read it. - but we should read the transcript. - we should. - look at the transcript, right? - yeah, look at the transcript. - have you read the transcript? - uh, i-i trust the word of our president, man.
- read the transcript. - read the transcript. - yeah. - did you read the transcript? - i didn't have to. (laughing) everyone else has. i can read it if i need to... - right, yeah. but it's important that everybody reads the transcript. - it is very important. pay attention and think for yourself. - yes, you have-- but to be clear, you have not read the transcript. - i haven't, no. no. - right. but it is just important. - yeah. - yeah. - don't be a sheep, think for yourself. - but again, just to be very clear, you have not read it. - i have not read it. - you just trusted somebody else who read it. - correct. okay. - what were you saying about "don't be a sheep, think for--" - don't be sheep, think for yourself, do your own research. - do your own research. - yeah. ♪ - but just because they won't read their sources, that doesn't mean they don't have them. somewhere. historically, this presidency has lost more jobs than any other. - that's not true. - it's not true? - you retract that-- nope. he has not. - he has not? - have you looked at-- - tony, i need my sheet with the jobs. i'm gonna give you facts. - give me facts. - the facts, that fact sheet. - what's on the fact sheet? - i'm gonna show you. - the fact sheet is at-- in my car. - you don't have the fact sheet? so close.
she had the real facts, but... i think she left them at the wine store. ♪ - people are stealing our election, it's obvious. this is our country, people are stealing our election. - how are they stealing the election? - because it's-- they're putting voter fraud, it's suspicious. - how are they "putting voter fraud"? department of homeland security said it was the most secure election in america's-- - who's that? that's one guy like you and me, broseph. ♪ - you guys should do some research. there is massive voter fraud as the evidence is being demonstrated by mike lindell and others. - to be clear, i think he goes by, "the pillow guy." ♪ what are your lines? who do you trust? - i trust the president. i think he's heading in the right direction. - i trust trump. - i trust donald trump. - i trust donald trump. - and that's it? - well, there's, uh... there's, uh... okay. - i trust trump and what he says and what he knows, you know? i don't trust the media that much. - so the only person you really believe is donald trump himself. - uh, that's not the only person i believe. - who else do you believe? - i mean... ultimately i believe jesus is king and i believe the bible.
- that's like two. you got jesus and trump. - no, i trust a lot of people, my friends, my family. - what do you say to criticism-- - tucker carlson, i tr-- yeah. - tucker carlson, jesus, and donald trump. - and more. i can go on and on if you like. - no, i-i think i get the picture. ♪ people ask me lots of questions about my time at trump rallies. are the people i talked to real? is what they say scripted? do they agree to be interviewed? was i ever close to getting my ass kicked? the answers are yes, no, sometimes, and oh, boy, definitely. here's a look behind the scenes at how the maga sausage got made. ♪ should we get closer? here, this guy's got a-- a "loud majority" shirt on. i saw them at the front. let's grab him. did i see you at a rally in hershey? - no. - you weren't in hershey? - no - harrisburg. - nope. - no. - allentown. - is this your first rally? - no. - no? starting to get deja vu.
finding the right person to interview is a subtle art. you survey the scene looking for the perfect shirt, hat, sign, or you could just walk up to the lady with the megaphone. - (laughing) - yeah, yeah! - yeah, guys, here we go, here we go. - trump train, choo-choo! trump train, choo-choo! we're coming to a town near you. - many people wonder if we get permission to film them, and we do, which is apparently much harder than getting them to send surprise recurring donations to the trump campaign. - before i show this, i just need a signature if that's all right. - i'm not doing it. - "daily show with trevor noah." and are you trevor? - no, he-- he's in new york. he's not here. this is jordan. - awesome, thanks man. tell me your name, i can print your name for you. just, here, sign right there, you see? - okay. - yeah, there. perfect. - trevor noah at "the daily"-- you want to talk to him? sign the release. - wanting me to sign a release? you guys gonna ask me a bunch of dumb, trick questions and say there was ten people here today? - i want to know how many you think.
sometimes these people are so enthusiastic, they don't even wait for their turn to talk. - i mean, they-- they-- - bikers for trump, hell yeah! - this is a conspiracy against the united states. - thousands of people tried to murder people inside that very-- we'll be right there, ma'am. sometimes their anti-media anger is surprisingly personal. - you're not funny. - no, i don't know what the statistics are on that. - hey klepper, you're not funny. - but i'm telling you, if biden is legit... - klepper! klepper! klepper's a bitch! - he would not fight a recount. - one second, i got-- i got some fans here., - you're a wuss. you're not a man of god. - i'm not, i'm an atheist. - no, no, you're a wuss. you're a wuss just like trevor noah. - air assaults. air assaults. - pack it up, we're done. we're done, thank you though. (crowd shouting and cursing) - second fiddle to a second fiddle! (crowd shouting)
- oh, are you guys the liberal media? i have one word for you. you are controlled by the deep state-- - that's like four or five, six words, ten words. - (bleep) you. - that's even two. that one's even two, but that's okay. here's when you might think the heated conversation is over. and at a maga rally, it rarely is. - fake news! you guys are fake news. you are brainwashed by the cabal, and i have one word for you, fake news! (bleep) you! the silent majority is done with your ass! - two words. that's two words. - we're done with your lies! go (bleep) yourself, liberal media. go (bleep) yourself. you want a message? go (bleep) yourself. yeah, right. bro, it's not in the cons-- you're such a (bleep). - are you ready to fight for your president? - whoo! - yelling at me? you guys are little pieces of shit! - but every so often, the anger, the vitriol, and the combativeness melts away,
and we have a conversation that you could almost call civil. - i appreciate your questions. you weren't-- you weren't feeding me these leading questions. i-i appreciate that. you're very genuine, and they were important questions, too. i mean, a lot of people don't-- they're not asked to-- forced to answer these sorts of things. - well, that's the part we're gonna use. - obviously i'm biased, but i'm trying to be more intellectually honest. - you're doing this all wrong. at this point, you're supposed to call me fake news and insult my testicles. - there are some people in the news who give it a bad name, but i think there are good, honest journalists out there. - well, thank you very much. i appreciate that. ♪ ♪
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every maga rally was a vast field of tasteful maga merch with bright colors and copyright violations as far as the eye could see. here are just a few of my absolute faves. ♪ people say it's uncool to wear the merch of a band to their own concert. well, those people have never been to a trump rally. you don't see a buttigieg rv like this. even a kia is tastefully adorned with like one bumper sticker. ♪ is that a trump hat on top of a cowboy hat? - yeah, it's actually my dad's hat. - that's sort of like the turducken of patriotism. ♪ has this impeachment been fair? - um... i think it's a joke. ♪ - i just needed to build something as tough as trump. so, i made the trumpinator. - so, a, uh... ruthless, heartless, automaton has come from the future to destroy our hope? is that what's going on here? ♪
but like any unlicensed merchandise, sometimes the official branding messages can get lost. and why are you here? - well, because two weeks ago i had a dream, and in that dream i was given this vision. - this-- you had a screen printing dream? your dream told you that trump is gonna win, and then ivanka, and then don jr. and eric. tiffany is going to win in 2048 and then barron. great. - all right. - uh, but barron only serves one term. - no, no, two terms. - no, that's only one term. that's four years. yeah, actually these are mostly one-term presidents. - no, you're not reading it right, brother. - no, i'm-- look, 2020-- no, this is '24 to '28. that's four years. - and then another four. - no, no, no, these are one-term presidents. - no. - ivanka, one term. don jr., one term. - ivanka is 2024. - and? - 2028. - that's eight years. - that's four years! - no. - you just have a four-year period in here where somebody else gets elected. - no. - it doesn't say anything about reelected. - it does! it says-- has her getting elected in 2024 and 2028.
- your math is wrong. - no, my math is not wrong. ♪ - and while these patriots love america, they do think that old glory could use a little jazzing up. it's not the size of the flag that matters, it's how many votes you get in the electoral college system. everybody says the same thing. it's a big flag. it's also not an american flag. - there's stars and stripes on it, brother. just appreciate if you don't stand on it. - does it? it feels like it's mostly donald trump obscuring that flag. - still, appreciate it if you don't stand on it. - be honest, if anybody is disrespecting the flag, i think it's the ten-foot high donald trump. what is that? is that-- is that trump? that's trump on a confederate flag? - that's a confederate flag, yeah! see that, cnn? see that? dixie still lives! - cold waters! - buddy, you don't know how to pick a winner. you might as well put a jets hat on. ♪ and the maga merch isn't just fun, it's functional, because on january 6th it was a great way to identify all your fellow insurrectionists.
i was worried that we were in trouble, but then i saw that we got the tyranny response team here, and i feel a lot better. thanks for all you do. (crowd shouting and chanting) - look into your (bleep) heart, okay? it's not a joke. - look, you make a good point, but you are wearing-- - yes sir, you are not mistaken. i'm pissed off right now. - you're wearing a-- a onesie that is a flag. i suppose if you bought all of these flags and all of these garments, you gotta do something like this. (crowd chanting) usa! usa! usa! - i mean, they've been prepping for this, at least sartorially, for years. (crowd shouting) usa! usa! usa! - what was the mood at a trump rally? what was the feeling? fun? sure. camaraderie? yeah. uh, what else? oh, yeah-- rage. i watched it simmer at these rallies for years, then building during the campaign. and i was there on january 6th
when it finally boiled over into the capitol building. here's what the awful day of insurrection looked like on the ground from the point of view of a guy who was just there to find some laughs. (crowd chanting) usa! usa! usa! usa! - i'm here in the nation's capital. they're boarding up some of the buildings here, and i overheard a man in fatigues say they're worried about antifa. yeah, that's who they're worried about, man in military fatigues. being on the ground on january 6th was really unnerving from the very beginning. even the night before the insurrection when we checked into our d.c. hotel, we knew this was different. we overheard wild conversations in the lobby full of maga-faithful, maskless supporters claiming covid stories of packed emergency rooms were lies, and they were all, in fact, empty. seeing a lot of cosplay here. there's military here, and then there's a lot of these people who are pretending to be military here. you know how you know?
because they don't have badges, they just have notes from their wife that says, you can go for the weekend and hang out with your friends, but be back on time. my producer wanted to ease into the interviews after seeing the charged crowd full of proud boys, oath keepers, qanon believers and anyone else willing to toss aside our democracy. it's getting a bit hectic there, so i wanted to find some space. luckily, there is some here at the national museum of african american history and culture. then we spotted a group of proud boys appearing to leave the event, heading east toward the capitol well before trump finished his speech. (proud boys shouting) - whoo! - we found filming on the national mall was a safer, more effective way to get real conversations. for a while. then we found a man acting unhinged with a pitchfork. - this is a warning! we can mobilize a million people to any city in this country now. make no mistake, that's the situation. that's right, man. we're not playing around! - who was interrupted by a man acting more unhinged.
- how come we got a million people at the monument when over there is where they're screwing us? how come nobody's over there? how come we're not down-- why don't you all come down there and film congress putting it to us?! - they're coming, don't worry. - (bleep) all you all mother(bleep). (bleep) all y'all. - the really unhinged guy angered the sort of unhinged guy wielding the pitchfork. - i'll speak for myself! - okay, he speaks for himself. - the camera's down. okay, the camera's down. ♪ - proud boys are here. as we were setting up for a quick stand-up, we noticed another large group marching aggressively down the street. the proud boys all passed by again. we settled in a spot just outside the northwest side of the capitol, because we knew that at around 1:00 p.m. that angry crowd would be arriving there from the white house. and we knew that if things got hairy, it gave us the best escape route to the train and our cars. and then words became actions. the barricades got pushed over and folks flooded in. we're starting to see this mass of people.
they broke through the gates here, and now they're heading into the-- the capitol. i'm hearing people say, "it's our house." i heard some old man start screaming, "forward. forward." it's our house. it's-- democracy should look more organized than what we're seeing right now. good, good, good, good. good. (crowd shouting) - trump supporters were getting up on the stairs, the fences and the embankments, barking at people, telling them where to go. (crowd shouting) - everyone turned into field generals, most of them wearing sweatshirts you buy at airports when you get cold waiting to board your flight. (crowd shouting) folks have pushed through, and now they're heading into the capitol.
no violence, other than shoving that down and carrying pitchforks. it was a mix of the scary and the absurd. maga in a nutshell. there were the scary... there were the absurd... can-- can i ask you some questions? are you afraid, if you run out of batteries for the last stand that you'll be thwarted? - good luck, i hope you don't run into bumpy terrain or stairs. personally, i don't think i'll ever forget talking to a man on a segway who was attempting to toppled the greatest democracy on earth. - the democrat party, progressives, socialists, marxists, pose a far greater threat to this nation than any-- any person on the battlefield. - we looked around and we were shocked, but not surprised. the last 14 months tipped it pretty good. the total distrust of facts and information. the cult-like devotion, not to their country or ideals, but to a person. of course they were gonna get here.
(loud bang) - all right, here we go. - and we knew it was time to leave. we continued listening to the escalating insurrection unfold in the only place a comedy show should-- from the quiet car of a nasella rushing back to new york city. of course as we all know, the insurrection failed. trump left office and the maga supporters who aren't awaiting trial have returned to their hometowns and their old lives. but before i walked away from this story, i wanted to connect one more time with a trump rally-goer. one on one, away from the cameras and insults and sense of impending doom. so, i caught up with edward the debt collector to hear what he's up to. ♪ i've talked to hundreds, or what feels like thousands, of trump supporters, and there have been a few folks who truly stand out, like edward. - i'm literally making four times as much as i was making when obama was president.
- what do you do? - i work for a debt relief company. - (laughing) yeah. it's good to be a white debt relief collector! besides being first in line at the harrisburg pa rally, he spent the better part of last year at rallies, on the local news, and in the papers preaching the maga gospel. - i truly believe that donald trump was sent by god. - i wanted to see if the ultimate rally-head had any misgivings post-january 6th, and if there was any common ground we could stand on. edward. - good afternoon. - i see you dressed down. - i figured you'd want me fully decked out. - yeah, we were gonna ask you to bring your trump apparel, but i guess you didn't get the email, huh? - (laughing) - i'm gonna sit six feet away, if you don't mind. - that's all right, i've got something under the mask. - do you? - yes. - what's under the mask? - my vampire fangs. - you have... vampire fangs? - yes. (muttering) - you literally have fangs. - i got these fangs made for me professionally. - it's been a chaotic year. so much anger, and i wanted to come back, kind of close that loop, connect with somebody who i had seen before
and get some sanity again... and you showed up with fangs. - i'm a bengal tiger. so then i started bringing the fangs around to the rallies, telling people i'm a-- i'm a tiger. - he sees himself as an endangered species, which makes it remarkable that eric or don jr. haven't sniped him in a trophy hunt. - i have been to 50 trump rallies. - you went to 50 trump rallies? - 50. that, and i have spoken to the president from the stage a few times. it was really great, i mean, he has recognized the beard. and at one of the rallies, i forget which one it was, i was near the front and he pointed me out. and he said, "there's that guy." - "there's that guy"? that's how he talks-- talks to his children. - he said-- he said, "i see this guy at all the rallies. he gets in the news a lot." - do you stay in touch with the old maga crew? people you run into the rallies? - oh, of course. i've developed some lifelong friendships with the maga crew. - what's the maga crew up to now? avoiding subpoenas? - (laughing) i'm jonesing. i'm jonesing, you know? those trump rallies were great. i was depending on them. it was the high point of my life. it was a lot of fun. - i was at the last trump rally,
and it was definitely not a lot of fun. what does he think about what happened at the capitol on january 6th? - well, i don't support-- let me put it to you this way. i don't think the way it's reported is-- is what actually went down. i saw a different perspective. nobody i knew was going there to overthrow the government or break into the capitol building. - what does your shirt say? - what? - "million maga march." - yes. - "be there. we'll be wild." - yeah, well, we had a fun-- look, we-- listen... - (stammering) but-- i-- you're literally wearing a shirt that has intention on it. and the intention is it being wild. - well, i can sell-- i can sell it-- okay, but we had a wild time the first two. we didn't cause any trouble. we had a lot of fun. - so then when a president stands up and says, "you need to fight for me," that they might literally go and fight? - we're playing semantic games now? - you went there with the... - yes. - ...complete intention to disregard what donald trump said? - yes. whoever went into the capitol building, these were not trump fans 'cause nobody would have walked out on his speech. they broke in, he was still speaking for half an hour. - who were those people?
- uh, well, you know, i've heard news reports that one of them was an integral member of antifa. whatever happened on january 6th, they-- meaning the people who don't like president trump, the democrats, nancy pelosi, allowed this to happen. - they were trying to kill nancy pelosi. was she say-- saying, "bring it on"? - let me tell you, some of them, i think, maybe are being... unfairly persecuted. - really? - yeah. the fbi came to my house after the rally. - (chuckles) well, at least they're doing their job. - (laughing) - gives me a little bit of hope. did you flip on anybody? - i don't flip on anybody. - did you turn somebody in? you're running around free right now. - no, no, no, of course i wouldn't, i-- first of all, i had nothing to flip because my point of view is peaceful. as the fbi asked me, they wanted to know if i breached the capitol building. i said, "of course i didn't." i said, that would have been the stupidest thing in the world. - but the guy that you pledged your life and your wardrobe to told you to, essentially, do exactly that. so, what's next after the violent insurrection that
he doesn't think donald trump told them to do? well, turns out they're just waiting for donald trump to tell them what to do. - we're not giving up. you know, it's not over. we're coming back. - in what way? - uh, it depends on what the boss tells us to do. (laughing) - uh, "donate," i think, was the last thing from up on high. - i've donated a lot to him, you know, i hope he-- - purposefully, or you look at your bank account and realize, "oh, shit, i guess it happened again." i didn't want to leave without finding some common ground with edward. he previously described trump as a superhero, a rock star. but had edward come back to the reality that the president of the united states is mortal, who's not impervious to criticism, and technically works for us. - you've seen "braveheart," of course? everybody's seen "braveheart." - i-i have seen "braveheart." - yes. donald trump is our william wallace. - (laughing) - that's right. i mean, maybe-- - they both do wear a lot of makeup. - maybe they drew him and quartered him metaphorically but he left behind a very strong, vocal, and patriotic force of people.
- you know what? i-i want to find a middle ground here, i-- how about this? donald trump, i don't see him as your william wallace, but he is a lot like mel gibson. - (laughing) all right, i-- i-- - can we agree on that? - i'll give you that. - there we go! - i'll give you that. (both laughing) - i knew we'd find some common ground. i guess some ground is better than no ground. ♪
- so, that's it. the maga rally journey is over. and president trump's ending is not unlike that of the ancient king ozymandias. his wrinkled lip and sneer of cold command looking across this vast emptiness that was once his empire. ♪ "look on his works, ye might, and despair!" (clears throat) anyway, i'm just gonna stay here so i can be first in line when the rallies start up again in 2023. or when don jr. runs in '28. i'll always be here, i guess. this is my life now! ha ha ha! (chuckles anxiously)
thanks, joe biden. - ♪ mtv ♪ ( male ) since the last "south park", you've waited four long weeks to find out who the father of eric cartman is. now finally, the shocking truth about cartman's lineage will not be seen tonight so that we can bring you the following special presentation. now get ready for canada's hottest action stars, terrance and phillip in the... ladies and gentlemen, before you today sits a murderer. on the night in question, this monster entered the home of dr. jeffrey o'dwyer and struck him repeatedly in the head with this hammer. that monster is sitting right over there and his name is terrance !
( farting ) terrance, you farted in court. yes, phillip, i'm making a case for our defense. all of these things link terrance to the murder. hair fibers, blood samples, nail clippings, a piece of his shirt, a watch with his initials on it. a day planner with the murder scheduled. a haiku called "time to kill dr. jeffrey o'dwyer". "dr. o'dwyer, time to have your head smashed in with my new hammer." terrance, you may be a famous surgeon, but you're not god ! terrance. would you like a "monkey claw", phillip ? yes, please. ( farting ) ( laughing ) that's called the "monkey claw" because it feels like my colon is being ripped apart by a thousand monkeys. the "monkey claw" is smelly. come on, get a move on. i ain't getting any younger up here. my sentiments exactly, your honor. i see from your accent that you're southern canadian. that is correct. good people of the jury, my client, terrance, is an innocent man. ( farting ) you farted during the closing argument ! i have, haven't i, terrance ? ( farting )
( laughing ) your honor, the defense is trying to make a mockery of this court. they think that farts are funny, but they're not ! sustained. good people of the jury, my client is no more a murderer than you or me. he loves puppies and hates mean things. would a murderer go to the zoo and feed animals like this ? of course not. so in summation, find terrance innocent, or else he'll kill you. ( gasping ) ( laughing ) just kidding. the defense rests. ( farting ) goddamnit, that isn't funny. madame fore-person, have you reached a verdict so we can get the hell out of here ? we have, your honor. we have found terrance in the above entitled action of murder against dr. jeffrey o'dwyer-- ( farting ) you're gonna have to repeat that because we had some flatulence issues. i said, we find-- ( farting ) we find terrance-- not guilty ! did you hear that, terrance ? you're not guilty ! you saved me from the gas chamber ! ( laughing ) oh, no ! that sure was fun, phillip.
let's go home and eatkroffdinner. here, here. looks like you got away with it, terrance and phillip. oh, hello, scott. no hard feelings, right old pal ? there are hard feelings, this isn't over ! i'm gonna see to it that you both pay for what you've done ! and do you know why ? 'cause you're a dick ? no, because i hate you. you think farting is so funny, well it isn't ! fart jokes are the lowest form of comedy, and if i-- ( farting ) oh, i hate you both ! i've hated you ever since i can remember. i hate you and i wish you both had cancer ! cancer ? yes, in the head. head cancer ? this is not the end, terrance and phillip. you'll rue this day. scott really hates us, phillip. yes, perhaps he's homophobic. but we're not gay, phillip. we're not ? well, let us board the subway and return home. there we can eat kroffdinner. yes, it's been a long day and onlykroffdinner can calm my nerves. ( farting ) ( laughing ) say phillip, why does scott always try to convict me of murder ?